*- See Through Me

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 06:32:04 GMT

im not guna die i dont care anymore though .. i will get help and i will get better. thank you justin, i love you .. too bad though .. we couldve still been aamazing but im not guna write about my feelings in here anymore fuck it i dont care.

i guess you could say i miss youa little
a little too much
a little too often
and a little more everyday

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 06:13:37 GMT

i give myself a week tolive, at the rate im bleeding myself .. maybe even less.. unless i can stop soon.. dun think itll happen

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 19:45:35 GMT

I havent been updating here because Ive been on my other Journal more, my greatest journal. Its alot better but I dont wanta post it here cuz... well if SOMEONE gets the link then Im screwed. I love my layout tho it kicks ass.

We're going to the drive in tonight to see White Chick... yes. I have to go soon though cuz my mom is giving me crap for being on the computer.

I guess its really almost over with him.. I mean his msn names are showing it I guess.. "If i could have one wish babe it would be you" or sum shit .. he nevr had shit about me in his msn names .. so I guess shes something really special. Well Ive been listening to this song alot lately so I decided to put in the lyrics,

Artist:	Mya
Album:	Mya
Title:	If You Died I Wouldn't Cry Cause You Never Loved Me Anyway

Verse 1:
Mmmmmmmmmmm
Oh it hurts so bad.
It started out so perfect, something God could only create.
A union of both me and you on this special day.
Never once did I take for granted that youve been hurt before.
So you treated me like a lady and even more.
So I cant understand why you brought storms into my life.
Tell me why, you destroyed every part of me.
Now what once a beautiful lady that you showered with your love must
live with
a heart that bleeds.
I hope you never have to come this way again. You used to be my lover
and my friend. So please dont take offense when I say what I have to
say.
Cause if you died I wouldnt cry cause you never loved me any way.
Promises made and secrets told
late nights spent in ecstasy, we made love in a bed of roses for the
universe
to see. There was no holding back from each other, both of our minds
were free.
henever we spent time apart, boy it seems like eternity
So I cant understand why you brought this pain into my life.. Oh tell
me why.

I gave you a reason to live and you used my love in vain .. so go on
by
yourself to survive this alone.. You know you cant come back home.
I hope you never have to come this way again. You did, you did. So
please dont take
offense when I say what I have to say.
If you died I wouldnt cry cause you never .. no way.
no way no way
How could this be
After all the love you said we shared you turned around and leave.
Boy you know you were my heart and soul but I cant be hurt. I gotta
let
you go.
Together forever thats what we both said. I didnt know that life could
be
so unfair.
Baby you did this to me.
You were my lover
So please dont take offense when I say what I have to say.
I hope you die, I hope you die
Cause you never loved me anyway.
I.... you never never never never never never never never
You use to be my best friend. You can get struck by lighting, washed
away by
the sea, burned in a fire just dont bring it back to me. Cause
Cause you never loved me anyway.

If you died I wouldnt Cry - Mya

Im mad at myself

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 19:21:20 GMT

"I'm mad at myself, not you.

I'm mad for always being nice,

always apologizing for things I shouldn't have,

for getting attached,

for making you my life,

depending on you,

wasting my time on you,

thinking about you, helping you,

changing for you,

forgiving you,

wishing for you,

dreaming of you, and most of all...for always being there when you needed me, a favor which wasn't returned

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 19:42:39 GMT

Well... in new brunswick STILL ... 6 more days . Cant wait to get home.. as you know ive made a poem livejournal.. i really like how i can put my stuff on the internet.. so far Cassie nd Ismena tell me im amazing =P I feel so special. So.. about me?

How have I been feeling lately? A bit bleh. Like a whore maybe.. yeah. Justin has all his little gurls nd probably talks to them but Im the priviliged one, I get ignored. Wen I get back ... ohhh Im guna do... nevrmind dont feel like writing it. I got a Greatest Journal, user name bunnie5 I love the layout thank you muchhhhesss casssie.

Another big thank you to Cassie for sending me LOTS of quotes, just guna put a few of the ones that suit me or how im feeling now. -->

Guess I thought you'd be here forever, another illusion I chose to create, you don't know what you've got till its gone and I found out just a little too late

I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave without a sound except my heart shattering as it hits the ground

you wonder why I don't talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say that it's not that I don't want to, it's just that everything I want to say to you, I can't tell you anymore..

I couldn't help it when I started to cry, I told myself that life’s a lie. You know, it sucks when your dreams slip away, I’d trade all my tomorrow’s for yesterday.

