It's my day off work but with so much to do I want to rip my hair out! I can accomplish my self-assesment today, but my P.I.A.T. is driving me bananas.
Blahh.. I really shouldn't be going to the movies tonight, however I ditch these group of friends all the time so I figured I'll stick to this commitment. Finding that work/life balance is apparently harder than I expected. It MIGHT be time to do some delegating of tasks. I feel like one person being torn into a trillion. That's an icky feeling.
Enough negativity. All I want to think about is raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.
Pride weekend was retarded. So many people, so many lights, so much nudity. It's amazing what society has deemed socially acceptable. The cultures that Toronto embraces blows my mind.
It was a pride weekend very different from last. I met a lot of new people and realized that I've met the same people over and over again. They simply disguise themselves in various bodies and give themselves different names.
At the end of the day... nothing lost, nothing gained.
Come August 1st, I'll be living all on my ownsome. I'm pretty excited and a bit scared of the plagueing thoughts that'll come to mind spending so much time in solitude. However, I think I'm more than ready to take on this city by myself. I've grown bitter to accomodating other individuals before accomodating myself.
This summer has been, and will be, one for the books...
Last night was pretty fucking crazy, let me tell you.
so I started drinking well before sunset. This is probably where I went wrong in terms of having a successful night out. Regardless, I was so intoxicated I wasn't allowed into Crews, got asked to leave Woody's (after throwing up on their patio), and reconsidered going into Play. I went through 3 bars/clubs in a short span of 2 hours. I felt bad for Ryan who had to pretty much babysit me. But it's what gurls do. We stick together, so hopefully he understands.
It was quite the rough morning. I think I'm going to take it easy for the next couple weeks. I'm not sure how much more abuse my body can take.
In terms of finances, they'll all be sorted out by mid-june. I'm thinking of getting another job just to keep myself occupied and away from the retarded plaquing thoughts of insecurity and scrutinizing others. *shrug* But I'll have to discuss that with Dino in terms of availability.
In other news, Kristin is most definitely staying in Windsor for the summer. It's a bit of a disappointment, but girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Susan has left to Montreal for the weekend, and everyone else is either working or on the outskirts of the GTA. Sooooooo I have no available friends in the area.
However, I'm in a pretty good mood. I've been blaring Leona Lewis all morning long. How does she have such a great tone. It's the black. I assure you, those ladies have SOUUULLL.
There's a 50/50 chance I'm getting a haircut today. It will be drastic, and I may bawl because of sentimental attachments. But it's time. Wish me luck, kids.
"So take a bow, Cause you've taken everything else. You played the part, and like a star, you played it so well.
Take a bow, 'cause this scene is coming to an end. I gave you love. All you gave me was pretend. So now... Take a bow"
The past couple of weeks have been pretty exciting.
Going to Windsor was a lot better this time around than the last. I felt more connected with the people and so there was actually some groundwork to initiate conversation on. Kristin treated me like Carmelo instead of a friend. That's the way it SHOULD be.
I've been spending a lot of time with Mel, Susan, and Jon. It's been fun times, but I've also started reaching out to form a group of friends to call my own. I finally have the desire to see what's out there. A vast new world of people. I've reconnected with my bitches from the village and discovered that the rabbit hole in Alice's Wonderland goes deeper than you would think.
On a totally different and personal note, I just don't understand some people. Mostly it's their lack of honesty. Since when did telling the truth become such a burden? *sigh* Ultimately though, the root issue is me caring too much and being typically emo. This vague yet fairly straight-forward scenario has inspired me to start a project.
Welcome to "Operation get my shit together."
Plan of action is currently in place to meet objective. End completion date is set to Sept. 19th, 2008. Details will be disclosed on a need-to-know basis.
Today is the best day (wheather-wise) Toronto has had in a long time. I think I'm going to bust out the rollerblades and do the cliche iPod/blading mix down the city streets.
Could clean my room... but I've piled all the laundry into one pile. So it *looks* semi-clean. I guess that's good enough for me. I just don't want to waste the day indoors (and really, I'm lazy. Why kid myself.)
Tonight should be interesting. However, interesting nights typically mean BRUTAL mornings. How exciting do I *really* feel? We'll find out.
So I've completed roughly a month of being high every day. I'm now out of weed with no desire to get more anytime soon.
Have my intellectual abilities been adversely effected? *shrug* I have no clue. What I do know, though, is that the paranoia and overwhelming sense of idiocy is smothering. Now don't get me wrong, being high is definitely a great way to kill time if you're looking for a mind-numbing alternative to television, cleaning, reading..etc.etc.
And so I bring my brief but chronic pot-smoking days to an end. It was an overall pleasant experience, but when you're looking for that long-term sense of well-being, it doesn't quite cut it. The search continues...
In other news, I need detox. Oh, and maybe a hobby so that I stay out of trouble.
Where has my mind been the past couple months? In complete and utter disarray.
So to sum up my learning journey thus far: Life's too fucked for words. I can't really give specifics because there are just too many. The longer I live out here, the longer I begin to think there is no rhyme nor reason to what goes on in day to day life.
I need to start thinking more positive about life. I take such a pessimistic view on just about everything that I'm starting to annoy myself. There were once days I greeted mornings with a smile. That was about a year ago... So I'm overdue for a mental/spiritual renovation. So what better day to start than today! Details to follow.