My Worthless Existence
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in skummy's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
2:12 pm
For your listening pleasure, Fuck You!

Skinnies and metal heads,
born in the gutter, and chained to the radiator of a squat basement for 19 years
We are proud to announce the triumph return, the thunderous cacophony,
the CRACK ROCK STEADY BEAT!
As the same bitches that brought you the tower tumblin', Mediocre Generica, on 9-11-01
As the same mother fuckers that united the Gay Rudies,
Rock crack city!
And sainted the Columbine kids,..we are pleased to present...

FROM ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK OF THE FOOD STAMP LINE!
AND STRAIGHT OUTTA MOTHERFUCKIN' REHAB!
IT'S THE GOOD, THE BAD,
ITS THE ONE AND ONLY....
CHRIS BEARD!!

I'm being hunted by paleface in blue
and these cracka' spooks are haunting you too
With municipal shovels they're out digging our graves
Under threat of reprisal we abide to enslave
but Policia, policia; why can't you see
Your bullets will never pacify me
I don't fight the world; the world fights me
Cause the gang in control is the fucking P.D.

a liar once said "we're innocent til proven guilty" - but the the truth is absurd
we're poor until proven rich
and the scales of justice are fixed by lying pigs

Hello, hello, hello, this is the Lord God, can you hear?
Hellfire and damnation's what I've got for you down there
On earth I have ambassadors, archbishop, vicar, pope
We'll blind you with morality, you'd best abandon any hope,
We're telling you you'd better pray cos you were born in sin
Right from the start we'll build a cell and then we'll lock you in
We sit in holy judgement condemning those that stray
We offer our forgiveness, but first we'll make you pay

If you don't like religion you can be the antichrist
If your tired of politics you can be an anarchist

Government free, you and me
no gods no managers
Its anarchy

Critics say that it's just punk rock or that we're just naive anarchists.
They hope to discredit us with their labels and definitions.
Throughout history societies have condemned those who are later celebrated as heroes

They sit on the fence;
Real people stand against
And say they have the best intention,
Just a rip-off trick, it's always hip
To keep in with dissention
And if an arms dealer is the record boss,
The record labels can run'em at a loss.
It's money well spent to control the dross
What they don't break gets bent.... John.
But the fence, the fence, is owned by America.
Sit on the fence, owned by America.
They make no pretence, it's owned by America.
Sitting on the fence, owned by America.
On their side American troopers and bombs
On our side the trash and consumer cons
We've been occupied, culture smashed and betrayed
But the spirit is untouched... look out...
Stickin chicken, American grains.
Licking shittin, American reigns.
Kiddies fit in American trains.
Bombs tick in American.... planes.
American tourist, American free,
Two week tour in our misery.
A good museum but a stinking home.
The natives hang on the rotten.... backbone.
America owns, American wins.
Comes in packets bottles tins.
Blind our eyes, fills our ears
It's been our soul for twenty.... years.

if you live with anger and hate, just like here
where i live in fear of losing my mind
and killing you all, leaving no one behind

now, shows over come home, and i'm all alone
with no one to talk to and no pot to smoke
and they don't understand, me or who i am
they'll never except that this is all who i am
and all i can do is never enough
i wish that for once they'd just fucking lay off
Mickey Mouse... Fuck off

And as the Grand Central Circus is created by the masses, So, by our labour, will it be destroyed.

(3Fucked Me;Fuck )

Sunday, October 9th, 2005
1:02 pm
i dont want tolive a life thats being controlled by you
i dont want to have to do all the things you tell me to
i was born with a mind and its a mind of my own
i refuse to be another person acting like a clone.
the freedom i was born with is the freedom that i'll keep
your laws and regulations need to be put to sleep
were not a machine with microchips you controll
we're human beings with a mind heart and soul.
i wont kill for the government if i cant kill for myself
i wont pay the taxes to some head statue on a shelf (president)
i wont buy the freedom if the freedoms supposed to be free
Im not anti government- im just for being me.