It's wierd..you know the end of something great is coming up; but you want to hold on, just one more second, just so it can hurt a little more.

I sometimes feel a little jealous inside, imagining someone could please you more than me I guess its my insecurity acting up a bit because I know im not the most beautiful, most fun or even the most exciting person you'll ever meet but I do know that no matter how hard and long you search you will never find another person who loves you with the beauty and the passion with that which I feel for you

Even if my heart should call out your name in the rain. Even if these arms should want to embrace you again. And even if I’m all cried out and no longer in pain... I’ll never fall in love that way again.

and her heart was broken into a thousand pieces, and upon each one was written his name

"I'm so sick and tired of acting like I'm fine because truthfully, I'm not. I can't even talk to you without being so incredibly sad. You were the one person who was always supposed to be there for me, my best friend, my everything.. and you ruined it all in that moment. And I acted like it didn't hurt, and for a while, I didn't think it did...but the tears are here and I now realize that it hurt more than anything in the world."

I used to smile when I told people you were mine, but now I cant even smile and say your name at the same time...

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 01:53:59 GMT

heres a nice quiz i stole frum ismena's livejournal hehe.. =)

{DESCRIBE YOUR}
[Wallet]: um i lost my wallet .. i just carry money around in my pocket wen i need it

[Hairbrush]: i have many hairbrushes.. right now in new brunswick im using laurens blue and silver one.
[Jewellery you wear daily]: the millions of new bracelets i just bought .. my hoop earrings i wear like evryday .. nd my chain that sumwun bought me .. i lost the cross charm in new brunswick tho

[Pillow cover]: i dont pay attention to my pillows .. my ones at home are green i think
[Coffee cup]: i dont have one
[Shoes]: my air forces that i LOVE very much, very very much ... im bored here and im getting around to changing my laces soon
[CD in stereo right now]: my new burnt CD with evrysong reminding me of Justin so I dont listen much
[What are you are wearing now]: my old soccer shorts and my old black tie up tank top.
[Hair]: didnt want to bother blow drying it today .. im on vacation... just wavy straight kinda
[In my mouth]:nothing
[In my head]: many things...many many things .. too many things
[Eating]: i eat lots or no lots ... depends how nice i feel during the day
[Some of your favorite movies]: err.. Underworld... Eurotrip...lots
[Something you're looking forward to]: .... getting home frum new brunswick and going to see that someone maybe for the last time
[The last thing you ate?]: ice cream ... mmm NB ice cream rox

[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: im copying ismena .. love
[Do you like candles?] yes
[Do you believe in a thing called love]: im on the hate love side right now

[Do you believe in soul mates?]: no

[Do you believe in love at first sight]: could be possible..
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: at times .. wen the circumstances are right .. but sum things u cant forgive
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: a wolf

[What are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: uhh France (cannes to be exact), um new brunswick .. even tho id miss evryone .. and uhhh sumwhere nice and hot in europe
[What are some of your favorite pig out foods?]: uhh i love pizza very very much
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: why im so messed up
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: lots of people ...

{In the last 24 hours, have you:}
[Cried:] nope
[Gotten sick:] no
[Sang:] of course
[Eaten:] yes
[Felt stupid:] yes .. lauren and my family are always making fun of me
[Hugged someone:] yes.. lauren!
[Wanted to tell someone you loved them:] yep .. well .. no .. well i dono
[Met someone new]: yes lots of new frends in new brunswick *cough NO
[Talked to someone you have a crush on:] possibly...
[Fought with your parents:] yep all the time
[Dreamed about someone you can't be with:] of course .. i hate dreams.
[Are you center of attention or the wallflower:] im the center of attention! even if i look like a fag i dont care as long as im noticed =P
[What type of automobile do you drive:] i dont drive... if i had my choice... mustang .. partially bcuz its the onli nice car i kno .. or a suped up pink honda civic wud be nice
[Would u rather be with friends or on a date:] date
[Do you attend church:] ... nope
[Do you like being around people:] yesss love being with people
[Who have you known the longest:] Kelsie and Timothy

[Who do you always get along with:]ummm Lauren, Markie(wen hes not mad hes scary wen hes mad) Cassie .. Ismenaaa... uhh yeah

[Who has the coolest siblings?] Well laurens got one cool sibling ... Tiffany rocks and shes my hero =P Leeann on the other hand ... wen she whines i wana rip my ears off just to make her stop
[Who is the smartest:] ummm none of us we're all dumbasses

[Who is your Hero:] ive had many heroes ... Tiffany is my current hero becuz she knew exactly wut was guna happen with me and a certain guy .. =D u rule

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 17:30:16 GMT

EVERYTHING I WROTE BEFORE WAS UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF A BROKEN HEART IM OKAY NOW .. ALL THAT I WROTE IS EMBARASSING ... HONESTLY.

