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Elrond altered2

He's Still the Man of My Life: Sonny Preyer

Posted [sticky post] on 2006.05.12 at 18:08
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
It's been years and years, and I'm still in love with this guy.

I suggest that you read through the introduction before following the links below. The links are there for added information, but are not vital, since everything will unfold in the story. (The links contain definite SPOILERS). Header and Warning found here. Enjoy.


He was born to keep a promise.

Not even death will let him break it.

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Sonny Preyer

A Fairy Tale

of a different Kind

Copyright 2002 Bridgette H.



Sonny is an Illumenae.

Only one can walk the Earth at a time.

The Illumenae came about because some wise souls believed that those who cherish peace should not have to suffer those who relish war. They are individuals bred for one purpose, to renew the Promise that gives peace to the people of the The Realm. It is a genetic Promise, kept through propagation. And Sonny Preyer does not yet know that he is one of them.

Sonny is an instrument of power. He cannot defend himself, for deliberately harming another goes against his own life-giving energy. But harm finds those who provoke him, who threaten him, for his own power is confined within an infallible human adolescence, and has ways of escaping him.

Sonny is a brilliant, if troubled, student at Silver Springs High. Stigmatized by his fragile health, and medical secrets, his only consolation among his peers is a singing voice that makes even his bullies stop and listen.

The people in Sonny’s life are not who they seem to be:
Dr. Sanders, a prudent physician, has taken a special interest in him since birth, and limits his home practice to Sonny's needs alone. His school friend Brecca, and her cousin Elden, appear to have a sudden and inexplicable need for Sonny’s companionship. Shore, the new school counselor, says very little to Sonny, but is careful to watch his every move. Cale is the friend Sonny cannot remember having. And even Sonny’s parents, Amber and Dom Preyer, haven’t been entirely honest with their son.

His dreams of going to college come to an end when he is violently recalled to a world he once knew. The Realm is a green and abundant land, long forgotten within the vaults of his soul's memory. It is a world of castles, of sorcery, and of deadly magic. Here, every stranger knows the intimate secret Sonny takes great pains to keep hidden, and either loves him or despises him for it. Here, warriors vow to protect him from an enemy whose desire for him is as powerful as Sonny himself.

It is up to Sonny to find his way home from this place, where so much is expected of him. But first he has to face the one entity who stands in his way. Dastas.

Chapter One:
Part one
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven

Friends can find Sonny here. Thanks

Go to sonnypreyer.com

Join Sonny's update list!

It's taken me years to write this fan letter, but I didn't know how to say it and the experiences that would let me say it, hadn't happened yet.

I sat through the TV series "Lost" again, just so that I could enjoy that perfect perfect ending.

I may be one of the few people who actually fell in love with the ending. But spiritual people will get this. Now I understand why I love it so much. Its message is, 'No one really dies.' All the people we loved, all the people we didn't love, all had their reasons for making their mistakes and creating whatever life they created. All are redeemed on a greater level and all is valuable. If you're thinking I’m seeing only what I want to see, sure I am, but let me tell you why.

After twenty-plus years of dealing with asthma and traditional medicine that has no cure (among other unsolvable mysteries), I recently went to a hypnotherapist to see if I could find the real cause and cure. She practiced a special form of hypnosis, called Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy (QHHT). It is still considered a "fringe" science in some circles, so don't look for traditional doctors to validate it, some do however. While "under" I was regressed to a series of significant events that I have no memory of in this life. Before any of the regression took place, my foot started hurting. I had to interrupt the process briefly because of this. Now, while under, I did not lose consciousness. I felt awake and that I could stop the process any time I wanted. Only later did I realize this was part of my validation that what I was experiencing was part of a greater reality.

I found out that in three separate "lives" I had foot trouble that came from one initial injury, but I kept creating an emotional state that kept "re-opening" that wound, so to speak. None of this had to happen, it was all based on how I was making choices at the time. Out of fear or freedom.

