[07 Oct 2008|07:36pm] riotpirate my new neighbor, Walt, whom I only kind-of knew before he moved here, plays a number of instruments and when he's home I never have to turn music on. it rules! he's so good. damn. and we practice Portuguese togetha. post comment

[06 Oct 2008|03:27am] _perfectxsonnet why take an active or passive stance on anything so meaningless. post comment

[06 Oct 2008|02:33am] _perfectxsonnet i feel the weight of the things ive done. ive held love as an object and sent it hurrling down a few flights of stairs. ive felt your heat beat as we made love. i held you in my gaze and thought about love. we were to children to young to say these words. but we did anyway. and i cant see my insides or i would see my blackend lungs and my heart scarred over more then once. i remeber when i woke you. when i told you. such words that i can only swallow now. i feel such a constant state of change. its hard to acknowlege the mistakes you have made for they have set you from one path to another. and its hard to get back to where you were. and you can never say where you are going. have a clear image of the future or it could turn out to be anything. hold on to the ones you love. hold on to memmories. they make you who you are. i cant take back all the subtle diffrences. my body is aging. i wish i had this mantality back then but it will all be returned someday. my innocence is lost. and i have been trying so fucking hard to find it. i left it to many years ago now in the house i no longer live in. so i asked the residence if i could take a peak. but they just kept on staring at me. i thought about every kiss. not just with you. i thought about how i love. but whom do i love. it all gets lost in a mess of details. i thought more about my conciouss state of being. then about how i could not spell. but it was ok. for a scripted verse ends soft. soft. such a word. that would describe you. i miss you. i miss the feelings we shared. t they were more then pure. they filled me up with energy. that energy was desrtoyed but used to manifest something else. now its spread out to thin to ever truly get back. and ever since that day, i have been trying to catch up. but each corner i turn i get a little more lost. my eyes have given up sight. i cant depend on my senses they only keep me in this world. i prayed to god everytime i thought i was going to die i asked to stay here for a little longer. he kept his promise but i never did. i kept round and round waiting to be found. but when i looked in the mirror those were not my eyes. when i looked in the mirror all i saw was some skin. what defines skin. what defines anything. mere words? i dont know. what i do know is that i know nothing of the universe. i know nothing. i forget all intellect because it is subject to define me. i had no use for words but i used them. i hate that lonesome feeling. i follows me where ever i go. and i dont want just a lover. but it is you. but i dont know you. and we had long both past are peak. the climax was to early it already happend. its just a downword spiral. to that of my death bed. but even death didnt scare me. cause i was eternal in every sense. my soul is what keeps me safe. god is what keeps me safe. i grew up in a church of eyes that said what i should and shouldnt do. they did not understand god for they thought in such matieriel terms. i once wished that i could draw for disney. i once wished that i could be a doctor. i once wished that i could see space. i can do all these things but i dont really want to anymore. my anbition changed before i had time to make anything of it. i love my best friend. i have been wandering around this town for some reason wisheing i didnt have to grow up. every does. i have many lifetimes over. but i cant help but feel connected to this this life. which i want. which i dont want im to indiffrent to say the least. chris died and he would of turned 19 yesterday. i thought about how we would talk about getting really fucked up once we left. he did and he payed his life for it. we both had bad hearts. i remeber when we went to the doctor and i used the phone to call back home. i lost my level for it. we grew up to fast. the world is growing up to fast. we need time to think and to breath. to be present. but we are always to busy planning the future or trying to recreate the past. and its just that. a word that defined all my insides. i cant see them but i can see you your much better then you used to be. but still you cant fill up that empytiness but nither can i but what i am trying to say is that we once felt full of life love. we bordered on lust but found it only to fleeting. i love for the sake of love. though that love is not always returned i will keep giving till my eye lids close. i wont be conscoiuss of this life. but i probly will. but i will seem that of just a blink. and a daydream thought, i miss you dear. post comment

