| i died. |
[23 Feb 2005|04:24pm] |
and went to another journal.  __vivace
add if you still want to be friends. <3
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[21 Feb 2005|02:58pm] |
god ew i just realized how cliche and gay my username is.
maybe i should go back to one of my older journals and start over.
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| we are all winners. |
[21 Feb 2005|02:08pm] |
i lost my digicam. hot damn, this is a piece of crap. i have loads of homework. i talked my mom out of letting me off work since i work for the next 3 days for her. my head hurts and i don't want to sit at home all day. but i really don't have anything else to do. i think everyone else has plans. kids who are in ovation have rehearsal from 3 to 10. gosh.
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| i could hardly wait to see you again. |
[20 Feb 2005|08:39pm] |
ahhhhhhhhhhh. work = dead.
it was really boring. and on my way in, i think i saw nick straffacia waving to me in his car. which is odd, considering i haven't really seen/talked to him since... dance? i don't remember. wait no, it's when he answered denny's phone. hah. boy that was _______. anyway. i went shopping again. hahahaha. i have a problem. i went to arbor lakes to look for kristin's birthday present, which i still haven't found. i don't know what to get. i do have one thing in mind though. but yeah, i went to hot topic and got another sweet deal on a shirt. this time it was a boys night out shirt for four dollars. oh that is a sweet deal. then i went to bath & body works and got some lovely smelling stuff.
um. i don't think i've really talked to anyone this weekend. too bad. i decided not to care by filling my entire week with work. i don't even know if i'm going to ovation; if i do, it'll be thursday or saturday night. and i hope i'll find someone to go with too.
i decided not to lie to my mother about the fear before show. i told her about it. i planned on saying i was going to an orchestra concert or something. hahahaha. she'd believe it too. man. i'm a bad kid. another problem i have = shopping. i keep throwing all this money for clothes and music. if only there were some sort of organization for me to stop. okay, that's just a joke, i wouldn't be able to make it.
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| now that i'm more calm. |
[19 Feb 2005|07:04pm] |
wow. i'm shocked that i didn't check that underoath was playing with fear before earlier, when i checked my email. but i am so excited i'm going. i don't even care if i go by myself, hopefully i'm not going by myself. i did talk to brandon before 4th hour about it. but yeah. things are turning up. i shouldn't doubt life so much, it has ups and downs. unfortunately for me, they're drastic ups and downs - either they're sky high, or they're incredibly low. hahah.
but yesterday, me and my brother went shopping. everyone else had work. and i got 2 shirts at forever 21 for 10 bucks. sweet deal. another sweet deal - this at the drive in shirt for FOUR DOLLARS. yeah. and i got one of those "vote for pedro" pins.
i guarantee i will be excited for this for the TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE CONCERT.
although i'm not sure what to tell alex. i don't think i want to pay for another concert, aka the epitaph concert, when i can see them at warped. hot damn. the actual tickets cost $11.50, but adding in all those fees and building charges, it's $22. AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO PAY MORE MONEY WHEN I SHOULD BE SAVING FOR CALIFORNIA. seriously, when's the next time FBTMOF & underoath will be in minnesota? i don't know. i've been waiting so long for them to come. and now they are.
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[19 Feb 2005|05:57pm] |
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD
FEAR BEFORE IS FINALLY COMING TO MN WITH UNDEROATH!!
MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE AND I JUST PURCHASED MY TICKET.
OH MY GOD I WANT TO PEE MY PANTS BUT THAT WOULD BE BAD.
OH WOW I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!
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| please don't let me drown. |
[13 Feb 2005|09:17pm] |
"alone is all we are, even if we feel this close, it's just a lie we believe."
happy valentine's day, kids.
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| SNOWDAYS BLOWED. |
[13 Feb 2005|10:10am] |
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yeah i hated the dance. but loved trisha's party. hahaha, i laughed when i saw josh there with stevi. oh wow. oh, and i received a phone call from him at 3 in the morning and heard him & stevi talking... okay.
hahahah. something's come back to bite me in the ass. i posted on a myspace about toast and they messaged me. whoops. i don't care - i don't listen to them anyway. i don't feel guilty about it either. i really don't know what i would do if they played taste of chaos. i'm just glad four letter lie won.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. man. english blows too.
everything just sucks.
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| bitchhhhhhhhhhhhh. |
[11 Feb 2005|11:28pm] |
i swear to god i'll kill someone.
I'M SO FUCKING BITTER I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME AND MY PARENTS ARE BEING ASSHOLES & YELLING AT ME FOR DUMB SHIT AND NOW THEY'RE FIGHTING IN THE FUCKING BASEMENT - I MOVED DOWN THE BASEMENT TO GET AWAY FROM THIS SHIT.
GOD DAMNIT.
