|~GanesaxD-DR~|

DiexKaoru - Five More Minutes (plus) - Oneshot

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 01:52:50 GMT

Title: Five More Minutes (plus)
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: Hard R/NC – 17
Genre: PWP
Disclaimer: Die, Kaoru, and live in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish. I sadly don't own any other member of Dir en grey either. *tear*
Summary: A lot can happen with an extra five move minutes (plus).
Note[s]: w00t!w00t! I'm back. xD ! Here is a little PWP to celebrate my return and be nice; it is the first sex scene I’ve written in like, a year. O-o

“Die! Come on!”

The blonde groaned, throwing the warm sheets over his head and tried to block out the sound of his lover’s voice.

“Die!”

“Five more minutes,” the guitarist grumbled as he slowly began to fall back into a slumber.

Kaoru let out an exasperated sigh and ran a hand through his damp locks. “Die, I gave you twenty,” he explained and moved from the bathroom to the side of the bed, a white, fluffy towel wrapped around his waist. “Now, come on,” he urged, giving the sheets a tug, but Die held strong and grunted. The bandleader growled. “Die.”

The blonde pulled the sheets back, but made no motion to get up. Instead, he blindly reached out and grasped Kaoru’s forearm. “Come here,” he mumbled before giving the arm a good tug and pulling Kaoru down onto the bed. Die quickly threw the blankets back over them and wrapped himself around the older male, grasping Kaoru tightly so that he couldn’t get away.

“Die! Come on!” Kaoru cried (he was sounding like a broken record now), and he struggled to get free from Die’s grasp, but Die, even half asleep, his hold was strong. “We don’t have time for this,“ he continued as the blonde nuzzled his neck, ”we’ve got practice-”

“Five minutes,” Die mumbled against his damp skin and pulled Kaoru even closer to him, arms securely around Kaoru’s waist, trapping him.

The older male sighed in defeat. “Fine, but that’s all. Got it?”

“Mm hm,” Die responded and settled himself against Kaoru’s naked body.

Kaoru let another sigh escape his lips and, knowing that he had no other choice, he relaxed himself against the younger male’s body. Not a minute after he had begun to relax did he feel Die’s callused hand upon the smooth skin of his calf before slowly making it’s way up his thigh. The hand stopped mid-thigh and began to gently massage the skin, and though the hand wasn’t touching him there, Kaoru felt his body begin to react and his member begin to harden.

The five minutes were up.

“Okay,” Kaoru mumbled, “time’s up,” he finished before moving to get out of Die’s grasp, but the blonde didn’t let up and the hand moved closer to his hardening member.

“You’re lying,” the younger male whispered softly against Kaoru’s drying skin. “We’ve still got three minutes.”

“We’ve really-” Kaoru’s sentence was lost when Die’s hand roughly grabbed his length. Kaoru moaned.

“We’ve got time,” Die replied, his voice low and hot against Kaoru’s skin, making Kaoru shiver before Die pressed his naked self against Kaoru’s towel-clad body. The older male bit back another moan at the feeling of Die’s already hard member pressed against him. Die was definitely awake now.

Without warning, Kaoru was pulled back to lay flat on his back and Die quickly rolled himself on top of the smaller male, straddling him before he went in search of the lube they had left discarded on the queen-size bed the night before.

Kaoru, at this point, tried to regain control of the situation. As much as he liked the way this was going and how much his body wanted Die, they needed to get ready for practice.

“Die,” Kaoru panted, mocha eyes looking up at Die, who had found what he was looking for, “we need to-”

“Two more minutes,” the younger male replied, a smirk tugging at his lips as his opened the bottle and squeezed a sufficient amount of the cold lube onto three of his fingers before snapping it closed and throwing it to the side. Die looked down at Kaoru, that smirk still on his lips before undoing the already loose towel from Kaoru’s waist and pushing two lubed fingers into Kaoru’s entrance.

A small cry escaped Kaoru’s lips as he let his head fall back against the pillow, a small and unwanted pain coursing up his spine. Seconds later, he felt the fingers begin to move and Die’s lips begin to move across his stomach, moving up his chest, kissing the cleaned skin in an attempt to try and sooth the older male. Thankfully, it worked – it always did – and the pain began to disappear, being replaced with pleasure as the two fingers continued to stretch him before a third lubed finger was added. Before long, Kaoru’s breathing was labored, and his small body was throbbing with need.

The bandleader let out a low moan, body arching as Die’s fingers swept over his sweet spot before they were quickly removed. Kaoru bit back the whimper that had threatened to escape and voluntarily let Die bend his legs and push his them closer to his body. The blonde grasped the older male’s hips tightly before, in one swift motion, pushing himself into Kaoru.

Kaoru hissed, eyes squeezing shut at the intense pain that invaded his sense and Die, instinctively, had immediately leaned over Kaoru and began to gently kiss and nip at the nap of his neck as his hands ran themselves up and down Kaoru’s chest slowly.

Within a few moments, Kaoru’s body had relaxed and adjusted itself to the intrusion and, he felt it safe for the blonde to begin moving. Rolling his hips, Kaoru signaled for Die to move. Die obeyed the silent command and he began to move. He moved slowly at first, his thrust deep and slow, trying to give Kaoru some time to adjust to the feeling before he picked up his pace. His trusts became quicker and harder than before and, in no time, the blonde had found a rhythm and with a little change in his angle, he had found Kaoru’s sweet spot too, causing the older male to arch and moan with pleasure.

Heavy pants and low moans from the two men mixed together as they moved as one, Kaoru’s hips automatically moving with Die’s hard thrusts to his body, creating more pleasure that began to build within them and to create more, the blonde slid one hand down Kaoru’s body and grasped his weeping member. He began to pump the hard member and before long, his hand had began to move in time with his thrusts, causing more moans to spill from Kaoru’s cherry lips as the pleasure soon became too much.

Kaoru’s body arched violently off of the bed and a cry of pure pleasure escaped his lips as he reached his climax, body convulsing with orgasm. Kaoru’s muscles automatically clenched around Die’s throbbing member as he came, causing a low groan to escape the blonde’s lips at the pleasure it gave him and, with a few last erratic thrusts, Die followed, grasping Kaoru’s hips in a death grip as he did, spilling himself deep within his lover before collapsing.

The two lay silent for a few moments, panting heavily as they tried to regain their breath and strength back. After another minute of silence, Kaoru finally spoke.

“You need to move,” he commented casually and turned his head to face Die.

“Why?”

“We’ve gotta go to practice,” Kaoru continued, nudging the blonde to move off of him and Die just groaned.

“Kaoru,” he whined and reluctantly rolled himself off of the bandleader, who then proceeded to untangle himself from under the covers and get off the bed. “You’re not serous.”

“Dead,” he replied and faced the bed. “Now, come on. Thanks to you, I have to take a shower, again.”

The blonde growled lowly and pushed himself roughly out of the bed. “I can’t believe you. I just fucked you and you’re still worried about getting to practice,” he grumbled as he made his way toward the bathroom.

“Yeah,” the older male responded, “but, who said I was worried about being there on time,” he finished, a smirk tugging at his lips.

Die stopped and looked over his shoulder back at Kaoru, a grin slowly spreading over his lips. “You didn’t.”

“Exactly,” the older male replied, moving pass Die and into the bathroom, the smirk still plastered on his face.

The blonde just grinned and followed his lover into the bathroom and then into the shower, where they proceeded to cause themselves to be even later to practice, but, they did arrive none the less

DiexKaoru - When You Say You Love Me - 1/1

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:57:19 GMT

Title: When You Say You Love Me
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: PG – 13 {mentions of sex; swearing}
Genre: ANGST {and I mean it}
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do am I affiliated with any member of Dir en grey and no money is being made off of this fic. I also do not own the title of this story. It is taken off of Clay Aiken's 2003 album Measure of a Man
Summary: 'I want to laugh. I should've known.'
Note[s]: Okay. This fic is going to be just one of twelve fics that I will be creating from all of the twelve songs sung and preformed by Clay Aiken on his 2003 debut CD, Measure of a Man. Don't expect them to be in order from one to twelve, they won't. I was going to try that, but I realized that doing it out of order would be fine since all the fics WILL NOT be connected to each other. Anyway, enough of my ranting! Go on and read! Comments = ♥ ! ^^

Again and Again and again I've been hurt my friend till the end. . .
You know I've been high, I've been low, I've got no place else left to go
Again and again and again
When will this search ever end?
--When You Say You Love Me {Clay Aiken}

You're making your way around the bar, trying to find a spot to squeeze yourself in so that you can get the bartender's attention and call for another round of drinks for your friends and you. You have to wait a few minutes – I figured as much – but when you get them, you just smile politely and your lips move – probably telling him to "put it on your tab" – at the bartender and make your way back here, a swagger in your step, with four beers in totally, two in each hand. You give us all a lopsided grin as you set the two beers in your right hand in front of Toshiya and Shinya, before setting one of the beers that's in your left hand in front of me.