yesterdays news [06 Oct 2008|12:58am] lepustwo The unfavorable quality of route 27 out of south Boston contributed greatly to the decline in performance of the European sports car that Lepus failed to identify, rattling over pot holes big enough to sleep inside of for the greater half of a two hour trip into the western hills of the state. It had been so long since Lepus had seen these roads, adhering to Harrison's plan seemed to dissipate from his mind, not long after a three hour pit stop at a twenty four hour diner that stood, squashed in the back of a massive parking lot full of big rigs. Street lamps hovered inside floating clouds of mosquito’s, the scent of bacon grease and work boots. It was interesting to Lepus that the dumpy little café was completely packed full of people, who seemed totally unaffected by any of the events that had taken place earlier on the Boston Harbor. Lepus looked through the main window of the diner, watching the young freckled waitress rush back and forth, frantically scribbling down extras and desserts on a curled yellow wad of paper, her round honey eyes dancing frightfully around bearded truckers and cigarette smoking cat women, with reproachful bags under their eyes and streaks of silver in their balled up, bristly hair. Lepus considered enough to park the flaming red sports car far enough away from the diner not to be seen. The utmost digression should be exercised right now…anyone could be after me, everyone is after me, and I havent found Harrison yet. Im in deep. The last thing I need now is some hulking truck driver, riding a meth high for the last four days, unexpectedly catching a glimpse of some flakey looking city kid riding around in a million dollar sports car, and suddenly his wild blood lust strikes, and he tries to corner you in the mens room with a rubber mask on, holding a huge oil stained handful of crushed Rufies, while his inbred cousins drag your red chariot helplessly to some Mexican chop shop where my only mode of transportation becomes an eight ball and a twelve pack of Corona! No. Lepus shook his head, knowingly. After enjoying a plentiful plate of home fries and bacon. Lepus had continued on his drive through Worchester with a vague idea that he was forgetting something. Had I imagined the whole thing? Was anyone really chasing me? Or am I just running around in circles, unable to remember anything from one fleeting moment to the next? …After this casual reverie, Lepus opened the door and stepped out of the car and onto the cracked, pavement of the driveway to Harrison’s safe house. A yellow Victorian with its shutters tied shut, windows broken, yet closed. The sun was hovering in a blinding veil that Lepus actually felt compelled to run through, to enter the shade offered by the orange Maple tree in the front yard. Lepus entered the house, swinging the door shut behind himself and sliding his shades up onto his tossed black hair, looking left and right and somehow expecting more. “…Harrison?” Lepus froze in mid step when he abruptly noticed Harrison and Libra, sitting at the kitchen table together down a long hallway. Lepus swallowed, the old hardwood floorboards creaked helplessly with each step. Libra and Harrison where gazing up at him so innocently, seeming to expect Lepus to say something. “ Hello…you two….where is everyone?” “Lepus, do you even remember what going on?” Lepus appeared relieved that Harrison had spoke, “ No, actually! I was kind of wondering whats happening.” Libra stared at him blankly, her mouth agape. “ Lepus, we are going to take the Natals to another Dimension, A task so difficult that we have to change the rules a little bit and make this more than just OUR decision, the first part of my plan is…actually, going quite as planned, you are playing the part of the deranged super villain that unifies the Natals efforts, you have incapacitated Aquarius, Libra and even Veronica for the time being, but we need to keep moving because I think the Humans have secret plans of their own.” Lepus looked stoned, gazing at the kitchen table with a deposed expression on his face. “Oh…yeah.” “ I thought I was supposed to be the psycho killer.” Added Libra with sarcasm. Harrison shook his head at this. “ That was a different play…of Aquarius’s design. She had us chasing our tails and fighting ourselves before we even suspected her involvement. Aquarius’s ability is her sheer calculation, the only way to defeat an enemy such as this is to ‘color outside the lines’ a little bit and see how she handles genuine chaos.” Harrison gestured to Lepus. “ She underestimated my ability to control the situation.” “ I think we all did.” Added Libra unhappily. “ what did you do Lepus?” Harrison waved his paw, and closed his eyes, seeming to negate Lepus having to admit that he did not remember. “ Lepus sank the ship, shot Aquarius in the face with an automatic shotgun, (Libra clapped her hand over her mouth) threw Veronica into a skyscraper, and killed about eleven police officers, I think a few where actually decapitated, he killed some random civilian and stole his car, and, I believe a few women in the bank where paralyzed and in critical condition because of being hit by Veronica, as well as some huge chunk of the dock that they happened to be standing on.” “ Yikes.” admitted Lepus, heading towards the refrigerator. “ As you can see,” continued Harrison, watching him slowly. “ The gravity of the situation has increased, Im going to use you as bait to lure away all the people who want to kill me, and I am certain that they will chase you because they will either believe that I am with you, or that you are operating under my directions.” “ You arnt coming?” asked Lepus sadly “ No, and I am not going to tell you where to go either.” “ How come?” “ So that everyone chasing you wont know what your doing, because they cant. I do, however, have a specific request, When Veronica makes contact with you again, and I am certain that she will, you have to kill the two guy in the basement in front of her, we’ll take their brain matter to the next dimension with us.” Libra dropped the magazine and jumped to her wobbly legs, looking between them frantically. “ Your going to kill Nick!?” she asked horrified. Harrison seem to automatically lose his temper at her very reaction. “ You know Libra, as I recall, When first we met you where turning a nightclub into a deranged orgy of murder, and Nick Novelty’s head was split in half by a flaming axe. YOU did that, YOU. So you will let yourself be kidnapped by Lepus because you have already adhered to the plan that I have set in motion.” Libra closed her mouth tightly and moved backwards to the sofa where she sat defeated, seemingly by internal voices that conceded to Harrison. Lepus looked between them for a moment, in a half dejavu moment that came and went silently by them like a blind cat. People are all so very different, thought Lepus to himself within this transient moment. Nick Novelty then let himself into the room through a door that nobody had expected was there. It was a loud, abrasive door that kind of burst outward on oily hinges. Nick looked first at Lepus and seemed to draw no recognition what so ever. The he looked at Libra, still seated on the couch wearing a gaunt expression and seemingly nonplussed by Nicks sudden entrance. ( He did not notice Harrison, who remained motionless but apparently shocked.) Nicks eyes settled on Libra comfortably, he knew that he was staring yet it did not deter his resolve. Nick had grown enough to know that there is no time in this world to waste on subconscious pretext, honesty is indeed the best policy. Nick, coming out of his momentary trance, lifted his index finger at Libra and said. “ You are my ex girlfriend.” Libra’s face at first looked bewildered, not unlike a babies, then her eyes focused in concentration and her expression curled with detest and hatred. “Excuse me? Hello? People don’t say hello anymore?” Nick grasped for an apology but by the time he got one out it sounded rehearsed, how could anyone ever believe that old ancient gem “im sorry” has it been milked of all it’s natural meaning, just saying it connotes a feeling of helplessness. Libra and Nick seemed to return their own explanations of their past relationship to each other in their own words. With such a discussion it was only a matter of awkward time before Veronicas name came up, as Nicks more recent ex girlfriend. Lepus considered this while running his fingers over his smooth chin. Veronica and Nick had been a relationship that he had been close enough to notice. However, It is difficult to understand how some things can be so ruthlessly typical, fates bluff. Veronica is far too self absorbed to take any real interest in a boyfriend, A fact Libra was well aware of during their ill fated relationship that flourished the instant she had left the Ferdinand Dorm house. Libra resented Veronicas blasé reaction to men that she had once so dearly coveted, now cast aside after all sexual satisfactions have been made public. Libra hated even more that she must have lacked the attraction to keep him from Veronica in the first place. They where carrying on now, they moved out onto the front porch and lit cigarettes as they bickered unhappily. Lepus hated to watch, yet seemed trapped by it. He could physically feel the anger in Libras vibrating voice, twisting like hands upon his ears. His regret for her anger was like abysmal sorrow that fell through his heart into the dark. Lepus collapsed onto a nearby recliner and held his face with both hands, breathing through his fingers. Soon we shall leave, but first, it is important to know exactly where I am going. The October wind took brown leaves through black cemetery gates just up the street. post comment