The initial injury developed when I fell into a watery crevice while off exploring in the Virginia mountains. I was a young coal miner, but I loved to go off by myself every chance I got. Not to make anyone sad, but I didn't make it out of that fall. I was stuck immediately and cold water quickly filled in. Don't worry, it was bad for a moment, but it was over quickly and I felt so alive and buoyant and free afterwords, that I didn't know that my body never made it out. I always used to wonder how anyone could not know they're dead, like in folklore or superstitions. Now I know, you don't feel death after death, you feel greater life because you're not weighed down by the body anymore. (hint: I didn't want to be "stuck" in the life of a coal miner, so I exited when I'd had enough of that).

I remember flying over that wooded area, enjoying the beauty, but for some reason, I didn't feel I could leave. My memory wasn't the same. I had no memory of a body, I was somehow still the me I was used to being and didn't need a body. One day, a very compassionate man came and prayed for me. He knew that I had passed and that I didn't understand. He helped me and I saw myself leaving that place to get on with my life and future. I was free.

In another life, the foot injury showed up again whenever I had to make a painful decision that kept me stuck and indecisive. Stuck and indecisive equals fear, fear of what will happen if I make the wrong decision. In my present life, I experienced feeling stuck in a "no-win" situation and the foot pain just became a part of my life. The stuck feeling, when left unsoothed or unsolved, triggered the symptoms of the initial experience, along with the injuries: cold (I've always been cold-natured), unable to breathe, injured foot, stuck. In short, a panic attack, drawn out over years. In that first injury, the cold water took my breath. My foot was wedged in such a way that there was no chance of getting out of that crevice. The key is emotions and learning to soothe them by realizing we are freer and more supported than we know. Perhaps symptoms are our body's way of reminding us of lessons we've already been through and need not suffer again.

Since that session, I have not had an asthma attack, and I was having them every day. I'm not saying that I'm cured, because the recording that was made of my voice talking, said that it will be a gradual cure if I accept it on a deeper level.

Now, what does this have to do with the TV show Lost? Everything. Lost is about simultaneous lives and how death is meaningless. Lost is a supernatural drama that starts out looking like any other drama until you get caught up in the hero, Jack Shepherd's (Mathew Fox), compulsion to save as many people as he can from a plane crash. He's injured, confused, and just doing the best he can, with a heart of gold. And he ain't bad to look at, either! By the time his story and the other characters' are told, you end up caring for them all. Even the evil characters because there's just desperate people, not evil people. But it sure seems like it for a while. Nothing is black and white and you find yourself accepting people you initially felt you could never accept, due their corrupt nature. Like the Grinch, your heart freakin' expands three sizes.

Jack Shephard, who has a god-complex and always has to do what's right, gets a minor neck injury towards the end of the story. But that neck injury starts to appear, repeatedly, long before it is caused in Jack's timeline. It's always a mystery to him, because he doesn't yet understand that he is living simultaneous lives and experiencing bleedthroughs, literally. He's a very special man and I'm a sucker for that.

There are so many plot twists, you forget the show is more sci-fi/fantasy than traditional drama. There's a smoke monster, the question of whether none of them ever survived the crash, and dead people constantly making appearances. By the time it ended, I found myself floored by the performance of Benjamin Linus (Michael Emerson), one of the cruelest geniuses I've ever not wanted to like but had to admit how perfectly he played that role. All the characters went far deeper than I thought they would and made me care. But Jack… Jack is given one of the most beautiful conscious deaths that I've ever seen depicted in film or TV. Don't worry, he doesn't die the way we're told death is. All of the characters are given this to some degree, yet the story goes on. No one really dies and yet they are finally awarded a deep spiritual peace and reunion for all their struggles.

At the very end, the characters "solve" their life issues and begin to wake up to their multiple lives. If you research it, you'll find opinions that can only accept so much of the outlandish concept, so don't limit yourself to that. The show has so much to offer, nothing I've said really spoils it. That's why I watch it over and over every few years. The ending is never spoiled for me because Jack Shephard awakens from his life-struggle illusion to a greater life.