"On me," you tell us before taking a swig of yours.

You're already drunk, and everyone here knows it, but nobody says anything. Why should they? You wouldn't listen to them. You never want to leave the bar any time before it's closing at two o'clock. Tonight would be no different.

Shinya and Toshiya both smile politely at you before taking a sip of their own. Both of them are on their way to becoming drunk just like you are; not a surprise. Kyo, on the other hand, is sitting next to me on my left and just here to, as he says, "grace us with his presence" because all of us know that he doesn't drink. Then, there is me. Usually, I'm fine with getting completely hammered to the point of not being able to remember what was going on the night before, but tonight, I don't plan on that happening. So, right now, I'm not drunk and I'm not even close to being drunk – this is only my second beer in the past two hours and how many you've chugged down, I don't know. I lost count after four.

You get sick of standing up in front of the table so you nudge me – not gently, mind you – and make me scoot myself closer to Kyo, who in return scoots himself closer to Toshiya. It is a process, basically, that in the end, gives you room to see your ass down in the round, worn-down, pathetic thing we call a booth.

You start speaking, but I've lost interest in what you're saying and I begin to look around at the patrons in the bar. I can hear their voices lowering and raising as they speak and laughing when they find something funny, but I can't make out a clear cut conversation from any of them. All I'm grasping is random sentence and words from all the conversations in hearing distance from the booth, but I can see that some of them, men and women alike, are staring at us. I raise an eyebrow at this and follow their stare, only to find that they are staring at you.

I want to laugh.

I should've known. You're always the center of attention where ever you go, though I'm sure you don't even notice it sometimes because you're too busy chugging down beer after beer to realize that people are watching you. Sometimes, they are just watching you to find out what random and stupid act you're going to pull next, but these people aren't. These people are staring because you're so fucking beautiful.

They want you. They want to take you back to their place, where they can touch you and hold you in the privacy of their home and proceed to fuck you or have you fuck them. Then, even before the sun rises, you'll get out of the bed and out of their apartment so that they can't attach themselves to you. That's how it always goes. Fuck and leave. That's just how you are, but you don't realize that you can really fuck somebody up by doing that.

We never talk about it. It isn't something that one can easily bring up in conversation and we had swore, well more like you swore, we would never bring it up again and being the kind of guy that I am, I've never said anything. I never told anyone else in the band, or anyone else in my life, what had happened the one night after you had too many drinks and you ended up fucking me before you woke up in the morning – I was already up, which isn't a surprise since I'm an early riser – and realized that we had done 'the deed'. It was then when you began to panic a little, something I rarely see you do, and told me to swear that we would never mention this again. I just nodded and agreed with you since, what else was I suppose to do? You left soon after that, and when Monday finally rolled around – this was a Saturday night – you seemed like you had basically forgotten what had happened between us. The idea of you letting it slide past broke my fucking heart.

I've never told anyone this either but I'm in love with you, have been since 1999 when we finally made it. It is the reason why I couldn't push you away when you kissed me that night and proceeded to molest me, then, of course, fuck me. I want to, believe me, because I knew that in the morning you wouldn't stay and you would probably freak out like you did, but I couldn't. I, being the idiot that I am, had some idea that maybe, just maybe, you would realize that you did love me or some shit, but of course, you didn't. So, by morning, I was left broken and defeated.

But, life went on and now, four months later, you're still playing this game, and I'm still holding on to a string of hope that you might come to your sense and realize that you do love me or at least feel something for me that is beyond this brotherly love shit, but as each day passes, I'm realizing that I should probably let go of it. It isn't going to happen.

"Kaoru."

I pull myself out of my thoughts and look over to my right to face you. "Hm?"

"I love you."

I swear, my heart skips a beat, but it returns to its regular rhythm when I realize you've got that lopsided grin on and that glaze in your eyes. You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying

"I love you too," I mumble in response and turn away to take a long drink of the beer in front of me.

I just want to break down and cry.

When, if ever, will you mean it?

Author's Note[s]:
{} you can fine the lyrics, over here.
{} like I said, comments are ♥
{} I don't think the song is as angst-y as I made the story, but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry. ;~~~;

DiexKaoru - Afternoon Break - 1/1

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 07:21:27 GMT

Title: Afternoon Break
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: PG [mentions of sex]
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: Die and Kaoru live in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish. I sadly don't own any other member of Dir en grey either. *tear*
Summary: This was their break, the third break of the day that came at a time a half-an-hour before the traffic rush in the city started and an hour and a half before they ended their work for the day. This, for them, was just a ritual.
Note[s]: Small one-shot that I thought up during another lecture. Not sure if it is that great or not. -_____-;; But, I figured I’d post it and see what you guys think. So, R&R please? ^^

It was late afternoon, almost time for the streets to become busy with people heading home from work to their families and the warm breeze that had been sweeping through the city was getting colder as the daylight hours weaned away. The sun, which had shone so brightly in the city that day was slowly setting and fading to make way for the nighttime mood, but the need for sunglasses, was still there.

He stood outside with his shoulder blades leaning against the old, whitish building behind him and a cigarette dangled delicately from his dried cherry lips. His old jean jacket kept the wind from blowing over his bare skin and keeping him warm, while his dark sunglasses covered his eyes from the setting sun, though those things couldn’t keep his cheeks from being abused by the autumn wind.

There was another with him, whose body was taller than his own and his framer was much leaner than his own, but he stood in a stance all too similar to his. His shoulder blades rested against the building, a cigarette dangled from his lips and his cheeks were tinted with the same red color as his own.

This was their break, the third break of the day that came at a time a half-an-hour before the traffic rush in the city started and an hour and a half before they ended their work for the day. This, for them, was just a ritual.

The ritual went something like this.

He would call the break and the band would put down whatever they were doing and disperse into different parts of the room. Kyo would end up on the couch, either for just a rest or a rest and a smoke, while Shinya would stay behind his drum kit and either just keep to himself or gently practice a part and Toshiya would just take a seat and rest upon a chair and smoke. Then, him and Die would exit the room, himself in front of Die and head outside to the side of the building. They would exit and simultaneously, would place themselves against the rugged building. They would reach into their pockets and pull out a cigarette for themselves, and whoever reached their lighter first, would light their cigarette before offering it to the other person. Usually, it was Die who was the one to offer the light and graciously, he would accept it. Then, it would become silent while the two stood there and smoked their light.

It was common that no words would pass between them. They never spoke of music; they never spoke of songs, or gigs or anything relating to their line of work. They never spoke of their nights of secret passion, the arguments they had, or the times in which Die would get so drunk and leave him to clean up the mess. No, during this time, they didn’t speak; or recognize the others existence.

When the cigarettes were finished – it was usually Die who finished first – the two would finally look at one another, Die’s eyes catching his and they would look. It wasn’t an intense stare, or any other kind of hateful stare. It wasn’t even a loving stare or longing one at that. It was just a stare; a look into the other person’s soul.

This was their time to set things right.

There was the ‘I’m sorry’ from the guilty party who started the argument the pervious night and who finally realized they were wrong. There was the ‘I love you’ that one would whisper to the other only when they knew they were sound asleep. Everything was there so that, when one would look away from the other, they knew that what should have been said the previous night was all said and done.

No words were exchanged, just a short nod and a smile were giving by their respective parties – the person who forgave would nod and the person being forgiven would smile – as an understanding between the two.

It was there where they would leave it.

When practice was over and they would go home to their apartment, nothing was said about what happened that day and why the person had forgiven them for their mistake, or why they could never say ‘I love you’ out loud. Nothing was ever discussed. Nothing was every talked about.

It left it out there, outside on the side of that rundown building during that afternoon break.

DiexKaoru - Okay - 1/1 {Drabble}

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 05:47:17 GMT

Title: Okay
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru; KaoruxToshiya [hinted]
Rating: G [zomg, this can’t be happening!? xD]
Genre: Romance/Angst
Disclaimer: Die and Kaoru live in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish. I sadly don't own any other member of Dir en grey either. *tear*
Summary: And, he smiles. His cherry lips, which are slightly dry from the cold autumn weather, curve into that ever-knowing smile he has. It is the one where his teeth peek just ever so slightly between his lips and his beautiful chocolate eyes shine brightly with hope and truth. It is that smile and when Kaoru sees it and hears those words, he knows.
Note[s]: Other small drabble I thought of while I was suppose to be listening to my Politics lecture. xD Thanks to all of you who commented on my last two fics! Comments are loved. Enjoy! ^^

He knocks softly on the white wooden door hoping that the other will answer and, after a few more moments of waiting, he hears the lock click open before the door follows suit.

“Hey,” the other greets him with a small smile, but he watches out of the corner of his eye as the smile quickly fades and is replaced by the face a worried friend when he sees his state.

