Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for the San Diego|
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for the San Diego, California area market:
Chula Vista Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a pickup truck loaded 10 feet high with mattresses. Green cards are not available for Chula Vista Barbie or Ken.
National City Barbie - This Barbie now comes with a stroller and an infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus/trolley pass. Gangsta Ken and his 79 Caddy (with switches) were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Rancho Bernardo Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with a Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.
Oceanside Barbie - This recently paroled, tattooed & nose pierced Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a ready lifted desert/river Chevy truck with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash - preferably in small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about.
Vista Barbie - The upgrade from O'side Barbie. Married Camp Pendleton Ken and now tries to raise 3 kids under age 8 while husband is deployed in Iraq. Available in White, Black and Samoan.
Del Mar Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Optional children available only after a visit with Plastic Surgeon Ken.
Rancho San Diego Barbie - Comes with a towel for her head. Is co-owner of a liquor store, along with Ken. (K pronounced like G in Spanish ) Nose job already done, and Ken comes with his own bottle of Hennessey and a cigar. Hopes Anglo neighbors never see Iraqi flag inside house.
Santee Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in a shirt, and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's back side when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
La Jolla Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.
Lakeside Barbie - This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lemon Grove Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
Leucadia Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long, straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She smokes good sinsemilla buds and prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Leucadia Barbie's and the optional Volvo wagon, you get a coupon for a free wheat-grass smoothie at any Whole Food's Market.
Reservation Barbie - Available only at Viejas Outlet Stores. Wears large t-shirts and leather & turquoise beaded belts. Miffed that she was not chosen as the Ice Princess for the Viejas Holiday Nights Show (they wanted a white girl). Peace Pipe Ken drives Dodge Ram with all factory options but can never be cleaned. Also comes with magnetic bullet holes and never ending supply of peyote.
Hillcrest Barbie/Ken - This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts. Bonus: free rainbow flag sticker with proof of purchase, along with valuable discount coupons to all "F" street bookstores.
Pacific Beach Barbie -This Barbie is always bitching that she can't find a good man in Pacific Beach. Comes with heart & wings lower back tattoo. Optional pink beach cruiser sold separately.
Ocean Beach Barbie - This free spirited Barbie is only available at The Black on Newport Ave. Although she looks a lot like the Leucadia Barbie she smells of patchouli and comes with a G&S surfboard. Even though her on again off again boyfriend, OB Ken is a beach bum that surfs all day and smokes all her weed she still feels she is superior to other Barbies due to her environmental consciousness and work on the Donna Frye for Mayor campaign. Comes with a broken down VW bug and a petition against Starbucks and Exxon. She is often mistaken for a Seattle to San Diego transplant but really grew up in Del Mar.
Carlsbad Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at the brand new La Costa Forum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Valley Center Barbie - Thinks she is better than Escondido Barbie because she doesn't live in town and rich enough to live in the country. Secretly wishes to be either Carlsbad or Del Mar Barbie. Consoles herself by frequenting Pala Casino. Child with missing hand is not factory defect but due to a bad encounter with a lion at the San Diego Wild Animal Park after mom stopped watching children due to a depression induced migraine.
San Marcos Barbie - This Barbie was a high school cheerleader and can perform many routines for the undeserving Ken doll she married right out of high school. Comes with poorly fitting cheerleading uniform 2 sizes too small and an ankle bracelet that will sound if Barbie moves more than 5 miles away from her old alma mater.
Southeast Barbie - This Ghetto Queen comes with optional 'baby-daddy' car and pop-out baby seats. This barbie comes standard with a set of press-on nails and ponytails in various lengths. Don't mess with the breezie. She has a strong attitude and a mouth to prove it. This barbie also comes with optional girlfriends to help you do drive-by's to find out if Ken is out with some other hoochie.
Mira Mesa Barbie - This Barbie is skinny and asian who thinks she knows how to drive. She comes standard with a s00ped up Honda Civic that can only drive 15mph in the city but 90mph on the freeway. Available with a big six bedroom house, 5 grandparents and 20 kids who can run around screaming. Ken comes with a garage so he can s00p up all his friends Hondas too. He can been seen between 12am - 2am zipping up Kearny Villa Road or Mira Mesa Blvd by the 5/805 split.
East County Barbie - Was a cheerleader in middle school but now only rides with Desert Rat Ken in his California lifted Ford F-150, complete with white unfinished flair fenders, bed floor removed for spare tire holder, and no carburetor. F-150 can only be purchased by parents who live in Alpine. Both come with optional Weed from Harbison Canyon and/or barbed wire tattoo. Will party in the desert all through her 20s and then finish her AA at Grossmont College when she's 35.
Temecula Barbie - Desperately wants to be part of San Diego Barbie collection but can't afford a house in SD. But she does actually own a house with Commuter Ken. Ken knows I-15 like the back of his hand as he spends 4 hours a day driving to and from work