(7Fucked Me;Fuck )

Friday, October 7th, 2005
10:02 am
Be exactly who you want to be, do what you want to do
I am he and she is she but you're the only you
No one else has got your eyes, can see the things you see
It's up to you to change your life and my life's up to me
The problems that you suffer from are problems that you make
The shit we have to climb through is the shit we choose to take
If you don't like the life you live, change it now it's yours
Nothing has effects if you don't recognise the cause
If the programme's not the one you want, get up, turn off the set
It's only you that can decide what life you're gonna get
If you don't like religion you can be the antichrist
If your tired of politics you can be an anarchist
But no one ever changed the church by pulling down a steeple
And you'll never change the system by bombing number ten
Systems just aren't made of bricks they're mostly made of people
You may send them into hiding, but they'll be back again
If you don't like the rules they make, refuse to play their game
If you don't want to be a number, don't give them your name
If you don't want to be caught out, refuse to hear their question
Silence is a virtue, use it for your own protection
They'll try to make you play their game, refuse to show your face
If you don't want to be beaten down, refuse to join their race
Be exactly who you want to be, do what you want to do
I am he and she is she but you're they only you

(4Fucked Me;Fuck )

Thursday, October 6th, 2005
10:45 am
you stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker!!!!!!!!
hey man you know, im really okay?! the gun in my hand, it tells you the same! when im in my car, dont give me no crap cuz the slightest thing and i just might snap!

drink drink drink drink dont think, drink, drive KILL!

buzzbomb buzzbomb macho mobile! the roads my slave thats how i feel! i cruise alone i cruise real far! i love that feeling of my car!

bitchin' camero! bitchin camero! bitchin camero!







I had a dream that i drove.

(1Fucked Me;Fuck )

Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
1:00 am
Guess who has a 98% chance of moving to San Antonio Texas the 15th of this month?
Skummy.
Later, fuckers!

(2Fucked Me;Fuck )

Friday, September 30th, 2005
12:42 am
aparently if you sing a song to kyle while hitting a microphone over your head untill it dents the metal then pour piss on yourself he will think your "wierd"


Ive had a fucked up day.

(1Fucked Me;Fuck )

Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
11:38 pm
i dont care who had a bad day, fuck you.
When i have a bad day, i dont get 100 people telling me how pretty, cool and special i am. and why?
Fuck your bad day- I got stabbed in the head and didnt complain! and when i said something about it- Nobody sdaid how special i am to them.
So FUCK YOU! YOUR NOT SPECIAL TO ME!
Im sorry i woke up on the wrong side of the bed and no girls like me and school was lame. And they get a million replies about how loved they are.

HELLO YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNTS- I GOT FUC KING STABBED!

but fuck you.

fucking dickheads.


Heres my new entry:

SCHOOL SUCKED.

now watch the fucking replies....

(3Fucked Me;Fuck )

Monday, September 19th, 2005
7:24 pm
skummy was...
stabbed.
I got stabbed in the head saterday, spent the night in the ER and police station and have been in hella pain from the waist up.
Lisa turner= fucking dead.

Me and Kyle are getting an apartment because we rule.

I want to think of another date to bring to sam, but unsure of what just yet.

Im done!

(4Fucked Me;Fuck )

Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
11:03 am
Turn the page and it's
The scoop of the century
Dont wanna be L seven I had enough of this
This is brainwash and this is a clue
To the stars who fooled you
Tell me why you can't explain
You're only looking for vinyl yeah
Didn't they fool you they wanna be you

Gimme world war three we can live again
You didn't fool me but i fooled you
You wanna be me yeah You wanna be me
You wanna be someone yeah ruin someone
Yeah, Didn't I fool you I ruined you yeah
Didn't I fool you I sussed you out

I got you in the camera and
I got you in my camera
A secund of your life ruined for life
You wanna ruin me in your magazine
You wanna cover us in the margarine
And now is the time to realize
To have real eyes

Down down down down
And I'll take you down on the underground
Down in the dark and down in the crypt
Down in the dark where the typewriter fit
Down with your pen and pad ready to kill
To make me ill
Down wanna be someone you wanna be someone
Ruin someone
Make it as someone you wanna be me ruin me
A typewriter god a black and white king
PVC blackboard books black and white
I wanna be me

(1Fucked Me;Fuck )

Friday, September 2nd, 2005
8:31 pm
-new tattoo of a girl on my stomach (dr.know)
-craigs getting his ass beat down
-"me: God this tat makes me like 500 times sexier than... well... Im a lot sexier anyways."
-I got two new belts, a new friend and such.
-I fucking love mechs, oi punk kyle, heroin mike, twat, bitchtits and the rest of the crew we fucking own.
- i like oi punk kyle because hes not boring when im bored.
-our crew could eat your fucking crew, shit your crew out, eat it again, then puke in your faces if we wanted. but were way to punk for that.
-I posted a pic of my tat on myspace.
-Im madly in love with my stomach right now. you have no idea.
-im going to boston! im shipping the fuck away!
-im Going to someones house after work tomorrow, then sleeping on the road ha!