His shoulders are hunched and his head is titled down, a few stray strands of dark hair covering his eyes, but the other can still see the pain hidden deep within them. The other steps aside and allows him to enter.

Silently, he passes the younger male and enters the messy living quarters. Usually, he would make some remark about the mess, but not tonight. He takes a seat on the worn leather couch as he hears the door shut, and he hears him walking over, but he doesn’t bother to look up from the magazines and papers that scatter the wooden floor.

“It’s over,” he says and his voice cracks. With anyone else, he wouldn’t have let his voice crack or waver and if it had, he would have cursed himself for showing such weakness, but with him, it’s different. With him, it’s okay.

The younger male doesn’t have to ask what he means by ‘it’s over’ because he already knows what’s over.

He feels the couch dip ever so slight when the other male takes his seat next to him and he feels his right leg just slightly touch his left.

This is confirmation that he can go on, the younger one is listening and so, he does.

He explains what happened, and even though some of the details blur together when he tries to recall them, he tells him everything and once in a while, his voice will waver and crack, but he doesn’t care. Here, in this apartment, with him, he doesn’t even care when he sheds a few tears over what has happened. With him, it’s okay.

Once he is done explaining, his head hangs once more and his eyes lock onto the paper-ridden floor. The one next to him is still silent and after a minute, he begins to feel uncomfortable. He readjusts himself on the couch and begins to fiddle with a small thread hanging on the hole in the knee of his jeans. He’s about to say something, but a large, callused hand on his shoulder stops him.

His head snaps up and his dark eyes look straight into chocolate ones as the hand on his shoulder gives it a small, yet comforting squeeze.

“Don’t worry,” he speaks and his voice is soft and encouraging, “it’ll be okay.”

And, he smiles. His cherry lips, which are slightly dry from the cold autumn weather, curve into that ever-knowing smile he has. It is the one where his teeth peek just ever so slightly between his lips and his beautiful chocolate eyes shine brightly with hope and truth. It is that smile and when Kaoru sees it and hears those words, he knows.

No matter what happens, he knows that everything will be okay.

No matter what happens, he knows that they’ll be okay.

|~*GanesaxD-DR*~|

DiexKaoru - Expectations - Drabble/Oneshot

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 03:30:50 GMT

Title: Expectations
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: R
Genre: Drabble/Oneshot
Disclaimer: Die, Kaoru, and live in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish. I sadly don't own any other member of Dir en grey either. *tear*
Summary: Kaoru could remember he had come outside for a smoke and could remember that Die joined him. He could remember that their conversion had consisted of a few of the fans they had encountered here in Milwaukee and about the crowds’ reaction. They even talked about how well their performance had gone, but he couldn’t remember for the life of him how he arrived against this brick wall.
Note[s]: WOHA. TWO FICS IN ONE DAY. xD ! Okay, well, I don't really know if this is a drabble or not, but whatever it is, it just came to my head and I don’t know why, it just did. So, I wrote it. xD

His back was pressed against the dirty brick wall behind him, the bricks bruising the flesh beneath his thin shirt. His pants and boxers were piled around his ankles, his head titled back against the same wall and his small hands were tangled in the other’s dark blonde locks as the other’s mouth worked his hard member.

Kaoru could remember he had come outside for a smoke and could remember that Die joined him. He could remember that their conversion had consisted of a few of the fans they had encountered here in Milwaukee and about the crowds’ reaction. They even talked about how well their performance had gone, but he couldn’t remember for the life of him how he arrived against this brick wall. He also couldn’t fathom why he was letting Die do this to him in such an open place, but at the moment, he realized he couldn’t give a shit. At that moment, all he cared about was the feeling of the younger male’s hot mouth around his engorged length.

His eyes slid closed and a soft moan escaped his parted lips as the blonde’s soft lips moved slowly up and down his hard length. Then, he slowly felt the other’s tongue drag along the underside of his flesh and in response, another moan escaped his lips and his body shook with pleasure as his hips bucked up, wanting more of that sweet mouth.

Kaoru heard the younger male gag at the unexpected thrust and immediately, he felt the other’s callused hands grasp his hips and roughly push them against the brick wall. He let out a small cry of pain at the feel of the brick scraping at his soft flesh, but the blonde before him ignored it and continued to work his length.

He felt the other scrape his teeth across his hard member and he let out a strangled cry, his small hands tightening their grip on the soft locks as they gave them a pull and he pressed the other’s head closer to him, pleading for more. Again and again, the teeth scraped his flesh before his tongue and mouth began to soothe the abused flesh. Each movement of the other’s mouth caused continuous moans and muffled cries to escape his dried lips.

Soon, he was teetering on the edge, his climax building in the pit of his stomach and he figured the blonde must have known for he began to hum around the flesh. His length twitched at the pleasurable humming and finally, sent him over the edge

With a low moan, he spilled himself into the younger male’s sweet cavern as his body shook with pleasure at the force of his orgasm before it fell limp against the brick wall. He breathed heavily, his eyes fluttering opened and closed as he felt the other suck him dry, drinking all of his fluids with a hunger.

A few more moments later, he felt the mouth leave his wasted member and he opened his eyes to see the younger male getting up off of his knees. He watched with tired eyes as the other took a hold of his pants and boxers and carefully, pulled them up and over his member. He watched as those fingers fastened his pants before the chocolate eyes looked up and meet his own mocha ones.

A small smile tugged at Die’s lips and he leaned forward, pressing his body ever so slightly against Kaoru’s tired one and placed his lips against the other’s ear. “I expect you to repay the favor,” he paused, “soon,” Die finished, the words a hot whisper in the Kaoru’s ear before he moved away. Silently, he turned on his heel and headed for the entrance to the club.

The older male watched the younger male’s retreating back, a small smirk forming at his lips. “Didn’t expect anything less.”

Author’s Note[s]: There is a reason why this fic is set during their stop in Milwaukee, Wisconsin when they toured with the Deftones and The Fall Of Tory. Can anyone guess why? xD ~~it is a stupid reason, i know, but it is my fic, so just deal with it. xD~~

Comments are ♥ ! ^^

|~*GanesaxD-DR*~|

DiexKaoru - Behind Closed Doors - Drabble

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 03:27:07 GMT

Title: Behind Closed Doors
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: G [OMG. . .o_0]
Genre: Drabble
Disclaimer: Die, Kaoru, and live in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish. I sadly don't own any other member of Dir en grey either. *tear*
Summary: Interviews. He hated them.
Note[s]: w00t!w00t! I'm back. xD ! Anyway, here is just a small little drabble in which the idea sparked from this interview with Die and Kaoru in Poland.

Interviews.

He hated them.

He didn’t like when strangers probed into his life, trying to figure out who he was – who the band was behind closed doors. He hated the fact that every question he has heard, he has answered it a thousand times before. Even if the interviewer reworded it, the questions were still the same. Though, he knew when he had sighed up for the job, he would be constantly doing this, but it didn’t change the fact that he hated doing it.

He hated solo ones. He hated group ones. He hated two on one interviews – except this one. These ones weren’t so bad. For these ones, he was with him.

Like usual, he would do all the talking and usually, answer all of the questions, saved for maybe a few, while the other stood next to him, swaying back and forth and side to side nervously and playing with his now dark blonde locks. He didn’t mind it, though. It was him he was doing the interview with, and he maybe even enjoyed a little because of that, but at the same time, he feared it.

Between them, there was no distance – the barriers of friends and lovers had blended together long ago. Yet, now, they kept their distance; he kept his distance. He feared if they stood any closer, their deepest secret could be reveled. He feared that if their hands, shoulders or legs touched one another for just a split second, people - strangers – would know and he didn’t want that. Their desire, their love, was theirs and theirs alone.

In the eyes of the public, they were two separate beings.

Behind closed doors, they were one.

|~*GanesaxD-DR*~|

DiexKaoru - Repetiton - 1/1

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 18:35:43 GMT

Title: Repetition
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: PG – 13 [for theme and content]
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: Dir en grey lives in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish.
Summary: They had only started the tour a little less than a month ago – it was the night of June twenty-eighth – and this had already occurred numerous times, but the dates were still fresh in Kaoru’s mind.
Note[s]: This fic was an idea I had been toying with for a month of so now, but I never could get it started off right, but now, I finally did. So, here it is. ^^

He hears the sound of the small tour bus door clicking open and automatically, he looks up and even though he knows exactly what he’ll see, his eyes still lock onto the frame stepping onto the dimly lit bus.

The figure, which is that of their bassist, is slightly swaying as it stumbles onto the bus, followed by the lithe drummer, who too is stumbling over his own two feet as he makes his way up the three stairs he must climb to reach the bus.

He looks to the other, who is sitting a few feet away from in by the dark window of the tour bus and he looks back to him. Both of them know who will be stumbling onto the bus next and it isn’t a shock when they finally enter.

