dream on

livejournal is only useful when you're all into making friends and stuff, friends who use the internet. i guess now my friend(s) [note the really ambiguous parentheses around the pluralisation of friend] are non-internet dependent friend(s). me and him/her/them are just not really into the whole technology anymore.

omg, i'm a luddite. well, not a true luddite but yesterday's luddite, you know?

i dont think i'll ever buy a laptop for school. I write so fast during my lectures that my wrist hurts. I read books, as opposed to "surfing the web" as kids call it these days. i write in a diary and not an "el-jay." i dont own an iPod nonananano or whatever new one they have now. I have my touch-wheel&buttons iPod. it's like fucking vintage. you dont see it around anymore. i dont play RPG or those online games, but I play freecell. i dont type with my fingers on the home-row...

blasfkljeqgiqopcmq.

I havent written in a while, not even in my real hand-written journal.

Sherry told me that it is because I have gotten happier, that my life has been busier (as in occupying myself with other possibly "just as bad" negative thoughts) I dont have time to write. I suppose that is true. Everynight I get so tired and I just dont want to do anything. I dont want journal-writting to be a chore, at all. And I'm writting now because I'm taking a break from studying... well, not that I'm taking a break, but it's just that after I fell asleep on my desk at around 6.30pm I havent been studying at all. But I swore on my mother's life that I will at least finish my Psych205 Ch.1 study guide stuff. So, even though it is past half past twelve, here I am...

I heard my sister and her boyfriend having sex the other night, for the second time in my life. Just as I was starting to forget the first incident, they corrupted me once again. It's horrible. I dont think anyone can understand unless they had a similar experience. :(

Anyhow, school is boring and yet sooo stressful. It really sucks. Everything I am learning is overlapping with everything else. I'm starting to get really confused. did i mention that it's also all very stressful? My psych205 midterm and latin vocab quiz is this friday. Then next Friday I have my psych217 and geog121 midterms and a latin grammar quiz. Then, I think my psych217 paper is due the following week, with my Latin midterm sometime that week too. Ohfffff. But I kind of sadistically love the pressure. I dont need to think about anything else, I only need to feel horrible about how academically incompetent I am. but then once I am done with my exams I would feel better about myself. I really want to do well this year. I am trying to get an A average, so maybe I need to be working a little bit harder than this.

Nikolai has been teaching me cute animal words in Bulgarian. It's the cutest. peng-vinche, del-phinche, pahti... And then I teach him cute animal words in Cantonese and when he says them he is the most adorable. We always get into petty arguments, though. We act like old people. The other day he said that he wishes that he had met me 2 or three years later, as opposed to last year. I dont know what he meant by that. It might have something to do with the time we talked about our "future" and whatnot. Not that we're planning to get married, but, at least me, I was wondering if we're still going to be together in a few months, or half a year. And Nicky really cares, but I know that it's hard enough for him to have already been "committed" to me for the past half year... And to ask him to think about the future, he just doesnt know and stuff. I understand all that, but I remember in the past he had said that maybe in a few years he'll start to find someone to settle with. (He is a guy with traditional values at heart, afterall) But well, I'll never know. I asked him what he meant by the 2 or 3 years later thing again a few days later, and he said that he doesnt know, and didnt know.

I saw Pammy today when I was coming out from Latin class. It was funny. We screamed and laughed as soon as we saw each other and made a scene. Ohff. It's really great. She makes me laugh. It's nice to know her.

Mmm, I'm going to eat organes

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some concerns have been risen over whether it is good for me to be reading Nietzsche. Hell, I thought it would be pretty bad to read some Jungian stuff, but it wasnt so bad. Sure, Nietzsche might depress the hell out of me, but which pessimistic anti-religion philosopher doesnt? I'm sorry to have generalised Nietzsche like that. He's not actually anti this and that, he just doesnt like them very much. he makes me laugh though, and the translation is very well done.

onto other businesses... Latin 100 is over! And 82% is my grade. I am fucking ecstatic about it because it is my highest grade (yet). A-! It pulled my average up by 2 percent. Damn Chem121.

