|
[Friday
August 18th, 2006
9:25pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sufjan stevens |
] |
ooookay so i'm back from camp. it was an enjoyable experience to say the least. i lost 10 lbs and yeah it's pretty cool. yeah, school starts soon and i'm going to have a good end of summer because i said so
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
July 15th, 2006
11:58pm] |
|
hey guys, what it do. i'm at camp. i am a counselor for 10-11 year old girls and they are crazy. i got a 97 on my u.s. history regents and therefore am a genius. ummm so yeah this summer is pretty chillin thus far... lovin the boondocks. on tuesday, on my day off i had a sweet day in the city and got a marky j bag for my bday. so fucking sweet. i also got some sweet headbands and some gangsta hoops. yeah good times. peace.
|
|
|
|
[Friday
June 23rd, 2006
12:24am] |
|
have a nice summer kids, i'm leaving tomorrow. be back 8/17.
|
|
|
|
[Wednesday
June 14th, 2006
12:51pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
american analog set |
] |
so life is pretty chillin at this time. school ended yesterday, it was kinda weird because honestly, this year flew by so fast, i don't even know where it went.
but i love my friends right now, and i love just rolling the windows down and going on adventures. last night evette, courtney and i went to centre island beach and we climbed up the lifeguard chair and just watched the sun set over the sound. from our view we could see nyack and westport and it was so beautiful, it's definitely my new secret spot.
i have no finals today, but i do have english regents part 1 tomorrow. friday i have english part 2 then science. then tuesday i have u.s. regents and then SUMMER '06666666666
i leave for camp so soon, i can't believe i'm going to be a counselor. i also can't believe this is going to be my 6th summer at CPT.
this summer better be amazing or at the very least acceptable because i fucking deserve it.
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
June 11th, 2006
6:59pm] |
hahahahahaha 5 fat campers walk into a dunkin donuts.....
i like road trips
|
|
|
|
[Monday
May 29th, 2006
4:40pm] |
|
i like the beach a lot
and i'm excited because summer is in the air and my cheeks are pink.
camp is in 25 days and i can't wait, and i love driving and i can't wait to get my car
and i love marijuana and i don't give a fuck what any of you say and i love smoking and passing out listening to circa survive, and that was my entire memorial day vacation.
and i love nyc on hot days and i love my hair right now because it's blonder than yours.
this summer is going to be the summer that everything changes for me, and i can feel it. i don't know why, but i do and i hope it's everything i expect it to be and more.
but before all that i have the SAT's on saturday and finals finals finalsssss.
peace
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
May 21st, 2006
1:40pm] |
jon and tom came to see me this morning, at 530.
it was absolutely wonderful, until i cried
everything is wrong. everything. it really is funny how it all works out in the end, hm.
i don't know what made me cry, and i can't exactly put my finger on it because i'm scared of the truth.
i don't want it to be how it was, it can't work like that. i'm such an emotional wreck, seeing him go was like, pain in it's finest form. there's a huge unfillable pit in my stomach, i don't know what i want or where i'm headed or what's missing and it burns and i just want it to go away.
where is the closure that i need to find so desperately
why does god keep dangling carrots in front of my face
why can't i be the one who gets whatever they want, what do i have to do, why am i always the one being let down?
why can't i just live my fucking life without worry or regret or fear
and why am i such a glutton for punishment
why am i such a fucking misery
i hate not knowing at all
and i hate what i am and what i'm becoming
and i'm gonna be the crazy cat lady down the street who grows old alone and you'll warn your kids not to go trick-or-treating at my house
peace
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
April 22nd, 2006
8:19pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jefferson airplane |
] |
okay so tonight concludes the last night of my road trip with dad and rob. it was fun times and i even got kinda tan ! yay. i also bought some cool things such as these really cool boots from urban that were once $139 but i scored those bad boys for $45 and an adorable skirt from this store called the big iguana in fells point, baltimore which is equivalent to our soho/village type deal. i also bought kids and fight club on dvd because they were only $9.99 which i thought was a sweet deal.
so i'm drinking coffee in this hotel computer room in arundel mills, maryland. robyn is next to me and we've spent so much time together this past week and surprisingly i don't want to rip her face off. and my dad and i only fought once. it's cool. plus no one was like "YOU'RE FROM NEW YORK RIGHT!!!?" upon hearing my accent, i really fucking hate when people do that, it's like "yeah... ok"
today we went to the holocaust museum in washington, d.c. what an experience that was, seriously. i really enjoyed it, not like enjoyed it like "omg it was so much fun!!!" but more like "wow, i'm really glad i got to see that." i went before but i was only 11 and my dad wouldn't let me see anything except for the children's exhibit. but yeah as a jew i love to learn about my heritage and shit like that, it intrigues me.
sadly i have to return home tomorrowwww :( but okay that's cool summer is right around the corner and i cannot wait.
peaaace
|
|
|
|
[Thursday
April 13th, 2006
10:24pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
living things |
] |
so ummm i'm going on a roadtrip with my dad and my best friend and it's well needed/deserved. things are cool i guess i just need some booootay is all.