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| i hate fall out boy. |
[11 Feb 2005|01:41pm] |
i really do.
anyway. i finally got my laptop junk. so it's all good. but i have work tonight which will suck. and i drive like a complete maniac because i'm dumb and dumb. yeah. i think i was in a rush to get home. and i might have wanted to drive my car into denny's car and smash it up. or maybe i'd somehow be injured because i feel like crap nowadays and i wouldn't care.
today was a dead day. i felt like i wasn't awake at all. like it was all a dream. the pepfest wasn't bad. we all stood up to cheer for abbey & eric. yeah yeah. uh. french was interesting; windows totally kicked the doors' butts for a good half hour. then all of us got stuck up on the twister mat. it was a weird twist on the twister game. and plus, we were really lazy and just sat down on the floor. and when we left for the pepfest, i walk by the spanish room and stevi's standing by the door and goes, "LOOK! she's not a senior. she's a junior, she's in my 11th grade english class!" uh. okay. odd. maybe it was just me. but i just smiled and kept walking.
i have work in about an hour which i am dreading. but to be honest. i don't have anything better to do. at least i get money for sitting around. but my mom will probably still be in her bad mood and start yelling at me because i have this huge attitude problem. sure. i just want to not worry about anything. or be under tremendous stress.
OH CRAP POOP CRAP. snowdays is tomorrow. and i'm going.
ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
frickin' a.
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| oh boy. |
[09 Feb 2005|03:57pm] |
ME AND ALEX ARE GOING TO SEE MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK ON THE EPITAPH TOUR IN A MONTH OR SO. OH BOY I'M EXCITED. plus from first to last will be there and the tickets are super cheap. i gotta get them soon, i hope they don't sell out. that would be crap.
well, today got progressively worse. first of all, our sub for orchestra is a complete jerkface. english sucked beacuse mrs. carlson talked the entire time. i think i bombed the stupid quiz we had too. french sucked because the sub was just as bad as mrs. cushing and she had at least 10 things for us to do that was incredibly time consuming plus it killed my hand. and I'VE GOT WORK TONIGHT WHICH WILL BE INCREDIBLY BORING TIMES 10000 TO THE TENTH POWER.
uhh. lit mag was okay, except kristin didn't go for like the 4th time. whatever. i don't even want to get into that.
snowdays is on saturday. i don't care to go, but since SOME [and i stress, some] people want me to go because they say i'll have a great time. i'll go. but i really think it'll be a bad idea.
um. the only good thing about today is that i actually got a B on my euro test. yessssssssssssss. <3
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[07 Feb 2005|04:04pm] |
i just lost my entire entry that i took 15 minutes to type.
great.
to wrap up what i was going to say.
NWSC rocked. because:
1. the blaine orchestra was FANTASTIC!
2. our choir ROCKED.
3. i got to hang out with amanda, who is a very silly girl. we had fun though. like sitting on the couch talking to the blaine boys. and watching groups play.
4. i knew a lot more people there this year.
5. i saw ashly, who i thought i'd never see again because last year she told me she was going to quit band. oh, and i saw ruth.
anddd. i am slowly creeping out of my depressed state i've been in lately because. i don't know why. just because.
and josh is a neat guy for telling me the truth. although i probably should have asked someone else for the truth.
and saturday night with laura, jack, and melissa was super. we went to the california pizza kitchen and eddie's billiards. it's official. i really do suck at pool. and i might become violent with the pool cue. yeah.
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| wow. |
[04 Feb 2005|04:26pm] |
tired times 10.
i was up all night doing english and euro homework. stupid socratic seminar. actually. it wasn't that bad. just mrs. carlson and her idiotic pointless outlines that take hours to do. good thing i don't have any classes on monday because of NWSC, although that'll suck too. maybe because we're not ready. and because there's so much pressure for us to perform well. i can just imagine us playing like CRAP and then becoming completely embarassed.
i haven't really done anything productive within the past couple of days. still haven't finished unpacking. i've also come to realize that my friends deserted me. i haven't gone out for such a long time. kristin is always with brandon. and they're always with brianna and chris. i barely get a chance to talk to laura. and then that's the end of the list. but now i think, i don't even care. because they don't care. this sounds so dumb from my perspective. but i don't know why i even bother. i wonder if i should even have a party at my house a week or two after snowdays. AND WHAT IS WITH THIS SUDDEN FASCINATION WITH CAFFIENE PILLS? seriously. everyone is doing all these horrible things. like getting drunk. what, is it fun for you to do it? do you feel like you're a regular teen? HONESTLY. am i the only one out there who's managed to stay the same? this sudden change disgusts me, with some people. i am so sick of everything and everyone. and yet i feel alone.
i really don't know anything.
i did ask a certain someone to snowdays. too bad they said no. i'm not bothered by it either, considering the fact that i wouldn't have expected a different answer. things now are so awkward, yet i don't know why. i don't even know why i keep calling him. maybe because a part of me wants to believe that i'm just being extremely paranoid and that all my stupid thoughts are wrong. i'm starting to think that they're actually right. i don't know anymore.
one thing i do know though. the day toast plays at taste of chaos is the day pigs fly. if they do end up playing. i will die from shock.
boom.
