Dr. Laura Schlessinger's Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in
Dr. Laura Schlessinger's LiveJournal:
|Friday, May 6th, 2005|
|Don't be so quick to forgive!
It is definitely unhealthy for people to be so quick to forgive. It is often undeniably unhealthy for the individual and potentially dangerous or destructive for the family or community. And I'm tired of folks trying to split hairs with me about the "definition" of forgiveness.
From what I have gleaned over 56 years of life – and a little less than half of them on radio – it is one of the most overused concepts in dealing with so-called "wrongdoers" or folks who perpetrate outright evil. It depowers the innocent and empowers the not-so-innocent. The basic premise of "forgiveness" is always explained by a listener as a means of "letting go" of the pain and rage so that one can have a serene life. Well, my friends, I have a real problem playing with fire just because it makes one "feel better."
Forgiveness is defined first as "absolving" or "granting pardon" for an offense. When one pardons another, he or she basically releases them from obligation or penalty. When one absolves another, he or she frees the other from guilt or blame or responsibility or consequences.
When someone commits an illegal act involving you – battery, theft – it is not an offense solely involving you, it is an offense against society and the civil and moral rules that govern it. Therefore, I always push folks to file reports with the police. Look at it this way, if the person has to deal with the righteous consequences of their actions, they have the opportunity to cleanse their soul, and psyche, and lives from self-centered, thoughtless or immoral tendencies.
The enormity of the betrayal and the lack of true remorse beg for no forgiveness. The strength gathered from standing up to a blase attitude about evil-doers would help one stronger in their life in general.
What too many people aren't told by the "therapists" and "clergy," who urge knee-jerk forgiveness, is that not holding people accountable, not telling and showing them that their actions have severe consequences, will likely make you feel less important and make your pain feel inconsequential.
Yes, there are things that are unforgivable. Don't let folks bully you into forgiveness when, indeed, it is likely to be a further assault upon your well-being.
We have to accept that there are some things you mustn't forgive and that love is earned. Only when you have accepted these ideas could you truly come to peace with your past.
|Thursday, April 28th, 2005|
|Best of everything, except love
You know, I'm regularly criticized by reporters, columnists and interviewers for my stance on working couples with children.
The antagonist (often a feminist or a feminist sympathizer who thinks I'm a woman-hater!) usually tries to undercut my position by pointing to an extreme case of a working mother – such as a widow, or a very low-income couple stuck in minimum-wage jobs.
I always respond, that in my experience, it is precisely these women who manage to put their children first, even with all the very real constraints they have to deal with. They don't argue with me. They desperately wish their situations were different, because they long to spend more time with their children. And, because of this deep desire they often find a way to do it – by working from home; working alternate shifts with their spouses; sharing job and baby-sitting responsibilities with another mother, etc.
These are not the parents I am talking about, and everyone who interviews me knows that! But it's more appealing to appear as though one is speaking up for the underdog, rather than defending one's own selfish choice to see their children for a few hours each day as they pursue careers in journalism, medicine, the law and business.
Sadly, as the discouraging data from surveys of families and children begins to pile up, it offers overwhelming support for my very politically incorrect and painful nagging. Our children are lost, bewildered, rude, poorly educated, immoral, unethical and depressed because they have so little meaningful, sustained contact with adults – primarily their parents!
These children are telling us loud and clear what I've been saying for years. There is no nanny or daycare center in the world that can be to a child what their mother ought to be – what they expect, need, want and deserve in a relationship with their mothers! Motherhood is such a critically important, exalted, revered and gratifying calling. How did women allow themselves to become so brainwashed and to stay that way even after they have experienced the miracle of birth and the utterly unique, intense pleasure that comes from relationships with one's children?
My heart goes out to these "poor little rich kids." They call my radio show quite frequently to discuss a problem they are having with a parent, a step-parent, a missing parent, a parent who has abandoned them in favor of his/her "new" family, a sibling or a step-sibling. I often ask them to put a parent on the phone, and there isn't one at home, which is probably why this poor child is calling a talk show looking for guidance and direction.
It's all I can do to maintain my composure on the air (and sometimes, I don't) while listening to them matter-of-factly state a family situation which is just this side of criminal, in my book. And these are the kids who are trying to do the right thing, if only I can help them figure out what that is!