(1Fucked Me;Fuck )

Sunday, August 21st, 2005
4:53 am
Long survery thing...what a great way to spend my time
If I were a month I would be: october
If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday
If I were a time of day I would be: Midnight
If I were a planet I would be: moon
If I were a sea animal I would be: starfish
If I were a direction I would be: south
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Table
If I were a historical figure I would be: Idk
If I were a liquid I would be: Iced tea lol
If I were a stone, I would be: brick
If I were a tree, I would be: palm
If I were a bird, I would be: bat
If I were a tool , I would be: hammer
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: idk
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Rain
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Vocals
If I were an animal, I would be: Cat (my black cat)
If I were a color, I would be: Red
If I were an emotion, I would be: Hate
If I were a vegetable, I would be: carrot lol
If I were a sound, I would be: Seth putnam (look it up)
If I were an element, I would be: Alluminum
If I were a car , I would be: a cat
If I were a song, I would be: A very loud one by a noise band
If I were a movie, I would be: Sin City
If I were a book, I would be written by: myself
If I were a food, I would be: salmon
If I were a place, I would be: The beach
If I were a material, I would be: what
If I were a taste, I would be: Sweet.
If I were a scent, I would be: Tag, or axe
If I were a religion, I would be: Athiest, i know thats not..fuck it
If I were a word, I would be: Puke
If I were an object, I would be: I dont like these questions... so im deleteing the rest

A is for age: 18
B is for booze: i dont drink
C is for career : econo
D is for dad's name: cliff
E is for essential items to bring to a party: a gun
F is for favorite song at the moment: If there was no government- Crass
G is for girlfriend: lol nO
H is for hometown: Marquette
I is for instruments you play: Vocals
J is for jam or jelly you like: strawberry
K is for kids: None
L is for living arrangements: Temporarily homeless
M is for mom's name: Michelle
N is for name of your best friend: Dan/ Alex/ shannon (lol)
O is for overnight hospital stays: none
P is for phobia[s]: bugs, water
Q is for quote you like: better to be hated for who you are than loved for who your not
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: Idk
S is for sexual position: I dont care
T is for time you wake up: 9
U is for unique trait: i have certain piercings that rock.
V is for vegetable you love: i dont know
W is for worst trait: dishonesty
X is for x-rays you've had: 4
Y is for yummy food you make: I make cerial like no other
Z is for zodiac sign: scorpio

Firsts
First job: Subway
First screen name: idk
First funeral: grandma
First pet: i dont remember
First piercing: earsa
First tattoo: skull on leg
First credit card : debit lol
First kiss: i dont know
First enemy: i dont know
First favorite musician: i dont know, probably the guy in rancid


Lasts
Last car ride: ride to my moms
Last kiss: I dont know lol
Last movie watched: Sin city ( ive watched it like 6 times now)
Last beverage drank: tea
Last food consumed: lasangna
Last phone call: Dan
Last time showered: yesterday
Last CD played: Boris the spinkler
Last website visited: Livejounal
Single or Taken: Single at the moment
Sex: Male
Birthday: November 10, 1986
Sign: Scorpio
Siblings: Sister
Hair color: None
Eye color: brown
Shoe size: 11
Height: 5'11

Right now what are you...
Wearing: black shirt, boris the sprinkler shirt. and i have converses somewhere
Drinking: nothing
Thinking about: tomorrow
*Eighth Grade*
What were you like: worthless
What was your favorite class: History
Who did you have a crush on: Girls

*Freshman Year*
What were you like: completly stoned
What was your favorite class: lunch
Who was your best friend: my bowl?
Who did you have a crush on: I dont know
Something random: I got kicked out permanently from all schools in michigan within 3 months of highschool :)

*Sophomore Year*
What were you like: didnt have one

*Junior Year*
What were you like: didnt have one


*Senior Year*
What were you like: didnt have one


*freshmen year of college*
What were you like: didnt get there, YET

(1Fucked Me;Fuck )

1:22 am

 

heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

 

Period blood..... or hair dye?