Mmm, what is stealing? Stealing would be purposely taking somebody's possession away from them. What about picking up money on the ground, is that stealing? Some may say that it is finding. It seems that "finding" $1 on the ground is alright, but if it was $100... I personally dont think I can beat my conscience into it. Not even $5, I think. I might take it, but feel extremely bad about myself. You know that rule in which if you found something on the street of value, if you put up a note saying that you found it and for 2 weeks no one comes to you, then it's yours? I think that is fairly reasonable. You're not taking the material immediately, but you give chances for the owner to retrieve it... Is two weeks too long though? Some people say that three days are all the times you need to give.

So here's the deal. I found an awesome baseball cap on the road the other day. I am going to do the note thing for sure... I sure am greedy, arent I? But if you think about it the other way around, I am just safe-keeping it for the owner of the cap. At least I am not greedy enough to just take it and say that it is mine, right? And if the owner of the cap does turn up, then I definitely will, willingly, return it. I think that it is quite fair what I am doing. I dont think I am right, because the reason I picked it up is because I desired it. Maybe it just cancels out, maybe nobody really cares.





emerald: //sighs

the next week will be my last week of Latin 100. how time flies by! Latin is actually a really amazing, but dead language. There are so many rules and declensions and cases, but you are amazed by how those Romans communicated with it. I dont think I would understand much if I was hearing Latin, but I can read quite well. I did really well on my midterm (90.5% to be exact) and I really hope that I will get an A in this. That will pull my average up and that's total yayness.

my birthday was last week. i didnt celebrate much or anything. Nikolai and I went to Belthazar and had a pricey dinner. Then we came home and slept. We were so tired. The next morning he went home and I went to school. I received cards from Karen and Richa. Mum bought me a little set of perfume which I like very much. Nikolai bought me a turntable and gave me a bunch of records! But then I think we broke the record player by not being extra-careful with it while bringing it home and stuff. grrr. So then it doesnt work anymore and I feel so bad about, especially he said that he'll get me another one. I forbade him in doing so but we will see. If he got me another one, I said that I'd get him those toy guns from those safeway machines. He wanted a shotgun but last time he got a... longer kind of, mmm, i'm not too familiar with gun names but one of those long ones with an aiming hole. I said that I'd get another one myself, but he said that he wants me to have a record player from him.

mmm, lj sucks.

Mmm, i havent updated in a while and that's probably fine. no one really, really cares anyways. i havent written in my journal-journal for maybe 4 or 5 days either. That's probably my record.

I have been busy lately.
I broke up with Nikolai.
I got back with Nikolai.
I disco Latin.
meus midterm est tomorrow.
*switches to latin mode*
Non laeta sum. Sed OK est. cupio discere meum Latin bene miserque non sum.
discessi multa quarttor "weeks".
fessa sum. cupisne dormire mecum servareque ab miseris?

to be honest, i am impressed with myself regarding my latin-ability. :O.

My new resolution is to be
Someone who does not take everything so seriously
I want to laugh and joke, and have a smoke, and have a good time
And join an institution that will fuel my mind
Whoever said ignorance it was bliss
Well there's something there that I declare they surely missed
Cause in the days of modern ways you'll get passed by
Try to have some fun, not always run, take it in stride
I was out there on an open sea no direction and no one to lead

And then I look back now and how did we get here
The way was foggy but we didn't really care
Because stagnance makes me drown and I really want to live

My new resolution is to be
Someone who does not care what anyone thinks of me
Because I don't even like myself half the time
So what's the use of worrying about what's on other people's minds
I was out there on an open sea no direction and no one to lead

i've been tourist-y lately. I went to the Aquarium and the Capilano Suspension Bridge for free thanks to Allie. Both places were really fun because I havent been to there in a while (years!). At the Aquarium, a silly butterfly just landed on my hand when I was taking a picture. It was pretty awesome. I was flattered.

