| i dont care, i dont care, i dont care. |
[07 Mar 2004|09:22pm] |
i need answers, i need something to make sense. nothings making sense, i dont know what to do, i feel like im going to cry because my head is being so not logical and i have never been this clueless, this stressed, this .. stuck .. on a GUY .. EVER.
and as the subject says, i dont care .. i dont care .. i dont care. whoever the fuck reads this that shouldnt -FINE, im not gonna go ahead and make this friends only. i cant make it private altogether because i honestly do want advice. i need sense. thats what i want. I NEED SOMEONE TO MAKE SENSE OF JUST EVERYTHING. some kind words put into a nice pattern that just shuts my mind up and lets me move on.
so here's the deal...
[well i dont think ill use names, even though if anyone knows me at all .. they will know who im talking about]
mkay so umm yeah. he came over today. i was honestly really excited cause its like something talked about for so long finally happening. just because we talk a lot and just .. like not seeing a friend for a couple weeks, but just talking to them talking to them .. and finally you can see them. so i was really looking forward to it. there had been certain things said .. prior to today .. that i had said i was ok with .. AND I WAS. I AM. COMPLETELY. actually happy it happened, cause i had just a genuinely really good time today. i dont know why.
just .. inside i feel like im being screwed over in the nicest way possible. i dont know what that means .. i dont know if i actually think that. i JUST DONT KNOW. but to put it simple .. hes kind of .. not perfect .. just perfect for me, in a way that he acknowledges me, doesnt forget im in the room, MAKES SURE I KNOW that hes acknowledging me if he happens to walk away from me for like 10 minutes. its just .. i have never ever met anyone who DOES NOT forget the fact that im standing there. i mean like yeah .. how could he not - he was in MY house, but when he was standing looking at my dads knives and enjoying that, and i came downstairs and i made myself food in the kitchen hed just occasionally stroll on in and just kinda make an appearance in the kitchen cause i was there. haha. i dont know how to put it. wether it was done purposely or not it made me feel just .. recognized, like i was something .. wether i was or i wasnt or wether i am or im not. just he is the first person to not make me feel less than special. ok, to get down to the confusing part.
so i mean .. obviously, i like him. in general. nothing serious, nothing obsessive, nothing NOT THERE. its just THERE. it exists. the feeling of liking him exists. and i just definitely do. and yeah, i have nothing except for his word .. or expressions .. or actions .. to show that he likes me, so honestly i dont know, but its not my concern. its just that i was told by him .. that he doesnt want a relationship. you know what ? IM FINE WITH THAT. it was never a big deal to me. i was never crossing my fingers and hoping that we would go out. ever. never ever. i mean yeah it'd be nice but im fine without it, ive lived this long without it, so its okay, i have absolutely no problem with it. but the fact that HE TOLD ME HE DIDNT WANT ONE .. is going to play into my confusion .. now, when i mention comments he made. comments .. that were made about 3-4 times, and i didnt think too much of them, nothing like that .. but its just comments i didnt forget because THEY WERE repeated. basic comments like "well yeah only if like i dont have a girlfriend" [talking about hanging out in like 2 weeks or whatever].
and now i will ask WHOEVER is reading this .. : WHAT?!?!?!
what the fuck is that supposed to mean ? and then there was a comment .. similar to that .. but addressing the same thing, and if not, WORSE, that just stuck in my head also. but im not going to mention it. whatever.
i was gonna let them slide, maybe bring them up sometime in casual convo if i had thought of it again by the time i decided to bring it up, but when it was said for the last time of the night [cause he left soon after] .. it was a weird moment to say it. we just had a cute little .. moment[s] together and i mentioned umm an occasion to hang out in 2 weeks, and thats when he said a comment like "if i dont have a girlfriend" .. and i mean .. THATS what brought me down. i dont know why. not because .. the cute moment[s] happened, but because he said that right after. and now i just DONT KNOW what to think.
i knew, and i still know, that he really doesnt know what he wants, and i know this because of how many times he can change his mind in like 5 minutes. but i mean, im dwelling on it. im confused and i dont know why. just nothing makes sense. i mean .. does it mean like hes got his eye on some girl right now and is planning on asking her out ? cause fine whatever it wouldnt bother me but he said he didnt want a relationship. and it just doesnt make sense to me. it just reaallyy doesnt. and then i mean on top of it yeahh itd be nice to know what he thought of me and all, because no matter how much i know about people in general, guys are just a totally different species when it comes to understanding them or reading them or whatever. i even said to robyn tonight .. and then she kinda finished the sentence for me .. something like this:
me: have you ever seen me this ..
her: confused about a guy?
me: that and well .. yeah .. and stressed i guess is a good word cause its just LAYING on top of my brain and IT WONT LEAVE.
her answer was no. she hasnt. AND I REALLY HATE THIS.
