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woooo!!! [12 May 2007|04:30pm]
I am sooo happy right now!! I hadn't got a letter or anything in a whole week...and I got a call from Curtis! I prayed everynight that he would pass his PT test, and he called and said he passed his PT test!! It makes me so happy because that means hes definitely graduating. I am sooo proud of him!! I told him this means that we are officially getting married and everything! He is so happy, and its so good to hear him happy on the phone for once. We got to talk for a whole 10 minutes because he passed his test! I am so excited and happy! I am gunna get letters monday from him! Boo, I hate sundays...no mail. I just am so proud of him, and happy that we get to see him and we get to get married! if he hadn't passed his PT test, I wouldn't get to see him on family day and wouldn't get to see him for another 6 weeks. That would've been hell because it was soo hard going through all this without talking to him, and being so far away from him. But now I leave in 9 days to be with him, and marry him and just have the best day of my life! It is gunna be so fun, and great:) I am just so proud of him, and I am so happy now it is official that he is graduating and we are getting married, and i definitely will be seeing him on family day! I love him with all  my heart, and I can't wait to be with him! I haven't seen him since march 6th. That is a long time ago :(. But now we will be together again, and I will be his wife.The bus ride is over 24 hours, and it has 9 hours worth of layover...yes i am that dedicated and I love him that much!  I am so happy, and proud! I can't wait to see him, hes gunna look so different. My army man is the best person ever!!I love him and I am so proud of him:) I get to leave to see him in 9 days!!! I am so happy:) I am so gunna be married in 12 days!
cry out

hey bitches:) [06 May 2007|03:06pm]
Ok so, I dont think I even told you but I got my tongue and my eyebrow repierced last week. Pretty sweet:) But the good news is, that I applied for our marriage license, and I have the confirmation number so all we have to do is know that number and we can pick it up and pay for it at the desk! Thats really sweet. So I am soo excited! There's only 18 days until I see him! I am so happy, but at the same time I am so stressed cuz there is so much I have to buy and I dont even have enough money, so I hope my mom will help me and all of that. Curtis' mom said she would help me with the bus ticket if i needed it so that was really nice. But It's the wedding dress and the ring that I'm all stressed out about, I hope I can do it all. If worse comes to worse, I could just wear a random color dress but I don't want to. I want to be awesome, and be traditional even if it is a courthouse. I love curtis with all my heart, he's gunna send me more money too. I can't wait to be with him!! Anyways, I have that news for y'all. haha I love how I talk half boston and half southern...its funny. So just wanted to write that out. I'll be back later...<3
2 screams ;; cry out

so... [30 Apr 2007|02:55pm]
hey so...I had a job interview today, and it blew..they only have a banking job available. I am so sick of going to interviews, im done seriously. I have no more time to get a job because I have to take a week off to go to Curtis' Graduation...and I dont think a job would let me do that after 2 weeks of working LOL! But, Curtis keeps sending me money, so I will be alright with the wedding stuff. Oh yeah, I donno if I said he was my fiance, he asked me to marry him under the stars it was so romantic. I know he loves me! 
I can't wait for him to be my husband...I know I'm young but I have ALWAYS wanted to find true love and marry very young! I am so happy that I found him. He really is my blessing:). I only need 400 more dollars to have enough money for everything, and thats not including like extra money to spend for food, etc... But anyways...I know Curtis will help me out since he always does, and he told me hes gunna put my name in his bank...so I can take out money whenever. But luckily for him, I'm not the kind of girl who takes advantage of people and takes their money...but i know everyother girl would just take advantage and take his money. He is the most kind heartedt person I've ever met. I know I'm stressing like crazy right now and I really shouldn't be because I know Curtis will help me out. I know its normal to be stressed out before your wedding...and it is all money issues thats im stressed about too! I think thats normal, but I'm going crazy because I have to do it within a 3 week time phrame!! ahhh! haha...I know no one reads my journal anymore cuz i stopped for so long! haha but oh well:). Anyways I'm gunna watch tyra now...byee!
cry out

