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[14 Apr 2005|05:17pm] |
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mood |
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no f*ing clue |
] |
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music |
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protege moi |
] |
meh. . .
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[11 Apr 2005|05:37pm] |
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i was going to update but whats the point.
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[18 Feb 2005|09:13pm] |
so now im an asshole?
hmmm sorry i hide behind a mean exterior thats just the way i get over people.but i honestly hope stef is happy and thats all ill say on that subject
anyways tonight theres a bloomington party!!!
my friends band plus three kegs and some shooters equals loud and crazy fghkjghkjhfgkj!!!
i got a song stuck in my head
"i see a red door and i want it painted black"
"no colors anymore i want them to turn black"
"i see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes. . .
i have to turn my head until my darkness goes"
"i see a line of cars and their all painted black"
"with flowers and my LOVE both never to come back"
"i see people turn their heads and quicly turn away"
"like a new born baby it just happens everyday"
"i look inside myself and see my heart is black. . ."
maybe then ill fade away and not have to face the facts bla bla bla and so on and so forth. . .
buh bye.
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[16 Feb 2005|09:18pm] |
im drunk on cough syrup hahahahah
i was thinking that shit used to be shitty a long time ago and for about
four years it has been pretty good in comparison.
i should just appreciate the shit that isnt fucked intead of planning on the shit that can go wrong.
bla anyways im still buzzing it and i read stef's journal and it seems shes moved on,good for her.
i guess its eazier to throw away feelings. . .but its taking me longer.
bla bla bla bla
ive got a snake in my boot!!!
someone stop that one legged mer-man he stole my jumping jelly beans!!!
i better go outside and look at the moon before shes gone.
hey hey hey, bye.
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| R |
[14 Feb 2005|06:55pm] |
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mood |
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R |
] |
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music |
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supeR old undeRoath |
] |
hmm. . .i feel soooooooooo guh damn fucking sleepy.
:::yawn:::
seRiously i am dRained
im going to go to sleep in like two seconds
eveRything is blurry
my psych. pRescribed me some valume and they make me all calm and its like i dont have a pRoblem in the world :)
i just feel like all flatlined ____________________. . .
i dunno it feels good i guess.
but i know it will only last like two houRs.
i shoudnt depend on pRescription dRugs.
any wayz im supeR dookie. . ummm i mean supeR doopeR sleepy
i hope eveRyone had/has a funtastically gReat valentines day!
mines wasnt so bad even though i didnt do shit but its cool i just wanna go to bed.
oh ya im agnostic. . .
at least thats what my sister says but ya i dunno i gotta go ,llateR .
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[12 Feb 2005|07:15pm] |
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music |
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death cab for cutie |
] |
just got back from skating at rialto.
good thing it didnt rain.
im missing stef and i think its a waste
of time because
she probably doesnt miss me.
i dont know.
i didnt want it to be over for good but i was
frustrated. . .
but now it is done and i cant do a thing about it.
meh i guess im on my own. . .
i miss her alot
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[04 Jan 2005|08:55pm] |
i saw stef today but i didnt want to emberass her in front of her friend
so didnt hug her or anyhting. . .now i regret that:(
i missed her soo much and i didnt even hug her.
well i dunno work was . . .well it's work enough sed.
man im going to call stef rite now she probably hates me but i had to go to joes work today so i got home a little while ago.
well since i only write about STEF and she is the only one who reads this
ill cut back on lj and just call her more.
p.s stef you're gonna get it on friday :::shakes fist:: ha ha ha
but seriously i want to hang out with you on friday.
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[03 Jan 2005|03:06pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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MY BLOODY VALENTINE |
] |
well i just got in from work. . .
its not fun but i cant complain.
the weird thing is that the only way i made it
through work is because i thought of stef alllll
day and how badly i want to see and talk to her.
drinking is over for me. . .fuck drinking
if its going to ruin things with
me and my stef, then FUCK DRINKING!
its not worth it.
nothing is worth losing her.
im going to do the math on how long its going to take me to get a car :)
lets see $7.50 an hour
times 8.5 hours
= $63.75
now times $63.75 by 5 days a week
thats $318.75 a week
minus like 40.00 for taxes
thats $278.75 a week!!!
WITH THAT MONEY ME AND STEF ARE GOING TO ALL KINDS OF SHIT :)
ANYWAYS I GOTTA SPLIT
TAKE CARE.
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[01 Jan 2005|03:57pm] |
shit i dont know.
im still wondering what to do
about last nite
i ruined everything
like always.
i should have went with my
first instincts
and just had a crush from afar.
instead of dating her and ruining her life.
i do love her but i dont want to
furhter ruin things.
shit i dont know.
why do i always mess things up?
does she hate me?
does her dad?
well they should.
i dont know what to do.
should i move away and hide frome this
mess that ive caused
or should i stay and see if she still loves me?
i just dont know.
for now ill just sit and hope she's ok.
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| pitch black acceptance |
[31 Dec 2004|05:27pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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the kinnison |
] |
"with the lights on she can see my imperfections
she can see the insecurities in my eyes
my flaws are visible in the light
seeing her face and her smile
only re assures me that i dont belong
i dont fit in with the beautiful people
but when the lights are dimmed
and sight is blurred
only then do i feel that i belong
only then do feel that i fit in
i guess you'll call it pitch black acceptance"
well i dunno what else to say
soo i better go.
buh bye
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[29 Dec 2004|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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moving units |
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well, i just got back from highland
::::finally::::
shit the whole time all i could think about was stef!
i called her but it wasnt good enuff
god. . .umm err i mean shit i cant wait to see her.
also i lost a friend who really annoyed me anyways
soo i guess thats not so bad.
i felt so bad before i left,i think i made my steph cry :(
im sorry . . .i mean it ,i never meant to make you cry.
i hope you forgive me.
oh ya and i got a new job!!!
