alfie is growling in his sleep. [15 Oct 2008|07:18pm] yumnaaa 3 comments|post comment

[15 Oct 2008|05:50pm] anorexicqueen [brexys] I finally told my bf about my ED while we were on holiday in NYC. He kinda already knew I think bc my obsession with eating healthy and and freaking out when I gain a pound or so... and he grabs my hand and says "Thanks for telling me. I see you eat, and it's good. As long as you're eating healthy." I started crying so hard, in the middle of Maxies... oh man. He tells me i'm beautiful all the time, and how out of his league I am, and how lucky he is... hopefully one day i'll believe it ya know? He's amazing... and after that we agreed to go running together, bc he's a bit of a chubber. :-D Love him. Thank you girls for giving me strength at my worst. <3, B. 1 comment|post comment

[15 Oct 2008|10:47pm] anorexicqueen [x_emily_b_x] I kinda dont know what to do =/ No matter how little I eat, or how much I exercise, I still lose no weight. So then I try to eat qutie a big breakfast (with the intention of boosting my metabolism), and it still doesnt work. I kinda feel like I cant be bothered to eat anymore, and almost like I'm scared of food. I've always hated eating in public an stuff, but now I wont even eat infront of family. I feel like at total weirdo. 8 comments|post comment

[15 Oct 2008|09:51pm] anorexicqueen [samus2] If you live in the UK then I pose this question to you Obviously, I have exams, performances etc coming up, and my problem is that I need to eat for energy obviously. After doing about 2 weeks worth of research, i'm considering going for "adios" slimming aid. Have any of you tried it? I have used lipobind before which worked amazingly well, but, it's about £25 per pack. I'm a poor student doing all I can to make sure I get to Cambridge, so I can't really afford it D: 4 comments|post comment

[15 Oct 2008|12:31pm] anorexicqueen [heremeroarrar] I my god guys I am so desperate! I fucked up my 7 day fast fasted I fsted an excelent 2 day fast and I fucked up today so bad I had between 1-2 thousand cals! Shit I am such a failure the reasons I'm fasting r to loose weight and to clean my fat ass from all the lax! Right now idk what to do there is a box of laxatives in front of me and I am so tempted what should I do?! Should I take some laxatives or not I am such a fat ass pig?!!! If everything goes right I will fast the next 4 days and thenac go for a raw fruits and vegoe diet for 7 more days and the I just don't know what to do! Should I take the lax or not?! 1 comment|post comment

disappointed with myself =( [15 Oct 2008|12:02pm] anorexicqueen [gotta_b_skinny] hey i havent been on livejournal in so long. well i gained some weight... i gained like... 5-10 pounds!! i not sure but something in bwtween... im desperate to lose it back cause my bestfriend is getting married IN A MONTH and i need to look good in my red dress!!!! i tried it on today... and i look fat in it... so ya.... maybe ill post the pics up so you guys can see it... help!!! i need to go on a strict diet!!! im gonna try to fast for the rest of the day!!! who wants to join?? thanks for the support girls i need help to stop eating 6 comments|post comment

[15 Oct 2008|10:55am] anorexicqueen [thinskin23] this tuesday i am going to leave for europe, and i will be there for 2 weeks. Im just really scared about the food. Im going with my friend who has an eating disorder...but still i am pretty scared cus once i come back i have that wedding to go to, and im scared if i put on weight.....uhg. what do you guys do when ur off vacation and out of town?? <3 any kind of advice would be great. 7 comments|post comment

[14 Oct 2008|09:55pm] anorexicqueen [sayno2eeemo] anyone wanting a txting buddy 321 987 9363 :) 3 comments|post comment

[14 Oct 2008|02:54pm] anorexicqueen [ohlordylo] where is everyone :( what's happening to our lj!!!! In need of major thinspirationn. tank uu! <3 1 comment|post comment

[14 Oct 2008|10:30am] anorexicqueen [wanna_dissapear] ok so i've been losing like crazy over the past 2 and a half weeks and i cant figure out how to fake my weight anymore. im doing everything possible, including ankle weights and its not going to be enough this week. i think they're starting to figure it out too because im on a 3200 cal per day diet and im losing weight. hmmm lemme think, something just doesnt add up :P so im pretty sure im screwed, unless i decide not to lose anymore weight, but the thing is, i cant. im so deep into this that i CANNOT actually stop myself. some of you would probably loove to be like this and not be able to stop losing weight, but its horrible when you've got sooooo much riding on it. fuck i dont know what to do. Im starting to miss Australia too. if u didnt know, i moved to america a few months ago, but i really just wish i was back sooooooo bad right now! ok im going to give u the low down on me being in america... bear with me. ok im here for my dad's work, and they're paying for everything while im here, including all my treatment and stuff as they know i have an Eating disorder, but the thing is, i got so bad i had to go into IP treatment for a fwe months and they were NOT happy as they had to pay for it. btw its hundreds of thousands of dollars, so obviously they're pissed. anyway, pretty much if i show any signs of relapsing, they've decided not to spend any more money on me for treatment or any of my family's expenses and they will just send us back to Australia. thats right, they're going to deport me if im sick. like WTF! anyway, pretty much as soon as i got out of IP i lost about 10 lbs, which raised a fwe eyebrows so i got the warning. since then i've lost another 11 lbs but have faked my weight so it looks like i've only lost the original 10 lbs. smart i know teeeheee. but i cant fake any more weight and im scared of going back because my dad says if we have to go back, hell quit his job of 24 years because he would betoo humiliated of me. CAN U BELEIVE THAT! FUCKING WANKER. anyways thats my rant. say it... IM FUCKED! 1 comment|post comment