IF ANYONE HAS JUST READ THROUGH THAT, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TRY AND MAKE SENSE FOR ME. and i dont want .. bad comments. i want nice, kind, ideas maybe ? no "hes an asshole for saying that" kind of thing. i need to make sense. i need to know what to think. yeah if he reads this whatever he knows im confused about it and i didnt go straight to him, i dont know if hes the kind of person to get pissed about someone not going straight to him but the reason im not is cause i dont want any MORE confused feelings from EITHER of us, i dont want any bad thoughts, i had a good day and i want to LEAVE IT at a good day. my confusion isnt ruining my day .. its just ruining my thoughts.
and everytime i move, i smell him
its a really good smell. go try it.
id sleep on it, but i really cant clear my head enough to fall asleep. I DONT KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING, DAMMIT.
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| and i wont ever be happy again .. |
[05 Mar 2004|09:05pm] |
i decided to do this becauseee no one reads this shit anyway.
THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY:
bright eyes.good music.amazing lyrics.hugs.feeling wanted.feeling special.appy.getting phone calls.getting text messages.my FIT class.art.compliments on an assortment of things [and for someone to exaggerate the greatness of something i create art-wise is an amazing feeling for me].funky, not big, sunglasses.eyeliner.really good hair days.marilyn monroe.pink.when someone IMs me before i IM them.pizza/cold pizza.talking to someone who feels the same way i do about a lot of things, and can give me a good argument on the things we dont agree on.10 things i hate about you.proving i'm right.the postal service.a good harmony.erica.irish.laughing.good porn.good grades [like how i put those next to eachother ? bwahaha].feeling classy.TEDDY BEARS OR STUFFED ANIMALS OF ANY KIND [ahem: for all occasions, especially random ones where theres no occasion and i just get one cause im loved].elisa.pretty pictures.gay guys.dying peoples hair.when candace sings me a song.being my own person.going places by myself.books.getting comments on lj.getting comments on lsp WHICHH i dont get.
im so gonna end that here cause im rambling and i know it.
WHAT I HATE:
when people constantly walk into me, smack me, push me, step on me, in the hallways. when people do what i just said, but NOT in the hallways - in other public places. guys.being ignored.when i get really annoying and i know it.the mirror.the fact that im always late or losing important things.being tired.bad moods.HUGE hypocrites [i am a hypocrite, everyone is, im talking about the people who are nothing BUT].'yo yo im white'.
and im gonna end here in order so i dont look like a [ahem] PESSIMIST.
mkay.
do a dance and fuck the one you love. :D
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| i will now do the "fucking awesome lj" dance. |
[03 Mar 2004|07:02pm] |
I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED.
first, before i forget to thank her a thousand times,
THANK YOU JENN !
thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
mkay, im done with the thank you's .. i think.
THE SCROLLBAR ENTRY BOX IS SEXY
MY WHOLE LJ IS SEXY [actually tell me what you think .. dont let my opinion disturb you]
I AM REALLY WEIRD
YOU ARE SEXY
mkay i am SO done with my victory song and dance.
FOR YOU LAZY FUCKS LOOKING AT THIS THROUGH YOUR FRIENDS PAGE CLICK ON MY FUCKING USERNAME AND PEER AT MY LJ ! - pets the screen -
<33333
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| well everyday you lose more colour do you think someone paints your mirror ? |
[02 Mar 2004|04:06pm] |
i took my pen today and just ran with an idea. this is what happened ..
[please, comment, and tell me what you thought - be brutally honest .. k ?]
[ahem ..]