The world may never know.

 

Just kidding, i wish it was period blood

 

 

 

OIOI FUCKING OI!!! <---to kyle

(Fuck )

12:59 am
-still living at v4y but not for long, im moving into the village.
-2 girls want to fuck me, maybe even 4 but i know of 2. ones disguistingly hot, but also disguistingly diseased.
-i hang out with mex every day now. hes awsome.
-we had a band practice without a member yesterday and it went fairly well.
-next practice is monday with all members.
-i got a digital camera worth 300 bucks, im fucking stoked.
-me and heroin mike are better friends than befre even, even if i do sorta want to fuck his girlfriend more than like anything right now.
- i have a sweet picture of the little ceaser girls ass, and ill stop right there. haha
-i may never have internet again, but god damn my digi kicks ass.
-riot 49, well, they fucking rock.
ive hit on every girl ive seen so far, except jenny. but thats because shes our drummer and were friends.
-im NOT going to shoot lisa.
-This morning i was awoken by shawn holmes, he bought me a box of 100 tea bags.
-i have a 10 inch black dildo. no kidding, i really do.
-citgo is fun with heroin mike and 10 dollars worth of empty 40's. except when they smash on the floor haha
-its also fun watching mike throw a half full 40 down his pants because a cop came haha
-sexy girls dont like bull ice. (note to self)
-dont buy 5 oclock vodca for sluts you want to fuck if they have other plans hahaa
-shows suck unless mikes there (heroin mike, that is)

Yeah my lifes scaling like a motherfucker. i like it a lot more being in town and freedom of whatever the fuck i want to do, besides my cerfew. But like i had invisioned, i turned into a total asshole, and im lovng it.
This guy called me a goth, so i screamed something at him, and this little 16 year old girl started bitching, so i told her "shut the fuck up ill fucking kick your ass" but shes like "what did u say to me?!" So i told her im gonna throw her down the stairs haha
Fucking girls. lol I love preps <3<3


later, nigga!

(2Fucked Me;Fuck )

Friday, August 12th, 2005
10:31 pm
F a v o r i t e s . .
// color[s]: red
// perfume: none
// t.v. show: Family Guy
// movie: too many to name: sid and nancy
// band/singer: boris the sprinkler
// subject[s]:
// fruit: Raspberries, Bananas, Pineapple
// month[s]: october
// season[s]: fall
// holiday: Halloween

D o Y o u . .
// do you believe in love at first sight? - no
// do you get along with your parents? - yes
// do you think about suicide? - no
// do you drink? - no
// do you do drugs? - no
// do you smoke? - yes
// do you think you have multiple personalities? - sometimes

H a v e y o u . .
// have you ever smoked? - yes
// have you ever done drugs? - yes
// have you ever gotten drunk? - yes
// have you ever used someone? - yes
// have you ever been used by someone? - pretty sure
// have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have: nope

T h e L a s t . .
// last time you cried? - i dont knpow
// last movie you saw in a theater? - idk
// last movie you rented? - idk
// last movie you bought? - idk
// last song you listened to? - idk
// last song you downloaded? - can't remember
// last tv show you watched? - some murder solving one
// last song that was stuck in your head? - i dont really wanna walk to taco bell without you
// last person you were thinking of? myself
// last person you talked to: jamie
// last person you hugged: idk
// last person you kissed: mom
// last person you went to eat out with: umm nobody
// last person you slow danced with: idk
// last person you yelled at: craig and my mom when she had the iguana by me
// last person you called: dan
// last person who called you: dan
// last person who made you laugh? tim
// last person who said they loved you? i dont know


L o v e a n d r e l a t i o n s h i p s . .
// who is your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? none none none
// what do you first notice in the opposite sex? idk
// first real crush: idk
// last crush: who cares

(Fuck )