In other news I have a new journal for my poems ... comment or ask me by email msn watever if you wana see it .. if yer special i might just let you

New Brunswick

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 01:11:58 GMT

Im In NB right now. Rens right beside me right now nd we're at my grandmas otherwise there wud be sum serious typing going on right now. First of all .... no idea how .... fucken upset/angry I am .. =) Me and Lauren went on a burning spree!! Burn the memories ... ALL OF THEM. Im creating a poem journal. Because Im running out of space in my huuuge book and started writing agen last night. Kinda scary/dark poetry but thats okay. gota go back to the chalet now .. let lauren on for a while nd then ... let the new file begin

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 03:22:18 GMT

okay I know this is the 8th time im posting today. But .. I think Im going to be sick... and I want to post everything I fucken feel. But I cant seem to get it out .. I cant really .. put into words what I feel cuz I dont really know myself.

Its probably the fear of losing him again .. or I might.. I think I feel sick.. no I do feel sick .. while Im gone anything could happen, and nothing with me bcause .. he knows .. he knows how much I love him ... but I cant make him stay with me iof he wants to leave me he will.

I dont want to stop him or hold him back from anything in life .. because he deserves all the happy he can get .. but why does his happy have to be from my pain? I love him too much .. I ..need him .. and my god I want him.

I hope he forgets to read this I dont want him to know how weak I am .. i need to look like .. I can survive if I get broken again .. even though I dont want to have to ... why did he do this?

I dont wana cry no more .. I dont wana be sad .. Im probably overreacting ... maybe he still loves me .. I hope he does and I hope by the time I get back ,.. he can realize that .. we realli do belong together .. maybe he needs some time to go around and see wuts out there .. but him doing that might damn near kill me. I hope .. that maybe ..

i fucking love you

i fucking miss you

i fucking WANT you

i fucking need you

please dont let him see this and think im obsessed and all I need is him.. i dont wana seem weak. Im not obssessed just scared .. i dont want to go through that hurt again...

Last time im posting today I swear to god ... I hope .. god i still feel sick.

thinking...

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 02:53:07 GMT

I was in the shower.. and thinking about all this shit with Justin... maybe this is his way of letting me know .. he dusnt wana be with me.. wat if .. hes just tryen to end it slow .. so i dont get hurt. The thought of it is alredy hurting me! ..but I dont want him to feel bad for me because of it... if he wants to leave me .. he shud not stay with me cuz he feels sorry for me.

10$ says by the time I get back hes got someone new .. i know what hes guna do .. Get home look all single .. im guna sign on msn one day and have my msn name ..as wut I have now ... :

×.º||·Céline·||.º×Luv'n Justin* i miss u lots hun

nd hes guna be " Justin, Kustom" or watevr .. nd evrywuns guna forget about the fact i was with him. or something ... Im .. frig im so ... fuck it all to hell I love him too much .. this is all im guna be thinking about on the way to New Brunswick .. and wen I get there...and the whole 2 weeks.. .. Justin if u evr read this .. email me .. leme know wut yer thinkin .. I just want the truth .. I love you .. if u dont want me .. Im sori dont feel sorry for me .. dont pity me.. just .. do wat you think is right. Fuck Im fucked .. I love u .. I hope your not lying wen you say you love me too.... Im sorry.

Fuck ... I Love u

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 01:19:44 GMT

Well right now Markie and Lauren are over flirting on the bed .. mrow mrow. I talked to justin on the phonne agen .. he left me for food again. But we talked so right now we're dating .. so goin out but kinda goin out but .. oh well i still love him looottsss. Leaving for New Brunswick tomooro at 4:30 in the morning ... I wana email Justin but ... I duno I feel like im crowding him or somin like he dusn care...hopefully wen he gets back we can ... work shit out? I love him I actually really love him. Im 14 and it sounds gay but i DO ...

Justin Agostinho I FUCKING LOVE YOU.. =)

my eyes are sore.. crying too much .. Mark nd Lauren got here and I looked like ass run over .. so I had to put on make up cuz I felt ugly. Well. .. Ill try and update in New brunswick .. if not see you in two weeks journal!

