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[Sunday,
March 16th, 2008] |
I’m planning my death: with all my savings I’m off to Australia. Dying in the sun, on the beach, like a self-beached dolphin in the sand. Instead of hospitals and cold – the motherly warmth of earth, colours. When the pain becomes unbearable, enter the safety of the rolling ocean, slip under the waves. Not to be afraid of darkness when dying. See the genuine tropical sky, warmed by the Sun and stars.
-Manuela Gretkowska
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[Thursday,
February 28th, 2008] |
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
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[Thursday,
January 17th, 2008] |
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i need a job so bad.
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[Tuesday,
January 8th, 2008] |
i hate when i have plans for the weekend, and they get shot.
what's fun for friday night?
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[Monday,
January 7th, 2008] |
my mom's not excited.
we're still both wishing for Wellesley.
she doesn't want me so far away.
i wish that this was an indicator of getting into wellesley, but i know that it isn't.
i'm still relieved though. :)
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[Monday,
January 7th, 2008] |
i got accepted to wesleyan college in georgia!
nice nice nice nice.
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[Friday,
January 4th, 2008] |
carino lost the essay i had to submit to Sarah Lawrence.
i know everyone loves him, so i don't want to shit talk him on livejournal. i still for some reason have respect for him, even though my transcripts, recommendations, and a different, worse essay are all arriving three days late to SL. although he's well intentioned, he really fucked me over.
i cried all wednesday. i cried all today.
i guess i needed it. i haven't cried in so long.
i can't even remember the last time i cried in school.
i felt like an asshole.
other than that, i guess things are going great.
i'm going to atlanta in february. i really cant be more excited. i get to see my girl brittney and hang out with all her friends, party it up where the playas play.
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[Monday,
December 17th, 2007] |
i would like to go to africa and lay in the sun all day
and not apply to college
take a year off
or two
...or three
and be myself and not worry.
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[Sunday,
November 18th, 2007] |
a lot has been going on.
i have good news that i would like to share at lunch tomorrow.
i probably won't forget, but amber- remind me. <3
on another note:
i like life.
our house is being put back together from the water heater explosion 2 years ago.
we have a living room!!
and j.michael's room is... clean. if you've ever been here, i'm sure you can't believe it. but it's true.
i'm throwing out everything that's unnecessary in my room right now.
things are starting to come together around here. i'm happy.
i had my interview with wellesley yesterday.
it was amazing. i did really well. my interviewer really liked me. i'm excited. even though it doesn't mean everything, it means something. i'm hopeful, but i'm prepared for the worst anyways.
i'm in a good place with it. if there are just too many applicants just as good as i am, i'll reapply for transfer. it's where i want to be. i'll get there eventually.
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[Friday,
October 5th, 2007] |
i wore my green jacket today. i found it.
thank you for recognizing, amber. <3
my life is good.
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[Thursday,
July 5th, 2007] |
soooo drunk.
pubhopped all night.
tomorrrow is my little going away pub fiesta. i cant wait.
life is awesome, today was one of the ost serene days of my life.
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[Thursday,
July 5th, 2007] |
does anyone know why postsecret didn't update this past sunday?
it's been breaking my heart. :(
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| i should get over it. |
[Monday,
June 25th, 2007] |
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| you really dont have to read this. i just had to write it down and this was fastest. |
[Thursday,
June 21st, 2007] |
i just had this dream about like, being in front of ex boyfriend joe's house, and talking to him through myspace messages. and we planned to meet, but i had to ride my bike.
trying to ride my bicycle to fucking middlebury, for some reason, i guess in the dream it eperated me from naugatuck, even though i was also simultaneously in poland, and all the polish people were like "show us the way, you're the only one that knows the directions!"
so we're going up this hill, and like, this black girl is talking to me, but she's not good at english, so we're speaking polish, but then she wants to speak apanish, and she was sort of odd, but pretty, and we were all riding bikes, and i don't even know how it happened, but then i was talking to a british guy who was like, yeah, we're trying to get to paderewski (my polish school) and apparently, thats where we were going on bikes. but in the dream, to get there, we had to go through middlebury. so i guess that middlebury was inclusive in poland. and joe was somehow invlved.
dreams in other languages are so awkward.
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[Friday,
June 8th, 2007] |
Is it normal being lonesome when youre surrounded by friends?
Or feeling more and more comfortable when the crowds are less and less?
And by the way after smoking for three days I lost all my breath
And realized first of all Im upset cuz of the seven bucks I spent,
And if everyone bought guitars instead of buying cigarettes
Theyd write some words and sing some songs and I bet we would understand
Everyone else a whole lot more and maybe finally put an end
To putting people before people and put each alongside the next!