10:05 pm
1: First grade teacher's name: i dont remember lol
2: Last word you said: fuck!
3: Last song you sang: Fuck you all- casualties
4: Last person you hugged: dan
5: Last thing you laughed at: Tim
6: Last time you said I don't remember: a few minutes ago
7: Last time you cried: i dont know
8: What color socks are you wearing: well, they were white
9: What's under your bed: nothing
10: What time did you wake up today: 9 am
11: Current taste: nothing
12: Current hair: skinhead
13: Current annoyance: allergies
14: Current longing: i dont know
15: Current desktop background: Nothing right now, i just deleted it
16: Current worry: I dont have one, too scary
17: Current hate: haha
18: Current favorite article of clothing: i havent changed read the other one
19: Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: i dont like anything about bitches.
20: Last CD that you listened to: mix
21: Favorite place to be: tattoo chair
22: Least favorite place: everywhere else
23: Time you wake up in the morning: around 9
24: If you could play an instrument what would you play: i wouldnt
25: Favorite color: red
26: Do you believe in reincarnation: no when your dead your dead, not alive. duh
27: How tall are you: 5'11
28: Current favorite word/saying: fuck
29: Favorite book: please kill me, its also my only book :)
30: Favorite season: fall
31: One person from the past you wish you could go talk to: nobody
32: What is your career going to be like: garbage.... picker?
33: How many kids do you want: depends on how many bullets i have

[[HAVE YOU EVER>

34: Said "I love you" and meant it: yeah
35: Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish: nope
36: Been to Bondi: no
37: Been to Melbourne: No
38: Been to New York: yes
39: Been to Hawaii: no
40: Been to Bali: No
41: Been to China: No
42: Dreamed something crazy and then it happened the next day: no not that i recall
43: What book are you reading now: None
44: The worst feeling in the world: uhh all
46: How many rings before you answer: 1
47: Future daughter's name:
48: Future son's name:
49: Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: nope
50: Wish you were here: nope
51: Piercings: yes
52: Do you do drugs: no
53: Do you drink: no
54: What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: gillette shaving cream
55: What are you most scared of: nothing right now
56: What clothes do you sleep in: what i happen to be wearing that day
57: Who is the last person that called you: dan
58: Where do you want to get married: nowhere
59: If you could change anything about yourself what would that be? nothing
60: Who do you really hate: Um a few people
61: Been In Love: Yes
62: Are you timely or always late: Early
63: Do you have a job: Not at the moment
64: Do you like being around people: yeah most of the time.
65: Best feeling in the world: the feeling you get on the first drag of a cigarette
66: Are you for world peace: Yes
67: Are you a health freak: At times.
68: Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: nope.
69: Do you want something you don't have?: nope
70: Are you lonely right now: naw i wish i were with friends though
71: Ever afraid you'll never get married: nope
72: Do you want to get married: nope
73: Do you want kids?: nope

*IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...*

74: Cried: nope
75: Bought Something: nope
76: Gotten Sick: yes
77: Sang: Yes
78: Said I Love You: i dont know
79: Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: yep
80: Met Someone: yeah
81: Moved On: dont i always?
82: Talked To Someone: yes
83: Had A Serious Talk: yes
84: Missed Someone: nope
85: Hugged Someone: yeah
86: Yelled at Someone: Yeah
87: Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: No

--Goth--
-Do you wear black eyeliner?: nope
-Do you own any black clothing?: some
-Do you think about death often?: No
-Do you want to die?: no
-Are you a social outcast?: no
-Are you pale?: no
-Do you like Hot Topic?: not at all, faggot store
Total YES: none


--Skater Punk--
-Can you skateboard?: No
-Do you wear Van's: No
-Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?: no
-Do you get in trouble?: nope
-Do you have any piercings?: Yes
Total YES: 1


--Prep--
-Do you say the word "like": yes
-Do you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch?: no
-Are the A&F models hot?: idk
-Rock music is bad, right?: no
-Do you want to be in a sorority/fraternity?: No
-Into jocks/popular guys/girls?: yes?
-Are/were you a cheerleader?: no
Total YES: 2

--Hippie--
-Is your hair long?: no
-Are you a vegetarian?: no
-Do you own a tye dye shirt?: No
-Do you want peace?: Yes
-Do you want to save the animals: Yes
-Is war bad?: yea
Total YES: 3

--Gangsta--
-Are you from the ghetto?: no lol
-Do you own "bling bling"?: yes if a lock chain counts
-Do you like do-rags?: yes
-How about hip-hop?: Yes.
-What do you think about afros?: They are funny.
-Have you ever said 'fo shizzle'?: haha yeah
Total YES: 5