i almost forgot about lj [06 Oct 2008|12:17am] _perfectxsonnet well to much stuff has happend to list i moved back to naples a few months ago. i have been living in the estates and its really nice here. money has been really tight but it not much of a worry. i have been playing and writing music. i have been on a spiritual search for quite some time and thats where i stay. i am going on tour soon but not soon enough. me and jeb are watching a baseball game. its funny how things are a constant in that of change. i dont mind it. never hold on to tight to anything. for it will slip away but love it with all you got. post comment

[02 Oct 2008|01:44pm] comeonwithefear So today I get a call from this financial aid woman and she said she was reviewing my scholarship application (which I sent in last year for this academic year and already got a scholarship for). She said there was a scholarship that she was trying to get me for entrepreneurship and she was wanting to know if she could take off the part of my scholarship essay where I said I wanted to teach English. UH DUHHHH You can take off and put whatever you want if I'm gonna get $$$$$ Then one of my classes my prof didn't show up so so far today has been awesome. post comment

I really need a new bike [30 Sep 2008|08:52pm] riotpirate I was just racing peter on my shitty beachcruiser and the chain pulled the rear sprocket out from the base of the frame. I can fix it, but what the fuck! that should not happen from just riding hard. Also, now I have two toe nails fewer than I did just an hour ago. and a few bruises in places that you don't even want to hear about. post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]