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(no subject) [Feb. 3rd, 2010|07:13 am]
Choke_me_
[.::What I feel::. |hungryhungry]

It's almost valentines day.. I'm glad I have a valentine this year. :)

So I think I am getting pretty attached to Mitch. We spend every weekend with his daughter and I have been playing step mommy. I honestly never thought things with mitch would happen the way they did... but I love the outcome.
I met Mitch's uncle and his dad. I hear alot about his dad so Im glad i finally met him. We even spent the weekend at my mom's. We live together so I guess you could say things are pretty serious. Its CRAZY what kind of stuff happens when you least expect it and how fast your life can change. If someone would have told me I was gonna be a step mom to my cousins kid like 4 months ago and she'd be calling my mom grandma dina i would have never bbeleived it. Kayla isvsuch a cutevlittle girl. but she likesvto throw fits... i love her anyway. i went shopping for her yesterday.. i loved it i felt like such a mommy. lol.

Mitch is pretty awesome and gets along with my group of friends pretty well. He even pointed that out. Him and Skyy's boyfriend tony were best friends within a half hour. And him and Jamies boyfriend Russ get along pretty well too. :)

My whole family seems to like him too. :) Well this side of my family anyway. my dads side of the family turned it into a bunch of drama. Darla threatened to send my dad after mitch and my dad is convinced i am a lesbian... my dad doesnt really even know which one of his kids i am... he kept introducing me as levi to his friends the last time i saw him. he has completely lost his mind. ugh. The only person who seems really cool about the whole thing is amanda and i thought she would be the one to be the worst out of everyone.but shes not wich is cool. she still talks to me and stuff on myspace.
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The last of 2009 [Dec. 31st, 2009|08:42 pm]
Choke_me_
So, Here it is. New years eve...
Alot has changed since the last time I've posted. I guess you could say new boyfriend? IDK, I've known him for years, and I got back in touch with him via myspace about a month ago, we hung out, had great sex and started dating. Anyone who knows the history with Mitch is still weirded out by it, Especially Skyy. It's cool tho. I really like him and we seem to be getting along pretty good. I just need to calm my nerves a little. I dunno but I'm being super cautious because of all the relationship bullshit I've gone through before, and my dad's side of the family never had anything nice to say about him, And he's not too fond of them either. He is really the only source I've had for updates on that side of my family and HOLY SHIT did he tell me some fucked up shit. The one that stuck out the most is the incestuous relationship my dad had with my cousin Nicole. UGH. WHAT THE FUCK!! He told me they got caught doing some disgusting sex act.. He's not sure what they were doing but he knows they got caught. And Mitch thinks she was doing it to get METH. That is some fucked up shit. WHAT THE FUCK that made me physically ill. And it makes me never want to see my dad again. I didn't see him much in the first place, but still. DISGUSTING. I'm glad in a way that Mitch came around and told me all of this stuff. It's just a reminder of why I want NOTHING to do with them. FUCK THEM. The only person I really keep in touch with on that side of the family is my cousin Heather. I talk to her every once in a while just to catch up on things and hear about what's new in my family. But I realized they really aren't worth my time. I'm trying to look past what my dad's side of the family had to say about him and see him for what good he really is. I really can't judge Mitch by what they've said. OBVIOUSLY, they have skeletons in the closet too and NO ONE IS PERFECT!!! At first I thought it would be just a fuck and chuck situation, But I dunno anymore. He seems to like being around me, But I dunno yet. He did drop the "L" word on me pretty quickly tho. It scared me a little and I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I'm gonna stick around. Who knows. Maybe this will work out, But I'm not going to get my hopes up too much just to have my heart broken. I've learned over the years not to put your whole heart and soul into anything. It's just easier this way. If I tell myself not to get too attached, it's easier in the end. So that's what I'm doing. I'm trying not to get attached until I'm absolutely sure this is going to last.. It sounds horrible, but yes, He dated my Step-cousin Amanda for 7 years and had a kid with her... It is kinda horrible actually. I used to go to school with him and my cousin and hung out with them pretty much every day. Then when Mitch told me he's liked me since then it kinda shocked me.
At first I figured he just wanted to get his dick rubbed and was romancing me so he could get laid and get off, but I dunno anymore. It seems to be a little more than that. I have trust issues and just don't trust guys in general (thanks Jaime) so I'm having a hard time with this I think. I'm not sure... Maybe it started out as him just wanting to get laid and told me whatever he thought would work with me, and I guess it did... But I think it's evolving. I dunno... Fuck I need to stop rambling on about this shit. UGH. It makes me think too much. I guess I will just have to wait it out and see. It's already been a month since we kinda got together, So I guess here goes nothing... and everything all at once.

I was supposed to spend new years eve with Mitch at Doydle's but he ended up with his daughter and doesn't know if he will even be able to come back here tonight. :( I hope he can.. I was looking forward to it.