After my QHHT session, I can now put words to why I like the show so much. It reveals more of the truth behind the daily illusions we all struggle with. All packaged just right for me. (And by package, I do mean Jack.) Why does one person appear to have it easy and another to have it so hard? Friends in one life can be enemies in another, as the show depicts. It's as if each life or timeline is only one perspective in an attempt to look at an issue from every perspective. The minute I say I don't like something, another perspective exists where I do. I will only get to meet that part of myself if I can integrate my feelings, or the two will be separate lives to the other. If I hate doctors or policemen, I will not benefit from the natural healing and protectiveness that my other lives, where I am a doctor or a policeman, hold. On a subconscious level, the show, Lost, integrated and validated this for me. This is why it feels so good to get to the ending where all of the healing is.

If you read all this, thank you so much and bless you.


George Michael, You Graduated!

Posted on 2016.12.26 at 21:41
How crazy. On the morning of Dec 24th, I had the urge to find an old George Michael song that I never fully appreciated. Praying for Time. I found it on Youtube and took a moment to listen to some old stuff. Today I read that George Michael died yesterday. To me, he graduated. All the musicians/actors, etc. who gave me at least one great moment through their music and work, also inspired me to imagine a realm where we're all in school, we're all classmates, and we all take turns in different roles, no matter what our time on Earth looks like.

This got me thinking, we know why it hurts when a loved one passes, but when someone passes that you, apparently, had no relationship with, and it makes you think and feel for them, your spirit DID have a relationship with them. Your spirit did love them. And that's very real. I wasn't a huge fan, but dang if I don't feel shaken every time someone who made me care in a personal way, even a little bit, exits this world. It makes me realize that love really does connect everyone and the spirit recognizes God's value of everyone, whether we ever spoke to that person or not. Many blessings to George Michael.

The song below (to me) is the cry of humanity to God, crying the way an uncomprehending child cries to an adult. Only love and time will help the child to understand, not judgement or punishment

Thank you forever, Allen Rickman. You've graduated.

Pic courtesy of Warner at


It's been years since I last celebrated the HP epic with a post. Mixed feelings and inconsiderate remarks on my part left my journal in ruins. Emotions ran high back then! How silly now, but also great that fiction like Harry Potter can inspire people to passionate feelings. Thank you again, J K Rowling, for all your work.
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I watched all the movies back to back recently, and awakened a new appreciation for the journey. It really is a feast for the mind, for those of us with a taste for special, extraordinary boys. Snape was my second favorite character and only made Harry's scenes stronger. Feared having my heart broke at seeing him die again (could only watch that last movie once, was so wrong!) But on second viewing, with the cushion of years between the two, I was able to focus on the beauty of his role finally being revealed to Harry. That uplifted me a lot. I was too hurt to really appreciate it the first time. Noticed plot details this time that I didn't remember from the books. It was satisfying to see Malfoy's character allowed to return to a more substancial performance. Tom Felton showed considerably more talent than all the other child actors in the beginning, in spite of having a smaller role. Glad we had to take him seriously in the end. Love seeing him pop up in movies. And of course, it was wild seeing Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint grow as actors the way they all did. Their transformations are beautiful.

All of it was a better experience than the one I let myself have years ago. Except the ending, the last 15 minute summary of their lives, that's still too painful to let play out. Would love to see a resurgence of Harry as a young man and childless (because he's the special one. It's all about him.) and the subject of his sexuality going unconfirmed, just to keep the mystery open-ended. I had a great time revisiting JK Rowling's world.
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This is an old artlicle, but still relevant to cencorship and healing with the written word. I caution sensitive readers to think twice before reading beyond thest first two paragraphs. It's a look at why some writers have to go where others fear to tread. For me, it became a way to deal with the trauma of being held back in the fifth grade. Fictional rape encompasses the shame and humiliation that I felt as a 'failure', that I could not process unless I gave it to fictional characters. Through them, I loved and healed, and found tremendous therapy. Rape in fiction is how I’ve learned to take the hurt out of my own humiliation and put it somewhere else. This confines it to a reality where I control all the pain. It doesn’t control me...

