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[061708  -  1214AM] omg posting a live journal entry seems so unusual and foreign. life is good, life is more controllable and i feel I have a better grasp at the goals I want to achieve. I was feeling down and useless for a while but up until about 3 months ago I've just taken positive changes and got my priorities in a clearer order. I have been doing a lot of art lately and it just makes me happy. I know this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, which gives me reassurance that I have some sort of niche I should pursue. It's so easy to get lost in everything, and I know it will eventually happen because it's a natural experience in life, but I don't think I could get further from where I need to be.. I'm just going to continue pursuing what I want and trying to make things better for me and everyone I care about. For once I find growing up refreshing. I'm working part time right now and do a few jobs on the weekends.. Still trying to figure out the school thing. Right now I'm just focused on saving money, eventually moving out and letting everything flow naturally and when I'm ready, I'll hopefully make the right steps I need to take. | FUCK

shoot w/ dana. thurs/nov.30/07 [120207  -  1039PM] ( more ) | FUCK

NOW FUR REAL, R YEW KIDDN ME? [112207  -  617PM] NO WONDA THARZ PANIC IN THA INDUSTREE I MEAN PLZ | FUCK

[112007  -  102AM] I'm in the mood to give this thing some lovin, it's been a while. I switched things up by staying in all weekend. Yes. And this is a change because I'd say for about the past 4 months every weekend I party it up til the wee hours of the morning and find myself extremely far from where I need to be. Usually downtown or in the Osborne area waking up hungover as fuck, and then an excruciatingly long 1 hour bus ride home followed by a shower and then sleeping the day away. I've gotten use to this so it ain't no thang, but it was nice to stay in and just geek out, watch incredibly retarded art films with some friends and be well rested. Saturday Paige and Chelsey came over, MOVIE NIGHT PT. 1. I think I want this to become a tradition. A mandatory movie night every week is good for the soul. I made little pizza pitas and stuffed them with cheese, tomatoes, red onions, green and red peppers and threw them in the oven. I also made some vodka punch. We munched down all the pizza ( about 14 or so ) and then threw in Panic in Needle Park, staring a very young and foxy Al Pacino. It's not exactly hard to follow but it jumps from one scenario to another and never really gives you a chance to grasp or understand any situation, not to mention you feel as though you missed a 30 minute chunk because the love story isn't explained, it just starts without any pre text. We never made it threw that one. The second movie. GUMMO. Gummo. Where do I start with this one? It's a film simply filled with images that most audiences wouldn't be able to relate to, which makes it all the more shocking and some what far fetched, but knowing that It's based in a small town setting it's not all that hard to believe. It's a movie that induces laughs because the situations are humorous but after the laughter ends, you are left with an unsettling feeling because the scenerios are disturbing and hopeless. I enjoyed watching this movie because al though grotesque at times, it furthur proves the point that life is beautiful even in the most horrible ways. The cinemaphotography is beautiful as well, and even though you are bombarded left and right with images such as cat slayings, kids huffing glue, kids wandering around hopelessly, a midget with a strangely huge forehead, a husband pimping out his mentally ill girlfriend, you can still spot and appreciate the visual wonders of mostly any situation life has to offer. You will probably walk into this movie looking for a deeper meaning because its presented in such a lose and straight  forward manner but I think it's simply just a movie that gives you a glimpse into the lives of people living in a completely different world than you live in.  GUMMO. this scene was almost too disgusting to watch. and almost ruined spaghetti forever for me, almost. So I wasn't intentionally planning on writing pretentious movie reviews, so lets skip a head. My computer is completely dead and I have to use my moms laptop. No programs, just the internet. I've come to the conclusion that photoshop is my drug. I NEED IT. I'm dying. I have a lot of ideas for pieces but no computer to execute them with.  I find out on Wednesday if I got the job at Payless Shoes or not. Whatever. I NEED A JOB, but I won't cry if I don't get it. I think I did though. 1 | FUCK

[101707  -  233AM] dont fear what they'll say because they'll say anything to make you fear mini update: working on a personal site - kinda procrastinating been working on a lot of art job searching - need a job asap so excited for halloween , too many things to do (nutty klub, scream , etc) excited for andy warhol exhibit on nov.2nd now what i need is simple - a job and a boy i can wait for the boy, but i need the job asap i want to take a photography class as well and also, i need to decide what i want to take at red river , graphic design or photography hard hard decision!! | FUCK

[081507  -  318PM] I NEED SOMEONE TO HOST MY WEBSITE BUT SHIT I DON'T HAVE ANY ~INTERNET~ CONNECTIONS ANYMORE! :( THIS SUCKS. 1 | FUCK

[080407  -  215AM] fucking up and over thinking, what else do i do these days? so I'm jobless and the whole fucking world is acting like i just need a job .. since when did employment completely reflect on a person? I'm 17, the only job I could possibly get right now is a no brainer piece of shit job that will in the end teach me no valuable skills. i plan on becoming a graphic designer so right now in my life, a part time job isn't a necessity, however sitting on my computer and designing will give me experience that i actually need in the future. not to mention i worked full time for 4 months and after doing that, i was drained and completely turned off from the whole working 9-5 life. why bother have money when you have little time to enjoy it? Due to my lack of job .. I'm having a sweet summer of being outside, walking around, eating good meals around the city, sitting outside on patios drinking delicious martinis .. very lazy summer of doing "nothing" but just enjoying the weather and my friends .. what's so bad about that? I'll look for a fucking job when I want to in other news, I'm seeing this guy who's sweet , I'm just weary because on record it doesn't sound like it'd work.. but I'm sick of hearing things from an "on record" point of view, because everything turns out completely different than how you think it will. i say fuck following the standards of life , the mandatory path. I'm going to do whatever feels right, instead of constantly comparing my situation to other peoples. 18 in a month and 1 day .. scary thought, scary indeed. 3 | FUCK

[052507  -  610PM] I love the little things that leave me breathless, the simplistic things that seem so complicated but are exactly as they are, as straight forward as possible. I love having hope, I love being excited for what's to come. Payday today, I'm getting ready to go out for Sushi, some shopping, drinks with one of my faves Megan, and it'll be amazing. Good conversation with ensue, I know it. 4 | FUCK

[052107  -  510PM] More to come. I need to get a website up asap, for personal satisfaction. And also, I need a boyfriend :[ 7 | FUCK

[050707  -  843PM] What's new? Nothing really. Same old, Same old. I've been thinking a lot of what I want to accomplish in the future and what I want to be .. It's nice to dream but it comes to a point where you have to actually start planning and figuring out how exactly you're going to accomplish this. I really want to start a online magazine. Or a street fashion blog, something of that sort. And take the pictures for it. And make the illustrations. I want to go to college and study Graphic Design but I also want to study photography. I need to start saving my money and start practicing more and more. I've lost a bit of interest with the whole art thing, that's not entirely true.. I've just been having this HUGE 1 year spanding creative block, I feel as though my talents are slowly fading and that is a seriously scary thought to have. The 2 things I want most currently, are a relationship and to do something with my talent .. I want a project that forces me to organize my work and constantly have something to work on for that matter. So, I need to make a plan. First I need to purchase a domain, but I have no way of doing so .. I need to get paypal, but first I need to get a bank account .. mine got shut down because I was broke for like 6 months with absolutely no money in there. If my dad would stop procrastinating .. He was suppose to take me to get one for like 4 weeks now, lol. 3 | FUCK

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