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janell denise

does he cry through broken sentences, like i love you far too much.
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daaaang [ its only Friday, a day in February, lovers on the 16th]
I haven't updated this thing in SO long. ha.
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[ its only Sunday, a day in September, lovers on the 17th]
ughhhh
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new year. last year. [ its only Tuesday, a day in August, lovers on the 22nd]
it's weird to think of all the things that've gone on in the past 12 years of school. It's weird to think its finally all coming to an end. everything i've worked for most of my life is finally coming to an end. this is it. our last year of highschool. how was the ride? mine was everything I was told it would be. I grew up so much and I learned a lot. I start school tomorrow. Third highschool in the past four years. Im in the middle of the biggest emotional crisis i've ever gone through. My dad got engaged and everyones life changed. it's not fair. its not fair that I worked so hard to have it taken away from me. this was supposed to be my year. my turn to just relax and have a good time. i hate that it was taken from me. it's just not fair...and im sick of things not being fair. i hate that i had to move here. i hate that i have to stay here. i hate that i have to start a brand new school tomorrow. i hate that nothings ever going to be the same. why the fuck can't things just go right? the past year has been nothing but things going wrong. I tried to keep a good attitude, i tried to tell myself that it would be okay...that it was all just temporary..hold on a little longer and work your way through it. this was it. they took my life away. they moved me 70 miles away from anything and everythign that's ever mattered to me. i dont see my family. i dont see my friends. my relationship of almost a year has gone to hell. i have nothing left to give. i have nothing left in me to fight with. im almost 18 and i have no drive anymore. everything has been drained out of me and i hate that i gave it all i had. i hate this. i hate this i hate this. i'm scared to move. im scared to speak. i dont know what i can do anymore. is there a way to fix all of this? no, you can't fix what has already been done. i dont know how im going to get through this year. i can't fucking think of any one thing to work for. i have no motivation. i have no desire. i have no drive. something needs to change. i cant do this anymore.
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