Sassy had her puppies!! They will be 4 weeks old this friday. <3 I got to watch Sassy give birth, It was really gross but fucking awesome at the same time. The puppies are growing so fast and they already opened their eyes. <3

I keep saying I need to update this more but will I? Who knows...
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(no subject) [Nov. 27th, 2009|05:57 am]
Choke_me_
[Tags|]
[Current Location |Grandma's house]
[.::What I feel::. |chipperchipper]
[.::What I hear::. |iCarly haha.]

My life has made a complete 180. Well, maybe not complete but alot has changed in the last two weeks. Me and Skyy got super close again and and have been spending a TON of time together. I absolutely adore her son Kyson. We have and inside joke that I'm the "step-daddy" She says I'm the only friend she has that Tony (her bf) can actually stand to be around. Which is pretty awesome. I've known Tony Since highschool, So we pretty much have gotten along since then. It's been nice having Skyy around. :) She's my backbone. LOL.


My cousin brett got killed last weekend. He was at a party at his sister Ealisa's and got ran over by his friend over and argument. He died on the spot. Alot of people called my mom and grandma thinking it was my uncle brett. That's what you get for having two people in the same family with the first and last name the same. It's really weird to hear my uncles name on the news. I'm still not looking forward to the viewing or funeral. it's going to be very sad for my whole family. My uncle Rick, Who's son Brett got killed, Did make and appearance at our house for thanksgiving. It was sad, but I think he was doing his best to not think about it and just enjoy the family.

My aunt Natalie and Cody, and Weston and Brooklyn all came down from St. George for thanksgiving And it's been really awesome spending time with my family. I love it when they're down here. It gets a little crazy but it's completely worth it. I don't mind a little craziness in my life once in a while. Madison and Hunter are spending the weekend with me too. It amazes me how fast they've grown up and how much they are learning. They are reading now. Which completely blows me away. It feels like they should still be in diapers... Wow. I love them more than life itself. They're my everything. I hate that they're so far away. :(

I'll get my ass down to business later tonight and post some pictures when everyone goes to bed.

xoxoxox
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Then and Now. [Nov. 15th, 2009|08:26 pm]
Choke_me_
[Tags|]
[.::What I feel::. |accomplishedaccomplished]

Last time I wrote in this was 2006... haha.
Looking back on all this, I was really immature and quite crazy. WTF was wrong with me... hahahaha. I guess it's good to hold on to this stuff tho, cause I can look back on shit. lolol.

My life as of now is completely different than it was in 2006...

.........


I gambled for my first time ever on halloween weekend. It was fucking sweet. My grandma kept pumping money into the slot machines and we lost all the money that we went there with, But it was the experience that counts.



Me and weston made a TON of fake blood and had a blood fight in natalies back yard.. I was a zombie, and he was a cereal killer with a jason mask, and a chainsaw. It was pretty fun. I made synthetic dreads and wore them, I looked pretty rad if I do say so myself. :)

Looking for a job is shitty, this economy sucks. I'm looking for ways I can make junk and sell it... I will be a success. Just you wait. Maybe with fake dreads? Dunno... Something tho.

Either way, being broke is a bitch.

.........


Got to hang out with Skyy the other day, that was fun. We sat up all night watching the bad girls club, HILARIOUS. Her baby is adorable, I love him. All my friends from highschool are all mommy's now. It's crazy.
Billie and Kelly have both had kids, It's just insane how much the population has grown now that I look back on all this stuff.

But, I wouldn't change things now...


For now, I'll leave you with this conversation between me and some crazy dude who wants my number.

Umm No buddy, can't have it.


***
11/15/2009
7:35 PM
Jamie:
hi
……………………………………………………………………
7:38 PM
Amber:
hi
……………………………………………………………………
7:38 PM
Jamie:
have a boyfriend yes or no
have your number
……………………………………………………………………
7:41 PM
Amber:
Uhh why?
……………………………………………………………………
7:41 PM
Jamie:
what
……………………………………………………………………
7:42 PM
Amber:
Why do you want to know if I have a boyfriend.. or have my number... You don't even know me... I could be crazy.
……………………………………………………………………
7:44 PM
Amber:
And you're in texas.. I'm in utah, I can't imagine why it would matter if I had a boyfriend or not.
……………………………………………………………………
7:45 PM
Jamie:
do not no
……………………………………………………………………
7:46 PM
Amber:
Sooo... Do you often get numbers from girls this way?
……………………………………………………………………
7:54 PM
Jamie:
no
……………………………………………………………………
7:55 PM
Amber:
Then maybe you should try a different approach.
……………………………………………………………………
7:55 PM
Jamie:
what
……………………………………………………………………
7:56 PM
Amber:
I dunno, But your not gonna get any numbers by asking girls if they have a boyfriend or if you can have their numbers... Maybe have an actual conversation with them first.
……………………………………………………………………
7:59 PM
Jamie:
what up
……………………………………………………………………
8:05 PM
Amber:
lolololol
……………………………………………………………………
8:06 PM
Jamie:
what or you do
……………………………………………………………………
8:07 PM
Amber:
Huh?
……………………………………………………………………
8:08 PM
Jamie:
what
Jamie Ray appears to be offline
***
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(no subject) [Nov. 20th, 2006|10:47 pm]
Choke_me_
[.::What I feel::. |depresseddepressed]
[.::What I hear::. |Cars.]