-Céline

-->Bunnie<--

Icons

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 20:53:49 GMT

crazyronnie - ilovejadis -??

- rockstarbug

( hun u complete me..<3) <-prety___icons

Just got bored ...

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 20:16:15 GMT

Tell you where you need to go
Tell you who you need to be
Tell you what you need to know
Tell you when you'll need to leave

But everything inside you knows
Says more than what you've heard
So much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

Chorus:

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)
Cause everything inside looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

Chorus:
When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
these mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me (x3)
I'm standing on the edge

Chorus:

And I'm on fire
When You're near you
I'm on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries...

On Fire - Switchfoot

a poem

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 19:42:45 GMT

a poem kelsie wrote

maybe you kan move on knowing a blade left these stains
but the scarz wont let me forget
a tyme wen my heart lied in chainz
I guess its good you wont look back on what you lost...
kuz i dont want you to see me cry anywayz

again

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 19:18:13 GMT

Broken .. again ... why would you do this to me baby? why? I love you more than words could ever explain...

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend -yellow card, Empty Apartment

He hates the fact hes not a player

and she made him fall in love

He hates the fact he loves her

and everything she does

He doesnt wana be like this

Hey, dusn a guy gota play around?

But he cant bear to see her torn

and to see how broken her heart is

Or at least thats what he says

He doesnt know what he wants

And thats what breaks her apart

He tries to explain, but his words cut deeper than knives

"I Hate hurting you"

"No you dont if you did you wouldnt always do it! why do you wana do this?!"

"Because .. this is what I want."

or the way he says he still wants her to be his best friend

She wants it too but .. she loves him so much she almost cant take it

That poor broken girl will wait forever for him

In hopes one day her heart can be fixed

and she will be able to Love again

I Love you so much .. if this is what you want I have to go with it right.. yeah I guess. If you wana play around if you want to see what its like out there then go for it. But remember when you told me "Theres no point in looking around because Ill never find anything better than you" .. did you lie to make me happy? did you lie so that I would go back to you again? Every single word you ever said to me I believed, I thought you actually really wouldnt hurt me this time, it took all of less than a month for it to end like this.I still love you thougth and you know I always will .. with all and everything that I am.

Your that one that i love,
The one that i dream of.
Your the one that i will bleed for,
Your the one that i need,
The one i will never leave,
Your the one I cant live without.
Your the one i hope loves me too,
Because you're for me and im for you.
You're the one i love,
the one that i dream of.

..>My Everything<..

>Toujours dans mon coeur c'est toi. Toujours quand j'ai reve c'est toi. Je t'aime/J'adore de toute ma corps.<..

I understand if this is how u want it, you may not think I do but I know I do. Dont worry about me being hurt. In the end all that matters is you being happy. If you don't love me thats okay .. you know I love you... and I always will give my everything to make you happy, to make you smile, I wana be your one and only babi gurl.

want to be the girl you talk to on the fone
the girl yo0h cry to sayiin " i dont want t0
be al0ne" i want to be the girl you chill wit
on friday nights ... the girl who you kiss and
hold close real tight. i wana kno everrythin
about you ... inside and out. the girl that ya
just cant seem to live with out.i wana be the
girl who your boys know your thinken about
the wun you' ll love forever wit out a doubt
cuz boy i dun wanna bee stressin .... forget
the messin cuz i jus wana be ur babii girl

*..-Hope u kno that wen its late at night .. I hold onto my pillow tight .. nd think uv how u promised me .f.o.r.e.v.e.r-..*

I hope u can read this and realize that .. maybe I really do love you .. and if u want me to I can move on.. Im always gunna be here for you .. always no matter what. You're my best frend .. more than a boyfriend .. my everything really. Im always here to talk to .. Im guna be yer best friend wen u need one and if you want me back .. your girlfriend wen you want someone to love you.

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do - YellowCard, One year six months

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one - Yellow Card, Only One

All this for you, Justin, Im in New Brunswick now and you're the way you wanted to be .. Ill call you .. email .. watever ... I miss you ..

again

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 19:17:18 GMT

Other than all this shit going on. Mark hates me, hes going to go up north, hit his head really hard so that he dusnt have to remember us all. Hes going to try and kill himself and leave us .. I cant live if Mark leaves me too .. He was the only thing that pulled me through last time and I dont know if I can go through all that shit agen .. without him. Please if Mark ever reads this dont let him leave me. If there is a God please .. dont take away the two men in my life I ever learned to love ..Markie nd Justin .. I need them both like I need the air I breathe.

