> 300m
PLESIOSAUR. Light of your life, fire of your loins, who sent you spiraling through depression for years when she told you she'd never love you and every so often drops by to offer you moral support like a ghost or a memory
MOBY-DICK. Quirky, aggressive, rule-breaking bombshell close friend who rescued you after the plesiosaur ate your ship and has been elusive ever since
BIBLICAL LEVIATHAN. Female best friend who doesn't see you as anything more than that
LOCH NESS MONSTER. Shy loner from college who occasionally appears in your life and then vanishes almost before you know she was there
HUMPBACK WHALE. Close friend, other
GIANT SQUID. Passive-aggressive but sexually curious friend who occasionally brings you down
TIGER SHARK. Lonely sexual predator friend of friend who teases you, but who you are certain you will never date
200m - 300m
ORCA. Friend from college, other
BOTTLENOSE DOLPHIN. Friend, other
SEA TORTOISE. Shy, flirtatious friends-of-a-friend who won't come out of their shells
DWARF FORTRESS CARP. (v0.31.16) Game developer girl
DWARF FORTRESS CARP. (v0.28.181.40d) Gamer girl
BLUE MARLIN. Philosophy / literature grad student
SAILFISH. Grad student, other
ATLANTIC BLUEFIN TUNA. Improv actress
PACIFIC BLUEFIN TUNA. Actress, other
SWORDFISH. Comedienne
ALBACORE TUNA. Musician
100m - 200m
NARWHAL. Librarian
CHINOOK SALMON. Poet / writer who still writes
POLLOCK. Serious artist / designer
ATLANTIC SALMON. That cute photographer you see darting about at shows
RAINBOW TROUT. Second generation hippie
JELLYFISH. Colorful but stinging media theorist tsundere
ATLANTIC COD. Social worker
SEA BASS. Exchange student / backpacker
YELLOWTAIL. Otaku
NASSAU GROUPER. Hipster
FUGU. Arts critic
POTATO COD. Yuppie
BARRACUDA. Dancer / athlete
CLOWNFISH. Circus anarchist
TANG. Sweet, innocent girl from church
FLOUNDER. Disillusioned inner city schoolteacher
PIRANHA. Magazine columnist
Surface - 100m
BETTA. The jaded sexual nihilists who are always making out with random strangers at parties and comprise like 30% of OKCupid
MINNOW. Anyone from high school
SARDINE. Tragically young single mother
ANGLERFISH. Random chicks smoking outside hipster bars on karaoke night
LAMPREY. Stereotypical Asian-American yuppie OH BURRRRRRN
CANDIRU. Rules Girl
BARNACLE. Hard drug addict
GIANT ENEMY CRAB. RIIIIIIIIIIDGE RACER
blah blah blah NOT FISH blah blah blah FRESHWATER blah blah blah SIZE DISCREPANCY blah blah blah WHALE WHAT ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT blah blah blah MISSING THE POINT OF THE ALLEGORY