A poetic retelling of an unfortunate time to live.

I have some catching up to do...

"starting fresh is an illusion."

-Mike p.

----

I have a song that I am entirely obsessed with.

Can you hear them?
The helicopters?
I'm in New York
No need for words now
We sit in silence
You look me
In the eye directly
You met me
I think it's Wednesday
The evening
The mess we're in and
The city sun sets over me

Night and day
I dream of
Making-love
To you now baby
Love-making
On-screen
Impossible dream
And I have seen
The sunrise
Over the river
The freeway
Reminding
Of this mess we're in and
The city sun sets over me

What were you wanting?
I just want to say
Don't ever change now baby
And thank you
I don't think we will meet again
And you must leave now
Before the sunrise
Above skyscrapers
The sin and
This mess we're in and
The city sun sets over me

The Rue Inn: This is gunna sound hella emo/retarded/cliche, but...
The Rue Inn: I'm really sick of this emotional bullshit.
jesusinasidecar: dude WORD
The Rue Inn: It's so tiring. The worst part about it is that little thing of hope you still have that something amazing can happen at any given moment...
The Rue Inn: And I'm like yelling at it to go away and shit.
jesusinasidecar: I KNOW!
jesusinasidecar: yep
The Rue Inn: What is up with that? It's like my mind is tired of getting to know all these guys that don't compare to what I've already had, but my body and this gay emotional shit is battling the logical and takes over.
jesusinasidecar: word
jesusinasidecar: youngness is so gay
The Rue Inn: SERIOUSLY... this shit better be gone when Im older.

Dear Captain,

"It's all downhill from here."

-Over & out.

I need to concentrate.

America is indeed fighting a constant war. It is a war that we cease to abdicate due to the effects drugs have placed upon American citizens. Adversaries to the drug war may prove fine facts in expressing why America should legalize drugs. As you can see, the argument looks good on paper, when in reality, there’s no possible way America would survive. A good example is communism. For you sophomores and higher, I’m sure you’ve learned, or are learning about how Russia, as a communist nation, failed. While everything was sought out and looked completely worthwhile written out, the actuality of it being put forth amongst the people did not succeed. In Russia’s case, the people didn’t have enough freedom. In this case, people would have too much freedom.
Though our economy may skyrocket, America’s social structure would be chaotic. Economical income in a whole new legal world with drugs wouldn’t benefit anyone but the upper class. They would be the only ones receiving the write-offs, while not being in their right state of minds. As for the lower class, since a good majority of them are involved with selling/buying drugs, it would put them out of business due to greater value availability.
Also, what would happen to the convicts concealed in prison cells serving their time for having possession of drugs as of now? What would happen to them?

I made a remark about my vision in Civics yesterday. A rather ignorant kid took my words and ran the statement up to the front of the room with his voice declaring that I was a moron because apparently I had said that I had "20,000" vision. I wasn't even talking to him when I made the exaggeration to a friend that my eyesight was terrible, and my vision was around "20/1000." It really is 20/600. The kid in the backrow thought I said 20,000 and announced to everyone that I was an obvious dumbass. The whole class gathered there laughter and blew it all in my face. I let it go. Fighting my way out of it was useless. I was so humiliated over something that was so misread and abused that I dragged on with the rest of the day in bitterness. Not surprisingly, it made today hell. Orland high kids never cease to let go of a great statement that made me look completely slandered. I was doing a favor for Mary (the librarian) handing out call slips for people she needed to talk to about late books during 6th period. And I am wearing my glasses today. I enter a classroom full of the typical mannequinns of this school, and the star athlete decides to shout out "Hi Alanna, can you SEE me?" The whole classroom shows their metal-braced smiles and began to laugh out loud. I looked around me so see two girls that I utterly most hate with all that I have just throwing the stupid remark in my face with there joy to hear something that tore me apart behind my face that didn't move from my numb expression. I hate them. I hate those girls. I now remember how much I hate this school, and all that it holds.

They have no sense of what it is to have an open mind. They laugh at what is being said without looking at the fucking situation and listening to the other side. I hate it here. They exploit every fucking opportunity possible to slander me. I would love to just beat the shit out of those two girls. I wish they would just call me out. I hate it here.

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Pretend I exist for a short while. Get your resolution here

I've quit smoking cigarettes.
I'm going to start running 3 miles at least 3 times a week. Despite the rain.
I am going to lose 20lbs.
I am not going to be treated like shit.
And I'm done with giving people chances, so I'll be one to look you up and down and determine whether you have something particular about you that I want to open up to.
And if you are accepted, feel priviledged.
I am going to run track.
Lastly, I'm going to read.