His entrance is grand as he stumbles forward, almost tripping over the first step and falling onto his face, but all he does is giggle and snort as he tries to regain his balance, brushing aside some of his blonde locks as he does. The bassist, who was watching him with his glazed eyes, laughed at the scene too as the drummer just started blankly at him. The drunk stomped loudly onto the next step and then the next and the finally, onto the platform, his body swaying the entire time while his sweaty palm held on to the railing for support.

Through the dimly lit bus, Kaoru’s mocha eyes watched as his lover stumbled down the aisle toward him and the vocalist. The other two drunks sat up at the front of the bus. Toshiya giggled at god knows what while Shinya stared out the window, fascinated by the city’s bright lights.

“You missed one awesome party, Kaoru. Man,” the drunk cried out, words slurred as one of his large hands landed on Kaoru’s shoulder with a soft slap. “It was great.”

‘Yeah, because there was booze, that’s why’ , the older male thought dryly.

Kaoru knew that he liked – no loved – to drink and hangout with his fellow band mates and the members of the Deftones and even The Fall of Troy, but he wasn’t like Die. He needed time for himself and days were he didn’t go on stage and play a show with a hangover.

Die, on the other hand, was in love with drinking in a way that Kaoru couldn’t understand. Beer was like water or coke to the younger male. He could drink it everyday and, basically, he would. He maybe wouldn’t get drunk, but he’d still have a few beers during the day and maybe another one on stage and a couple after the show.

“Too bad,” the leader replied as he looked at the other, whose chocolate eyes were glazed over and whose face was pale.

“Oh shit,” the blonde spoke and the bandleader thought the exact same thing as he watched the younger male rush to the bus’s small bathroom. Within seconds of the door slamming shut, the sound of hacking and regurgitating were heard through the plastic door.

The older male let out a heavy sigh as he heard the other’s hacking and slowly, he rose from his seat. The vocalist looked toward him and rolled his eyes at him before going back to reading the magazine that he held between his small hands. Kaoru saw the vocalist’s action of annoyance, but he ignored it as he made his way back toward the bathroom.

Without knocking on the plastic door, Kaoru opened it and entered the cramped bathroom and carefully shut the door behind him. He barely fit in the bathroom with Die, who was currently on his knees in front of the toilet. His hands were clutching onto the sides of the seat for support and his head was hanging over the toilet, blonde locks obscuring his face as he breathed heavily, trying to regain his breath back.

It smelled like bile in the bathroom already, and it would until they were able to stop and clean it [1], but Kaoru didn’t care. Silently, with the little room he had, the older of the two mirrored the younger one, sitting himself down on his knees next to him before he reached out to take Die’s dark blonde locks and pull them out of his face. Die didn’t even acknowledge his presence, for this scenario was almost routine.

Since they had begun their tour with the Deftones, it seemed that every night, there was a party of some sort occurring. Of course, the party consisted of booze – the younger guitarist’s Achilles heel and after the festivities, he would almost always end up hunched over the toilet and Kaoru would be right next to him, either ready to regurgitated his own empty stomach or completely sober – sober being the usually case.

They had only started the tour a little less than a month ago – it was the night of June twenty-eighth – and this had already occurred numerous times, but the dates were still fresh in Kaoru’s mind.

June 6th; Providence, RI
June 7th; Worcester, MA
June 9th; New York, NY
June 11th; Niagara Falls, NY
June 12th; Detroit, MI
June 15th; Chicago, IL
June 16th; Milwaukee, WI
June 22nd; Denver, CO
June 24th; Salt Lake City, UT
June 26th; Las Vegas, NV
June 27th; San Diego, CA

Eleven. Eleven times in three weeks this has happened and each and every time it has, Kaoru wished it hadn’t.

He wanted to say something to Die that would make him not go and drink with their American tour mates almost every night, but he didn’t. He didn’t know what it was that held him back from saying anything. It could, maybe, be the fact that he didn’t have the courage to try, or maybe, it was the facts that he could say something and in the end, it wouldn’t matter because Die would still go.

Yes, that was it.

Even if Kaoru said something to Die, told him not to go, he was sure that the other wouldn’t listen. He’d still go and hang out with the others and drink rather than spend some of his time with his lover.

It hurt Kaoru to think that something so stupid could be more important than him – loved more than him, but he tried not to think that. There might be times, like those other tens times and right now, that maybe Die did love the amber liquid more than the older male, but it wasn’t always. Die did love him – he knew that, but right now, it was hard to believe that he was loved more than alcohol.

The sounds of Die regurgitating vibrated against the bathroom’s walls and Kaoru ran his small hand up and down the blonde’s spine to try and sooth him as chunks of bile rose in Die’s throat. The bandleader held back his locks and with the other hand, he reached over to the sink and pulled down a wash cloth. It was dry, but it still was able to clean the vomit from around Die’s mouth as he tried to hold back the tears of pain that stung at the corner of his eyes.

The puking continued for five or so minutes before it finally stopped, leaving the younger male hunched over the toilet, exhausted and pale while leaving the leader to deal with him.

“Come on,” Kaoru whispered softly as he stood up, his knees feeling stiff and hard to move. He stretched out his legs as best as he could in the small space he had before looking down at the other male, who had let go of his grip on the seat and now leaned heavily against a bathroom wall. “Let’s go,” he spoke, reaching down and grasping at the younger male’s arm before giving it a good tug.

With a heavy groan, the blonde guitarist reluctantly stood up, swaying slightly before Kaoru leaned him against his smaller body for support. With the help of the leader, the younger male made his way to his sleeping quarters. By now, the bus had begun toward its next destination and with that next destination came another night over the toilet for the two guitarists.

Unless, Kaoru was able to stop it. . .

.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.

It was after the show. The Deftones were just finishing up their set list; the two could easily hear it from where they stood outside in the back by their tour bus.

Both of them were leaning heavily against the green bus, a cigarette dangling between each set of lips and each one of them was tired and drained, and still, a little hyped up on the adrenaline rush of the concert aftermath.

“So, since you didn’t drink last night, you gonna come have some fun tonight?” the younger of the two asked, pulling the cigarette from his lips as he gave the other a side-glance.

Kaoru pulled his own cigarette from his lips, a wisp of gray smoke escaping between the parted flesh before throwing the butt onto the ground. He shook his head. “Nah,” was his short reply as he ground the butt of his cigarette into the hard cement with the toe of his boot.

Die shrugged as he threw the butt of his cigarette to the ground. “Alright, suit yourself.” He jammed his foot against the cigarette butt, stomping it out and smashing it to the cement. “I’m going to go drink and-”

“Don’t.”

It was one simple word that made Die stop in his tracks.

He didn’t have to look at Kaoru with confusion on his face and ask “What?” because he knew what the older male was referring to and what he was asking him to do.

Even though there were nights where Die’s thoughts and memories were clouded, but he still knew that, after he had run into the bathroom and had begun to regurgitate his insides into the toilet, Kaoru was there moments later. He would squeeze himself into the dinky bathroom, kneel down next to him and stay with him, soothing him, until he was finished. He would then help him up and back into his sleeping quarters, where Die would peacefully fall asleep and then wake up the next morning with a pounding hangover.

He knew this, yet the yearning to taste the amber liquid, to feel it slid down his throat and sooth him in a way he couldn’t explain, was just too much for him.

Kaoru started at the younger males frozen form, praying that maybe, just maybe, Die would turn away from the venue and walk onto the tour bus with him tonight, but all his hopes were dashed with three words.

“See you later,” was all the blonde spoke before he continued to walk off in the direction of the venue as the last ear-piercing notes of the Deftones encore was heard.

As the crowd cheered, the bandleader walked into the green bus and as he did, he hoped that maybe tonight, he wouldn’t have to spend half the night awake, wondering if the other was all right and that he wouldn’t have to spend the other half over the toilet. Yet, at the same time, he prepared himself for it because deep down, he knew that that wouldn’t happen.

It never did.

Author's Note[s]:
[1]: I’m assuming that tour buses don’t have flushing toilets, but I really don’t know if that’s true or not. They could have flushing toilets, but I’m not even sure if that is entirely possible, but who knows. So, just bare with me on the fact that on this tour bus, they didn’t have flushing toilets, okay? Please? ^^

|~*GanesaxD-DR*~|

ShinyaxToshiya ; Where You Belong ; Chapter I

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 04:28:27 GMT

Title: Where You Belong: Chapter I
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: ShinyaxToshiya, DiexShinya [one-sided], DiexKaoru
Rating: PG – 13 [for swearing. o.0]
Genre: Angst/Romance
Disclaimer: Dir en grey lives in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish.
Summary: To every one person, there is another person who completes them. Two bodies; one whole. Not everybody finds their other half on their first try, but they do find them. Sometimes, just takes a little more time. . .
Note[s]: Well, I really don’t have anything to say about this fic. It just kind of, came to me one day and I figured I’d write it. So, here is the start of it. Hope you guys enjoy it. ^^

Once again, he was watching from afar.

