i need someone who will hold my hand right before the botox needle goes into my forehead. i want fake love and pretend feelings.
i don't want to make friends with people that attempt to catch my attention by staring or glancing. i don't want to make friends with people that follow me for a few minutes then walk away. i don't want to make friends with people that sit next to me or near me and wait for me to say something. i don't want to make friends with people that say "i like your piercings/hair/shoes/eyebrows" and then don't have anything else lined up. i don't want to make friends with people that talk to me out of the blue.
i want someone to walk up next to me and keep walking as if we know one another and we started together from point [a] and plan to continue to point [b]. i want someone who keeps going no matter how far i go, keeping up and not questioning or asking "where". i want someone who just says "hey" and that ends it. i want someone who understands that silence in verbality can be golden because smalltalk is filler and shit and neither of us cared anyway.
i want someone who can just walk. because before you speak you know nothing of a person more than their physical features. how they carry themself, the look on their face, the way they stepskipstumbleand [stop]. how they cross a street with traffic near and how they get through a crowd. if they look both ways. if they breathe through their mouth or their nose. the things you always learn later when the friend or person mattered, because by then we were past all your mememe i'll listen just so i can talk. because by then you cared. because you were comfortable without talking.
i want that first and all the rest after. because i don't want to know your life and it's little details until i am comfortable, not the other way around. it should always be that way.
too bad no one does that.
i suggest you not add me, for you will not be getting what you ask for. my mouth is random and my words are hard to follow. i do not slow down for much of anything, and i only speak for and to myself unless i point directly at you.
i am the kid on your block that never lied to you. i am the one that does not stand out nor will ever choose to. i am the one who is not out to make friends. i'm screaming to myself, and save for any warnings i give to chase you away, i could care so little if anyone listened. people will tell you i'm a saint. [they lie]
people will tell you i'm the dumbest kid they have ever met. [they over exaggerate]
people will tell you i'm insane. [they don't understand]
people will tell you i'm fucking ugly. [they're jealous]
people will tell you i broke their heart. [they wanted it]
people will tell you alot of things [but i'll tell you first]
they'll say i'm the girl they became addicted to.
i'm loud and obnoxious, and i don't wait my turn. i can't mind my own business, and i only stick up for someone when i want to, and attack instead when asked. i'm hot and cold on a good day, and lukewarm on the bads. i'm obsessive and possessive and repressive, and it makes me repeat until you wish i were mute. i'm two sided, but the sides are the same images in the mirror. i never change my mind correctly, and they all wonder if it's even a change with how i flow it. i pick up people that let me and throw them away to rot when i'm done, peaking in at times to remind you that i'm no longer in your life. i don't mind loosing friends as much as i don't mind loss of lives because i understand this is a natural stage of growth development. i'm sarcastic when i love you, kind when i don't. i can't comfort for anyone, and i make you laugh because you're happy i'm not saying that shit about you. i'm a bitch. i'm a one way train to self destruction, and you're my strapped and sedated crew. i don't brainwash, you do it for me. i need to open up and share. i need to not be so touchy and alittle more social.
i have obsessive-complusive disorder, and i like it when people kiss my hand because i'm better than princess diana. i'm the self-injury princess and i really hope you don't mind when i slit my wrists just enough so i can go to sleep.
i'm obsessed with trying to find ways to make everyone feel stupid about themselves because this world has no self-esteem and it's FUNNY. HAHAHHA YOU'RE UGLY AND FAT. mirror mirror on the wall, why is everyone on live journal a stupid fucking idiot? that's not true though, i'm also obsessed with communication and personalities. i like to see how people are online and then realize that in person they're not photoshopped or cool, they suck. i love you, mkay? let me lie so we can be best internet friends. i love you, really. next time you see me in person, make sure and take a picture with me so you can lie and tell all your friends that you know me SO well.