this is the promise of our future

geminirose_ @ 2008-07-13T16:00:00

2008-07-13T19:33:30Z

[Filter: Isllyn]

Mum and Daddy,

I know it's been a really long time since I've written home. I bet you're probably going crazy wondering if I'm okay, or if something awful has happened, and where I am ...! I know I promised I'd write once a week, but I haven't, obviously. I'm really sorry.

A lot of things have happened. I don't really know where to start. Er, well, I guess that's not true. I should start at where I left off. I know I told you that Isllyn and I were going to go all the way to Dentoria. We were so excited ...! Well, we did. We went to Rhia, and while we were there, I met Lorcan. He's a Lord! Er, sort of ... technically. He's a knight, too, a real knight, and I guess he's more of a knight than a Lord, because, well, his Mother is the daughter of the Lord of Rhia, but she's the youngest of a lot. And he's the youngest of all of her kids. But if a lot of people died, then he could be Lord of Rhia. Not that I want that to happen, but if it did ...!

Well ... you might have guessed from all I just wrote, but he and I really got along well. Really well. Er, we sort of got together ...! And then I ... got pregnant. I know, don't panic! There was a lot of really bad stuff going on then that I really can't tell anybody about, but it made the whole thing really bad and really confusing for me. He and I were together every day, but things were so crazy that he didn't even notice I was pregnant, and it was seven months before I told him. See, it was really bad.

But things got a lot better after that. Isllyn and I were apart for all of it, but we found each other again right after that, and, er, Lorcan and I got married. Sort of married, I guess, because it was just in a little chapel in Atsiria and there was barely anyone there, and I didn't even know one of the people. So when my baby was born, we were married ...!

His name is Bertrand, and he's really beautiful. He has hair just like you, Daddy ...! And he's a Lord, too, just like his father ...! Lord Betrand of House Rhia, even though he's even less likely to inherit anything ... but that isn't what matters, right ...?

Er, anyway, and after that, we went back to Rhia! It took a long time, but we finally got there ...! Lorcan's grandfather thought that it wasn't appropriate for a Lord to get married like Lorcan did, and I guess I can see why, even though ... all of that. So I'm going to have a big wedding, a huge wedding, like a Lady's wedding ... er, because I am a Lady, now ...!

And I really really really want you guys to be there ...! I can get transportation for you and guards to make sure you're safe on the way, and everything ...!! You just need to write back and tell me that you want to come and you don't hate me for not talking to you for so long when so much has happened ...!

... okay? Just give a response or a letter to the courier. I get a real courier, a good one, so this should get there fast ...!

I hope you come ... Bertie really wants to meet you.

Fallyn

... what do you think ...? Is that good?

geminirose_ @ 2008-07-01T10:35:00

2008-07-01T13:38:14Z

[Filter: Private]

Well ... that's the best I can do ... just writing to them like that, and telling them the truth ...! I'm glad Isllyn helped me with the wording ...

... it'll be nice to see them again ...! No matter what they think about everything that's happened. I know they love me enough that everything will be all right in the end ...

geminirose_ @ 2008-06-25T05:11:00

2008-06-25T08:22:09Z

[Filter: Private]

~~It's hard to celebrate a time of year that just reminds me of what I~~

I have so many other things to worry about ...

Like ... like Mum and Daddy, and how I'm going to tell them to come to Rhia because I'm marrying a Lord and I have a son ...

geminirose_ @ 2008-06-20T16:50:00

2008-06-20T19:57:53Z

[Filter: Private]

I guess that it makes sense she didn't tell me ...! I know that things have been different, since we were apart ... I haven't told her her everything ...

... but my everything is something that could hurt me, and her, and Lorcan, and Bertie. It's not that I don't trust her. It's that she could be one of them. She easily could be. Anyone could be. It's not about her. I'm married now ... I'm a mother know. I can't take the risk.

It's not like that, with this ...!! It's different.

... but I didn't tell her about Bertie when I was pregnant, either, did I ...? Not until I had to ... and it's just been different. If this happened to me ... I don't know if I'd tell her ...!