It’s like facing a bully. What once terrified me, has become mine to command, to make dance like a puppet on strings for my entertainment. Little did I know that such content would become the scarlet letter of fiction. Any writer worth their salt has to write about what bothers them, what hurts them, what scares the hell out of them, as well as what makes them happy. You can’t dissect this from the writing experience and still have something worth reading about.

This piece is published elsewhere and was originally titled, Rape Fiction VS Rape Reality.
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Some of us try too hard to get what we want, and that's a sure indication that we fear we will not get what we want. That fear is just as active and influencing in our lives as the inspiration that we also feel. We forget that a cell knows how to divide and become a human being. A seed knows how to become a great Oak Tree. And a heart knows how to beat without instruction from our so-called superior intellect. A trillion calculations go on inside our bodies, just so that we can walk from one side of the room to the other. So it is, everything knows it's own order.
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This is for all the hard working people out there. We come from certain thinking, thinking that places the value of a human being on how hard that person can work and earn their keep. It's taught as a great work ethic, but it sure sounds like slavery to me, (all races and cultures suffered for that, not trying to bring anyone down). So we only value ourselves when we work hard. We work so hard that we wish things could be easier. We beg for easier while being driven to work harder.

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Learn to get the best from yourself.

Always have something to look forward to.

Whatever’s wrong, it always passes.

You deserve to be happy. Learn what that takes,Read more...Collapse )



Posted on 2014.06.25 at 17:00

THANK YOU TO THIS TEAM OF BEAUTIFUL DANCERS! I don't know who you are, but I hope to see more of you!

Title: Ender's Home
Author: Ca_tharsis_
Pairing: Ender/Peter
Warning: Nothing canon about it.
Rating: Take a chance.
Disclaimer: Made it up. Orson Scott-Card is the genius.
Summary: Seventeen year-old Ender is sent home after Commander School, and after his promotion to Admiral. Valentine and Peter are starting families of their own and Ender wonders where he fits in.

From the attic window, he watched for Valentine's Car. His personal console, a membrane-thin band around his wrist, kept him informed of her car's distance, her vital signature, and that of her unborn child's, as well as constants and fluctuations in various security checks around him. A third signature told him that Peter had agreed come along.

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Ender's Guilt

Posted on 2013.12.06 at 18:21
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Ok, saw Ender's Game and I can't get it out of my mind. Not entirely comfortable with this since the main star is an under aged, slash worthy, Asa Butterfield. The filmmakers did too great a job turning him into a little man, worthy of my respect. I have a thing for geniuses anyway. Throw in his innocence and adult turmoil, and my heart didn't stand a chance.
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OMG! Sonny is number 19 in Amazon's top 100 Epic Fantasies. He's in the Free list, but so is Terry Goodkind, a best-selling author. I don't know if this has any credibility, but it nice! Hope I get to stay up there a while.



Sonny Preyer FREE on Kindle for 5 days

Posted on 2013.02.02 at 19:58

Sonny Preyer Vol. 1, is going free on Amazon's Kindle for the next 5 days, starting Feb. 3rd. And one free copy of any volume of Sonny Preyer that any reader wants, will be given in exchange for leaving a review on Sonny's Kindle page. This is for a limited time period. So please tell your friends and stop by to leave a review yourself. Liz, I was sure to give you credit for editing. :-)



I've been away for a while

Posted on 2013.01.05 at 22:22
About me: I express my opinions and tastes here and talk about my writing. I'm not looking to offend anyone, but I warn you that might happen. I come across as overly critical and argumentative when I just think I'm being engaging and delightful. Oh, and I like it when men are attracted to each other (Slash!). If you don't mind me, I don't mind your reading. If you must comment, be nice. If you must criticize, make an effort to do so without being hateful or ugly. Friends welcomed. Haters will be deleted from my world. If I've said something hurtful, just explain it to me instead of being bitchy. Not that that's ever happened before. Now, lets take our coffee onto the balcony and talk books.

This is Garett Maggart who will be reprising his role as Dr. Joe McKay in D. L. Warner's and Jon Cunningham's Demon Under Glass web production. I hope I did the credits right. I have not yet asked for permission to use this pic (from the DUG site: http://www.dragoncor.com/demon.htm) because I recently bombarded Mrs. Warner with gushing sentiments of admiration and I'm afraid she'll think I'm stalking her if I contact her again too soon.