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[Wednesday,
June 6th, 2007] |
ThirdEsquire : I also got a new job @ peter paul chocolate! ! ! !
blind xx fashion : hahaha nice.
ThirdEsquire : yea me and nich straighten the little almonds on top of the chocolate from 12-8am
i miss my brother so much.
and i envy his new job. haha.
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[Saturday,
May 19th, 2007] |
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my host mom is leaving tomorrow morning at like 4 am and not coming back until monday night, probably after my dad and j get here.
so today she made this huuuge ass bowl of pierogi haha. oh my gossssh, that's all i'm going to eat for like the next 6 meals.
in other news, i discovered some polish, i dont know, hip hop i guess, that i actually like. i want to put it in my polska video, but then if i were to bring it to the Polish Heritage club or something to show them what i did, they would find it wicked inappropriate. it's too bad that all of the good songs with sick beats have to be about cocaine and hands up skirts and corrupt policemen.
ahhhh i can't wait to get home. to america. to my own bed. to my room with my stuff in it.
my mom might not let me do all the things i wanted to do this summer. basically, i have no time for anything. i have to figure out how i'm going to get AP summer work done, visit grandpa in new jersey, visit cassandra in maine, visit people in salem, and do band camp, swimming pre-season, spend time with my family, spend time with my friends, geta job, or do anyyything.
haha, don't expect to see me this summer, guys.
at least until bannnnd cammmmp. which i'm completely stoked for.
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[Saturday,
May 12th, 2007] |
i'm so bored lately.
i can't tell you how excited i am to get the AP english work in fucking 10 days. <3!
but more exciting, on the same day i get the english stuff, i get to see my dad and my brother.
life is so good.
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| kraków i auschwitz |
[Thursday,
May 10th, 2007] |
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( Read more... )
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[Thursday,
May 3rd, 2007] |
1) AP English Language
2) PreCalc/Trig
3) AP English Literature
4) AP Psychology
5) Spanish IV
6) MWF-Study
TR-AP Biology Lab
7) AP Biology
that's my schedule for next year.
no marching band. who the FUCK ever heard of band period six? no one. fuck. it would have been so easy to just drop math. because no one needs math. no one. but i can't just drop it because it won't really do much.
so four APs, that's exciting. i kind of wish i could do APUSH, but like, if i go into my aim logs and search "APUSH" you'll find like, chris, brian, and whoever else has taken it, just bitching and bitching and bitching about how much it blows. so no thank you.
and i still don't know about the class at Yale for Polish. i hope that goes down, because i have to have an excuse for not knowing spanish anymore. like, i tried to remember the alphabet... can't do it. can't do numbers either. i'm way too good at polish numbers.
so anyways, does anyone have the same classes? like, i know they'll change around a little, but how's it look for right now?
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[Tuesday,
April 24th, 2007] |
ps- the last day of the semester was yesterday.
i'm sorry if you're jealous.
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[Saturday,
April 21st, 2007] |
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i made the coolest fucking friends ever.
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[Tuesday,
April 17th, 2007] |
what happened in virginia?
i get off the train from krakow, and like my dad kisses me and starts talking about arabs and guns, and tragedies.
inform me. not like i'm not about to yahoo it, but i want to know what other forms of media said about whatever went down.
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| ridiculous. |
[Wednesday,
April 11th, 2007] |
i have become absolutely addicted to jenny owen youngs.
this coming from someone who DESPISES female singers in general.
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[Tuesday,
April 3rd, 2007] |
Allison: If dad takes you to the Nuweinstein Castle (King Ludwig's castle) you can get way better pics for the myspace.
haha. good to know.
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[Saturday,
March 31st, 2007] |
i missed a couple weeks of post secret.
did anyone save any, by any chance?
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| funniest polish moment so far. |
[Monday,
February 19th, 2007] |
scene: watching some lame guy sing on television. (as if theres ever anything else on tv).
note: english translations are in perenthesis. anything else is actual spoken english.
me: nie lubie. (i don't like it)
brother: ja tez (me too) ... this is so... bicycle.
me: bicycle?
mom: nie, nie! (no, no!) GAY!
so apparently, we can now stop calling things "gay" and call them "bicycle".
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| i'd like to hear peole's opinions of mitt romney. |
[Saturday,
February 17th, 2007] |
specificially the massachusetts kids, he is or was your governor at one point.
but if anyone knows anything good or bad, i'd like to hear it, not to creata some debate in my comments, but just to hear some different views. i'm out of the politics loop, i just heard of the guy for the first time on facebook about 3 minutes ago.
so go for it, give me all the info you have.