WHEN EVERYONE STOPS WORKING AND SILENCE PUSHES TO THE WALLS
AND DECISIONS ARE MADE EASY WITHOUT ANY THINKING AT ALL
AND THE WRONG DECISIONS BECOME RIGHT WITH A SMILE AND A WINK
WITH EVERY LIE YOU EVER TOLD BEING WASHED AWAY AT THE SINK
EVERYONE WHO DOESNT KNOW YOU PRETENDS YOUR PRESENCE IS A CHILD
AND THEY SPRINKLE THOUGHTS ON TOP OF YOU IN HOT SPICY AND MILD
AND THE COLOURS ARE SO VIBRANT THEY COULD KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP
THE THOUGHTS ARE PUSHING HARD AND THE HANDPRINTS LEFT ARE DEEP
YOUR CHOICES NOW ARE SMALL BUT LARGE AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YOURE SCARED OF GROWING SO OLD THAT NO ONE WILL RECOGNIZE YOU
AND THE SECONDS ARE COMING FAST AT YOU, CHOKING YOU WHILE YOU SPEAK
THE DECISION NOW IS YOURS ALONE AND HAS BEEN FOR A WEEK
AND THE WORDS YOU SAY NOW WILL BE LONG FORGOTTEN, SO RUN WITH WHAT YOU KNOW
WHEN YOURE TOO SCARED OR TOO UNSURE NO RELATIONSHIP WILL GROW
THE WINDOWS OF YOUR THOUGHTS ARE VERGING ON INSANE
ALL THE CHOICES YOU COULD MAKE ARE NOW LAYING ON YOUR BRAIN
AND TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT WOULD BE UNLOCKING SECRETS, EXPOSING SHAME AND FEAR
LOOKING THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE BY SMASHING IN YOUR MIRROR
SHE DOESNT MATTER MUCH TO YOU BUT SHE IS ALWAYS THERE
PARADING AROUND IN YOUR EARS, DANCING IN YOUR EYES, AND SAYING THAT SHE CARES
WELL MAKE UP YOUR MIND CAUSE YOU STOLE THE STARS AND YOU'LL HAVE TO PUT THEM BACK
FOR THE EXPERIENCE YOU'LL SOMEDAY FIND JUST MAY BE WHAT YOU LACK
YOU SAY TOO MUCH, JUST STOP THINKING AND MAKE UP YOUR MIND
FOR WHAT WONT COME WONT BE YOUR PAST, BUT WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND
AND WHEN THE WIND HOWLS PAST YOUR EARS AND TAKES YOU HOME TO BE ALONE
PLEASE REMEMBER YOUR THOUGHTS YOU WERE NEVER ABLE TO CONDONE.
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| this looked like fun .. |
[29 Feb 2004|07:49am] |
1. Find your birth month in the cut and put it in an entry.
2. Italicize anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. Bold the BEST that apply to you.
4. Put all twelve months under a journal cut for someone else to do.
MINE IS LOCATED HERE:
[the unbolded, un-italicized parts are because it's true but not all the time]
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
mkay that was fun. YOUR TURN.
( go here and find your month, bitch.Collapse )
mkay i would have updated more with like .. random thoughts .. but my parents want to go out to brekfast.
why do i naturally wake up at 9:30 ??!?! it's annoying. i can't sleep super late anymore unless i force myself to.
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| QUIZ TIME YO |
[28 Feb 2004|10:07pm] |
You have a goodbye kiss- much passion and longing,
but never lasting.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
hmm i usually get cuddle and a kiss on the forehead ..
ok, i lied, i got that and then went back and changed it to the innocent kiss .. cause the picture was just too cute.
it's true .. THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD IS TO GET A CUTE KISS ON THE FOREHEAD FROM SOMEONE YOU LIKE.
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| dont apologize, i hope you choke and die <l3 |
[28 Feb 2004|09:06pm] |
- meep -
i am begining to not stand the people who get wasted to keep themselves amused. it's NOT cute, it's NOT cool, and it DOESN'T make you look like a rebel or a better person.
it makes you look like a drunk.
like an alcoholic.
like a person waiting to be used, like a person desperate to fit in.
like an asshole.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of this recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
[ Shakespeare was the man ! <33 ]
teehee.