My god, he's aged well. See his "The Sentinal" days in the post below. Notice the family resemblance to his beautiful sister, Fiona Apple. You know, he really seems like a great sport when it comes to the whole slash-fandom thing. At least, that's what I gather from Mrs. Warner's teasing and deliberately vague comments which indicate he's well aware that he and his male co-star, might "do it" and humorously accepts the need for lube and condoms, though he may not be crazy about being a 'bottom,' (which I'm totaly rooting for). I'm paraphrazing from Warner's blog here, which I'm not linking to because it seems really peaceful over there, just the way she wants it (I'm assuming).


Posted on 2012.05.01 at 17:38
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I think they did it for their fangirls and boys. I love it. Thanks, guys.



Posted on 2012.03.03 at 11:14



I don't write pornography and I don't write erotica. Nothing against them. But taste-wise, one is too unchallenging to keep me awake and the other is too bland (which is too challenging to keep me awake). What I do, is look for the struggle between the body and the mind when sex is at its most complicated, and I write about that emotional, mental struggle. Certain characters lend themselves to this. It's like trying to capture that convulsive, involuntary moment during sex and just before the stimulus becomes more than what is bearable and more than what is pleasurable, then weaving that throughout the length of a novel.

It's taken a long time to figure out why I need Sonny to suffer as exquisitely as he does (or Joe McKay or Blair Sandburg, etc.) I'm on a Garret Maggart kick, thanks to D.L. Warner (no, really. Thank you!) I live in my mind and it demands more than the physical and social arenas can give. More than any temporary relief. It demands a fight. Friction and force. 'Wrestling with an angel,' is the phrase that comes to mind. Conflict where the prize is worth more than anything found on earth - and only the mind can do that. Pornography has no such ambition, which is fine sometimes. And erotica (she says sarcastically) seems too timid to meet eye to eye with that violent, involuntary, convulsive...moment, to investigate it and see what it's really made of. I've never found out what it's made of (and my sex scenes still need work) but I did find out where my characters come from. They come from a sexuality that takes a sweeping observation of life, the world, relationships of all kinds and concludes, "That's not enough, I want more." So I make it up.

This is why I have a character who's masculine identity conceals a feminine core. What better way to render him helpless than to force him to feel a woman's climax? (After all, I'm a man in a woman's body so I only know what female orgasms feel like and I don't think men can handle them. Just joking! - no, I'm not.) Okay, the guy in me is joking and the female is dead serious.

In a society, apparently, dominated by what men think is great entertainment, their "hit it and quit it" preference for damsels in distress (look at the books, movies, fairy tales, book covers, posters, from beginning to today, an ocean of women in tears and torn dresses, terrorized, abused, stalked...) or, women of such mythological strength and dominance (all packaged in your choice of shiny black rubber or classic nude) that they might as well be gorgeous men with breasts and vaginas, how else can I give into my sweet tooth for a male who is thrown into danger, dominated and ravished every bit as thoroughly as any damsel - but by another man - without compromising the handsome quality of his masculine appeal? (No, prison movies just don't get it. And before you judge me - you know who you are - I can tell the difference between fantasy and reality just fine, and am not wishing harm on anyone. So take a step back!) Well, I never found a great answer to that, but I'm still working on it.

I know, that paragraph has more problems than a... than something that has lots of problems.

This all reminds me of Garret Maggart (wow, two last names) and his wonderful contribution to the Fangirl Foundation Sugarbowl Fundraiser(I'm 42), which is badly in need of quality contributions, as seen here. Reconvene in 15 minutes. Sentinel fans, talk amongst yourselves. You've already seen this.

And this:
ANGEL (That kiss near the end looks premeditated on Richard's part and quite real)

And this:

Thank you Garret Maggart, Richard Burgi, Alfnrns, CelestialMoonDragon, Quantum861 and Youtube for those lovely, slashy contributions, which I would pay good money to see in the form of a serious movie (shout out to all you movie and entertainment investors!).