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Later today, Nikolai and I came up with some "Yo'Mama" jokes. We actaully sat down, and thought of them. Haha. We're pretty bad at it, though.

1. Yo mama's so fat that when she sits in a car, she's the driver.... AND the passenger.
2. Yo mama's so fat that when she sits on the crapper... it breaks.

And that's all we've got. We also tried to come up with some "your dad's so gay..." jokes but we only came up with really bad ones.

1. Your daddy's so gay, his asshole is loose.

Eeesh.

i like joni mitchell.
i think i like the 70s in general. Especially how optimistic people were back then, despite so much going on. Living on the moon, world peace, and all that stuff.
i also like cute little green frogs on green shirts.
i dont like how nikolai refuses to talk to me, though.
mom told me to bring him home for dinner on saturday or something, but i dont know if i should. nikolai hates that stuff.
blah :(

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what's cool:
. buying a $25 "Louis Vuitton" wallet to make a statement about consumerism and materialism
. being out and proud
. calling your awesome biceps "water pistols"
. differentiating between good music and bad music

what's hot
. Jude Law
. dressing yourself by pulling whatever out from your closet but somehow end up looking great at 6 in the morning
. appreciating music from before when you were born
. general respect, self-awareness, and dreams

what's not
. showing so much skin with your clothes that when you put on sunblock before you leave home you end up using the whole bottle
. still stalking your crush from the 8th grade
. thinking gay people just didnt "pray hard enough" for God to give them their heterosexuality back
. showing off how many bands you know and how well you know them

okay, here's a weird thing:
. add up the worth of all the clothes and accessories you are wearing right now and determine whether your lifestyle is worth that much. Or maybe if your clothes actually worth that much. Could you have used the money on other things if you end up with $500 worth of stuff on you?

glasses - $350
blouse - $20
tank top - $30
pants - $130
undergarments - $15
socks - $5

i am kind of horrible
if you are a vegetarian, are you supposed to go "cold tofu turkey"?
if 7-11s are open 24/7... why do they have locks on the doors?
what's another word for "thesaurus"?
A girl's best friend? Diamonds. A man's best friend? Dogs.

guilty pleasure of the moment: listening to Ashlee Simpson's Autobiography.

you just have to admit that it is a very well produced album of a girl who's trying to tell you that she's different: no matter how horrible her reality teevee show is, or how you've never seen her hold a guitar or sit by a piano. Yes, it is the by-product of a middle-higher class white suburban family and the current materialism + consumerism. You cant resist it. The more you fear it, the more you want to own it to get it under control.

Ashlee Simpson pisses me off. Her pretentious raspy voice makes me want to hurt people. Her black hair, black fingernails, black converse, black eyeliner... gaaah!

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I am super worried that I will not be able to register for any of the classes I want. My registration time is 7.15am tomorrow. Nikolai's is 7.00am tomorrow. Argh. Blah!

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I went to Zulu Records today and bought Ted Leo's Shake the Sheets on vinyl, so Nikolai can listen to it. Also, Eel's latest 7" on limited colour vinyl. Also, a copy of June's Utne. I had wanted to buy tickets to the Eels show on Saturday... But I doubt that I will be up for going out alone, especially since I hurt my back the other night. I have bruises on my knees (from falling on my knees) and my back is just fucking killing me.

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I havent seen Nikolai in like, four days and it is our record for not having seen each other longest. (well, other than the first 18 years of our lives before we met) we are sort of doing the "taking a break" thing. We're not going to meet until next week at the earliest. We have been talking on the phone though. I forgot that since today we have gone out for two months. He remembered and sent me an email. It was nice.

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If I were 19 already, I would probably be at the Rilo Kiley show tonight, and I would also definitely see Stephen Malkmus on Sunday. And then I would get piss drunk (legally) the following morning.

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ohff, i am so lame.