... I won't mention it to her. I don't want to be a ... well, a bitch, or anything. I have a lot of other things to worry about ...! She can tell me when she wants ... if she wants.

It's none of my business ... I guess.

geminirose_ @ 2008-05-16T00:44:00

2008-05-16T03:48:07Z

[Filter: Private]

It's easy to ... to get lost in this ... it's like the river all over, in a way, how everything just flies past and there's not really any time to think ...!

... I like it like that.

[Filter: Public]

The wedding planning is going really well ...! It's strange, to plan for another wedding, when I'm already married, but it's nice, too. The first was so small and quick and I was so fat ...

But I never expected one like this ... Lorcan's the furthest person from being Lord of Rhia, and he gets a wedding this grand? It's really amazing ...

Er, and his family has been so helpful ...! ~~And, er~~

geminirose_ @ 2008-04-22T13:18:00

2008-04-22T16:20:41Z

Ohhhh I have such a headache ...!! I don't remember anything from last night ... I hope I didn't do anything awful ...!

It's so strange having servants to look after Bertie, too ...! I don't like leaving him for too long, but it's still strange, even for a little ...!

And --

Oh, Lorcan's mother is here, again ... She probably wants to talk about the wedding, but I feel terrible ... how do I tell her that without offending her ...?

geminirose_ @ 2008-03-27T21:20:00

2008-03-28T00:25:10Z

feels like there's no tomorrow
g c gminor

This is a lot harder than it looks ...!! Oh, but it's still so nice here! There's some clouds today, but I hope it doesn't rain ...!

... yesterday is far behind
c f b

geminirose_ @ 2008-03-25T22:10:00

2008-03-26T01:13:05Z

Wow, going down the river is really fast ...! I can see the edge of the bank and it just flies by ...!! It's like we're riding the wind ...!

... that might make a really good song, wouldn't it ...?? Does anyone else think that would be a good song ...? Riding the wind ... er, flying on the water ...

They say we're going to get to the ferry dock closest to Rhia in the next few days, but I don't want to leave ...! It feels like ... like I left all my troubles and worries back there when we go on board ...! I worry they're going to all catch up when we stop ...

I guess I should go below deck and check on Bertie ... I hope he's still sleeping ...!

geminirose_ @ 2008-03-09T11:46:00

2008-03-09T14:50:13Z

Oh, that looks like the shore in the distance ...! I guess we're going to be back in Dentoria today ...! Too bad we have to get right on another boat to take us down the river after only a night or something, but this really is the fastest way to Rhia ...

~~To home, I guess ...~~

geminirose_ @ 2008-03-02T00:12:00

2008-03-02T04:14:09Z

[Filter: Private]

... I'm not any better than any of them. I'm not any better.

Oh, Bertie, I'm so sorry ...!

geminirose_ @ 2008-02-14T05:25:00

2008-02-14T09:26:51Z

[Filter: Isllyn]

Er, are you still good to babysit ...?? I got a bottle of figs before we got on the ferry this morning, so it's something ...! I hope he's not expecting more ...!l

geminirose_ @ 2008-01-31T02:55:00

2008-01-31T07:00:02Z

[Filter: Lorcan]

I ...

It's never been so hard, not telling her, before. At first, it was because I didn't understand. And then once I did, I didn't want to involve her ...! And then ... then with what happened with Eden and Raisie, I thought ... I know that even she isn't safe ...

But it's never been so hard not to just say it before ...! I don't ... I don't know ...

... I still can't believe everything that happened back there. It still feels like ... like an awful dream, most days, but ...

I'm sorry. You're just the only person who could possibly understand all of this ...!

geminirose_ @ 2008-01-23T16:54:00

2008-01-23T20:56:55Z

[Filter: Private]

Shh ... shh, honey, I'm here ...!

How can everything be so ... so normal now ...?? I killed that woman ... and it made everything better ...! It should have ... it should have done something worse than it did, but now it just feels so ...! So ...!

I don't feel like me anymore, but everything else feels back to normal again ...