APPARENTLY .. steve reads this. tra la la steve you are probably reading this right now. but it's ok. i'll make it friends only to spite you - smile - mwahaha.
but i find it really cool, the things that me and steve can talk about when we can actually .. find .. things to talk about. haha. i like his method of just saying like .. 'yeah' or whatever it is he says inbetween like every 3 sentences i say. cause by just kinda talking out loud about certain things helpes me realize a lot. i'm rambling or repeating myself or something.
one thing i'll never understand is why i need decisions to be like .. made for me. like im not sure if i wanna do something or not until the suggestion is made .. and then wether i say yes or no right there, on the spot, is usually what i end up doing. and when i cant make a decision on the spot, whatever the person insists on more is what i end up doing. and if i hesitate too much, that's when i realize i really don't want to do whatever it is. THATS WITH EVERY SITUATION .. it's just how i work.
and i wanted to say something .. about what we had spoken about which i just found amazingly cool that we just spoke about [no NOT my toothbrush habbits] so openly ish .. but i'm not going to. no need to i guess.
me and sara <3 lindsey lohan.
does that make us freaks ? - smile -
[yesterday]
here's the situation: i am sitting in art, 3rd period, with erica and becky. there's a sub. i have paper and a pen. i am drawing hitler, stick figure simone-style, with hitler <3s to mambo written on it .. and then i drew him raping a little boy.
becky: simone, you're so .... unhinged.
that's why i <3 becky a lot.
azure ray is gorgeous music.
i'm outtie.
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| dont stop |
[28 Feb 2004|04:15pm] |
so last night sucked. lets put it that way.
cheesecake factory wa bad, because i was trying to sleep at the table. geri had pissed me off beyond belief and i wasnt in the mood to try and stay awake. my food was good, except it looked really ugly and wasnt AMAZING or anything, and the aftertaste was hotdog .. which was really scary cause i havent had a hotdog in like a year and a half. the movie [twisted] was realllyy good except i would fall asleep for 15 minutes, wake up, and the same thing that was happening when i fell asleep would still be going on. it was kinda funny.
so then today - i wake up at 11:20 and my head hurts. alright. so i get dressed, whatever, almost miss the train, whatever.i had nothing to read [thank you erica] and nothing to listen to because stacy stole my headphones and stuff. so sam, the kid that goes to the same class as me, DID have music to listen to so i had nothing to do on the train. dawdle dawdle dawdle
i got to the class annddd we were 20 minutes early, so we waited. i tried to turn all the lights on but someone turned them off. grr.
and there was this one girl with amazing pink boots that i wanted to tell her i was in love with sooo bad last time but i didnt. so this time i said something, and shes really nice and everything, it made me happy that i finally said something.shes actually like .. a really cool person.
so at our '20 minute break' i went outside with her, this other girl and this chinese-looking kid. i get outside, i see 3 cigarettes light up. yeahhh they were smokers. when i caught on i felt dumb but its ok. so i just stood around talking to them, and then my art teacher came out and was like 'ahh i dont see my students smoking i promise. can someone light my cigarette?' it was amusing i swear.
the other girl had these clear, blue, pure eyes .. no makeup. but something was wrongly contrasting with her and i think it was her teeth. i never notice peoples teeth. but she has this big face, long black hair, big blue unlined eyes, and then big yellow-tinted teeth. smoking kills, obviously.
anyways. art class was good and fun and i really do love it. i made nice pretty things today <333 the girl with the amazing boots, amanda, is really good and doesnt know it. i swear. hers was amazing and dramatic and mysterious. mine were good though .. i looked like i knew what i was doing or something.
RAWR so in the middle of all of this .. i had a pounding headache. on the train back, i would close my eyes and get dizzy. my throat hurt, my head hurt, and bleh i feel sick still. i have a 99.2 temperature .. so im fine i guess. i feel like im dying. - rolls over and digs grave -
no one will miss me .. right ?
anyway. i got blue doritos, so im alll good now. besides the whole dying thing. my dad picked me up from the train station with d.d. in his car it was the most fucking amusing thing EVER. she was all in the front seat and stuff, and we weer almost home when she decided to sit on HIS lap. ok, WE WERE DRIVING AND SHES A GERMAN SHEPHERD. it was soooo cute. <33
i like people like elisa. they always greet me really nicely, like i greet everyone else ..
x WlCKED JEW x: hello my love
its not much .. its just cute. i mean a lot of people do it, she just happened to IM me right now.
mkay im done.
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| do the heaven hop, hop, the heaven hop ;D |
[27 Feb 2004|09:55pm] |
soo .. yeah.
do you ever feel like you just do the same things over and over ? on different days, in different colours, with different outlooks and with different people. but it's always the same thing .. things are made up of the same movements, the same basics .. it gets boring after 15 years.
and i need excitement.
fuck. i heard they don't sell that in stores. :/
does anyone wanna be my friend ?
