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can i own myself? [Jul. 26th, 2005|11:55 pm] link

[Jun. 25th, 2005|12:17 am] if you're not dead you're just too alive link

[May. 15th, 2005|11:38 pm] in the black of night, a black fly sits on a black table. god sees the fly, but he doesn't see me. - lila says link

[May. 8th, 2005|08:24 pm] well, to begin with, nobody, and i mean nobody, can talk a junkie out of using. you can talk to 'em for years but sooner or later they're gonna get ahold of something. maybe it's not dope. maybe it's booze, maybe it's glue, maybe it's gasoline. maybe it's a gunshot to the head. but something. something to relieve the pressures of their everyday life, like having to tie their shoes. -drugstore cowboy link

[Feb. 28th, 2005|08:36 pm] [ music | the libertines, vertigo ] koreema know just what it is she does it can't be hard for her to get a buzz down in the street below you can hear the drunken prophet sing "i know what's on your mind my boy i can see oh everything lead pipes are fortune made take a tip from me climb up to her window ledge or you'll forever be... walking under ladders as the people round you hear you crying please" who really knows just what it is she does it can't be hard for her to get a buzz the rapture of vertigo and letting go me myself i was never sure was it the liquor or was it my soul? link

[Feb. 21st, 2005|11:19 pm] [ music | damien rice ] cheers darlin' here's to you and your lover boy cheers darlin' i got years to wait around for you cheers darlin' i’ve got your wedding bells in my ear cheers darlin' you give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away and i die when you mention his name and i lie i should have kissed you when we were running in the rain what am i darlin'? a whisper in your ear? a piece of your cake? what am i darlin? the boy you can fear? or your biggest mistake? cheers darlin' here's to you and your lover man cheers darlin' i’ll just hang around and eat from a can cheers darlin' i got a ribbon of green on my guitar cheers darlin' i got a beauty queen to sit not very far from me i die when he comes around to take you home i'm too shy I should have kissed you when we were alone what am I darlin'? a whisper in your ear? a piece of your cake? what am I darlin? the boy you can fear? or your biggest mistake? what am i? here’s to you and your lover what am i darlin’? i got years to wait around for you… link

[Feb. 8th, 2005|10:35 pm] [ music | the libertines ] and to the man who would be king, i will say only one thing: i lived my dream today, and i lived it yesterday, and i'll be living yours tomorrow, got anything else to say? so don't look at me that way link

[Dec. 27th, 2004|09:25 pm] i haven't lost control. of course not. link

what's the best way to commit suicide? [Dec. 25th, 2004|01:52 am] at school, make sure everyone is watching, tie a rope to a stable thing, make sure if you have a hold of the rope you can't touch the ground, tie the rope around your neck and say "fuck you all, you ruined my life, well this is to you" and jump off a plank or something on a wall... that's basically hanging yourself, but make sure you give at least a small speech and make them all feel responsible... link

[Apr. 16th, 2004|11:51 pm] it's over. link

look at this tange of thorns. [Apr. 13th, 2004|07:21 pm] they are going to be blown away. i can only describe it with a passion, this moral epiphany. perhaps later, i will. link

[Apr. 11th, 2004|02:14 pm] oy. link

[Apr. 6th, 2004|05:36 pm] i worked with my boys yesterday. they are both kind of sweet, even if they have confused (but well-meaning) motives. there was a tiny spat, but the lesson was, if you ask for my opinion, you are going to get it. i'm not on the prowl anymore. it was 1, 2, 3, all fall down. if anyone wants to pounce on me, they are welcome to. grrr, come into my lair. [this has been a feline-themed paragraph, eh?] my hair is now the color of death. um, i mean black. little angel was in my dreams last nite. it was probably the first dream that i've remembered in many weeks. she was living in some sort of quarantined hospital with her parents and i would pick her up every day and we would go to my house and i would just feed her. there was this sanguine feeling underlying all the melancholy. i want something impetuous and bright. link

[Apr. 3rd, 2004|08:08 pm] [ music | vladimir vysotsky, what else? ] i feel like my insides are about to burst and i'm about to wipe out. there is nothing to say that will change what there is. yesterday i felt restless and i wanted to throw myself at walls. today i want the walls to collapse onto me. i'm going to go smoke. link

i guess it's time for something real [Apr. 2nd, 2004|03:42 pm] [ mood | dead ] my hands are cold again, and it's a sign of something good and something evil. i did a tea leaf reading today and i got mixed results. it was mostly confusing and nonsensical. i decided to break away from all humanity and stop fighting. on one side, it's giving up, on the other it's freeing everyone from me. it's really quite utilitarian of me, isn't it? i don't want to torture anyone, i don't want to play games; perhaps i just want to disappear. i will give him his guitar tomorrow night. i hope he doesn't make me talk or try to change my mind. i will change my mind later, of course, but it's all for the best. all the work i did - or at least theorized about doing - to be happy was a waste. i guess i am just past the point of return now, and no matter how i think, i cannot find happiness. it's like a disease has taken over me. i feel like an invalid - both physically and mentally. i fell like i am eighty years old and about to die. link

[Mar. 31st, 2004|07:20 pm] it's like death, but worse because you're still alive. link

[Mar. 31st, 2004|02:06 am] i don't know, i don't know, i don't know. why? i don't know. link

[Mar. 27th, 2004|09:15 pm] i guess i just thought that people changed. but they don't. link

[Mar. 19th, 2004|08:41 pm] [ mood | dumb ] in retrospect, everything sucked. link

[Mar. 16th, 2004|10:18 pm] "you'll never be happy, just like your father. you're the one that ruins any party." then why am i still doing this? link

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