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[04 Sep 2008|09:53pm] |
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summer salt
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[04 Sep 2008|06:27am] |
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has anybody else noticed that sarah palin has gay voice
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| Milan Kundera, Identity |
[04 Sep 2008|02:48am] |
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"If hatred strikes you, if you get accused, thrown to the lions, you can expect one of two reactions from people who know you: some of them will join in the kill, the others will discreetly pretend to know nothing, hear nothing, so you can go right on seeing them and talking to them. That second category, discreet and tactful, those are your friends. 'Friends' in the modern sense of the term. Listen, Jean-Marc, I've known that forever."
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[03 Sep 2008|09:10am] |
why don't they show videos in school of animals getting euthanized and the importance of spaying and neutering your pets? i guess it's bigger than that, people's speciest disregard for other animal's feelings. it amazes me that there are very few places besides my own brain that i have heard people talk about our responsibility towards domesticated cats and dogs to take care of them. they wouldn't be here without us, they wouldn't be overpopulated without us, WE made this problem and now WE need to take care of it and instead we are making them pay with their lives, something we would never dream of doing to solve the same problem in our own species. these are things i have always felt and are only magnified by the fact that we have so many dogs right now that we have no room to move stray dogs to our adoption program, all of the strays that come in from now until we have room are going to get euthanized if they don't get adopted or go to a rescue group. that is just so incredibly fucked that we have to put down every animal regardless of temperament, of course i feel more pressure than ever to adopt a dog. we have one woman who comes and gets dogs right before they get euthanized, she looks at the list for the next day and takes what she can. that is what i want to do if i ever am involved with a dog rescue. i'm sure i've beat this to death but god people are sooooooo fucking ignorant about pit bulls and the number of dogs that die every day just because they are a pit bull is astronomical. i wonder how people might change their minds about a lot of things if they knew what actually happened to animals at shelters, if people would still surrender their dog if they knew it was going to get euthanized. breed specific legislation makes me want to strangleeee, if people don't abuse pit bulls and use them for guard dogs and horrible things how much infinitely worse will it be when they start using dogs that ARE people aggressive by nature?
vicious, vicious dog
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| death. !?!???!!!!!!! ! what?! NO NO NO. MAKE STOP. |
[03 Sep 2008|12:18am] |
Dear Universe,
It's been two months. Why oh why can I not get a grip?
Love,
Ava
PS - can you please tell me secrets for time travel and/or materializing the immaterial? Greatly appreciated. XOXO
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[02 Sep 2008|01:16pm] |
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dear diaryyyy,,,,
how do i feel i don't feel an-y-thing. gettin' m or eand more introverted and there's nothin to do but lay in bed all day with my books and my cable tv. sometimes my roommate jake makes me get out of bed and we sit on the front porch drinkin beer eatin tacos and playin dominoes and goin on adventures to every cantina this side of the highway. jake taxidermies. he taxidermied the bear pillow on our couch. i like jake. yesterday he taught me how to play not only dominoes but also pool. i am not very good at dominoes or pool but this is PROGRESS. it is better than dressing up my cat and getting enormous, unmatched pleasure out of doing my pre-cal homework.
( personal inventory bullshit )
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[01 Sep 2008|07:33am] |
i wish i was tiny tim
i wish tiny tim was my best friend
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[31 Aug 2008|08:21pm] |
i miss my majestic lioness big-girl. i want to change my sleeping hours to 8pm-4am, aka, go to bed when the sun does, wake up whenever i am ready. lately i have been waking up before its time for me to go to work and going back to bed but i feel so awake the first time i wake up and so groggy the second time, waking up during a vata cycle vs a kapha cycle. i want to go camping already! and then i get nervous when i have to plan for trips and ask time off of work. overall i am pretty happy with my life right now. for a long time i wished i had never fallen in love with owen so i wouldnt miss him so much but now i am glad, realizing how much it opened up my heart to love someone like that and i think it has made an enormous contribution to my being more understanding/a better person. and that if i can feel that level of affection and compassion for one person, why not everyone? feeling out the lotus in the mud and the middle ground.
staying at owen's house long after he left eating dinner with his parents and little sister playing fairyland with his mom and oona it occurs to me that from on objective point of view it might be an odd situation but it never occurs to me to feel awkward, feels good to have carved a niche for myself in their family, feels good to abandon what i think a relationship with an ex boyfriend is ""supposed"" to be like in favor of what feels right, leaving behind forms when they don't fit me and making my own
i can't wait to look like a dumpy boy in winter. it is really liberating to never have been farther from giving a crap how physically attractive i look, turning towards trying to glow with an inner vibrance that no one can resist being drawn to, that's how i've always wanted to be, you know how some people might not be the prettiest in the face or whatever but something about them makes you want to be around them? as long as i can keep off the energy vampires. yay fall yay dog slobber on my legs and charming pit bulls
i just need a teacher or a group of like minded people to remind me what to remember, finally realizing why people go to church, so you don't forget where you want to be by falling into old habits!
