I only leave you with one peice of advice... Do Drugs. Do as many drugs as possible and never look back at the things you fucked up and never look forward to what may be fucked in the future. Live for the fucking day, for the fucking moment and let yourself get drug below everyone else and feel the worst pain and the best pain. Look at someone you like, or dont like, and ask them. "Lets do drugs." Maybe they'll accept...Maybe they'll deny you. Hell, 99.9% of the world will confuse what you say for what you mean. But just do it. Forget whoever your with, want to be with, dream you were with, get drunk and do delicious drugs. Cry when you see the polaroid of you and someone you despise drugging it up on the bathroom sink but remember that inside you know it was the best drugs you'd ever done.