Behind his gigantic drum set, his lean frame sits and his honey-colored eyes watch the other’s tall frame.

They’re sick of just watching.

For five years, that’s all he’s done. He’s watched him and studied him. His eyes know the look in his eyes when he’s concentrating, frustrated or happy. They have memorized the structure of his face and frame because even when he isn’t there, his eyes can still see him as if he was.

He knows that it has become ridiculous and he can’t keep doing this. He can’t keep watching from afar when he craves for more. He doesn’t want to just imagine him standing beside him, hand in hand. He wants to feel it.

He has to say something – NOW.

x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x

Shinya takes a deep breath as he stands from his spot behind his set, the words he was planning to say to Die running over and over in his mind.

The band has taken a break from practice and the drummer knows that it is now or never. He takes a few more steps before stopping next to Die, who is sitting silently on an amp and pulling a cigarette from the half-empty box.

The other three had gone – Kaoru was off to talk to the manager or something, while Kyo and Toshiya went out for a breath of fresh air and most certainly, a smoke.

“Hey Die,” Shinya called out softly and Die looked up to him, an unlit cigarette now dangling from his lips.

“Hm?”

“Can I talk to you?” he asked quietly, his eyes locking with floor.

Die pulled the cigarette from his lips and placed it back into the pack that he held in his hand. “Yeah. What’s up?” he asked, closing up the box and shoving it back into his pocket.

The young drummer began to feel little beads of sweat gather on his forehead and he began to fidget with his long, bony fingers as he felt his heart begin to race, the pounding of his heart beating in his ears.

“Um. . .” even though he had planned exactly what he was going to say, practiced it over and over in his head before he had reached Die, the words were now lodge deep in his throat and he couldn’t unleash them.

A worried expression came over the guitarist’s face. “Is everything alright, Shin?” he asked quietly, concerned for his friend.

“I love you.”

The words had been quick and slightly slurred together as if they were all one word, but none the less, Die heard them. He had heard every syllable of every word and shock began to flow through his veins as his body froze.

“I’ve loved you for five years and all I have done is just watched you,” the drummer began to explain, his honey-colored eyes looking up from the floor and down at the shocked guitarist. “I’m sick of just watching you, Die. I want more. So much more.”

It took him a few moments to process the little – though it wasn’t really that little – information Shinya had given him, the words ringing through his ears and running through his mind. It just, didn’t seem possible that the quiet little drummer was in love with him and even though he wished he could just tell Shinya that the feelings were mutual, he couldn’t.

“Shinya. . .”

The tone that Die used to speak his name made something inside Shinya crumble and he turned his gaze back to the hard wooden floor underneath his feet. That wasn’t the tone that someone would use if they were going to say that they loved you too. No. It was the complete opposite.

“I’m sorry,” Die breathed out as he looked up toward the drummer. “I can’t love you. I wish I could, but I can’t because. . .” the redhead’s words trailed off as he himself began to look at the ground and his mind wondered if he should say something, but he didn’t have any other choice. Shinya needed an explanation to why he couldn’t love him. He just had to tell him. “I’m in love with somebody else and. . .we’ve been together for two years.”

“Who?” He didn’t want to be nosy, or had he meant to be, but he needed to know. He needed to know whom it was who had taken the love of his life away from himself. Who had stolen his only chance of being happy?

Die looked up from the ground and caught the drummer’s eyes. “Kaoru.”

In a split second, Shinya felt his shatter. Kaoru? It was Kaoru who Die was in love with and who he has been with for two years? It was Kaoru who was the culprit? He was the one who had taken Die away from him and had smashed his happiness?

The twist of the door had turned Die’s attention away from Shinya to the door that was now swinging open and revealing Kaoru, who was followed by Toshiya and then Kyo.

“Hey,” the bandleader greeted the two with a nod and a small smile on his lips.

“Hey,” the younger guitarist repeated as Shinya stayed completely silent, his eyes staring blankly at the ground below him.

“You guys ready to get back to. . .” Kaoru’s eyes caught the drummer’s frozen frame and a questioning look appeared in them. “Shinya?” he called out softly as he made a move toward the drummer. “Are you alright?”

Silently, the lean drummer turned around to face the bandleader, who stood only a few feet away from him and then, what happened next, shocked them all.

Without a moment of hesitation, Shinya’s hand had raised itself before it collided with the left side of Kaoru’s face. The open palm of Shinya’s hand and the smooth skin of Kaoru’s cheek combined made a loud smacking noise and caused the guitarist to reel back from the sting. Instantly, his cheek began to become tinted with red as he took one of his small hands and automatically covered his wounded cheek. His dark eyes looked into the honey ones that the drummer possessed and he could see the anger and hurt inside.

“Fuck. You.’’ Shinya spat out between his clenched teeth before making his way toward the door, four pairs of eyes on him as he exited the studio, slamming the door shut behind him.

For a moment it was silent before Kyo turned away from the door he had been staring at to look at Kaoru and Die, who was now by the older male’s side and one could easily see the shock in the vocalist’s eyes. “What the fuck was that?”

“He’s probably upset,” Die answered before turning back toward Kaoru, who was gently rubbing the abused flesh of his cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Kaoru mumbled as the vocalist spoke. “No shit, but why hit Kaoru? What the fuck did he do?”

“He didn’t do anything, but apparently, Shinya blames him.”

“Blames him for what?”

“For being with me,” the redhead answered and Toshiya and Kyo’s eyes went wide. “Kaoru and I have been secretly together for two years now.”

“Holy shit,” the vocalist cursed.

“But,” Toshiya began, “how does this have anything to do with Shinya?”

A heavy sigh escaped the younger guitarist’s lips and he ran a hand through his hair. “Shinya told me he loved me and I told him I couldn’t love him because Kaoru and I are together and I love him.”

The four members were silent for a moment before the bassist spoke. “There’s got to be more.” At this, thoughtful look appeared on his face as the wheels in his head began to turn.

“What more could there be?” Die asked.

“I don’t know,” Toshiya replied and he looked up to the three other members before turning on his heel and heading toward the door,” but I’m going to find out,” he finished as he opened the door and exited, shutting the door behind him.

|~*GanesaxD-DR*~|

DiexKaoru - Lose Yourself - 1/1

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 17:00:01 GMT

Title: Lose Yourself
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: PG [mild swearing]
Genre: Angst/Romance
Disclaimer: Die and Kaoru live in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish. I sadly don't own any other member of Dir en grey either. *tear*
Summary: “Then why can’t you say it?” he repeated once more. “Why can’t you hold my hand in public, or walk close to me, or embrace me or let me embrace you? Why can’t you let our friends, let me, know you love me?”
Note[s]: I’ve been meaning to write a fic idea like this for a while now, I’ve just been so busy these passed few weeks that I haven’t had the time, but now, I found the time to write it, which, is really odd, seeing that I’m finishing up my last year of high school this week. O.o Anyway, I just wanted to make a small note about posts. Because of the whole lj dramaz, I had locked all my NC – 17 and R rating posted just incase, but since the dramaz seems to be over, I intend to go back and unlock them all. They should be unlocked by Sunday. Anyway, on with the fic! ^^

One flight changes to two and two changes to three, then three to four as he runs down the flights of stairs. He reaches the bottom landing of the stairs, out of breath and he can clearly see the rain pounding against the glass doors that are his escape route. He could stop now and turn away, saving both his pride and dignity, along with his health, but he won’t. He can’t.

He pushes his way through the glass doors and immediately, he can feel the cold rain smack against his body. His clothes become soaked within seconds as he looks to the left, in search of the man who stormed out of his apartment, but he doesn’t spot him. He looks to the right, hoping that he hasn’t lost him and just as he thinks he has, he spots the other in the distance.

He begins to run again, running toward the figure. His feet splash through large and small puddles as he runs, the rain water soaking through his tennis shoes as the rain continues to pound against him. His body temperature has fallen a few degrees and he is beginning to shiver, but he doesn’t care, or does he notice. He is too focused on the man in front of him, who is becoming clearer with every stride he takes.

Finally, he gets close enough to the other, knowing that if he spoke, he would hear him and so he stops. His breathing is ragged and his body is heavy as he stands still in the pouring rain, trying to find the right words to say. He can think of nothing intelligent to say to him, so he says the only thing he can think of.

“Don’t leave.”

His voice is loud enough to be heard over the rain, but he wonders if the other heard him or, is he just ignoring him?

His dark eyes watch as the other slowly comes to a halt, but he makes no move to face him. He stands completely still, back turned to him as he hopes that the other will turn around and after a few more seconds, he does.

Kaoru can see Die’s clothes are clinging tightly to his wet body and his red and black bangs are plastered to his forehead. He can see the other shiver at the cold rain that is resting and pounding against his body and, if he looks close enough, he can see the streaks of tears upon Die’s cheeks.