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
April 8th, 2006
12:39am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
and i can't remember life before her name. |
] |
i am so, so sick of this feeling.
he's all i want and this has gone on for way, way too long
i feel sick, yet i also feel hopeful
the way he looks at me sometimes, i can only wonder what he's thinking.
the amount of time that this has gone on can be considered a lifetime
i was 10 years old, but i was sure. and i still am sure
you can say that's sad, i don't care but
i'm not the most confident person in the world.
i'm tired of coming home and seeing my mother rubbing her life in my face
i want to feel that way. i'm the sixteen year old, not her.i should be out living the carefree, love-filled life, not her
i deserve it.
i say that and i mean it, i deserve it. so God, if you're ready to throw me a bone here, give me mine. it's my turn now.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
April 3rd, 2006
3:36am] |
|
hmmmokay so i have a really, really fucked up sleeping pattern.
i just watched hitch and the wedding date. 2 horrendous movies about the same thing. ehh hitch is okay i guess, but the wedding date was stupid.
this weekend was a lazy one.
i took my first sat on saturday at locust valley. it was okay, the reading was really hard for me, and math, well... we all know how that goes. i did the first 7 or 8, fuck the rest. i hate math and i can't do it. my essay was pretty good though, i didn't have much time to proofread it but, i did the best i could, and the grammatical error questions are my favorite.
whatever. being a junior is annoying, attention to those who aren't yet a junior, don't become one.
but i just am saying that academically. to tell you the truth, recently my life has been really busy and fun. i feel like i'm always doing something, and it's nice.
but, if only i has extremely wealthy parents
because i'm broke as fuck.
another busy week aheadddd. yes.
peace
|
|
|
|
[Thursday
March 30th, 2006
4:08am] |
i just woke up because my blood sugar was 32. i ran downstairs to consume something with sugar in it before i died. fun times being diabetic, mm.
someone remind me why i signed up for the april 1st SAT. i'm locking myself in my room with my SAT book on friday night, and then i have to be at locust valley high school by 7:45 am. ughhhhhhhhh kill me
i don't even have a clue as to where i want to go to college anyway, my mom wants me to go to a state school because my grades suck and we're poor but, i say fuck that. people say i should go to syracuse for my major (Journalism), but i highly doubt i'd get in there anyway. but i don't want to go where people tell me i should go, you know. i want to pick a college based on my own deductions, obviously. i just hope when i take the test, my A.D.D doesn't take over like it did during the PSAT's. my PSAT score was shit, and i know i've made an improvement since then, however i still doubt myself.
[insert regret of not applying myself academically within the entire course of my school career here]
i'm pretty scared is what it is. scared for my future, i want a good life. i want to be able to have a fulfilled, successful life. that's all i want.
let the games begin
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
March 26th, 2006
11:40am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
we are scientists |
] |
so say anything was last night, it was absolutely incredible. the venue wasn't good, couldn't see very well, couldn't go out for cigarettes, but they stamped your hand so what was the point of that. ghey. anyway though yeah i still thoroughly enjoyed myself, it was a very good night overall.
|
|
|
|
[Wednesday
March 22nd, 2006
10:29pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ever since i can remember i been poppin ma colla |
] |
wow this is only my second update for the entire month of march, hmm. it went by pretty fast actually.
things have been okay, basically being a junior in high school sucks balls but like what can you do. i'm taking my first SAT on april 1st, extremely psyched. not.
as of late, i've been running 2 miles daily. i'm extremely proud of this but like what is happening to me, i do not run, ever. plus i smoke so i don't know why i'm not dead right now, but it's cool.
today i had an improv show at carle place, it was so horrendously bad i am embarrassed. the audience was a bunch of rude seniors but their guys are really hot. their senior class has like a total of 50 people. what? that's like the total number of people in one of my classes. they weren't very hospitable or nice at all :O(
whatever. this week will turn out acceptably no matter what though, because i am seeing say anything on saturday night and that excites me immensely.
peaaaaace
|
|
|
|
[Wednesday
March 1st, 2006
9:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
she wants revenge |
] |
i feel like i'm getting my life back on track, and it's pretty nice.
i've started going back to the gym, and i'm encorporating it into my daily schedule, and i love it. i'm also doing pretty well on this diet so far, usually i'd have sidetracked by the 2nd day.
i hope it snows and we get at least a 2hour delay. it's been pretty cold out lately, and ny knuckles are really dry. i hate that
|
|
|
|
[Wednesday
February 15th, 2006
6:03pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
paul baribeau |
] |
tonight at 9, watch mtv, because a 2 hour documentary on my camp will be available for your viewing pleasure
you might see me, but my face will be blocked out. those of you who know my voice/my hair and body will know it's me. the rest of you will not.
it's so weird to watch your friends on national television.