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| take a breath and close your eyes. |
[29 Jan 2005|04:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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VERY TIRED + 1000 |
] |
i rammed my arm against the railing really hard. so hard that it's actually bleeding. yes, it does hurt to type. moving sucks. mainly because my mom is taking forever. i finished my room. plus more. it's a pretty amazing feat. oh, and none of my friends ended up coming to help. oh well, i guess.
i did end up deciding to go to the show at denny's basement. featuring the farewell crisis. that was pretty good. and then i had to leave because my brother kept calling me on my cell. and it was taking a while for the other band to set up since they came late. i thought it was really surprising that nobody was there. i was hoping lindsey or steve would show up. because then i'd have someone to talk to. pretty sure that i saw tim making fun of me. but i don't care. i met denny's parents too. his mom more formally than his dad. haha. i bet they were thinking, "so this is that insane girl who calls you all the time." i just get bored. because i have no life + no friends. well. maybe not to that extent, i suppose.
oh and yesterday, brianna and kristin and de came in while i was at work. it was nice of them to because i was really bored. i think i almost fell asleep around 3 because nobody came in. then i learned the latest in snowdays drama. i don't even know what to think anymore. because here's where my handy motto comes in. "i quit." it's very useful. hahaha.
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| bulimic rainbows vomit what?! |
[27 Jan 2005|10:35pm] |
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last time i ever take a picture in my room.
moving tomorrow. woohoo. well, actually, the movers are coming on saturday. but i'm still moving tomorrow. i get to work waitress tomorrow. maybe this time i won't just leave. hahaha. come visit me. lunch buffet, i know that's what YOU want. haha. later kids. my dad is about to tear me apart. <3
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| overreacting. |
[27 Jan 2005|04:00pm] |
yesterday i went to kaplan bros.
oh what a fantastic time i had. it was quite interesting.
and then i wanted to break my head open. and i still want to do that now. i have to go to work now. but i'm going to finish this first.
i don't know why people do drugs. i don't understand it. i don't know why he does it. i don't know why i still like him even though he does it. i can't explain it. and kristin told me, "if you like someone, you like someone." sometimes i wish it wasn't the case. i wish that she would just tell me i'm crazy and that i'll get over it. what the fuck, i hate thinking. i talked to lindsey. asked if she was going to the show tomorrow. and i asked steve. we'll see what goes down tomorrow. but i did have a good time in euro. i was a noble lord. and we partied it up with the royalty with an oreo party while our peasants slaved away. good time. i'm sure glad i wasn't a peasant. thanks berge. o yeah, still have that wonderful C+. i don't even care if my mother kills me. i mean, what's new?
seriously though.
i quit.
i give up.
i don't know where to go from here.
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| fuck. |
[27 Jan 2005|03:31pm] |
if he actually did coke.
i don't know what the fuck to think.
i quit.
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| if your thoughts should turn to death, you got to stomp them out like a cigarette. |
[26 Jan 2005|03:39pm] |
I LOVE LOVE LOVE BRIGHT EYES.
i want the other cd too, "i'm wide awake, it's morning."
yeah. i thought it was fairly odd that i found this at supertarget. but hey. $9 isn't bad. and i looked in the new Time magazine, and they had conor oberst in there. he's everywhere. it's insane. great reviews though.
oh man. today. oh man. in orchestra we rehearsed with the band. and it was horrible because mrs. nordstrom sucks at conducting. and there was a petition going around to get mr. lyons to direct. oh god, i hope he does. and it was completely legit and everything, because laura talked to ms. b about it. and then people were like, "oh, well it's mean." yeah. NWSC = everything. i heard sam say this, "they are going to eat us alive." yeah, they will, if we play like how we've been playing. it's because nobody knows how she's actually conducting because she doesn't even CUE us in right. ugh. yeah. i just hope he conducts.
i found out that i have maintained a C+ in euro. i'm glad that berge gave us that speech about people: how some work real hard and don't do so well, and how others might not try and do really well. YEAH BITCHES, THAT WOULD BE ME. I'LL TRY HARD AND FUCKING SCREW UP. so basically, i got really mad when some people were being extremely whiny about how they won't get an A, while there's me, hoping for a B. and in the test, berge gave an extra point for a question concerning medical practitioners, which is what our skit was on. we clearly said that surgeons practiced on battlefields. and then i argued against the point which pissed people off and they were all like, "OMGZ WHY R YOU ARGUING AGAISNT?" uh. because i got the question right and you shouldn't get the point because you "didn't learn it". and because that means you weren't paying attention. the worst thing is when someone approaches you and screams at you for making it only choices A and C when they got the fucking point. LAY OFF. seriously.
CELEBRATE IN YOUR ROOM. OR GO CRY YOUR FUCKING EMO TEARS IN YOUR ROOM.
i don't need to see it.
that absolutely enrages me. good thing i'm set for my chemistry final. i'm in a group with derek & kirsten. it'll be a breeze. i'm going to miss chemistry. a little bit. okay maybe not the material, just the class. silly boys with "redcard" and eating worksheets. okay and maybe for another reason. ahahahahahaha wink. :D :D :D
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| cut away, cut away. |
[25 Jan 2005|10:47pm] |
my mom is a bitch.
i hate my laptop.
i hate mrs. nordstrom.
i hate finals.
i love the bright eyes CD i purchased today.
[digital ash in a digital urn.]
<3
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