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cyanide_kisses_

I WILL SAY I ONCE HAD WHILE OTHERS MOAN THEY STILL DON'T HAVE
IF I DREAM
SO MANY SWEET DREAMS
MY BRAIN BURNS
ITSELF A CAVITY
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[08 Jul 2005|04:16pm]

NEW JOURNAL!!! add me?

 

________oh_neat

________oh_neat

________oh_neat
DECIDE.

baby I'm a living ghost [07 Jul 2005|03:57pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

RECENTLY life's been good...
I've never been so happy and content in a relationship as this one, the boy confuses me sometimes, but over-all I'm just ultra happy.
I spent a few days at the padre's a little while ago, they bought me fake chicken. I must say, that was rather thoughtful.
There was a mouse in a bin today at work, it was actually a baby rat, I named him Dave and set him free. Work in the mornings is killer, although, I really need the money... but really, who wants to wake up at seven forty five to shovel shit for hours?
I've just been really content in life, and happy. Although, I need to spend more time with certain people, mostly Beth... the summer's just been busy, and she has softball and a job.

I snatch surveysCollapse )

[ 4 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[03 Jul 2005|01:44pm]
[ mood | devious ]

I've been at my dad's for the whole week.
it's been boring.

[ 1 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[27 Jun 2005|03:54pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Jonnycakes and I have been hanging out a bit, it's pretty fantastic. He's extraordinarily sweet.
I ended up with a little color on my face from the Echo Lake/someone's house show. which is lame... because freckles are all over my nose... I prefer to be pale.
I really love life right now.

[ 2 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[16 Jun 2005|09:29pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Jonathan and I are back together, which makes me unbelievably happy.

There's only supposed to be one more day of school. But I have to go in Monday, and make up my geometry exam.

Alex brought me sunflowers, he's ridiculously thoughtful. And my Best friend. [with Beth]



Life is pretty fantastic right now.

[ 4 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[14 Jun 2005|10:46am]
stolen surveyCollapse )
[ 1 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[08 Jun 2005|06:41pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

"if that's the way it is, then that's the way it is"


so, I was sent home sick from school on Tuesday... I went to the doctor, and they tested for strep throat, but I don't have that... none the less, my throat is super sore, and I've been puking [yum] and I have a fever. FANTASTIC!!
so Jonnycakes and I aren't going to have a big extravagant night, on Friday, like I originally planned. He's just going to come over, an we are going to watch movies, which is still very nice.
ANDDDDD, it turns out, that someone likes Jon, I don't blame them, he's perfect. but it still makes me a little bit nervous, but I shouldn't be... he told me there's nothing to worry about, and I believe him.
[But in the off chance, that somehting happens with them, I guess I deserve it... Lord knows I don't deserve that boy... But I'm going to make all of it up to him, and then some.]
p.s. I had a chat with his lady freind, and she's actaully incredibly sweet. it's kind of reassuring.
BUT I FUCKING LOVE HIM


"you are the bluest light"
DECIDE.

[29 May 2005|02:32pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Will I know if I stay here tomorrow? Will I know I won't be just fine?

POEMS

FOR CONNOR

Awkward silence
Sideways glances
hearts now pained,
and Lost Romances.
Moments held
Forever in mind;
Though, never to be repeated,
as fate has proven so unkind.
Promises scared still,
and secrets remain kept,
But we dream no more,
Although we’ve slept
Through our time.
And now it’s gone,
Night has come again,
and I’m left to pray
I forget you by dawn.

[it's for Connor, not about Connor... because it rhymes, and he demanded it.]


WE WON'T LOOK BACK
[untitled, as of yet]

These are the Moments
That will define us.
With eyes wide – panic filled,
Lungs heavy, and limbs just the same
To tired to even dream
Of another battle,
So we step down,
Back out,
And slowly fade away.
We won't turn around.
And we tremble in fear
With memories of the
The Moments that have already defined us.
[ 1 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[25 May 2005|02:56pm]
I am a good samaritan, I rescue small animals form the jaws of beastly catsCollapse )
[ 5 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[08 May 2005|08:59pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Let's not forget ourselves good friendCollapse )

[ 7 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[03 May 2005|10:50pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

be warned, it's a fucking rant.

it just so happens, today was my grandpa's wake.

I find wakes to be the single most disturbing thing a group of people can conjugate and participate it; I htink cult behavior [i.e. the sacrificing of both animals, and humans alike and bizzare sexual habits] are less unsettleing than wakes. The fact that a group of people can hang around, casually reminising in hushed tones about a person they took for granted while they were alive, annoys me, and the fact that the said person that was once taken for granted. lays dead, a few feet away freaks me the fuck out. It's like a modified family party, with a corpse in the midst.

and it was also extremely tedious.