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| straight up now tell me .. |
[26 Feb 2004|08:49pm] |
rawwrr ..
mkay .. it's like fucking venting time or something.
i'm sick of complaining about the same old thing all the time .. so don't read this if you don't want to 'hear' [ok, read] me complain about something. robyn offered to hear me out, but i just don't want to put anyone through annoying complaint kind of stuff .. even though it's not really annoying, just it's old ..
OK .. now ..
all i ever really wanted was just a relationship. but i don't think i would know how to handle one. no, spending time with robyn and joe and seeing their perfect fairy-tale relationship doesn't effect me and make me feel uncomfortable and depressed, but later on it sometimes does. sometimes i'll come home or they'll leave and i'll be really sad. or just i'll think of them and i'll want to cry. i just want someone to hug me because they like me a lot, and someone to call me to say goodnight, and listen to the silence on the phone when they do call and we both have nothing to say even though we're just bored but we both feel better that we know the other person is just on the other end of the phone. i want someone to be nice to me all the time, unless of course there was a bad mood involved or a fight or something. I DON'T WANT TO BE CONFUSED ABOUT THINGS. i want to know where we stand, i want to know where i stand and where they stand. i want to be missed when i'm not seen or spoken to for a day, and i want someone to want to impress me, wether they actually try to or not it doesn't matter. it may seem like so much but it's just simple little things that i have never have. i don't want to settle for what i can get. i don't want a knight in shining armour either. i jsut want someone who can make me happy and be proud and feel special that they do, and of course in return i would do everything back that i ask for, anything that they wanted if it was in line of course. a simple squeeze of the hand to show that holding my hand isn't routine and they know they're holding it and they acknowledge the fact that i'm there and that they're HAPPY i'm there. and if i ask for these things and it's really too much or too obsessive or just too overwhelming i want someone to tell me that. so far i have had no one. no boyfriends. no anything. and i don't want to rush things and i know i'll find someone but it's like a standard already to tell girls and boys that don't have anyone to love them that they'll find someone eventually, and when the time comes it'll be amazing and everything. but what's love if you start late ? wheres the experience and the mistakes ? i dont even want love i just want to feel like someone, like someone special .. i'm making no sense and no one is going to read this and i'm never going to prove i am worth anything and that i could be a great person to be with if only someone shows me that they care and that i make their life the slightest bit better by living everyday. i want to be more than a friend to SOMEONE. but i want that someone to be a good, kind person. i want someone to try and compromise with me. i don't FEEL like i'm asking for a lot or anything at all, really .. but now that it's down .. in writing .. i feel dumb and selfish, more selfish than i want to be.
and then i'm reminded that no guy, especially ones my age, would ever go for me because blah blah they all want the perfect girl and blah blah blah blah fucking blah. but i mean if im not going to be able to get the constant feeling of being wanted than i think it's evil to let me have it for a second and then be taken away from me. and i doubt anyone would possibly understand what i just said. whatever, i want to cry but i don't need to and i can't cause my mind knows i don't need to. i'm overdramatic or something, but i'm serious about everything i just wrote. a waste of space and entry probably.
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| mkay it was really amusing. |
[25 Feb 2004|06:03pm] |
OHH marilyn: ill stop the world and melt with you
OHH marilyn: youve seen the difference and its getting better all the time
OHH marilyn: theres nothing you and i wont do
OHH marilyn: ill stop the world and melt with youu
x p L o R e r213: what if i stop the world and melt with you first
OHH marilyn: well then .. damn ummm .. hmmm .. then we gotta rewrite the lyrics :/
x p L o R e r213: yea
x p L o R e r213: itll be
x p L o R e r213: ill stop the owrld and melt with you. but not if you get there first
OHH marilyn: hahaha :D
bwahaha i <3 it when people can amuse me just as much as i amuse myself.