I love him:) [26 Apr 2007|12:52pm]
I finally got letters from curtis today! It made me so happy..He gave me two cards, and a heart neckalce. His letters was 11 pages long too:) It made me so happy. He also sent me 200 dollars, so yay I can afford my wedding dress!!! Hes still gunna send me more money though! He is the sweetest person ever.  I can't wait to marry him. He told me that all the drill sergeants said that He's more in love than anyone there! I cant wait to talk to dihm and hes gunna tell me what curtis said about me hehe. only 27 dayssss...Thank god:) I hope he passes all his PT tests so he can graduate on time. This has definitely made our love so much stronger, and he told me that so many guy's wives have left them and cheated already. Wow...what kind of bitches did these guys marry holy shit! LOL
I would  never cheat on Curtis...I am so faithful! aint ever gunna be like my mom...thats for sure. I really love getting his letters, and he called last night!! It made me sooooo happy and his voice is so sexy! hehe... I'm going to get my tongue pierced hopefully this weekend, and if not next week. I cant wait to be with Curtis!! I love him so much....He is the best person in the whole world! 
Just an update:)
cry out

I love........... [25 Apr 2007|07:55pm]

I love Curtis Dotson so fucking muchhh!!! I just got a call from him for the first time in 3 weeks!! It was so amazing to hear his voice again. He sent me more money, and I know no other guy would just send money to their girl, and without even asking! He is such a sweet kid, and he has always done the nicest things for me. I miss him wayyy too much, it hurts. I know we are meant to be...I know he can graduate and succeed...I told him I have faith in him, and he is so strong...because its true! He is literally the best person in the world. I wouldn't change him for anything. I know sometimes he gets out of hand with his anger and stuff, but thats ok cuz i know how to fix it now...and Sometimes I have anger problems too...I just realized that haha! It made me sooooo unbelievably happy to hear his voice....It made me light up inside. He always says the sweetest things. I love him with all my heart, I literally have the best person in the world..and I am so thankful of it. He said that a lot of the guys at training have lost wives and girlfriends..i was shocked, like....how could wives just leave their husbands or cheat! Thats horrible!! He knows he has a good faithful woman though, cuz thats who I am and who I will always be.            I would do it all for him. He told me that he didn't want me going to new york city cuz he thinks its too dangerous. I know it kinda is, but I'd be with people, so its not a big deal...but ya know...I dont care either way that much. He's my baby...and I love him so much:) Only 29 days til I get to see him!! I am so excited...and he is the best man I could ever have, I love him sosososo much. I have been praying a lot...at least once a day...this has made me closer to god and jesus whatever you'd like to call it. But Years ago I was never religious, i didnt even believe in jesus! But after the drowning incident...It was like it opened up my eyes, and gave me so much faith. But lately...I have been praying a lot! It seems like god is answering my prayers every time too. Its really great. But I know im being watched out for and Curtis is too. I guess my whole life, Ive been mad at god and I know curtis was too, but i gave him faith and made him realize that he didnt NOT believe in god, he was just mad at him like i was...because we had such bad luck and bad lives...but i realized that its not his fault...The problem was i never asked for anything, i always thought what were to happen was meant to be but i never did ask. Asking really works so just do it! Its weird, normal people have faith in god when they are little then it fades and goes away, but with me ive had hardly any faith til now...and now its getting higher and higher! Anyways, enough about my faith in god now...I just wanted to write this to tell everyone how excited i am to get a call from Curtis...and that He is the best person ever!! I love him so much...I cant wait to be with him again. I will be the happiest person in the whole world once I'm back in his arms...even if its for a day, thats better than nothing! He is everything to me, seriously he really is. He said on the phone...I was like im gunna die, and he said no dont because then I will die too. That was so sweet, but it was sad! hehe, I will be strong for him!! And I know hes gunna be strong for me and for himself:) I know he can do it!! I miss him more than anything or anyone...I feel so sad all the time, but right now i feel so happy and so sad all at once! He cried, he always cries on the phone but i know its cause he misses me...and he says that but i also think hes under so much stress which makes it so much easier to come out. He is gunna be my husband, I cant wait until that day, that moment....It will be the best day of my life. I love him more than anything!!! I am gunna buy him  all the suprises aka sex toys and outfits hahaha....ill use my own money for that, and im getting my tongue repierced very soon so that will all be a suprise to him! Im using his money to buy my wedding dress! Its gunna be great. I love him so much!!!!!!! bye bye