400.00 dollars every two weeks
thats cool i guess.
well i better call stef before i go crazy.
ha ha
goodbye to all
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[19 Dec 2004|05:07pm] |
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mood |
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poopie |
] |
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music |
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weezer |
] |
just got in from work. . .
work was weird the guys were stupid,most of them
didnt even speak english.
but i did get paid like $150.00 soo its all gravy!
ha ha ha ha ha ha
while i was on my break i called my
buttmunch of a girlfriend lol j/k she actually
is amazing!!!
anyhooo ,i found out that the lazy - yet perfect -
stef woke up at like 2pm!!! lucky ,i had to wake up at like
five in the morning
i think joe wants to get wasted tonite because we both
couldnt chill much over the weekend.
well im out for a night on the town
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[17 Dec 2004|02:16pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
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music |
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none |
] |
ha ha ha dep is the best hahahahaha!!!!!
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[16 Dec 2004|10:38pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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ashes |
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well first. . .
stef you got mascara all over my face ha ha ha. .
i didnt notice till i got back.
i felt soo dumb ha ha ha
well tonite was awesome ,i wish i could fall asleep with you every night.
you are what ive been waiting for. . .
everything i wanted. . .
your smile and laughter make me
week at the knees. . .
i would say more but i gotta go rite now im tired
but i hope we see eachother tomorrow
ok buh bye
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[16 Dec 2004|12:37pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
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music |
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bright eyes |
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ok ok ok. . . i decided to forget what happened for stef's sake. . .because it is true that when im down shes down too. And when shes down shes. . . .well she doesnt deserve to be down at all.
plus. . .she ignores her friends and that is never good. stef,your friends should still be number one. . .theyre like sisters err sumthin. . i dunno but i think you know what im trying to say.
anyways for the record,im not mad i just really really want to see stef. . .damn i miss her!!!
heres a scale of how much i miss her
a little [------------------------------------] a lot -----> *
its off the scale!!! ^
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| happiness is a momentary feeling followed by hate |
[15 Dec 2004|11:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hate |
] |
| [ |
music |
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none |
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well i went to ontario. . .
visited an old friend,
she took me to the mall and
i bought some ice cream!
then i saw jessica and
she was kinda down about
getting kicked out so i walked
her to her friends with joe.
SO on the way back i decide to stop by
stef's house. . .big mistake!!!
some guys were playing ping-pong
and thought they would act all tough
i rang the door bell and some
guy said "whats up man,what do you
want?!?!?"
fuck i didnt know it was ten thirty!!!
sorry shit.
then to top things off
as me and joe were walking away they decide to voice an opinion
about my pants "whats up with their pants?. . .faggots!"
now i fucking remember why i hate myself and the entire human race
well not the entire race. . . i do like a few people.
and the one i love is mad at me now.
oh well i dont know what to do about that,im a fuck up and
i cant help it.
god i was soo dumb to think i could actually be
happy. . .im a stupid ass and i hate myself all over
again!!!
stef. . .im sorry i really thought i was soo nice to you but
i guess im not being nice enough. . .im not good enough for you.
i try soo hard to do everything i can for you.
i gotta go and try to keep away from sharp objects.
i knew there was no peace in this world. . . .i only wish joe wasnt there,they
can talk shit to me thats one thing but joe doesnt deserve that.
::::::i am shit :::::::::
p.s
this may sound like im mad at stef.i dont, i love her like crazy
she is an exception to the assholes in the world.
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[14 Dec 2004|11:23pm] |
well i couldnt sleep. . .
i came back to daniels house.
damn i wish i could know if i have
that stupid menangitus thing.
any hoo. . .
i have nothing to say. . .
close my eyes. .
just for tonight!!!
the suuun still sleeps
when she wakes
(i think thats what it says)
oh and i gotta find something
to do on friday. . .drink,
skate,hang out . . .
anything i dont care.
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| killing coufusion by killing options |
[12 Dec 2004|10:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
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music |
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good band |
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well im super tired
and i gotta go to an interview tomorrow "wish me luck"
so i have to go to sleep rite now.
stef,if you read this . . .
sorry i couldnt call you :(
but ill see you tomorrow if thats ok.
and i miss you alot
peace to all ,if peace even exists
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| i am yours for the taking |
[11 Dec 2004|07:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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MARZVOLTA |
] |
last night was cool. . .
true,it did get a little weird
but it got better after that :)
joe,daniel ,stef,alicia,ricardo,ben and more
just chilled and had some fun.
"those eyes and your beauty are unmistakable"
p.sI
i love my stephie!!!
p.s II
THERES A COMPETITION COMING UP SOON
IMMA TEAR THAT SHIT UP!!!
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| the glimmer in your eyes |
[10 Dec 2004|05:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
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music |
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dead poetic |
] |
im going to get some razz. . .
bitches!!!
im not bummed any more im
just looking forward to tonite.
anyhoo its time to go .
gotta get the drinks nukka!
gotta see my darling.
:]
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