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| and we can act like we come from out of this world, leave the real one far behind .. |
[25 Feb 2004|05:48pm] |
[i love the safety dance]
mkay .. i read sleepers .. which is a really shocking and gorgeous book. everything in it .. is so well written, and so movie-like that it's hard to believe it's real. except that's the thing - i read the book and THEN watched the movie. i was expecting a close following of the book .. and the movie screwed things up. made it mainly about their revenge. i don't give a shit about their revenge. the book made me feel bad for the boys, showed HOW they ended up the way they did .. showed how much the library and books meant to them .. especially shakes .. and the movie showed none of that. it showed a few important events. by 10 minutes into the movie they were already in wilkinson, which was at least 100 pages into the book. i can't fucking stand that. i wouldn't finish watching the movie. i guess i'll finish another day.
blah. i missed my applesauce .. such pretty colours
i missed elisa today.
she should never be sick. ever. mkay ?
[now im listening to melt with you .. I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONGGG YO]
mkay. now ill end this and continue to freeze in my room.
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| it's alright, it's alright, you'll clean this all up when you get home |
[23 Feb 2004|06:35am] |
so i read sleepers into the beautiful hours of mourning, and then slept ..
and then woke up at 6:15 to my dad coming in and threatening to make me sleep at 9pm for the rest of my life if i dont get out of bed .. he said this at 6:18.
so with a hard slam of the bathroom door, i fell asleep in the bathroom for 5 minutes. now im in my room complaining to someone who doesnt and shouldnt care about my hair looking stupid, so I can't look decent today. - le sigh -
anndddd i <3 kitty, she just makes me smile. tra la la da dum. that was for all you pretty people who read my journal, because you deserve a sort of song from me because reading my journal is like tearing your arms and legs right off your body. annoying and painful.
i need something to wear .. and better hair. yep, yep. who's willing to donate ? ;D
- leaves -
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[22 Feb 2004|11:44pm] |
I want to find someone who is willing to share themselves with me, without getting jealous when I pick certain things up.
Like .. I want better music. My small music preferance is because I can't download anything, so I can't give anything a shot .. and no one is willing to make CDs for me. I am really content with just bright eyes, but I mean the songs by bright eyes that I have never heard remain unheard by me, because I can't download things. So Im stuck with bright eyes, the postal service, jack off jill, thursday, and the random mixes that I have played and played so much that my ears want to bleed everytime they pick up the dusty sound.
I love people who love people.
People who can make my day brighter just by saying they appreciate me.
and guys confuse me. I need someone to talk to .. someone who will listen and perhaps have something to say to me when I'm through.
I need someone to help, as well. Everyone I know has either given up talking to me about their issues, or they have talked so much that there is none left. I am useless now.
I want a song so perfect.
I want a song that tells my whole story. My timeline. My feelings and my life's events in a few lines of lyric, that's accompanied by strong so smart that it tickles my throat and brings a smile to my face.
In the meantime, I shall read sleepers .. and go to sleep with the attempt to ignore the fact that I might have homework that's due tomorow. I never bothered to look to see if I did.
oh, and something remind me to post about my FIT classes which were absolutely awesome, please.
Sounding out, one, two, three, over the water of which you can't hear me
Indirectly it travels, to a path of who wants to hear me
Moaning and groaning about who loves and who doesn't
Only me, alone, I will try to explain .. the
Nonexistent possibilities of me ever finding someone who's so simple that it's astonishing.
Even after I search the shores of every ending line of land, I will not find anyone as perfect as you with a set of ears to match.
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| enola gay .. la la la |
[21 Feb 2004|12:08am] |
( todays eventsCollapse )
rawr. does anything ever happen to you .. when like .. it's just something amazing that's happening, or just something that even makes you the slightest bit happier .. and you just don't understand why it's happening to you out of all people ? yeah. i don't get it. haha during beauty and the beast i thought that i could SO easily be the 'beast' in any situation. i LOOK like a beast, and i get angry like the beast. ok, i dont get angry like him, but no matter what anyone says i still think im a bitch. im working on it, i swear i am .. i really want to be an all-around kind person :D ... so any 'beauty' out there looking for a beast .. theres one presently hibernating in oceanside .. under the name of simone. <33
but really. i dont get why i deserve to be the slightest bit more happier .. ever. sometimes .. i feel like i lied to someone to be happy or something. makes me feel even worse.
and sleepers .. is so jaw-dropping. i happened to read the most disgusting, disturbing thing on the train ride home. it was really astonishing. that book just keeps getting more twisted and dark. and then i stop and think that its a true story .. these things really did happen. i cant fucking wait till i finish this book .. i want to see revenge, i want to see their futures, i want to be able to forget about what happened to these poor, poor boys .. - le sigh -
i am such a fucking sap.
i cried during beauty and the beast. keep it a secret ..
i couldnt bear .. bare .. [how do you spell it?] to see belle leave the beast right after they shared such a cute moment .. she left him to go save her father and i was like YOU BITCH .. but i got over it. he was so sad after, i wanted to hug him. why do i cry at forbidden-love type things ? i dont know. but its rare that i cry so dont laugh at me pleasseee.
good day i guess. but im so sleepy !