cry out

jobs [24 Apr 2007|03:44pm]
I am wicked happy right now, because I prayed last night to get a job asap...and I got 2 interview calls for 2 different hospitals! It makes me so happy. God works in mysterious ways! It makes me excited that I'm gunna get a freakin job finally! AND american idol night is like 4 hours tonight it's gunna be awesome!! I miss Curtis so much, but at least I'm getting a job so I can get his wedding ring, and the suprises i am buying for him....and I am gunna get my tongue re-pierced. It is gunna be cool. I donno who Im going with yet, but it doesnt really matter. Im definitely not going to get it done at body xtremes...they get every piercing infected!
I will give updates, as soon as stuff happens. I just want to say how much I miss Curtis, and it hurts to be away from him...less than a month left til i get to see him now. I am always faithful to him...and I love him with all of my heart. But anyways, just wanted to let that out. Oh and I need to get on prozac again LOL
cry out

wow im back [23 Apr 2007|11:43pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

wow I havent written in forever...Like its been at least a year probably. Anyway, I figured it would be cool to start again especially since I have lots to talk about and I am stressed. Well, I have a Fiance now!! I know, I never even told anyone I had a new boyfriend, gosh...but that was almost 10 months ago! Well, He is at Basic training for the army right now, and it is really hard to deal with especially since I lived with him for 6 months straight, and did everything together...even showered together! I love him a lot, and I am so glad that He is in my life. I am gunna tell you how we met first before I talk on about it....
       So, we met on myspace...I wasnt the type of person who meets people online that they don't know....but I talked to him for a while, and we talked all night til like 4 am everyday...it was so fun, and he is great. We realized we had all the same views on life and love, and have always wanted true love. He would say such sweet things like...what if i fall in love with you, and I'm happy that your happy, and I love who you are, pretty much saying I love you just not directly. It was like he cared about me even though he never met me.The best part was that he was my dream man, a true german that I've always wanted....and he loves piercings and tattoos! I even told my parents growing up that I wanted to marry a german, you know my german fetish! hehe. Anyway, we talked and talked and I finally told him I would call him. So the first time I called, We both were scared there would be awkward silence, but there wasnt any at all! It was so great, and he literally had the sexiest phone voice I've ever heard! He said he loved me before he met me, even on the phone...he also said he didnt care what I looked like. I could be a 500 pound black man and hed still love me...But he told me he wanted to meet me, and wanted me to come down to west virginia. My mom said she wanted him to come up here first, so it would be safer. We agreed, and he made the plans without even talking to his mom first he wanted to meet me so badly! So he came about 5 days later, yeah everything moved really fast. The bus ride was 20 hours, 800 miles....I knew I would never meet a guy like him, He is the only guy who would ever travel that far for a person! The moment I saw him at the bus station, there was just something about him that made me feel so good inside. He had the cutest face, and was so helpful! He was really funny too:) The first day we met, we went to the beach because it was July 1st. It was a lot of fun...We sat on rocks, and talked and it was weird because we kept staring into eachother eyes, and I have never talked to somebody and had them stare like so deeply into my eyes and my soul..it was like he was reading right through me, it was beautiful how he looked at me like I was the only thing he could see... then I kissed him out of no where...it was so romantic! There was such big chemistry between us, it couldnt even be prevented! we went on rocks above the water, and he told me he wanted me to jump in with him, but it was freezing cold...I was so scared but Then I trusted him like it was natural instinct too, and i never trust people...but I grabbed his hand and jumped in, while immediatly my body went into shock and I stopped breathing because the water was so cold. He saved me, and pushed me back up and picked me up. It was so sweet of him to do that. Even though, i almost died...It was so worth it! I even say to this day, I would do it again if it meant being in his arms. We spent the next 9 days together in massachusetts...Did cool stuff, even got piercings together. It was a lot of fun. Even the days that we spent in my room, was so much fun. He then took me to his house in west virginia, 800 miles away...It was pretty fun, I met his friends and we did fun stuff! He came back with me to MASS again hehe, and he was here with me until august....I loved being with him. He had told me he wanted to have a serious talk with me, so he did. He told me he wanted to marry me...I was in shock. I couldn't believe this, of course I told him I wanted to marry him too!  It was so romantic! We were away from eachother for a month and I had to go to a cruise. It was soo hard going 7 days without talking to him, it sucked...I cried. The second I heard his voice It made me melt....It made me so happy! I finally got home, and he asked me to move in with him. That is such a huge step. Of course I said yes, and That is what I did. He came all the way here to get me, yes on a 20 hour bus ride once again. That is so romantic, that he would travel back and forth like 3000 miles basically in 2 months just to see me, and bring me to his house so I wouldnt have to go alone. I brang all my stuff, and he helped me. Living with him was rough at first because everyone talked shit about me, and it was stupid...but after a while they all finally apologized. I went home and came back...etc. But I moved back after 2 months of being away, it sucked..I wanted him to get me so badly and he did. He always protected me, and fought for me...and tried to show me off to everyone. He always took care of me, and slept with me...Making love to him was unbelievable and I took his virginity...we always shook right after....and it was romantic. But I had gone home because He had to go to Basic training, and I had told my mom I was gunna go home and she already left to get me, But he said he was gunna come in a week but then my dad wouldnt let him, so he went in the army right away. He came to my house again on the bus before he left. It was great... We made love and it was so beautiful...and we hung out for like 4 days, and I cooked for him a lot. I loved it, but our good bye was so short and not good enough! Now he has been at basic training for over a month...He left on march 7.... Ive only gotten 3 calls from him, but at least I get letters a few times a week. That helps me alot, but it sucks not being able to hear his voice...and all the times I did, he was crying cuz he misses me so much. It makes me sad, and I cry all the time because I need him. His graduation is on the 24th...and I have to leave on the 20th of may... I am so excited because we have only a month left until we get to see eachother again. Its just really hard because we went from doing everything together, being together 24/7 to nothing...not even a phone  call. Its driving me crazy, but I'm kinda used to it now. The hard part is i feel like i dont have a boyfriend obviously haha....but at the same time i know i have him, its just like a lack of attention, communication...etc! But I am always faithful to him...and I know he is too! His letters are so sweet and romantic. I love him with all of my heart and soul. This is about it for today, I will write tomorrow or later...Bye y'all!!