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[Thursday,
February 15th, 2007] |
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<small.Don't let the silence get you down
Though you've been sitting here for hours
Hoping a voice could soon be found that speaks much louder than this music
For you're a little off colour and out for the count
Don't let that get you down
Don't let the talking keep you up
If they're your friends they'll share your vision
And as the phone rings break the silence they don't figure out that you
Don't want to answer
For you're a little off colour and tired of the sound
Don't let it get you down
Don't let the people make you think that just because you're young you're useless
You know it's not naive to think that you can change the things around and that no man is an island
For I'd rather be a pebble in an ocean vast and drown alone
Than make no sound
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| this song is great. |
[Monday,
February 12th, 2007] |
Gray light, new day leaks through the window
An old soul song comes on the alarm clock radio
We walk the forty blocks to the middle
Of the place we heard that everything would be
And there were barricades to keep us off the street
But the crowd kept pushing forward
Till they swallowed the police
Ya they went wild
We left before the dust had time to settle
Now all the broken glass swept off the avenue
And on the way home held your camera like a bible
Just wishing so bad that it held some kind of truth
And I stood nervous next to you in the dark room
You dropped the paper in the water
And it all begins to bloom
Ya they go wild
And just when I get so lonesome I cant speak
I see some flowers on the hillside
Like a wall of new TVs
Ya they go wild
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[Sunday,
February 11th, 2007] |
oh, and i got back from prom at five in the morning, had a good aim chat with devin, made my night, i love when good conversations spark up.
on the way home in a taxi at about 4:30 i witnessed the first english speaking, jazz loving taxi driver of my european adventures.
some song was on, with a girl singing "irresponsibly in love with you.." as part of the lyrics. i've done a google search, but all i'm seeing is sinatra.
anyone have a clue?
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[Sunday,
February 11th, 2007] |
| [ |
music |
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billie holiday |
] |
life doesn't get better than jazz, a mocha, and candles.
except for a caramel macchiatto. <3
i'm extraordinarily content with the universe right now.
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[Saturday,
February 10th, 2007] |
my dress is so boss.
i have wicked bad butterflies.
good news is that i took pre-prom pictures. they're already on myspace. i love not having to re-size everything these days. so bitchin.
everyone have a great day. i'll be back at 6 am sunday, but it'll only be midnight for you guys. <3
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[Saturday,
February 10th, 2007] |
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hello, two week vacation.
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| i love nothing posts. |
[Friday,
February 9th, 2007] |
i'm really diggin on new fallout boy.
i need CDRs so i can make my daddy a mix.
i also need more coffee and more cream so i can make a damn latte, i've been drinking it black all week.
MY NEXT HOST FAMILY WILL HAVE A COFFEE MAKER.
hello, starbucks. you can stop hiding in my closet. <3
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[Friday,
February 9th, 2007] |
| [ |
music |
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we stick together; shellito [brilliant song] |
] |
today i'm taking the day off to get scholarship essays done, and to do that stupid freaking english application for AP next year.
great, too bad i haven't written anything good so far this year.
oh well, whatever.
i'm out of this house in about two weeks.
deep breath. everything will be fine. my counselour will call my parents sometime this week and talk to them, and then i think i'm out on the 27th.
saturday is prom. oh my god, that's tomorrow. it just hit me and i'm crazy scared, i'm not even lying. i'm so afraid to not be the prettiest one.
so that's how it goes. okay.
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[Thursday,
February 8th, 2007] |
my sister told me that change could be good for me. as in, i should probably try switching families.
i'm talking to mal about ir today. i'll have my decision by tonight.
granted, this was beata, who i really think doesn't like me. i don't know what i'll do. i need some independance, i think it's better for my social life, but i definately love them more than anything, i couldn't handle like never seeing them. then again, i'll be back in america soon. it's kind of like, phasing out the whole attachment. good plan, maybe.
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[Wednesday,
February 7th, 2007] |
what should me and mal watch for saturday movie night?
i totally forgot everything on my mind!
good movie suggestions, anyone?
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[Tuesday,
February 6th, 2007] |
so, i just wrote eleven fucking postcards.
jesus christ.
there's stuff i haven't sent out yet that should have been out of this country in december. oh my god, i wish i wasn't so freaking busy all the timeeee.
i'm in love with a missionary. okay, not in love, thats strong, but it's a great sign when you're cute and the first thing i think about isn't how you would look without a shirt on.
anyways, he is super cute and he's here spreading gods word in poland. that's cool. sure, yeah, mormonism. it honestly sounds the same as every other christian religion. and he promises that when he gets married, he'll only have one wife, haha.
he makes me laugh so hard. it's cute, dude.
anyways, hes moving to warsaw in a little over a week. bummer, man. whatevs, i get get to warsaw by bus for like 4 american dollars. wow. i can't even get a ride to boston for that cheap. hmm, sweet.
mal said he's probably into me.
i can see us being good friends.