--Emo--
-Do you cry alot?: no
-Do you have an ex?: Yes
-Do you have an acoustic guitar?: no
-Are you emotional?: no
-Do you like soft music?: no
-Do people understand you?: Not really
-Do you write your own songs?: no
-Is your hair dyed: not now
-Do you cut?: no
Total YES: 1

--Jock--
-Do you play any sports?: no
-How important are they to you?: no
-Do you pick on the geeky kids?: No
-What do you think about football?: fuck it
-Were you considered a bully by anyone?: No
Total YES: 0

--Geek--
-Do you wear glasses?: Yeah
-Do you get good grades?: yup
-Are you smart?: Yes
-Do you use an inhaler?: no
-Along with bad eyesight?: yes
-Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets: No
-Does your mom buy your clothes?: No
-How often are you on the computer?: whenever i can, i am homeless
-Do you ever get picked on: no
Total YES: 4

(Fuck )

9:46 pm
what's your name?: chris

nicknames ]: skummy, feltch, beard, and skinhead
[ resides in ]: marquette, mi
[ good student ]: not a student
[ eyes ]: brown
[ hair ]: none
[ shoe size ]: 11

x.last time you.x
[ had a nightmare ]: a few days ago
[said "i love you" and meant it ]: i dont know
[ ate at mcdonald's ]: long time ago
[ dyed your hair ]: last mohawk
[ brushed your hair ]: none
[ Washed your hair ]: this mornin'
[ checked your e-mail ]: just now
[ cried ]: i dont know
[ called someone ]: half hour ago i called mexican
[ laughed ]: when i hung out with tim this morning
[ talked to an ex ]: i dont know

x.do you.x
[ smoke? ]: yeah
[ do drugs? ]: nope
[ have sex? ]: nope i have better things to do than make babies
[ sleep with stuffed animals? ]: nope
[ have a dream that keeps coming back? ]: nope
[ play an instrument? ]: nope
[ believe there is life on other planets? ]: yes
[ remember your first love? ]: yep
[ still love him/her? ]: Nope
[ read the newspaper? ]: whatever news peeks my interest
[ have any straight friends? ]: yep
[ consider love a mistake? ]: I dont know
[ like the taste of alcohol? ]: Nope
[ believe in god? ]: nope
[ go to church? ]: nope
[ have any secrets? ]: nope
[ have any pets? ]: nope
[ talk to strangers who instant message you? ]: not usually
[ wear hats? ]: nope
[ have any piercings? ]: ears, toungue nipples
[ have any tattoos? ]: yeah
[ hate yourself? ]: nope
[ have an obsession? ]: yeah cigarettes
[ have a secret crush? ]: nope
[ collect anything? ]: cds
[ have a best friend? ]: all my friends are god. alex has superiority though
[ like your handwriting? ]: i have neat writing for a boy
[ have any bad habits? ]: nope
[ care about looks? ]: sometimes, like today i do
[ believe in witches? ]: depends
[ believe in satan? ]: nope
[ believe in ghosts? ]: yea

x.current.x
[ dress ]: jeans, converse, playboy wristband, spiked wristband, studded blet and tight commandos shirt
[ mood ]: hahahha
[ music ]: Choking Victim
[ Hair ]: shaved
[ annoyance]: allergies
[ smell ]: nothing, at all
[ thought ]: dont wanna know
[ book ]: please kill me
[ fingernail color ]: none
[ Refreshment ]: iced tea
[ worry ]: life
[ Favorite Celebrity ]: none


x.last person.x

[ you touched ]: tim
[ you talked to ]: jamie
[ you hugged ]: mexican
[ you Instant Messaged ]: idk
[ you yelled at ]: idk, i think craig
[ kissed ]: mom



Who do you want to?
[ kill ]: nobody
[slap]: too many people to count
[talk to]: mexican, heroin mike
[kiss]: nobody
[ be like ]: nobody

(Fuck )

9:37 pm
well, me and ashlee are better at least. For everyone that wants to like kill donnie, dont. just back off.
thanks for sticking up for me but its for the better.

Tomorrow morning im going to dans, because dans a fucking good friend. All of my friends are fucking good friends though.
I missed all of them, and im glad im in town because i get to see them more.