I had to make my way through hoards of people I cna't seem to remember for the life of me. But they all seem to remember me... they remember me whan I was "this big" [as they hold there hand somewhere between their knee and waist], and they tell me about some old memory, when I was at their house, or they were at mine, and I am obligated to smile, and nod in some kind of solom agreement. Some memory, that I frankly don't give a fuck about.

maybe I am just too stressed out, of maybe i am a heartless bitch.
whatever.

[ 3 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[16 Apr 2005|07:43pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

I had nightmares last night, and this morning, so I didn't sleep well.
But last night was swell, and amazing time, really.

This is real baby, that's what I said
DECIDE.

[09 Apr 2005|07:45pm]
[ mood | curious ]

I wrote a poem.

Hopeful Romances of the Night Sky


As the night tightly wraps its arms around the love sick sky,
The stars slowly take their places in this hopeful night,
And the clouds gently offer a comforting embrace.
And I am at home, in my own empty room,
Detached from the displays of affection in the heavens far above.
But I can hear the words you've said,
Each syllable is carefully replayed,
They are my lovely lullabies,
And they will sing me to a peaceful sleep,
Where I can lay content; dreaming of you,
Every lonely, but hopeful night.

Until you softly whisper those sweet melodies to me



[ 11 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[04 Apr 2005|09:23pm]
[ mood | crushing ]

Your Life as a Celebrity by Karen_Walker
username
reason for being famous
plastic surgery you've had done
your tabloid scandalshoplifting
your stalkersaddestdreams21
your best friend
your nemesis
the tabloids think you're dating
you're really dating
your secret lover
your bitter ex
how long you stay in the spotlightyou're a classic. you'll always be famous.
Quiz created with MemeGen!


hooray for having pneumonia.
last night was amazing.
DECIDE.

[03 Apr 2005|02:58pm]
[ mood | impatient ]

so kiddies, I bet the deprivation of insight into my life is driving everyone crazy... I bet, it's true...

But it's cool, because, mostly I have been a bum. a sick bum, I've been coughing like crazy, and I lost my voice for a while.
I've been hanging out with Jouey quite a bit, and it's awsome

Last night I got abducted, by Jon and company... the I wasn't dressed or anyhitng, I didin't even look remotly human... we went to applebees, and I ate lemons.



And I hope, your majesty that you like your position.
I'll do everything I can to keep you by my side
and I'll stare off through the darkness to find us a kingdom


[ 4 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[29 Mar 2005|03:57pm]
what a goddamn mess, what a fucking mess. no should have to put up with me.
Jon is so mad. he's not talking to me.
[ 1 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[24 Mar 2005|06:24pm]
[ mood | dying ]

I'm, dizzy, and puking and have a sore throat, and have a headache. and I'm clammy, and I can't breathe out of my nose, and coughing. to top that off, my entire body is sore!
I think I have the plague, or smallpox, or cancer, but the general idea is that I am terminal.

[ 1 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[22 Mar 2005|04:24pm]
[ mood | content ]

so nothing has happened in the past few days
except...
I convinced myself Jon was gay, and then realized that I was being neurotic, because there is, in fact, no evidence to support his homosexuality.
and Echo Lake show friday, it's going to suck. but I'm going to go anyway.
and I miss Jon! he's only been gone for three days... five more to go.

[ 1 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[13 Mar 2005|07:38pm]
[ mood | impressed ]

Awsome weekend!!! Beth's birthday party was this Saturday... I watched aqua teen hunger force for the first time... I ate an entire XXL pizza at Pete & Elda's, by myself... then we all layed around being sick in beht's basement for a while... then ice cream!! and then the guys left, and we watched saw [which is no where as good as it was hyped up to be] and girl interrupted, which gets better every time I watch it. then I fell asleep... woke up, hing out for a bit, and went home.
then I talked to Jon, and went to his house, we watched Garden State [which makes me think of Alex every time I see it] and part of Napoleon Dynomite. god, that boy makes me so happy. I met his sister, who acted likewe were having sex when she walked in on us, I don't think we were even holding hands at that point? but she was really nice... good weekend. I fucking love my friends. ♥

There is someone knocking on my door. No one lives here anymoreCollapse )

I'm looking for a new place to call home

[ 2 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

[12 Mar 2005|03:05pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Jon can't hang out :[

but it's Beth's birthday party!!! I love her!!

[ 1 ] NEVER COULD DECIDE.

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