I hate this house. I am a heartless bitch because I made my sister cry twice. I have my dad's anger. It all started because I opened up the damn envelope that was in the tree for me. Merry fucking Christmas Eve.

Sometimes I wish I could send signals through photography.
Like senses or something.

Elliott Erwitt: you fascinate me.

Nothing is worse than watching your closest childhood friend get hand-cuffed and ridicueled to the bone by an egotistical police officier. Your friend screaming your name... you would have hugged the walls too...

You want the real story? Well fucking read this.
Meagan hosted a sex and cigarettes party Saturday night. I mobbed with Chelsea and Randi over to it. Everything was cool, everything was great until Seth and his fucking grotesque looking girlfriend pass by me, stop, look at me, while she decides to murmur "My name's Amanda" chuckles and runs off. Now why does that have anything to do with anything? Well... a few weeks ago I get a prank call from Seth's phone. It was a girl. She decides to mask her name, talk amounts of shit to me, then expect me to take it as a joke. (Andrew Danielson as my witness). Hah, as most of you know... I do not take that shit. So, back to the party, that fucking upsets me... because at that point I knew who the fuck she was. And she was straight stupid for exploiting that. So she continues to flaunt herself around the party, pushing me when passing me, continuing the callow bullshit. About the third time she fucking passes me I fucking push her back. She returns with slurrs and stupid words that even a fucking 12 years could pernounce perfectly. I aim at her with the childish prank call, and she plays stupid. Once she played stupid (we were face to fucking face) I grab her hair and punch the shit out of her. NO FUCKING SUCKER PUNCHES. SHE WAS VERY WELL AWARE OF A FUCKING FIGHT!! I get her on the ground, continued beating at her face, but she rolls over and gets me down, yes at that point I bit her in the arm, and I should have fucking tore the damn skin off, but I couldn't risk getting the clap. She had my hair, and she got one hit to the back of my head. I then turn her over again, and went for her face. I hit it a good three times and then got creative. When I ripped whatever I could off her face, I then dug my nails deep into her skin, twisted, and made lines. This is when it got broken up. She had my fucking hair in a tight ass grasp yelling unintelligable nonsense. Wouldn't let go of my HAIR for a good 30 seconds. Yeah, I let go... it took one friend to get me off of her, because I was fucking satisfied with my damage done to her. It took four to get her off me because she was pissed that she got tore up. She started going after me again. (Walking) Ty, was carrying me off so I wouldn't hit her again (I was obviously willing to go another round). So she follows Ty (who literally has me off my feet, on his shoulder). He puts me down to try and guard her, but she gets through him, and I deck her in the face (I'm pretty sure the eye or nose)... more blood gets on the ground. She throws some disgusting arms and Ty pulls her away while some guy pulls me away. I get away from the guy and make a run for her again... got more hits in, then got pulled away again. Seth finally gains control of her and she realizes that she can't fucking hurt me. Afterwards, I get an apology from Seth. THANK YOU SETH. We find her plug on the ground, and hug for awhile. Seth and I are cool.
Didn't think I live up to what I say? I don't take shit from anyone. This is the 7th fight in the past year. Yeah, I'm not proud of it, and it's immature. But if you don't know me, you DON'T prank call me and try to play it off as a joke when you don't even know who the hell I am, or what the fuck I've been through.

Word is from her mouth that she's going to kill me. WELL, I guess you have to be pretty damn tore up to say those fucking words and regain some sort of self-strength. But then again, she has to be pretty fucking desparate to reconcile for her "tough" tattoos and sicc-ass piercings. She resorts to killing me because she lost. And she lost fairly. And she won't accept it.
She has to feel that she is still tough by throwing in the kills and cuts. And if this is to occur, just remember bitch: I don't walk alone, and I don't walk empty handed. You don't scare me.

There you have it, kids and cunt.
Now let it fucking go.

So, anyways I just went to the most kick ass concert of my life. It fuckin ROCKED!!!! Fuck Coheed, Fuck all those bands.......JOURNEY is Number 1 in my life now!!!! Steve Perry is the sexiest man alive. when i saw him in those tight alligator pants, i wanted to lick peanut butter off his chest!!! o yea. I'm still dancing from that concert! fuck yea! uh. uh. uh. woah whoo!!!!!!!!!!!

-Stephen Romanshek.

I hate anyone who plays mind games.

Stephen is to be here at 2:00pm.

I
am
nervous.

Onto the March of months-- my screen name exactly one year ago from now. It was thrilling. I remember last year so perfectly. I suppose I always will.

But thanks to new people I've met, it is washed over.


To Daniel:


I hope your day was everything you've ever wanted for your 17th year.

xoxo
Alanna.

End.