| happy campers! |
[11 Aug 2010|01:02am] |
a liberation of sorts, i've decided that this *I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS!* feeling has been suppressed one time too many!
this was supposed to be an image heavy post which i have mentally prepared and fantasized about, but after spending 3hrs honing my non-existant photoshop skills this is all i could muster:(
pffffffffffft^^
Breakfast at Spruce!090810
More to come!!:)
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[03 Sep 2009|11:16pm] |
well hello,lj:)
realised my million-year-long hiatus was uncalled for, so here i am. back to whining and whimsical musings.
and i notice the same initiating factor for me to blog each time is the same. same same same. for the past 8 years. its just you. i want you to stop, but then i don't.
dreamt i had nothing at all, nothing but my own skin
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| i try |
[09 May 2008|08:11pm] |
i havent been this down in a really long time,
and when i am, i blog.
its been ages since i shed angry tears, tears of pity, hopelessness and loneliness all at the same time. i try to seek refuge by writing. it does not work.
i'm appalled at how two people could disagree on something so much that it could cause such a mess, especially if these two people had spent twenty two years of their lives together.
perhaps we're back to space issues. and everybody just wants their voices heard. i'm selfish, but isnt everyone too?
i dont know if its the fatigue talking, fatigue physically, fatigue from emotions, fatigue from having to have to pretend that everything's alright.
yet i know somehow somewhere, someone is in deeper shit than i am. i tell myself that person needs me more than i need to whine. it barely stops the tears.
every important person in my life has gone away somehow, and i swear i have not felt so alone in a long,long while.
where are you.
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| in retrospect |
[08 Feb 2008|02:58pm] |
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every time i click on 'post', i reach this text box and then i stone and stare and dig up my paper-and-pen journal and scribble away:(.
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| (dont)go away. |
[25 Aug 2007|11:52pm] |
it seems all the screamings i wont be getting for the next month is summarised and confined to this week.
i miss the stillness at night. that familiar placidity i used to get while staying up late in the past, or when i was still in hall, free to do whatever i want.
i wish my solitary drive to school in the mornings were longer. better still, if i could just drive all day.
i crave for my evening jogs, soaked in pathetic energy levels, my soul soaked in the cacophony of an ipod.
perhaps all i yearn for is to just be left alone in my idiosyncratic world. to be away from a suffocating environment where anything i say could possibly trigger off an anxiously-waiting line of explosives.
where it is just too tiring to keep pace with all the apologies i owe, to all the apologies i wish to hear, to all the apologies i never meant.
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[16 Jun 2007|01:16am] |
slow down, theres gonna be trouble
one false move and
suddenly
everythings ruined.
//not that it is, well not yet anyway
sigh. too much angst, once again.
amazing how im always running to this site whenever these recurring issues crop up.
the dimwit i am.
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| this is when. |
[04 May 2007|09:08pm] |
when the silence radiates a piercing screech when my mind is a whirl of tangled kites when i feel like running opposite the flow of traffic when contradiction even contradicts itself when i hate to be left alone when all the angst gets bottled up like an aerosol when all i do is cover it all up with smiles when i dread this so much.
this is when.
this is when.
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| i wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye. |
[23 Feb 2007|09:44pm] |
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i wonder if anyone still visits this page,hur. been writing more in my diary-diary, explaining this crazy hiatus. but it seems, as always, that i blog with the exams looming. well, not so much since its undeniably near.urgggh.
of late passing thoughts about people who've left have been fleeting thru my mind. okay, not that they really pass given the fact that i'm journal-ing about them now.
so this is what it feels like. to have someone completely cut off. not that i meant for things to turn out this way, but but but.
after the indifference i start to feel again. which is strange.
and no i'm not greeted by a fanfare of overwhelming emotions but rather a slow escalation of... guilt. as i continue sinking in this submarine of reminiscency.
i wish, i wish, i wish, there was a way to turn back time, turn back the way things turned out, turn back the words you said, turn back the sorry i never said, turn back the way i turned my back.
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| so much better than you guessed. |
[19 Sep 2006|07:23pm] |
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everything's sucha mad rush. boo.
there's a lot of things i understand
and there's a lot of things that
i don't want to know
i felt remotely happy while reading nat's blog, not cos i take sadistic pleasures in whatever nasty was going on, but because they dont look like a cryptic bunch of sentences anymore. yay! we're talking again. miss you.
but you're the only face i recognize
it's so damn sweet of you
to look me in the eyes
i had a happy holiday i havent had in a long long long time! all expenses paid:D:D:D
i believe i'm the same
i get carried away
i'm getting engulfed by the superficiality of everyone around. and then i metastasize to this superficial layer as well.
i'm relieved i'm relaxed
i'll get over it yet
i dont want to abandon this blog.
the world seems bigger
than both of us
yet it seems so small
when i begin to cry
i, i, i. i'm starting to think the whole world revolves around me too.
how?
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[13 Sep 2006|10:09pm] |
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i feel like i can die a happy person.
i've seen evryone i wanted to today.
hur.
just that i'd rather be mambo-ing now. well, sort of anyways.
but no, will be flying off tomo! no more talk on death:D. *touches <s>wood</s> head*
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[15 Aug 2006|09:51pm] |
  
  
  
turning18//countingtiles.cheer//besfrenbesfrenyouknowwad?//
classbench!//moonriver//threethreeokayokay//
WEDONTEATALPHABITSJUSTCOSTHEYTASTEGOOD:D//pressapresspress//destruction...
missingyouallmanysss.
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[26 Jul 2006|07:39pm] |
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my inconsequential thoughts have been linked to each other loosely, much like, i dont know... a string of paperclips.
i've decided that this journal shall be here to stay. its a tad too silly to abandon this darling journal of 3 (?!) years just because of a stupid incident. a really stupid incident.
at worst i'll just lock it to friends only or smth. i totally dig such childish measures.
much has been happening lately, ups and downs. i'm exhausted.
school's been pretty tame and i enjoy my solitary drive in the mornings in the company of my trusty cd player, with a never ending supply of cds, thanks to my pirate:) other than that its practical work not quite worth talking about. and of course a drowsy drive back from school. someone come date me soon please. i need to break this murderous monotony.
then home's a costume churning chamber. urg. i shdve paid better attention back then during home econs. what with blanket and chain stitches. rag's a pain. but shh. dont tell anyone i said that.
amazing how i type an entry only when the tests/exams are nearing. i cant find my notes for tmrw's test.
i am craving badly for something, but i dont know what.
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| quote of the (yester)day! |
[23 Jul 2006|11:31pm] |
"i just make eyes at u.. and get dagger stares in return"
ultimately hilarious, this statement is!!!
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[30 Jun 2006|12:13am] |
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i feel like closing this livejournal down. :(.
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[25 Jun 2006|11:56pm] |
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do
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[23 Jun 2006|11:42pm] |
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you're my newfound jealousy.
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| funeral greys. |
[14 Jun 2006|11:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever; I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
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[03 Jun 2006|12:49pm] |
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why do i always hibernate after i weep my eyes out.
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[02 Jun 2006|11:33pm] |
miss understanding does misunderstand, too.
whilst doing a headstand, of course.
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