Which brings me to my next point. I came up with a character who comes close to the one I'm interested in, but I had to build an entire world and premise around him to pull it off. No apologies. Years after the fact, I'm still inspired by Sonny. I didn't think I would be. But that's the thing about books and fiction, mental dramatic intimacy vs. graphic intimacy, and mundane heroes vs. fearsome angels. One sits on the surface for but a moment, subject to be replaced by the next stimulus, while the other sinks like rain into soil, deep into the interior of the psyche, becoming a perpetual stimulus and achieving reality that no physical thing can compete with because the characters fill my mornings, afternoons, and nights (shout out to Tally!) long after I've closed the books and no matter who I'm with or who's talking to me. Yes, it's that good. Heaven. And I'm supposed to give this up for a so-called "normal" existence? Normal, by whose standards? Fuck that. If you should be so lucky as to find a sliver of bliss in this world - that isn't hurting anyone - just go with it.

This chat was inspired by:
Time off work,
Demon Under Glass (novel)
D. L. Warner
Garret Maggart (as Joe McKay and Blair Sandburg)
Jason Carter (as Molinar)
Richard Burgi
Sonny Preyer (my baby)
Every great character I have ever come across, who cannot possibly exist in real life, and therefore cannot be limited by it.

- The Sonny Preyer Chronicles

Book: Demon Spawn, On the Run by D.L. Warner

This book has a disclaimer written by D.L.'s husband, Jon Cunningham. At first this confused me. Why would a book need a disclaimer? As soon as I got to the first page, I saw why. As a fan of Mrs. Warner, I paid for one style, one genius, and got something else. Oh to be sure, she delivered in the end, but I almost didn't get to the end.

I gave this book five stars based on its last thirty-five pages alone. D.L Warner's part. I found it mind-boggling that D.L. seems to have so little regard for her unique writing "voice" in this story that she would entrust others to write it for her. Considering how wonderful her talent is, that's just crazy. Fan-fic can be awesome, but next to the meat and potatoes of real writing... not so much this time. It's her Joe and her Molinar that I fell in love with. You don't get that in these other stories. You don't get anything remotely close to the strength of her unadorned narrative, the implicit attraction shown through action, and all that great sexual tension between the lines of convincing masculine men. My god, it's disappointing. But D.L. Warner delivers in the end. The very end.

I've read the last 35 pages over and over again, just trying to hang on to the thrill of Molinar's desire for Joe. And in many ways, this last chapter by D.L. more than makes up for the other styles. I don't want to give anything away, but I love the path that she puts these men on, how she makes it all look so reasonable. With Molinar and Joe on the run, they have no choice but to grow dependent on each other to survive. But it's not a gritty, miserable survival. It's full of warmth, wealth, technical savvy, and options for a new life, all balancing on Joe's decent into psychological shock as he lets Molinar take the lead. Joe really has to adjust, and D.L. shows him trying as other characters, such as Ethan, react strongly in response to Joe's delima. (I got such a kick outa that! "Jesus, Joe...") It's as if Joe, pushing himself to stay functional, doesn't realize he's close to a nervous breakdown. His life has been yanked from under his feet, with only Molinar's vital resources to save him. Things brighten for him, but he's realistically conflicted right to the last page. It stays with you.

I'm not a fan of romance (unless it's hard and strong like this story), but when I read Molinar saying of the necklace he ripped from Joe's neck in the first novel, "I took it [the caduceus necklace] because I couldn't take you with me," my heart nearly came out of my chest. Sure, Molinar's still a murdering bastard who gets off on playing rough, but he's downright charming when it comes to Joe. Until he gets jealous or horny, then the darker side looms. Love it! There is more intensity in these few pages than in most of the full-length novels I've read. It's a damn shame that D.L. Warner hasn't given us a full-length sequel.

So, the book is WORTH buying and treasuring, but only because of the last amazing 35 pages of Mrs. Warner's genius.
Side note, she did get a little lazy on the sex scenes, but I can live with it. More please.

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