Today wasn't very eventful.
...But it was a very bad day.
Me and Jaime fight like cats and dogs.
it sucks.
I feel wierd about things...
I love him, But I don't know that I am in love with him.
90% of the time we don't even get along.
it makes me sad.
And he tries to make me feel better.
But he dosen't know how confused about things I am.
I want to tell him... but I don't know how.
Alot of my "old feelings" have come back for someone else.
I don't know how to deal with it.
Fuck.
I hate this.
I love Jaime... I really do, but I don't see myself spending much more time with him.
He irratates the fuck outta me... And smothers me to death...
But at the same time I can see he really cares about me and loves me.
But I don't know if I am feeling the same.
I love him and care about him.. but not in the same way.

*sigh*

What to do...
I don't even know anymore.

:(

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wow. [Nov. 19th, 2006|04:16 am]
Choke_me_
[Current Location |My mom's]
[.::What I feel::. |depresseddepressed]
[.::What I hear::. |The heater.]

it's almost 4 in the morning.
I am talkin to Sivart.
Ohh sad.
All of these livejournal things are dead now.
I miss all of this shit.
I hate myspace.
I think I wanna update this alot more.

Everyone has changed so much.
it makes me sad.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to this shit.

Hmmm. :(
Things are wierd now.
Steph and other hate eachother...
And are both with new people...

Me and Travis have drifted apart so much.
I miss him. Alot.

Fuck this is depressing.
I need to get a time machine.
...Or somethin.

I miss talking to other about poop.
I miss hanging out with stephy.
I miss School.
I miss talking to travis while he worked at alorica..
I miss having hot tub parties.
I miss it all.

You never know how much you miss the best friends you have ever had till shit has changed so much and no one even talks to eachother anymore.

I miss you guys.
...You probably wont read this, but I do.

Maybe this is just my sad pathetic attempt to be happy...
and try to get things back to a time when I was actually happy.


:(
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If anyone reads this... [Feb. 2nd, 2006|02:37 am]
Choke_me_
[Tags|]
[.::What I feel::. |calmcalm]

wow-ness.
so live journal is pretty much forgotten about...
since myspace is the cool trendy thing to do now.


alot has changed in the last...
3 months or so...
I don't want to go through all of it...
but I am glad I am friends with amanda and
stephy again... I missed them

so today was pretty fun.
someone that I haven't seen in forever
stopped by last night.
and we hung out all day today...
we went to the mall and to wal*mart and
he bought me beers... and me and my mom drank them.
it was fun...
Image hosting by Photobucket

His name is jaime. and yeah... he asked me out... I said yes...
so I guess he is my boyfriend?
I dunno... I am taking him to the rest show no matter what tho.
I needed Jaime too.
I have been friends with him since forever... and yeah.
so that was my day...

how was yours?
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I am such an alcoholic Lame-ass. [Sep. 20th, 2005|08:49 am]
Choke_me_
[.::What I feel::. |lonelyEMO...]

... I am dropping out of school probably by the end of this quarter. I fucking hate school. It's gay. I might have to go to central... I don't know yet.... things suck right now... I think Travis hates me... it feels like it... I hate stormy... if anyone else tell me "Leave stormy alone,she is sooo innocent.. she has done nothing to you!" I am gonna punch them in the face. No one knows how she really is... but whatever. If she never did anything to me I would have no reason to hate her. I would still be friends with her. I don't just hate people for no reason. Grrrr...

I need to get high right now before I kill someone.

or something...
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(no subject) [Aug. 8th, 2005|07:39 am]
Choke_me_
[.::What I feel::. |highstill high....]

Its early... 7:40 am..
last night with Meh-heh, cody and jamie was fun...
I am still stoned from last night. that was good weed.
I have never laughed sooo hard at the grass in my entire life...
ha ha ha... or eaten fries that were so french.


*catch a falling condom... put it in your pocket, save it
for a rainy day!*

grrrr... I have to get ready to go to work now.
♥♥♥♥
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guacamole [Jun. 28th, 2005|04:22 pm]
Choke_me_
[.::What I feel::. |rushedrushed]
[.::What I hear::. |Rocky horror picture show]

last night was fun... except dustins poor van broke down in front of my house and big travis had to help him fix it for a long time... poor van. Meh came over and we drove to betos and we ate stuff and I kept screaming about the mexico calling cards they had in the vending machines. Meh mad a vagina with tooth picks and dustin and travis ate burritos. then we drove to memory grove and got in a fight about jesus and they kept telling us that we were "bad people" and that we should worship jesus. so dustin threw a drink at the kids car and he chased after us and tried to run us off the road... and he pulled up next to us and was yelling like a retard... and then he threw something at Meh's car... so dustin threw a burrito at them and it hit the girl in the face and hit the kid.... it was fun... I am still laughing at it. :D then we got bored and went home... me and meh took pictures... and we posted them on travis's comment s on myspace. they are kinky..... weeeeeeee I am bored bye.
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