“Don’t leave,” the redhead repeated, his voice wavering slightly as he spoke softly, but he made sure the other heard him. “That’s all you fucking have to say?!” he cried out, voice carrying clearly over the pouring rain. “Don’t fucking leave?!”

“Die-”

“For two fucking years, I haven’t left and for two fucking years, I’ve been hidden; we’ve been hidden. We’ve been hidden because you’re too afraid to admit that you love me. Or, maybe it is because you really don’t love me.”

The older male shook his head. “No, that’s not true.”

“Then why can’t you say it?!” Die screamed, his voice only slightly muffled by the rain, but the other still heard him loud and clear and he flinched. “Why can’t you tell me you love me? Are you ashamed of me?” he asked, his voice a few octaves lower than before as the tears pricked at his eyes.

“No, I’m not ashamed of you, Die,” Kaoru replied and took a step closer to the shivering redhead.

“Then why can’t you say it?” he repeated once more. “Why can’t you hold my hand in public, or walk close to me, or embrace me or let me embrace you? Why can’t you let our friends, let me, know you love me?”

Die’s voice was still loud enough to be heard over the pouring rain, but it was still a few octaves lower than before and in his eyes, Kaoru could see that they bore a pain that he had never seen before.

“I can’t keep waiting forever for you, Kaoru. Two years was long enough,” Die finished and slowly turned away from the dark-haired man. He was still for a moment before he took a few steps and with ever step he took, he felt his heart shatter.

“I love you.”

The words rang through the air, loud and clear as the rain just continued to pound against the city and when they reached Die’s ears, his body froze. It stood still once again for a few moments, before it turned around to face the older male for a second time.

“It’s true, I am afraid. I’m afraid of what the other would think and what random strangers might think,” Kaoru began to explain. “But, I’m mostly afraid of losing you. I’m afraid that I’d give you everything, and in the end, you would end up leaving me with nothing. So, I kept myself from doing those things and saying those words because I was afraid to get lost in you.”

The redhead stared at the other with his chocolate eyes, a little stunned by the others words. “That’s what you’ve been afraid of? Loving me so much that it hurts?”

Silently, Kaoru nodded his head and Die took a step closer, closing the gap between the two of them. Through the pounding rain, the young guitarist stared at the older male and reached out a large, callused hand, placing it upon Kaoru’s cold cheek.

Moving his head closer to the other, Die placed his tinted blue lips to the older male’s ear and whispered. “I know I can’t promise you forever, but I can promise you this. I’ll be with you for as long as I can. So, don’t be afraid. Lose yourself, Kaoru.”

And, Kaoru did.

|~*GanesaxD-DR*~|

DiexKaoru - I Write Sins, Not Tragedies - Chapter 13 [FINAL]

Thu, 10 May 2007 02:55:59 GMT

Title: I Write Sins, Not Tragedies [Chapter 13; FINAL CHAPTER]
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru; KaoruxOFC; DiexKyo
Rating: R/NC – 17 [Overall]
Genre: Angst/Romance
Disclaimer: Die and Kaoru live in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish. I sadly don't own any other member of Dir en grey either. *tear* I also don’t own the title of this story. Obviously, the title comes from a popular song, recorded and performed by the band Panic! At The Disco.
Summary: Fuck Friends [fuhk frends]:
n. - friends who get together and occasionally fuck.
1: Die and Kaoru; two guitarists of the band Dir en grey.
That’s all they were and that’s all they thought they would ever be. . .
Note[s]: The last and final chapter. I hope that you guys enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)

I’ve taken care of everything. It is officially off. Goodbye.

A message left on his answering machine; that was the last he had heard from Hana and that had been a few weeks ago. He had seen her a few days after she had stormed out of Die’s apartment when she came to his apartment to pick up her things, but she had barely spoken more than three words to him, if that.

He had listened to Die and had given her the space she needed, but he knew that he had to see her one last time He couldn’t leave it like it was. . .

.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.

“Hey Die, it’s me. I’ll be over a little later than I thought. I’ve got to make a quick stop. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Kaoru flipped the phone shut and shoved it roughly back into his jean pocket. His mocha eyes roamed over the bland apartment complex though the light tint of his sunglasses.

With much pleading and digging on his part, Kaoru had found out that, after she had packed up her things and left his place, she had moved into a small apartment complex twenty minutes from the studio.

So, here he was now, in front of the complex, getting up the nerve to get out of his car and go inside. Taking a deep breath, he exited his car and was surprised when he noticed a familiar car parked close to the building’s entrance. He squinted a little, wondering why he hadn’t noticed the car before, and realized that the black car was in fact Hana’s with its trunk wide open. Taking a few large strides towards the car, he realized that the trunk was filled with packing boxes and a confused look appeared on his face.

“What the hell?” he mumbled, staring down at the boxes in the trunk until a small bell rang and snapped him out of his trance. He looked up to see Hana standing in the doorway, glass door leaning open against her small frame as she held another packing box in her arms.

Hana was quick to notice Kaoru next to her car and her body froze for a split second, a feeling of sorrow filling her heart, but she kept her eyes hard on the man before her.

“Kaoru. What are you doing here?” she asked as she moved toward the trunk of her car.

Kaoru stood silent in shock for a few moments as he watched her try to place the box in the trunk, but quickly shook it off and spoke. “I came by to talk.”

“Talk about what?” Hana questioned her voice still unmoving as she looked to him, her small hands moving a few of the boxes to fit the one that was currently resting between her hip and the car’s bumper.

“Are you moving?” Kaoru questioned, not being able to keep himself from asking the obvious.

“Yeah,” she replied, fitting the box in the space she had made. “I’m moving into an apartment complex on the outskirts of the city,” Hana finished, closing the trunk and moving toward the driver’s side of the car.

“So, you were gonna up and leave without telling me?” Kaoru asked, a little hurt by the fact that she hadn’t bothered to inform him. “Why not tell me?”

Hana sighed, stopping next to the car door and she turned toward the guitarist. “I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me or anything, but it happened and that’s that. What happened between us just happened and I understand that, but I can’t stay here any more and to tell you the truth, I don’t want to. I want to move on with my life and leave the past behind.”

“So, you want to just forgot that I ever existed?” he questioned. “That what we had never happened? It was all just a big dream?”

“No, I don’t want to forgot you or us,” Hana replied, taking a step closer to him. Her dark eyes were soft now, and Kaoru could easily see the sadness within them. “I want to remember the good times between us, and not the ugly ones. The only way I feel that I can do that is by leaving us completely behind and starting over with my life.” The young woman paused for a moment, reaching out a small hand to place it upon Kaoru’s cheek. “I love you, Kaoru and I’ll always love you, but I need to let you go now before it’s too late. Before I never can,” she finished softly, closing the distance between them before leaning up and gently placing a soft kiss on Kaoru’s lips, pulling away only a moment later. A sad smile crossed Hana’s lips as she turned away, opening up the car door and entering before shutting the door behind her.

The leader watched through the glass window as she started up the car before rolling her window down. “Goodbye Niikura Kaoru,” she whispered softly, a stray tear falling from the corner of her eye.

“Goodbye,” he whispered back before she turned away and quickly wiped the tear from her eye. It took her a moment before she could put her foot on the gas petal and drive off, but when she did, she left Kaoru behind to watch as she exited his life for good.

.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.

“So, Kaoru coming over today?” the vocalist questioned, plopping himself down on the living room couch.

Die nodded before following the blonde’s suit and sitting himself down on the opposite end of the couch. “Yeah, later. He left me a message telling me that he had to stop somewhere quick.”

Kyo looked over to the guitarist. “You think he found her?”

“I’m positive he did,” the redhead answered, sighing softly as the vocalist dug into his coat pocket in search of his cigarettes. “He’s been ‘secretly’ trying to find out where she’s been for a week now.”

“Hmm,” the smaller male replied, fishing out a cigarette from his half-empty pack before shoving the pack back in his pocket and before he could even reach out his lighter, the redhead had his already flipped open, the little flame eagerly waiting to light something. “Thanks,” Kyo mumbled as he placed the cigarette in his mouth and leaned forward, hovering the cigarette over the little flame. Within a few seconds, the cigarette was lit and Die was moving to light the cigarette he had placed between his own lips.

Die nodded in returned and flipped the silver lighter shut before pulling the cigarette from his lips, small puffs of smoke escaping him. A small sigh passed throgh the older male’s lips as he let his head fall back against the couch and placed the cigarette back between his parted lips, his chocolate eyes fluttering closed.

“He isn’t going to leave you,” the vocalist mumbled, breaking the silence between the two men.

The guitarist opened his eyes and looked over to the vocalist. “I know that. It’s just that,” he let out a heavy sigh and turned away from the blonde, the cigarette dangling delicately between his lips. He pulled the cigarette from his lips and a gray puff of smoke surrounding him. “I feel like the ugly mistress who caused a happy couple to break up.” The redhead paused before adding; “They would have been happy.”