I may also hang out with heroin mike tomorrow, idk yet.

(Fuck )

Sunday, July 31st, 2005
1:52 am
woah
So i read an email my dad sent to my grandparents. My dads hated me, or so it seemed, he was always an asshole and always put up with the shit i got from his parents and didnt say anything. He was always a jerk. On christmas time my sister katie would get presents and i wouldnt from my grandparents, they would be mean as hell to me. I couldnt do anything about it, they hated me because i was adopted. They told me that to my face.
Well my mom just showed me an email my dad sent to his parents when they talked bad about me to him earlier last week. I feel the need to copy and paste it. it made me cry, like i finally feel like i have a dad. the following is part of the email: (oh and i was adopted when i was 4, not two, but hes still kinda slow)


"Hi, I would like to say thank you for breakfast on Friday. Now were do I start,on friday a few coments were made about myself and Christopher that made me uneasy and I still can't get them out of my mind.The coments were that maybe I should tell him to contact his real father, I am here to say THAT I AM HIS REAL FATHER regaurdless of the amount of trouble I have with him and then Mom stating that he will never be welcome in her house and that all of you's never liked him from day one, Well he already knows that and that has been since day one.How do I know it's been from day one you ask,He always ask's why grandma and grandpa don't like him? How do I answer that to the kid every year for almost 16 years,It's been hard to get past that question with him and ahve him still have a liking and respect towards you's.He has told me that he will not have anything to do with Mom and Heather at all he gets it now he has stated I just never told you that,But he did state that Grandpa still talks nice to him and he says he likes grandpa.It is a shame that you have to instill this in these kids head,Katie has seen and heard the acqusations about her brother and she has also said that she don't like that everyone hates her brother,Yes that is her brother and always be.It is unknowing to me why I should have to hide things that are said to myself and or my wife so kids dont get hurt,and the things that are said about my wife that I try and put behind us to keep a relationship and talking lines open."

I must honestly say i could NOT believe that when i read it. it may not seem like a big deal, but it really is.

Im in a better mood, but also confused.

(4Fucked Me;Fuck )

Saturday, July 30th, 2005
1:48 am
So, whats new?
dee says im an angry hateful person. untrue. well, true. more of less latly only though.
i got my bullet belt today. fits good, but the guy that sold it to me had every bullet in the row upside down, so i had to hand flaip each, on a size 40 bullet belt (over 100 bullets), that took almost 45 minuts and now my finger tips hurt like hell. its fucking awsome though, and looks great on my pants. lol.
So i have a lot of belts now.
last night i slepped at my moms house, but it was just me and katie there. we stayed up late watching tv and talking and went to the store, where i got the faygo. It was fun. she woke me up by shoving a box into my face, the shipping box for the belt! how ironic that i got it that day! lol wierd, i know.
So then i thought, i need to call ash for a ride, i was gonna pay her to drive me home, and she said she would they day before but had to talk to her mom. so i called but her mom wouldnt let her. i was like fuck, i had a lot to carry home and not much time to do it in. well, i ended up talking 5 miles in 20-25 minutes. I do not know how i physically was able to do that. I DID NOT want to miss going into town though so i like set my mind to it or something. now, if i had known what i would have done in town i would have just stayed home and hung out with dee or my sister. i hate harvey, it fucking sucks. im so isolated. but monday ill live right in town which rocks. like right in the middle of town too. Or on the street, one of them.
If v4y is full then alex said i could live with him, but idk if i want to because his mom wouldnt like that, and ide rather sleep on the street than stay somewhere where im not wanted lol.
Thats why im homeless soon anyhow.
But i can get a job a hell of a lot easier in town, thats no big deal.
im done typing, fuck off

(1Fucked Me;Fuck )

1:06 am
you. fucking. suck.
For one, im not trying to be a new persons friend anymore, worthless cunts. im sick of shit.
And I NEVER TRIED HOOKING UP WITH THE CUNT! I was trying to be her friend. but fuck that she can suck horse shit.
Im bored as shit!
Fuck Women!
All of them! They hate me, I hate them!
Women = spawn of satan.

Ide sure like to find someone that liked me. ide call them stupid, and leave.

(1Fucked Me;Fuck )

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