cry out

[08 May 2006|02:56pm]
i dont have regret.... you got what you deserved.
4 screams ;; cry out

got piercings [28 Apr 2006|01:44pm]
so yesterday was awesome....I went to body xtremes with tristan and i got my eyebrow and my tongue pierced. neither of them were too bad for the actual piercing pain...i cant even feel my eyebrow at all, but my tongue hurts like a bitch now.
Im wicked happy i did it though, its addicting!!!
4 screams ;; cry out

[15 Apr 2006|01:28pm]
hey guys...i havent updated in a wicked long time. so anyways, only 5 more weeks left of school!!! its april vaca right now. This vacation im getting my eyebrow and my belly button pierced...wooo. i had repierced my nose, but it just fell out.
I love my new job, i met awesome people. i broke up with my boyfriend he turned into a dick, and i decided i didnt want to deal with it anymore. But i met this really cool kid that i work with. everyone there is awesome. Now i actually have a life! I dont even have to be sober anymore which is good...now im not. i dont think i ruined it. i know ill never go back to what i was doing....im safe now.
but anyway i went to a taproot show and i fucking mettt the band and steve richards kissed me on the cheek and hugged me. it was seriously the best night of my life....def my fav band and i met them. that was like a life goal and it happened! then i saw std with kelly...it rocked!! i love chris' hair!!!! i just cant wait to get the hell out of highschool, and fucking be an adult for once.
salem state here i come....
6 screams ;; cry out

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