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[31 Aug 2008|12:47pm] |
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proficient in: google
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[31 Aug 2008|08:12am] |
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proficient in: textedit, notepad, itunes, ical, firefox, safari, preview, calculator, ms paint, finder, snood, tetris
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[29 Aug 2008|09:43am] |
fuck
i have found exactly what i want to do but goddamnit is it expensive 8370 at minimum, 9460 if i want to take an additional class and of course i do. i guess it is not so bad because that is not even the cost of a single semester of tuition at st edwards but it is still more money than i have ever had in my life. also that is not counting the cost of moving to australia, finding a place to live and a job. another program is 6620, i would like to do that one first and foremost, but that would involve acquiring a work visa and airfare to india. but gosh! these things (acuenergetics; healing through energy fields and meridians and chakras and all that good stuff, all illness is caused by an imbalance with these, etc and tantra; the way of acceptance, nothing is good or evil, evil is only good unevolved, accept everything celebrate everything do everything with the whole of your heart) i feel so strongly about and want to dedicate my life to, i guess it is obvious that i need to stop letting myself be intimidated out of decisions by their difficulty/expense.
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[28 Aug 2008|08:14pm] |
wow! direct correlation between time spent sitting in front of a computer with how anxious i feel! even though i like whatever i am doing on the computer (duh or else i would be doing something else) it is that way without fail, it seems highly likely that is because of it fucking up my electromagnetic field because the only other reason i would feel bad about being on the computer is feeling like i am not accomplishing anything but i feel bad even when i am researching good things i have been needing to look up. so weird! and inconvenient! i can only spend like thirty minutes max in front of the computer without feeling bad. wow! life is amazing even in the bad ways!
reading page after page about how awesome Ralph Nader is, goddamnit i wish he could be president, it makes me want to cry at how much better everything would be. "The U.S. should play a somewhat active role in the Israel-Palestine peace process. U.S. pressure should be brought to bear only on the side that resists peace." wow! not fighting for whichever side gets us more money! its amazing!
"Globalization means control of world economies by giant corporations that don’t have an allegiance to a community or don’t have any allegiance to a particular country -- even the one they’re domiciled in -- as long as they can make more profit elsewhere. The essence of globalization is a subordination of human rights, labor rights, consumer environmental rights, [and] democracy rights to the imperatives of global trade and investment."
mind-blowing! a presidential candidate who is willing to acknowledge the truth even if it costs him lining his friends pockets! oh wait he does not have pockets to line because he is not indebted to corporations for getting him into office! no nuclear power! canadian style health care! no way nafta!
even though it will be a long time until americans are enlightened enough to realize nader is the only candidate looking at the long term best choices for our nation and looking at the truth of a situation vs ideals, it makes me happy just to know that such a person exists. i wanna be jus like ralph nader wen i grow uppp
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[26 Aug 2008|03:28pm] |
Dear Dr Dre,
I am so sorry to hear about your son, Andre.
Also, thanks for starting work on the album again... I'm stoked.
Again. I'm so sorry. My condolences, whatever they're worth.
Yours,
AC
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| MY APARTMENT |
[25 Aug 2008|08:27pm] |
most of those are mine, ugh
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[25 Aug 2008|12:26pm] |
so now fbook and LJ are no longer blocked from within the independent and neutral CIS country of turkmenistan
hello world
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| battleships |
[24 Aug 2008|09:19pm] |
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I woke up without a scene this morning, exactly five minutes before my alarm would go off. My cat noticed my eyelids flicker open, which she welcomed with a happy mew as she sauntered over to my pillow, sniffing my eyeballs. She likes to do that. I don't know why. I like to imagine that somewhere deep inside of her is a deeply philosophical force, one that understands the essence of the eye and visual experience to humans, who knows it more than a colorful blue ball with white hairs flickering in front of them. I'd like to believe she loves my eyes as an intimate lover would, kissing them as if to preserve everything they see with utmost care and grace. But she's probably just a cat. That's okay. I've gotten used to waking up alone.