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| catch22 show-o |
[20 Feb 2004|01:53am] |
sooo i took 3 hours to get ready today.
long shower. loonngg shower. i had to love it. i still do ! i miss it. i must take more of those.
erm .. ok so we went to the showw [katie and i]. we waited on the line for a bit, not too long though .. don't really remember what time we got in all i know is that it was cold outside. and i seem to be most succesful with lists. so here you go:
- first band was the ASOB. i have never seen them before .. and they were fucking hysterical. they came out to 'toxic' [yes, by britney spears] they had the sound pumped up soo high that the floor was vibrating .. the lights were off but you could still see them dancing on stage, whipping their shirts off and throwing them at people. it was just wayyy too funny.
- in one of the bands .. the lead singer decided to jump into the crowd. no, not crowd surf. just jump in. by the time he got back onstage, he was gushing blood from somewhere on his head. GUSHING. he got it all over some guys shirt, and he told him he'd give him a new one. it was so funnny. :D
- during the ASOB they decided to push dance. as in ... i would be pushed forward until i fell onto people .. and then forced back. and on and on .. for a whole song. not pleasant. pleasent. i don't know how to spell that word
- i dont remember which band did this .. but one of them got on the stage and told everyone in the 'front section' which of course is basically the whole place to sit down. yeah .. to SIT DOWN. so it was hard to sit .. really hard. then they said on the count of 10, everyone would get up .. of course that qualified getting up and dancing like idiots .. so at the count of 10, everyone gets up .. and i was still on the floor. probably the only one. as im getting kicked in the head, katie was trying to help me up. that was an experience to remember ! i could have died. who would have missed me ? no one, sadly.
- during the 2nd to last mustard plug song .. some chinese guy pushed his way forward, directly inbetween me and katie. now not only was it hot, but i couldnt breathe and i was really dehydrated, dizzy from the second i got in the door. so he gets inbetween us and HE SMELLED SO BAD! so when you cant breathe and all of a sudden that smell invades your lungs its like your heart is begging you to make it stop pumping oxygen to your brain. I HAD TO GET OUTTA THEREEE! so we went to the merch tables, but then i lost katie and i went to the back near the other bar. and i bought a water <33 and i text[ed] steve and then i found katie. and catch22 came on. annddd they probably would have been much better if i was still in the front, if my feet didnt hurt and if they were funny. but none of those things were the other way around, so in my head the other bands were better. no big deal.
buuuutttt .. katieee and i want to go see story of the year .. again. sugarcult is also playing soon but id rather see story of the year .. they were just better.
anyway i came home .. got food .. called steve cause i told him i would when i got homee. and we spoke for 45 minutes or something. and yeah. my fingers hurt from typing. im not gonna include every detail. if i feel like it tomorow and i remember more, ill edit this post or something. later, homies.
we are far less than we knew
i still love bright eyes more than anything.
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| behind a candy covered wall |
[19 Feb 2004|02:25pm] |
( this just looks prettier behind an lj cutCollapse )
that's not bright eyes, but bright eyes is so wounderful anyway.
i smell like pool water. maybe i should shower.
x
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| so hold your tounge .. |
[19 Feb 2004|12:45am] |
i just spent 5 hours on the phone with steve.
five hours
does anyone comprehend that amount of time
that i was on the phone for ?
it's crazy, nuts, it just doesn't happen. wow, i'm insane.
5 HOURS?!
haha.
<33 simone.
i so desperately want someone to grab my hand and drag me around through centuries of art. i want to fall ..
who will make my dreams come true ? doo da .. doo da ...
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| I NEVER UPDATED ABOUT ELISA'S PARTY |
[17 Feb 2004|04:01pm] |
yeah, 2 days later i'm deciding to update. what can we do with me ?
well jas described it the best.
( in jassica's wordsCollapse )
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