No wonder these kids drink and use drugs at alarming rates in 6th and 7th grades – all pressure, all the time, plus no nurturing, no supervision and no emotional support equals children who will fill up those empty spaces with anything they can find, including substances, sex and cynicism. And all the money in the world doesn't make a dime's worth of difference.
|Friday, April 15th, 2005|
|The Rind Report
Well, here we I am sitting around visiting the various advice communities. I am not shocked to see a number teenage girls asking for advice about a boy they like after having slept with them or hoping to. I couldn’t resist adding my own public service announcement about abstinence. What is the matter with me! Don't I know that I should respect kids as sexual beings – that I shouldn't be too quick to deny children and teenagers the right to make their own sexual decisions?
Oh, boy, here we go again. Heinous and dangerous arguments all dressed up as respect for the rights of others. Americans are suckers for this argument. Just look at how the media, civil libertarians and university officials are jumping on the bandwagon in support of Judith Levine's "Harmful to Minors," a book that continues the argument launched two years ago in the American Psychological Bulletin that sex between children and adults is not always harmful. As a matter of fact it can be downright beneficial, according to Levine. The book argues in favor of the policy in The Netherlands, where children from 12 to 16 are not considered minors for the purpose of consensual sex. If parents take exception to their children's decisions to have sex with an adult partner, they must argue their case before The Council for the Protection of Children and "persuade" the Council that the child's wishes should not be granted. In other words, the parents are considered guilty until proven innocent.
Have you ever heard more deceptive language than a Council for the Protection of Children that protects children's rights to have sex with adults at the age of 12?
Pedophiles are, under the best of circumstances, extremely difficult to convict. Often members of revered professions in the community, accused pedophiles appear in court in three-piece suits, as well dressed and well spoken as the judges themselves, who can't bring themselves to believe that such upstanding citizens could be guilty of such heinous crimes. The terrified, violated children are no match for them.
In articles about the controversy surrounding the Levine book, both the Boston Globe and The New York Times mention its predecessor – the infamous "Rind Report" – published in the American Psychological Bulletin in 1999, concluding that some sexual liaisons between adults and children are beneficial to the kids and should not be called "child abuse."
I am appalled that there are parents out there that support this latest advance in the attempt to lower the age of consent and make our children more vulnerable to sexual predators.
|Thursday, April 14th, 2005|
|The proper care and feeding of husbands
Women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."
Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. Women should use this power – which will result in them being happier with life and love. The most common complaints men have about their wives are:
·Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs
·Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them
·Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them
·Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so
·Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men What are husbands' most important needs?
He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting.
He wants to feel she needs and admires him
He wants to know she desires him
Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?
They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.
Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return. Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?
I happen to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God. Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the belittling of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.
Would you as a woman be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal? Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities. What about the husband's responsibilities ?
Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the guidance of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.
These ideas and techniques are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! We must get prejudices and bad attitudes out of the way.
|Wednesday, April 13th, 2005|
|Schools making sissies out of our kids
When I was a little girl my mother instructed me in the proper response to anyone hitting me. She said, "Never, never hit anyone first; but, if they hit you first, hit them back immediately and twice as hard!"
Some school have policies that specify that both children caught fighting will be disciplined and that the discipline could be a citation that could run as high as $800. This is a new twist to a long-standing USD policy to punish both bully and victim, thereby punishing the victim twice.
Victims have no rights whatsoever and are not allowed to defend themselves. They are treated almost as bad as the criminal. I can't believe that if you are being attacked you can't defend yourself, you just have to take it and pray you don't get hurt enough to kill you. What is this world coming to? How can you expel someone for defending themselves? Aren't you punishing the innocent? '
My request is that you parents vociferously defend yourselves and your children.
I think there is one more issue here – that of the left-wing indoctrination of children to be subservient and not stand up to defend each other, much less themselves, from attack. You can readily see this philosophy being expounded on the national campaign trails by those who don't seem to have the clear vision of evil-versus-good and the moral obligation to stand between evil and the innocent; the tendency to define all violence as bad, such that when a country defends itself against suicide bombing of innocent children, it becomes morally equivalent in their minds to targeting a terrorist in his car; the argument that because America did not find a nuclear bomb in Saddam's closet the mass graves of innocent Iraqis don't qualify as sufficient motivation for defense from the outside.
This is, in my opinion, a concerted effort to morally enfeeble our children – and that will not only weaken our country. It will make the world more available for evil to have a triumphant reign.