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 02:42:15 GMT

I dont know why .. I feel .. dark today? yeah dark i guess that would be the way to explain how I feel right now ...

Dont say Im not in touch .. with this rampant chaos .. your reality

She beckons me .. shall I give in?

Upon my end shall I begin?

Forsaking all Ive fallen for I rise to meet the end

I can hear you in a whisper .. but you cant even hear me SCREAMING

Can you hear me? Can you feel me in your arms? I know you hear me .. I can taste it in your tears.

Sweet Raptured Light

Ill believe all your lies just pretend you love me

make believe close your eyes

ill be anything for you

Meet me after dark again and Ill hold you

I need nothing more than to see you there

and maybe tonight .. we'll fly so far away .. we'll be lost before the dawn

If only I could hold you now I cant see you my love, and let me never ever wake again ...

UGLY

WORTHLESS

Nothing

give me a reason to believe that your gone? I see your shadow so I know theyre all wrong..

moonlight on the soft brown earth it leads me to where you lay...they took you away from me but now im taking you home.

I will stay forever here with you ... my love <3 softly spoken words you gave me .. even in death our love goes on

I took their smiles and I made them mine I sold my soul just to hide the light and now I see what I really am .. a theif a whore and a liar.

I Run to you .. Call out your name .. I see you there Farther Away

Try to Forget you but without you i feel nothing dont leave me here by myself I cant breathe

Evanescence Lyrics...

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 23:07:36 GMT

Well .. had soccer game today. Won 3-0 we havent lost in 4 games..knock on wood. Justins away .. hes in Wasaga beach at his cottage =( he gets back the day after I leave. Im guna miss him lots and lots nd lots ... its kinda sad but I alredi do =P We were together for like 15 outa 17 days of the summer so far. So this is wierd. He called me this morning tho .. wo0t.

Ive been feeling.. well prety much bleh lately ..

Nothing to write about dont feel like explaining myself much, Im a messed up person it takes time to get something outa me on this livejournal and when something does come out it isnt even close to half of it. So .. bye

-Céline

»ßûnnie«

Throw it all Away

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 22:39:35 GMT

Sitting there she takes the pain

and the cold harsh words and looks

Listening to them tell her how ugly and imperfect she is

Listening to how she should hate herself and how they dont really care

She knows she has to take the pain

It would only bring more if she spoke out

Shes a slut, she doesnt love him, she should never speak of his name

They tell her oh so terrible things and expect her not to be fazed

Sitting at the dinner table staring at her plate

Choking back her sobs

Letting the tears roll silently down her face

Not making a move to wipe them away

They cant see her weakness, or see if she even cares

she has to agree

She has to sit there and take the pain

Or there are worse things that could be

If I am so horrible why love me?

Why waste your time and your breath yelling at me?

Do I listen?

I never will to me all your doing is wasting time

Im nothing

Worthless

Why waste your time on me?

Your my parents but all you do is make me feel like shit

Your supposed to be the only ones that love me no matter what

You make me feel dirty, like a good for nothing slut

No beauty could come from me

I cant fly

You crush me everytime I get the courage to soar

wee

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 18:32:48 GMT

Dammmmnn its hot god. I decided I was too white for my liking and went outside to tan a little bit, after half an hour i was roasting and had to come inside. I wanted to go bus somewhere today but I woke up at 11:30 and my dad told me he was going golfing so I was babysittting. I migth be going to Wonderland on Thursday with Justin Lauren Steven and maybe others.

We had a soccer tourney this weekend and actually won! Yep we won two games! and guess who scored... I SCORED.Yes go me..Justin and Markie were SUPPOSED to come and watch us but .. no0o they wanted to go skatepark instead. Silly silly boys.

Then all weekend was fun stayed at Laurens and .. weee it was fun. Now im bored and just randomly rambling on, I wana post poems and quotes and such but I cant right now because well im just too damn lazy .

Dammmmnnnit we have soccer practice tonight but its only a "light" practice followed by... PIZZA PARTY! dundundudnnnnnnnnnnn =) yay Sante is buying us pizza cuz we won.
Well im off now.. I'll post more if i get bored outta my mind..moreso than i am now

-Céline

Bunnie

yessterday

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 16:09:16 GMT

Well yesterday was an adventure. I went to bus to ssee Ren and Markie but ended up at South Common, they told me to walk to Ryan's nd call them from there but Ryan wasn't home so I ran al the way to Laurens just to walk back to markz and realized I didnt have time to go rent a movie with them.