Driving home from work I felt crushed for unspecified reasons. The sky was pouring rain as I was stuck on the bridge of I-5 going over the canal between Lake Union and Lake Washington. Usually Lake Union is littered with yachts, sailboats, weird plane-boats flying around and landing. Not today. In the middle of the lake, edging towards the skyscrapers of downtown, were three old, wooden ships, set with large masts and sails, just like the picture books of pirates and trans-atlantic traders. With the Space Needle and skyscrapers behind them they looked so lost. Their compass must have messed up, I thought, and instead of pointing them on the x-y plane of space, must have pointed them on a z-plane of time. Where did they come from?
I got home. Washed dishes. Collapsed. Tabatha sniffed my eyeballs with her wet, tiny nose. As I stared at the ceiling with my arms tight around her I begat one request: give me the compass. Please.
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[22 Aug 2008|09:00pm] |
what was your first impression of me? reply anonymously if you want but identifying yourself makes it more interesting. also tell me something you have learned that you think i could benefit from, life lessons, what keeps you going.
all of you who have added me to your friends list without saying anything
say something to me!
the vast majority of my entries are friends only anyway so you will not be reading much otherwise
its no fair to peek in on my life and not let me peek in on yours
we could be exchanging thoughts here
this is not a two way mirror for you to watch me through
interact, for goodness sakes!
i already added you back anyway but say hi or something
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| Half-Ode to J. Alfred Prufrock |
[22 Aug 2008|05:35pm] |
I staggered shamelessly out of a bar
without suspicion. I even stopped a progress with a pretty twerp.
Instead, and by mishap,
I landed in the half-open arms of a Golden boy.
They had to have been just half, for he could never have
known the fragility of the space I took at the time.
He could not have known about
the desperate seeking drinking lying about,
or of the soundless scope and wires of my imagination.
After people hurt you, they can't know what they have done,
or this what the opressed and optimistic must admit.
When I got to the bottom of the bruise, really all that
I could have missed were the soft hair and the soft jokes of
a soft and understated kid-actor.
As I was sitting on a pincushion, trying to unbend
this needle, some strange force or magic was pushing from
the underside.
Waste not, want not!
You can't make other people yeild for you,
you can only yeild, yourself.
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| Argue for your Limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours. |
[22 Aug 2008|05:32pm] |
It's just the fact that my time is precious to me,
and I refuse to waste it on remedial things.
I honestly like meeting new people but,
some people I am happy with just talking to them once.
It's like this: this one, well,
I'm not bruising as much as when I was very little.
When I was very little,
I stayed up and cried all night long because it wasn't daytime.
When you get older, bad things stop happening to you.
Instead, you start making bad things,
and Last Night becomes full of all things shouldn't.
Sometimes, at night,
I imagine there is lying someone next to me.
I think of how awful my invisible lover must feel
as he could reach for me, try to pet my head.
There he would find me,
curled up and full of defense,
counting down the minutes left of last night.
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[22 Aug 2008|09:23am] |
if wireless electricity becomes wide spread, ill shit my pants
just when you think people can't fuck things up any worse
they find new ways to throw our bodies out of balance
(like the computer im sitting in front of...whoops)
it's endlessly frustrating to me that we put technology into use before we have any definitive studies on its effects. "still don't really know exactly how magnetic and electric fields effect the human body...whatever!"
the way malaise and other "minor" things like nausea, fatigue, and impaired psychological functions is dismissed as inconsequential or imagined
standing on tall rocks over looking a smooth, flat granite desert
paullee and i went to enchanted rock in the early hours of morning with the moon still high, heard coyotes making a joyful ruckus and other answering back. saw where vultures sleep and watched them waking up, shuffling around, not ready to leave their roost yet. when morning came we were in a cloud so it just got brighter, when approaching areas that sloped down it looked like you were walking into an abyss. i never wanted to come down and i can't wait to go back. i have felt so tumultuous inside lately but it felt so calming to be in an alien world, so far away from everything familiar, not even the same time of day i am usually awake. i think i would do very well as a nocturnal animal, waking up before the sun sets and going to bed after it rises.
i want a camera that will take detailed pictures in moonlight
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