“Yeah,” Die looked toward the vocalist, whose cigarette was dangling between his index and middle fingers, “until a year later when they finally realized they were living a fucking lie.” The blonde placed the cigarette back between his cherry lips and took a long drag. “You saved them from a ton of shit,” he replied, looking toward the guitarist as gray smoke escaped his lips. “You saved Kaoru from making the worst decision of his life.”

Die stayed silent for a moment before speaking. “I thought you wanted him to get married?”

The vocalist looked away, cigarette once again between his fingers. “Everyone wanted him to settled down, get married and have a family, but they all wanted him to be happy too. They figured he was happy with Hana, but I guess they, and I, were all wrong.” Kyo paused and looked toward Die. “He was and is happy with you,” he finished, a small smile upon his lips as he parted them slightly and placed the cigarette back between them.

The guitarist hung his head slightly, black and red locks obscuring his face just slightly as he reached over, pushing his half-smoked cigarette into the ashtray. “He still loves her.”

“Yeah, and I still love you,” Kyo replied, leaning forward and tapping his extra ashes over Die’s unfinished cigarette. “It doesn’t mean that I’m going to keep running after you, nor does it mean that he’s going to go back to her.” Kyo looked over to Die. “He loves you a hell of a lot more than he loves her.”

Die lifted his head and pushed his bangs away from his face with a sigh. There was a silence that floated across the two men as the vocalist continued to smoke, finishing up his cancer stick, but it didn’t last for long.

“You know, I feel horrible.”

The smaller man raised an eyebrow as he pushed the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray. “What are you talking about?”

“About you.”

“What about me?” he questioned, leaning back into the couch as his dark eyes looked over to the redhead.

“About using you as a way to cope with Kaoru and not really acknowledging the fact that you loved me,” Die answered, sitting up slightly in the couch.

“You didn’t do it on purpose, Die,” the blonde replied. “You were drunk and just acted. I was sober and I had a choice to give you what you wanted. I could have stopped you at anytime and I even did a couple of times, but I gave up after a while,” he explained. “You didn’t use me ‘cause you didn’t realized you were ever using me when we fucked.”

“But afterwards,” the guitarist began, “I knew afterwards what happened and I knew I had used you, yet I didn’t stop.”

“You didn’t stop because you never stopped drinking and drinking was you’re way of coping. I just kind of, slide in there somehow,” Kyo explained, but Die wouldn’t have it. He didn’t want excuses for his behavior; he wanted to accept it for what it was and he wanted to accept the consequences.

“But-”

“Let’s say we both used each other to get what we wanted, alright?” the vocalist interrupted, dark eyes looking toward Die in a manner that told Die that was the end of the conversation and he listened.

There was another silence between the two men. Die waiting, wanting to make sure that Kyo wouldn’t get angry at his next words, for he knew that he had to say something and acknowledge the fact the other loved him. He had ignored him before and he didn’t want to anymore.

“When you told me you loved me, I was too into Kaoru to care and I didn’t acknowledge the fact,” the redhead spoke his voice cautious and soft. “I just wanted to say-”

“Die,” Kyo began, looking at him. “ When I told you, I hadn’t expected you to react and I don’t expect you to because I know what you’re going to say and I don’t want you to say it.”

Die looked slightly confused. “Why not?”

“Because you’ll just feel sorry that you can’t love me like that and all that shit,” the small man answered, pushing himself off of the couch. “I don’t want you to be sorry; there’s not point. Plus, I’m happy with the way life is now and I’m moving on with him.”

The redhead stood up, quickly following Kyo as he headed toward the door. “Him?” he questioned, eyebrow raised in questioned. “Anyone I know?”

The vocalist pulled his sunglasses from his pocket with a hearty laugh. “Didn’t I tell you I would never say?”

“You know I’ll find out eventually, so just tell me now and get it over with,” the redhead counter-attacked, a grin on his face as Kyo placed the glasses over his eyes.

The blonde smiled softly. “Well, you do know him, very well, and you see him almost everyday. And-”

“Toshiya?”

“You tend to tease him all the time,” Kyo finished, still smiling at the other.

“Shinya?!” Die exclaimed.

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” the vocalist replied sarcastically, chuckling softly.

Die shook his head in disbelief. “I. . .I just can’t believe that you and Shinya would ever be together. I just, wouldn’t have expected it.”

“Well, expect the unexpected,” Kyo replied, opening up the front door to be greeted by Kaoru on the other side. “Oh, hey, Kaoru. Nice to see you for this wonderful second before I take my leave.“ Kyo turned toward Die and smiled softly. “See ya, later.”

Die smiled back. “Yeah, see ya,” he replied before Kyo disappeared down the stairs, leaving behind the two guitarists.

Kaoru watched the vocalist walk down the stairs and when he was fully out of his sight, the leader turned toward Die. “What was he doing here?” he asked, moving into the apartment.

“Just visiting,” Die answered, shutting the door behind Kaoru. The older male silently removed his sunglasses from his eyes and tossed them gently on the table before shrugging of his jacket. “Did you get done what you needed to get done?”

Kaoru’s face fell slightly as he placed his jacket on the chair, keeping his body turned away from the younger male. “Yeah. . .I did,” he answered softly before making a move toward the living room, his feet taking him toward the apartment’s only living room window.

A small frown appeared on Die’s lips as he watched Kaoru walk solemnly to the window before stopping and just standing there in the middle of the room, his mocha eyes staring blankly at the window. Keeping himself silent, the younger guitarist made his way toward the other man before stopping behind the older male. Kaoru felt his presence, but didn’t speak as the taller male wrapped his arms around the older male’s waist and pulled him closer, Kaoru’s back pressed gently against the redhead’s smooth chest. Die made another small motion and rested his chin on the other’s shoulder, still keeping himself as silent as he possible could.

The two guitarists stood there in silence. Die’s breath was tickling Kaoru’s neck ever so softly as he breathed, but the older male didn’t make a motion to pull away from him. The hot breath and the strong arms that surrounded him gave him a little comfort from the sadness inside.

“She’s leaving.” The words were spoken softly, but they sliced through the heavy silence with ease and the redhead didn’t even have to ask whom; he knew whom. “She said she needed to move on.”

“Maybe leaving is the only way for her to cope,” Die replied softly, tilting his head slightly to the side to get a look at the older male.

“She could have told me. Why didn’t she tell me?” the older male asked confusion and hurt flowing through his voice and sending a small pain to Die’s heart.

“Even though it wasn’t the sweetest goodbye, she had told you goodbye weeks ago. She probably didn’t want to have to say another goodbye because she knew that this time, it would hurt worse than it had the first time,” the redhead whispered, burying his head into Kaoru’s neck and placing a few soft kisses upon the sweet skin.

Without warning, Kaoru moved his head away from the redhead’s lips and turned around in his arms. His mocha eyes looked deeply into the younger male’s chocolate eyes. “Promise me you’ll never say goodbye.”

Die smiled and leaned down. “Never,” he whispered before capturing Kaoru’s lips in a deep kiss, intent on keeping that promise for the rest of his life and even beyond.

Author’s Note[s]: IT’S OVER. :( . Well, even though I’m sad to see it end, I think that it was finally time for it to come to a close. This story has been a joy for me to write, even when I did have a busy ass schedule to go around and writer’s block. lol. Thank you all dealing with the huge gaps between chapters. I really appreciate it, along with the encouragement to keep on writing. TO MY READERS; YOU ALL ARE AMAZING. I love you guys. ♥

|~*GanesaxD-DR*~|

DiexKaoru - I Write Sins, Not Tragedies - Chapter 12

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 19:00:46 GMT

Title: I Write Sins, Not Tragedies [Chapter 12]
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru; KaoruxOFC; DiexKyo
Rating: R/NC – 17 [Overall]
Genre: Angst/Romance
Disclaimer: Die and Kaoru live in my closet...I pwnz them. They do everything I tell them to. *laugh* Yeah...right! I don't own...I just wish. I sadly don't own any other member of Dir en grey either. *tear* I also don’t own the title of this story. Obviously, the title comes from a popular song, recorded and performed by the band Panic! At The Disco.
Summary: Fuck Friends [fuhk frends]:
n. - friends who get together and occasionally fuck.
1: Die and Kaoru; two guitarists of the band Dir en grey.
That’s all they were and that’s all they thought they would ever be. . .
Note[s]: I guess I got this chapter up faster than I thought. XD! I figured by Friday, but since I'm home all day, I figured I'd get it done and up for you guys. So, here it is! Enjoy! ^^

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Shoving his face deep into the soft pillow, the redhead let a muffled groan escape his lips.

‘Another fucking visitor?’ he thought – not that he minded the first one.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

He moved his head out of the pillow and opened one eye to look at the digital clock on the bedside table. The red flashing numbers read 3:57am.