So I told em I was goin home, went to Ryans to wait for the next bus and then justin came and picked me up and walked me to south common and waited for me.

I think Rens mad at me..

Cuz I said I was going home so I walked to Ryans so I would have someone to wait with me at the mall .. cuz otherwise I would have had to wakled to Erin Mills by myslef... I dont want her to be mad, i know she doesnt like.. well i dont know but I dont want her mad... I cant afford Lauren mad at me shes my bestest frend nd Id die wifout herrr.. =(

I hungry .. nd gota feed brother.. oh yahh i got paid today .. now workin wif 70$$ yeeaaaaa cna go buy clothes =P kay yeah reli hungry, bye

-Céline

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 17:22:21 GMT

Im getting kinda fed up with people saying .. aw but you have justin isnt that all you wanted? arent you happy? with him im so happy i could fucking SCREAM, but still ... nobody realizes .. yeah i was broken pretty bad .. its gun take me a while to be totally and completely comfortable with anyone really. Wen we weren't togetther I didn't like guys touching me .. i swear i almost KILLED Nic for touching my ass, I turned and faced him looked him straight in the eye and said, "I dont like being touched, dont FUKING touch me". I was so uncomfy wif ppl like Jordan, every time he signed off saying "I luv u" nd I hate how it sounded wen he called me babe. It just didn't sound right coming out of his mouth, wen Justin calls me that.. it runs shivers and chills up and down my back and i feel all warm inside =)

I .. wasn't really ready for anything and now I have Justin again.. Im falling all over again, to tell you the truth it scares me to be falling this fast this hard, I talked to Issy about this .. I always fall, too fast and too hard, last time he caught me .. lifted me back up and showed me true love can be real .. but wat if we're living a fantasy?

No Im not even going into that one, I know this is real.. "If you love something set it free .. if it comes back it was meant to be" Maybe thats wat this was?

We had to learn how much we meant to eachother, break eachothers hearts now before highschool.. so wen we're in there we know how much we need eachother.

To answer some questions yes, im happy with justin, yes hes wat i wanted but theres more to life than that. The onli three people I truly have are Lauren Markie and Kelsie. Im going into highschool to meet new people though right? I NEED A LIFE.. my mom wont take me anywhere cuz she says ive seen justin so much, so basically I dont need frends.

To end this .. im Happy with Justin I love him again .. im so happy for mark and lauren that they love me .. and maybe .. i dono im done explaining myself for the day

-Céline

» Bunnie «

Bleh

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 18:06:15 GMT

Wow Today was fun.. no actually it wasn't. Just been staying home lately cuz my parents suck and wont take me anywhere. I went to Justins on Monday tho =) We're going out again ... dun wana get started tuu much tu say. I had some whole huge thing to write but Im not guna bother anymore .. maybe later ... so many mixed feelings

First New Entry

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 13:57:35 GMT

My Last Journal... wasn't really what I was feeling anymore, after everyone started passing around the link and everyone started seeing into my personal-ness, I know what your thinking why have a journal on the internet if you dont want people to see it? Well I want Lauren to see it, and Markie and even Kelsie but they dont have LJ so they cant read it, unless my entries are public, so might as well make a new one...

My old journal was shortie_x , but I probably won't be writing in there as much anymore, mostly here.

Im talking to Markie right now about how hes leaving for almost half the summer =( whut am I supposed to do without my Markie?? Hes guna miss me and Lauren the most tho.. yeah he's guna miss Lauren the most , ill just be a second thought. They came over yesterday .. so cute ..they better go out .. I'll get 20$ if they do lol =D

So now I need to go upstairs and clean my room cuz they trashed it before I got to Justin's, well if I want to go to Justin's I have to go clean my room and finish my laundry... This morning my mom told me to make my brother an egg sandwich... and me being stupid, i said,.. "with what?" she looked at me like i was a complete idiot, "eggs! obviously.." and then she realized im too dumb so she decided to do it herself.

Im guna have to learn how to cook this summer Im watching my brother everydayy. I can make .. Kraft Dinner and Grilled Cheese.. thats the extent of my talents in the art of cooking so far, which is pretty sad considering my uncle is a chef.

I might as well go start cleaning my room now so I can take a shower and everything before I go to Justins, fix this up later, bye

-Celine