Rachel

holler.

2008-09-09T04:51:20Z

I'm going to start writing in this thing again, even if nobody reads it. If some people do, that's rad. That makes me feel like my thoughts are worth something.

This weekend was power to the peaceful. I had an amazing time despite tripping the fuck out on a brownie that lydia and I split. Michael Franti was rad. Seeing random people was awkward, due to my state of mind haha. To everyone who saw me that day, sorry, I'm not normally that retarded, promise.

Change of subject- college. I have to apply soon, like a month. I'm not really nervous because I don't see how I couldn't get into SSU, but I feel like I should be applying to more schools- even if I can't afford them. It's a bummer to have to settle for what's sensible. I've never really been one to do that. I always seem to want everything, even if it's out of my grasp.

Currently I am single. For the first time in a long while. It feels weird. Like everything I thought I knew before with Blake, I'm having to learn again on my own. But I think it's good for us to take a break from eachother. I could honestly see us getting back together in like a year and possibly getting married. But nobody understands my logic except for me and Blake haha.

Tennis also just started. We've had try-outs for like a month and finally Ms. Merry decided on a ladder for the games. First game is this Thursday vs. Montgomery, I'm kinda stoked? I think lol.

Gah this entry is way too long. Whatevs. l8r.

fuckingspecial_ @ 2008-05-19T20:40:00

2008-05-20T03:42:47Z

3 days until I get my SAT results back.
3 days until my AP Eng.Comp. presentation.
10 days until I get my paycheck.
11 days until I'm out of school.
12 days until I'm in Maui.
23 days until I can legally drive people around.
38 days until the one year anniversary of me and Blake :)

Life is good.

LOL.

2008-04-15T22:00:21Z

ranting

2008-03-31T04:33:58Z

i'm feeling really anxious lately. i'm so done with high school. it's boring. i just want to get started already. i want to be in college persuing careers and working towards building a foundation for my adult LIFE. i want to live in a cute little apartment and go to school and work at trader joe's and just be independent! i'm so sick of high school bullshit and pointless busy work in all my classes (fucking ms.swehla's is the death of me, i swear to god). it's just so frustrating being stuck. time can't go by fast enough. i'm so excited that this year is almost over. then senior year....just typing all this out makes me feel a little relieved already.

on a complete other note: i'm really nervous for DCON. everyone like fran, caroline, trinh, and kimberely are already really good friends with eachother. they're kind of like a clique that i'm afraid won't really accept me. so i'll just be a big loner on the dcon trip. i really hope not though. i really suck at thinking positively. i guess i'm in a worrying mood. i dont know. i should just stop typing right now. haha. thank god rock of love is on, love that show, as trashy as it may be.

honestly,

2008-02-29T14:47:27Z

I'm trying so hard. And you still think I suck.
making friends is so fucking difficult. it'd be easier if everyone didn't judge the hell out of me.

jenga of the mind

2008-01-12T07:38:26Z

Driving to school this morning, my ipod is on shuffle, a certain song comes on and triggers old memories, instantly brought down, the 'what if's' couldn't escape my mind all day. the entire day. i feel like i've thrown so many people away. i can count my loves on one full hand. that's excessive. i get attatched, rejected, and then i detatch myself completely. things are so good right now it scares me. i'm waiting for someone to pull that bottom jenga stick that will make my entire tower of flourishing life collapse. pfft, what a slippery slope fallacie.

JUNO

2007-12-22T07:49:38Z

is a fucking good movie.

we're in love, even if he doesn't know it yet.

Hah, people

2007-11-23T06:08:46Z

Please stop trying to "improve" yourself with material things
No, that $400 purse won't make people like you more
No, getting a manicure won't make you more friends
No, dying your hair won't make you more out-going
Be thankful for who you are- what you are- and what shaped you
Embrace who you are for chris-sake, because honestly, you're kind of stuck with yourself for a while.
I'm not pointing any fingers, I'm just trying to raise a white flag for all too see.

life is good man.