[14 Oct 2008|07:19pm] anorexicqueen [ana_viv] binging under stress.. noo.. just when i finally reached 90 again !! well ill have 4 weeks to lose again until another BIG exam sadly i miss out on my graduation.. coz ill be overseas =) shopping shopping SHOPPING ! post comment

[13 Oct 2008|11:24pm] anorexicqueen [heremeroarrar] hey gals and guys how have u all been? First of all I would like to apologize for not responding to the last coments on my last bulletin. Thanx for the feedback. So I decided to go on a 7 day fast. Coffee. Sugar free green tea. Sugarfree jelo any 0cal drink and water. Today was my first date and I didn't stop moving I'm really happy and proud. Anyone wanna join? I h8 it so so much when people tell me i'm to skinny it's like for fuck sakes I own a mirror and I know what I loock like total fat ass!! Also I loocked for a new job today because the one I have is ridiculous! We ask for more hours and instead those fuckers hire new pieces of sh*t!!! My computer got stolen! I need one for school I wanna see how much I weigh but I'm so so scared of the Danm scale. Anyone have more tips to make my fast better? I haven't taken lax in 2 days :) I have stressed so much! Not even my fast helps me at all any tips. Well Thanck u all so much for the feedback Think thin & b who u r! <3 A.T. 3 comments|post comment

[13 Oct 2008|11:32pm] anorexicqueen [thinskin23]   ( who I want to be.... )         1 comment|post comment

[13 Oct 2008|11:16pm] anorexicqueen [thinskin23] so i bought hoodia, and its supposed to be a really good appitite supressent. i tried 2 tablets today and it worked during the day, the whole day, the at night, it kinda stopped working and when i came home from school around 9p, i ate pop tarts and bread. the most disgusting food that can possibly make u feel heavy during the night...uhg, im so mad at myself. i really dont see any point in living, if im not going to loose this weight. i was 129 four days ago, and now im back up to 134. what the helll, im so pissed at myself. im taking 3 laxatives tonight as usual. and everyday, im just going to try to eat 1 meal, (usual soup and about 5 crackers) and just drink tea and water. trying to aim under 300 calories. <3 3 comments|post comment

lie into starvation [13 Oct 2008|04:26pm] anorexicqueen [anorexic_witch]  this is a poem I wrote last night when I was depressed. Suffocating in my minds insulation Trying to prevent negativity from entering Some days, seem like a lost cause. The delusions in my head; on a balance beam centering The stories I have created, to mold people’s perception My lies; I begin to believe Every dishonest story line, continues  Different characters and personality begin to weave. All because I was lonely Withdrawing from affection Never good enough for my self Suffocating by wants of perfection Each day I struggle To tighten my grip on my words, so I can be accepted from above So I can live with a significant lover How; when I’m not good enough for my self to love I am back down to 97 pounds. I'm still fat and unable to love. I get lonely so I don't eat so I can be worth loving but I get sexually lonely sometimes. I don't need a conversation I just need a cuddle buddy or someone to make out with who I know cares but the feeling tends to pass by fast and being alone I strive for once again. I can't affored diet pepsi any more so I have moved onto the cheep diet coke..it's not that bad...does the trick. only ate 210 calories today.  stay strong girls xoxo chrisa 3 comments|post comment

[13 Oct 2008|07:53pm] anorexicqueen [x_emily_b_x] Bad day. Again. 3 comments|post comment

[12 Oct 2008|11:49pm] anorexicqueen [thinskin23] ( ...... ) 4 comments|post comment

[12 Oct 2008|09:05pm] anorexicqueen [color_me_strong] [ mood | listless ] I lost 5 lbs, fell into another stand still...and here I am standing still. This always happens. I'm liquid [tea&water&coffee] fasting this week. And maybe forever. I wish I could fast forever, life would be so much simpler. Has anyone read "The Hunger Artist" by Kaftka? I think its a must-read for anyone plauged by this and anyone wanting to understand it better. Food is too complicated. Why is it so necessary? There are only two reasons I see that I really need food for right now (the two things keeping me from thowing it all) 1. School--I need to be able to think and focus. Isn't there another way? 2. Rock climbing--my new passion, my new social life, me new escape. Why does require the engergy provided by carbs and the muscle built by protein? 3 comments|post comment

[12 Oct 2008|11:46am] anorexicqueen [sinincarnate] so i think this is hilarious, that just before we go out to dinner, my dad walks into my room and says "tomorrow morning we're going to have biscuits and gravy for breakfast-- then pork chops and potatoes for dinner" ARE YOU FRICKEN KIDDING ME?! he's like "are you gonna wake up for breakfast?" and i gave him probably the worst look and said "NO." he just laughed and smiled. i got through dinner, ate a bit of salad, a half or so of a breadstick, and my dinner. after that i didn't eat anything for the rest of the night. i fell asleep crying because of how i felt and because i had another bought of me hating myself [for multiple reasons besides eating] i had a dream about my ED where i was at a resturant with cast members from Fresh Prince of Bel-air and i wanted to purge the fries i just ate. this wasn't the first ED dream I've had. anyways i just woke up, TWO POUNDS LIGHTER! probably the best news in a long time, though i'm not that enthusiastic about it. plan on fasting today. i'll flush dinner. huzzah xoxoxoxoxox post comment

hey ladies [12 Oct 2008|07:16am] anorexicqueen [yourtryingsmile] gooood morning. fast day 2 wish me luck i love u girls every single one. 5 comments|post comment

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