[Filter: Public]

Oh, Bertie won't stop crying ...!

geminirose_ @ 2008-01-09T19:07:00

2008-01-09T23:03:37Z

[Filter: Private]

He's healthy and beautiful and I love him somuch ... his tiny little fingers and his tiny little fingernails ... his toes and his ears and his eyelashes ...

He's fine ...

But it still feels like ... what I did is part of him. He was there ... he was part of me when I did it ... does that mean it'll be in him forever ...?

Bertie, I'm so sorry ... I love you ...

geminirose_ @ 2007-12-31T12:46:00

2007-12-31T16:47:34Z

Oh ...!!!! Oh, I think it's finally time, I was so worried it wouldn't come because it's already late but oh I think it's time ...!!!!!

geminirose_ @ 2007-12-12T07:43:00

2007-12-12T11:45:29Z

[Filter: Private]

I'm married ...

[Filter: Isllyn]

I'm so glad that you could be there ...!

geminirose_ @ 2007-12-02T00:44:00

2007-12-02T04:50:19Z

[Filter: Private]

We're both so different ... I'm so glad to see her again I could just burst, and what are the odds, but it doesn't change that she feels different, and I know that I do too ...!

I shouldn't feel this ... okay. After what I did to that woman, I just shouldn't ...

It's nice to see Noland again, too ... ~~are she and him~~

... I guess ... I guess I can right in public again. Miss Prudence or Miss Rina or Father Elliot or Sir Noland or even just Isllyn is likely to say something soon, if I don't, and it'll look better if it's me ...!

[Filter: Public]

Er, everyone ...?? I was thinking, since Lorcan told me to pick one out ... maybe December the tenth for the wedding? It feels less abrupt if we actually set a nice date, and I would like to have the chapel set up all nice, especially now that we have guests, heehee ...! I think any earlier that that is still too soon, but any later, and ... and, well, I think I might pop ...

I'm pretty close ...

geminirose_ @ 2007-11-01T03:19:00

2007-11-01T07:16:16Z

[Filter: Lorcan]

... there's no dark temple in this city. I asked someone. I ... really wanted to light a candle for Raisie. And ... maybe for Eden, too.

I guess I can't.

geminirose_ @ 2007-10-27T02:27:00

2007-10-27T05:21:28Z

[Filter: Isllyn]

... hey~

geminirose_ @ 2007-10-21T00:55:00

2007-10-21T03:55:39Z

[covered in wet marks]

[Filter: Private]

... at least ... at least it's ... the compulsion, it's gone. It's finally gone ...

Dragons, what did I do ...??

[Filter: Isllyn]

... er, I'll talk to you soon ...! Very soon. I promise ...

geminirose_ @ 2007-10-11T18:30:00

2007-10-11T21:27:01Z

[scrawled]

[Filter: Private]

it was he rbirthday

... im doin g something about this we'll be in taleth in a week

geminirose_ @ 2007-09-30T22:50:00

2007-10-01T01:50:41Z

[scrawled]

[Filter: Private]

Ijust cant dothis

geminirose_ @ 2007-08-23T01:12:00

2007-08-23T04:17:31Z

[the writing is messy]

[Filter: Private]

... I should give her journal back. I should really give her journal back because she can't talk at all without it but ... but I don't want her to have it. She doesn't deserve to have it, not at all she's terrible ...

~~Raisie is~~

geminirose_ @ 2007-08-20T16:43:00

2007-08-20T19:47:15Z

[Filter: Private]

[messy]

They say we'll be in Dalphora soon ... that's good, I liked Dalphora ...! It was so

[scribbles]

why bother even doing this, it's not

geminirose_ @ 2007-08-15T14:26:00

2007-08-15T17:35:37Z

[scrawled]

[Filter: Private]

Dreams at night and this when I'm awake -- I just can't do this and I thought I could but I can't just seeing her there and knowing what she did and --

and there's no one who can ... Lorcan's just as distressed as I am, and he has to deal with the soldiers now on top of it and ... and ...

Oh I just can't

I don't know if I can do this