2007-09-06T00:09:28Z

juice shack fired me (OVER IT), Joe was such a douche bag manager. sorry i couldn't work at juice shack more than i went to school, dick head. but as i said, OVER IT i'm gonna work at starbucks :)
blake now lives 3+ hours away, which-yes, is shitty but we got this. we're strong people.
school is stressful, AP English is stressful. but i got an A on my history test yesterday so i'm pretty pumped off that :)
now i'm gonna go to trader joe's with my mommy and buy awesome food ! life rules, get a helmet! lol.

long distance relationships.

2007-08-23T04:48:47Z

work for some and don't for others. we're really fucking in love- so i have my optimism to get me by (lol) ugh, man. i dont know how all of this is going to work out. im fucking scared out of my mind.

damn dude

2007-08-03T07:05:00Z

shit is going hella good right now. blake and i are finally dating after like a month of shit just being like undeclared lol. my job is sick. summer ending is going to fuck everything up.
im bracing myself.

damnit.

2007-07-01T18:47:29Z

if he wasn't leaving for college in 2 months, i'd be way more stoked off him.
it's all good though, i'm gonna take shit lightly and enjoy my summer.

summer is here

2007-06-06T05:53:46Z

and i'm not as instantaneously happy as i thought i would be.

i cant help it

2007-06-04T05:47:26Z

the biggest thing i miss about being in a relationship,
is cuddling.

haha i lose.

fuckingspecial_ @ 2007-05-01T21:46:00

2007-05-02T04:52:40Z

Things that bother me:

neck cramps
muggy weather
tanya braunstein (my photography teacher from the pits of hell and doom)
having stupid/ugly/large feet that don't look cute in high heels
prom
when people say they're going to call you back and then completely blow you off
read the previous one again because it needs to be emphasized
lauren ford being grounded
my un-tan feet
not being able to find a ford escape with less than 100,000 miles on it
my bangs
freckles
smelly socks
when mark throws away the perfectly good peanut butter

this week just isn't a good one.

Things i'm stoked off of:

getting my license
school ending

thank fucking jesus.

2007-04-15T00:19:59Z

sophmore year is almost over. hopefully jr&senior year will go by just as fast. high school has been the stupidest years of my life.

shit.

2007-04-08T21:21:49Z

i hate dating. it's too fucking difficult.
i liked last night though. being myself was so easy.
however, i have a feeling i'm just setting myself up to be let down. all assumptions aside, only time will tell.

p.s. it's been forever since i posted a picture via LJ. so, yeah. here you go.

it should be easy to forget someone,

2007-04-03T05:36:26Z

when you haven't seen them since last august. this summer is going to be the same as all the other previous months, no contact. except the difference is instead of there being 5,000 miles between us, there's only 15.

fuckingspecial_ @ 2007-03-30T23:19:00

2007-03-31T06:21:16Z

Drink up baby
Stay up all night
With the things you could do
You won't but you might
The potential you'll be
But you'll never see
The promises you'll only make
Drink up with me now
And forget all about
The pressure of days
Do what I say
And I'll make you okay
Drive them away
The images stuck in your head
People you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still
Drink up baby
Look at the stars
I'll kiss you again
Between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there
With your hands in the air
Waiting to finally be caught
Drink up one more time
And I'll make you mine
Keep you apart
Deep in my heart
Separate from the rest
Where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot
The people you've been before
That you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still.

16 doesn't feel any different.

2007-03-26T02:52:41Z

my birthday wasn't as good as anticipated.

LOL

2007-03-18T22:18:51Z

i guess im having a fling. a spring fling. high school is so funny, haha.
but i'm loving it.

fuckingspecial_ @ 2007-03-15T18:23:00

2007-03-16T01:23:56Z

If I could open my arms
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I'd bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson
If I could open my mouth
Wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.

I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you
And it is true what you said
That I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown.

hey,

2007-03-05T03:21:03Z

I love you like a rap kid loves breaks.

update:

2007-02-26T06:07:36Z

i saw music and lyrics. cutest movie ever. kinda made me an optimist; kinda.

the only hobby i have

2007-02-24T01:54:36Z

is now almost impossible. with every gliding step i take a sharp needle like pain shoots through out my knees. i have a brace, it doesn't help. running is the only thing i have. the only thing im almost good at. it can't be taken away from me like this. if my knees don't stop spazzing i dont know what i'll do. im distraught as fuck.