“What the fuck,” he mumbled to himself as the person knocked on his door again, the knocking louder than it had been before. Turing around slightly, he looked over to Kaoru, who was stirring in his sleep from the ruckus the person was making upon the apartment door. Thinking it best not to let the person wake the sleeping man, he pushed the covers off of his body and pushed himself out of the bed. Die blindly searched for something to wear and when he found a pair of boxers lying on the floor, he grabbed them and quickly slid them on before heading for the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming, I’m coming,” he mumbled out, making his way carefully down the dark hallway and into the living room, flicking on the living room lamp before reaching the door. “Geez,” he began as he turned the golden knob. “Who the fuck comes-” Die’s words stopped immediately when he saw who the other person was.

“Hana,” he breathed out, a panic beginning to rise in his chest.

“I’m sorry to bother you this early Die, but I couldn’t get a hold of you,” Hana began, her voice rushed and in a state of panic as she stepped into his apartment, Die automatically moving aside for her. “I tried everyone else, but they said they haven’t seen him since the tux fitting and I’m really worried. He hasn’t called and I can’t get a hold of him because either is cellphone is turned off or he isn’t answering it for some reason,” she explained, turning toward him as Die shut the apartment door and turned to face her. “So, I’m hoping that you’ve seen. . .” she stopped in mid-sentence, her eyes locked on the redhead’s lower half and Die quickly became confused and uncomfortable by the stare she was giving him.

“Um. . .”

“Aren’t those. . .Kaoru’s boxers?” the young woman questioned softly, looking from the undergarments up to Die.

Die looked down and sure enough, he was wearing Kaoru’s boxers. In his scramble to get the door, he hadn’t realized that the pair he had grabbed weren’t his.

‘SHIT.’

“Um, no, they’re mine,” he replied, looking back up to her with a nervous smile. “Why would I be wearing Kaoru’s boxers?”

“I don’t know, but those boxers look exactly,” she took a step closer to him, “like the boxers,” a few more steps, “Kaoru put on this morning.”

Die’s eyes darted across the room as he back away from the advancing woman. “Um. . .”

Hana stopped a few feet away from Die, causing him to stop abruptly. He looked at her and could see the suspicion that she had and the questions that she wanted answers to. “Is he here?” she asked, her voice low and slightly shaky.

The redhead opened his mouth and was about ready to answer, but he was beaten.

“Die, what the hell are you doing up at this hour?” The two in the living room looked toward the hallway to see Kaoru with a blanket tightly wrapped around his waist and rubbing his sleepy eyes with a tattooed hand. “Why aren’t you in bed-”

It was then when Kaoru realized that Die wasn’t alone.

“Hana,” Kaoru breathed out, mocha eyes staring at the young women in shock.

Die looked from Kaoru to Hana. He couldn’t see her face, but he knew that her eyes were blank and her expression was emotionless. Yet, he knew on the inside that there was turmoil and confusion running through her veins and striking at her heart.

Silently, she walked forward, moving herself closer to the older male. Neither of them spoke, Kaoru standing his ground as she moved closer until she stopped a few feet away from him.

The sound of flesh smacking against flesh was heard for a second time that night and Die watched as the cheek that he had abused before was turning red once more. Though, this time, Kaoru didn’t flinch for he knew that it was coming – they all knew.

“Why?” Hana breathed out, voice and body shaking with confusion and hurt as she looked up to him, tears stinging the corner of her dark eyes. “Why?”

It seemed easy enough to answer, but it wasn’t. Kaoru didn’t know to make her understand why. Was there even anyway to make her understand?

Kaoru swallowed the lump in his throat and looked toward the silent redhead before looking back to Hana. “Because. . .I love him.”

The tears slowly began to roll down Hana’s face, staining her cheeks. “What about me?” she whispered. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you,” he replied, taking a step toward her, “but I realized he’s the one that I’m suppose to spend the rest of my life with. The one I want want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Then why are you with me? Was I just a joke to you? A toy to play with because you were bored?” she questioned harshly, her blurry eyes looking at him.

“If you were a toy, do you think he would have known about you?” he asked, motioning toward Die. “This is the only time we’ve done anything since you and I have been together and that’s not a lie. I’ve been faithful to you the entire time, Hana, I swear.”

“Then how do you know you love him if this is your first time? You can’t just love somebody after doing it just once,” Hana countered, still not wanting to face the fact that Kaoru loved somebody else.

“We’ve known each other for years, Hana,” Kaoru answered. “We’ve shared things, done things and been through things that you and I could never share.” He paused, swallowed another lump in this throat and looked toward the redhead, who was still silent. “Plus, this isn’t our first time. . .”

Hana looked at Kaoru, then to Die, confusion in her eyes. “You just said-”

“We were together before he began dating you,” Die spoke, breaking his silence and causing the two to look toward him. “Well, not ‘together together’, but we got together a lot and kind of. . .you know. . .” Die let the sentence hang in the air, too flustered to finish it.

Hana looked from Die and back to Kaoru. “Don’t tell me you two were-”

“Fuck buddies? Yeah,” Kaoru finished with a nervous chuckle. “For about a year or so before I met you, but after I met you, I stopped seeing him.” Kaoru paused, a small sigh escaping his lips as he ran a hand through his hair. “But, I guess, I never stopped my feelings for him.”

“Why did you ask me to marry you if you love him? Why lead me on like this?” Hana asked, still hurt and confused by what she was being told.

“Because I believed that there was nothing between us other than the fact that we slept together,” Kaoru replied, moving around Hana and toward the couch where he sat himself down. “We’re both men and we’re both suppose to end up with women, not with each other. So, I was leading the ‘normal’ life and didn’t have any problems with it till I realized how much I was hurting him and how much it hurt me to see it.” Kaoru sighed and looked up to Hana. “Don’t ever think I wanted to hurt you. I never meant to do this to you. I had plans to marry you and have a life with you, even a family, but I guess my plans didn’t go as planned.”

“Your plans. . .didn’t go as planned?” Hana repeated, her voice shaking with anger and pain as her eyes filled with fresh tears. “That’s for fucking sure.”

“Hana-”

“I had fucking plans too, Kaoru,” she spoke, the new tears falling down her face. “I had plans to have over a hundred guests come here in three months and watch me get married to the man of my dreams. I had plans of walking down the aisle in a beautiful wedding dress, having a beautiful wedding reception where everyone would dance and be happy.” A slight pause. “I had plans of marrying you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke through clenched teeth with the tears continuing to roll down her cheeks, staining them with pain and sorrow. “Talk about plans, huh? They weren’t fucking plans; they were just a big fucking dream,” she finished, turning away from him and heading toward the door, pushing passed the redhead as she did.

“Hana, please, don’t think I meant to hurt you like this,” Kaoru pleaded with her as he stood up, holding the blanket around himself.

“Well,” she looked toward him as she twisted the doorknob and opened the door, “you still did a fucking fantastic job at it.”

“Please, Hana-” the bandleader’s words were cut off by the slamming of the apartment door, making both him and the redhead flinch at the loud noise that struck at their hearts.

“Shit!” Kaoru cursed, running a hand roughly through his dark locks as he looked around the place. “This wasn’t suppose to happen. She wasn’t suppose to find out like this.” He stopped and looked toward the silent redhead, who had been watching the two during the entire encounter. “I’ve got to stop her and make her understand,” he told Die before heading toward the bedroom to get dressed.

“Make her understand what, Kaoru?” Die asked, following the older male to the bedroom. "There’s nothing for her to understand."

“She needs to know that I didn’t want to hurt her,” Kaoru replied, bending down and grabbing the boxers on the floor, not caring that they were Die’s.

“Kaoru,” the younger male called out, his voice soft as he reached out and placed a callused hand gently upon Kaoru’s tattooed arm. The other stopped and looked toward Die, mocha eyes meeting chocolate ones. “I know that right now, it doesn’t seem like she knows that, but she does. She knows that you didn’t want to hurt her and that if the world were perfect, you wouldn’t have. It is just that, right now, she is too hurt and heartbroken to understand that.” Die paused and gave Kaoru a small smile as he moved his hand from Kaoru’s arm to the healing cheek and gently ran his palm across it. “Just give her time. She’ll realize it soon enough.”

Kaoru didn’t react for a few moments, but when he did, he gave a little smile and nodded his head in understanding. “All right,” was his reply and for some reason, he knew everything would be.

Author's Note[s]:
Once again, THIS ISN'T THE LAST CHAPTER. I believe, if I'm calculating correctly, the next chapter will be the last chapter. So, only one more chapter to go on this fic and then it is finally complete. It will be sad to see it go, but I'm pretty sure that the fic as turned out pretty damn good. *nodnod* But, let's not say goodbye now; we'll save that for the next chapter. ^^

|~*GanesaxD-DR*~|