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
February 12th, 2006
9:22pm] |
|
i said, "honey, i don't feel so good, don't feel justified. come on, put a little love here in my void."
i love fionaaaaaaaaa.
and um, yeah i'll be babysitting on valentines evening, at least i'll be paid.
it's a nice feeling to have money in yo pocketz
my mom's been in florida since friday, and since all the airports are closed, the first flight she could get out is on tuesday. and daddy is in vegas and he's not coming back until wednesday and i miss him a lot.
i have a 2 hour delay tomorrow, oh well. at least that's something. fuck dr. hankinnnn the worst superintendent in the world.
today was such a nice day, blizzard of '06
i shoveled emily's driveway with her and her sister and my arm muscles are sore
then we watched not another teen movie and drank tea, i love tazo green lotus yum
and we listened to like this guy named paul something with a b, and fiona and regina spektor. good shit.
i need some lovin
goodnight
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
February 7th, 2006
10:53pm] |
|
Here is my possible goodbye letter to Rich
feedback is appreciated greatly.
Dear Rich,
So this is it, I guess. You're in love, and I am very happy for you. You know how much I love you, and you deserve nothing more than someone to love and be happy with. I've been crying on and off, not really knowing what to say to you, or how to bid you this final goodbye. Because once you're gone, I know you, you're gone for good. I'm happy for you, but not half as much as I am angry. How could you? Leaving all you've ever known, all you've had in the past year and a half for someone you've known for roughly three months? Rich, I love you, but I have never met a more selfish, stubborn person in my life. You may think that you know what you're doing, and that you can make it out there on your own. Maybe you can, but I don't understand how you can risk your life for this.
Truthfully, I think that in your head you have some romanticized scenario going on. You feel as though you'll contract this terminal illness, people will feel bad for you. Another ploy for sympathy. Rich, listen to me, you are not a martyr. You will not be dying for any cause except for stupidity and selfishness. But, nonetheless, I can't stop you. Quite frankly, nobody can, because you're set on this. I love you, and you're my boy forever, but I will never forgive you for this act of impulsivity. I call it that because you have no idea what you want in life. You just think you do, because Mervin is the only person that has shown you the least bit of the kind of love you seem to be searching for. And just dropping everything and moving to the left coast seems like the best thing to do. Well, I'll tell you something. There's this thing called reality. You have to face the fact that a fast solution to your problems, such as this, is not always a permanent solution.
I know there's not a huge possibility of you waking up on a sunny california morning and saying, "oh fuck, what have I done?" But should you do that, I want you to know that you can always call me. I will not say "I told you so." I will lend my ears to you because no matter what, I love you. I don't agree with these actions you're taking, but I need you to know how I feel, and never forget that I will always be there for you. Always.
Love,
Halley
oh man, i can't do this.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
February 6th, 2006
10:53pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
scarlet begonias |
] |
in the words of my best friend emily, "nothing is going right lately." couldn't have said it better myself. 2 people that i know have killed themselves in the past 2 weeks, and someone else died in a motorcycle accident.
rich is moving to california on friday morning. he's in love, and i'm happy for him. but it's so selfish. he's leaving us and all he's ever known for this one guy who he hasn't known for too long. i don't want to see him go, he's one of my best friends, and we know we won't see him ever again. that alone is having such a negative effect on my life as of late. his boyfriend also has aids, and he's willing to risk everything, including his life, for this. it's all so romaniticized, i feel like he thinks he'll be dying for love. he doesn't even know what that is, in all honesty. i'm tearing myself apart over this and i don't know what to do/say to him. none of us do.
valentines day is approaching soon. another year alone, i vowed to myself that this year would be different. too bad.
spanish 4h is gone, though. yessssssss i'm so happy about that.
i need something or someone to just, pick me up. i just have a dark cloud hanging over my head, and i want it to just go.
r.i.p jim
r.i.p mike
r.i.p evan
you will all be missed.
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
January 24th, 2006
8:25pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
drop kick the punks |
] |
( THREEEEEE )
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
catastrophy__'s journal