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| i continue to win over my family, and it feels amazing. [aka:pwned] |
[Sunday,
February 4th, 2007] |
for the first time, i didn't turn the computer stereo system thing down to a normal, polite, family friendly level. i left it exactly where it always is for their loud ass techno and promiscuous sex song shit.
i also left the door open, just like they do.
so the whole family got to listen to me blasting the shins for about 10 minutes before i hear beata yell something i couldn't understand, and then come and shut the door and leave.
it felt absolutely fantastic.
i then proceeeded to turn it down because it was too loud even for my ears.
ps- is that how you spell "pwned"? i'm pretty sure that this is the feeling of "pwnage".
edit: i feel like martin luther king. civil disobedience, word. i think that's my new tactic. for every retarded thing my family does, i'll push the envelope justa little more. that way they get really pissed off with things they can't even yell at me for. i'm so happy right now, it's ridic.
plus, we had wayyy non-traditional food today, for the first time since i've been here. my mom put pineapple on top of chicken, it was so good i smiled for like five minutes during dinner.
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[Sunday,
February 4th, 2007] |
all i want is quiet.
the way our house is designed, the noise just travels everywhere. Even on the third floor, i can hear the radio and/or TV downstairs. downstairs, I can hear my sisters playing music on the computer and sometimes the upstairs TV.
there is no quiet place for me to just be. i can't read anywhere or do anything that requires any ounce of concentration or silence.
it's like, i look forward to riding the bus everyday just so i can be close to being in a peaceful place.
i just finished reading a memoir called Queen of the Oddballs by Hillary Carlip. it was basically fantastic. there are a lot of qualities in her that i really admired. and she's a lesbian, but it didn't get into all of this gay pride stuff, which i really liked. it was like, not hiding the fact that she was a lesbian, but not flaunting it. just treating it as a normal occurrance, not harping on any troubles or depressed effects of it or anything. pretty goddamn refreshing.
and she was a really adamant activist as a teenager. it really put a whole new view on how to handle the issues of our society. it kind of made me wish that shitty companies like peta didn't exist so that activism could make me feel as inspired as this book did, not forced. these days, everything is just another motherfukcing corporation.
also, her book reminded me of my dad in a lot of different ways. it was pretty nice.
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[Saturday,
February 3rd, 2007] |
i want to puke, i feel like i'm relapsing back into freshman year.
i absolutely hate who i used to be, and the tactics i used to get what i wanted, and the tactics i used to fail in getting what i wanted. i basically sucked.
and i can't stop blaming my former self for all of this shittt.
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[Friday,
February 2nd, 2007] |
yeah, i really appreciate naugy guidance NEVER RESPONDING to one of the most important emails i have ever sent anyone since i've gotten to this fucking country.
oh my god, so much is going down.
here, and there.
and oh my god, only a little over 6 months left before i come home.
i've already got camping planned (sara, are you up for the dates of aug. 2-4? and erika, when are you in the h-town?)
and i have a tentative frenzy with various european beverages planned with jonny satin.
oh, holler, can't wait.
annnnd i have to plan college visits. and boston time. and salem time. and mommy time. and tatia time, kaylynn beach time, band time, swimming preseason time, job hunting time, and everyone time.
i'm already so busy.
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[Wednesday,
January 31st, 2007] |
my moods get to be so bipolar in regards to coming home. not that any of these feelings are insincere. they just change, is all.
the date is july 19th.
sometimes i'm super excited, other times i feel like i can stay in poland for eternity. like i don't need anything in america. my old life is expired.
i guess it doesn;t matter how i feel because either way i'm coming home.
right now is an excited moment.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL!
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[Tuesday,
January 30th, 2007] |
i had a strange dream last nightwhere He as an exchange student and we were all in europe. but we were at like a disney world type place with rides and things.
and he was calling me his girlfriend.
and it felt complete.
it was so weird to wake up from that.
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[Monday,
January 29th, 2007] |
all of the music downloads that were processing (about 100?) got deleted.
so i went and deleting everything that just came in for beata with in the last 2 hours.
oops.
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[Monday,
January 29th, 2007] |
the boy taking me to prom likes me a lot.
JustWatchasIfall (21:21:49): so its more the uh-i-dont-wanna-be-mean-but-we-hardly-talk-when-were-with-friends-so-i-dont-see-how-anything-could-work-out-between-us thing not-to-mention-im-foreign-exchange-and-leaving-in-a-few-months
kaylynn just hit it on the spot. i could never date this kid.
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