I think its time to write something...So its almost time to go back to Finland and I kinda feel bad for that. Ive met such wonderful people here, made friends with people all over the world. Tomorrow we have an international faire and I, Marianna, Christian, Andreas, Sharmin and Alfredo went to Christians place to bake cinnamon rolls. Well, thats what we were trying to do. We bought multigrain flours instead of just plain white flours, then we managed to burn all the rolls and ended up decorating them with little animals called "farm pals". We had so much fun, we started to throw flours and other stuff to each other, measured our cellphones etc. Marianna knew that her cellphone weight 75 grams but when she measured it, it was 82 grams. I said that her phone had put on some weight and that she should put it on a diet. Then Christian came up with the stupidest thing Ive ever heard; he said: try to erase some textmessages, or phonenumbers! It was so funny then but now it sounds only stupid. Oh gosh, Im gonna miss these guys! Before the school everybody just cried, I cried my eyes out, too. But I know Im gonna meet them again, at least some of them. Vanessa, Sofia, Magnus and Jesper from Sweden. We had the best time ever when I tried to speak Swedish with them and they just laught at me! Whats wrong if I wanna say: Jag vill ata chineker? Just asking..:D. Magnus is such a sweetheart, he even asked if he can be my boyfriend when I move to Sweden. Sure, min lilla kara Mange. I ate my very first sushimeal with them. I surfed for the first time with them. But I have to say, Im a terrible surfer :D. I had the best English teacher ever. His name is Richard and... Arg..Im having a deja vu right now... And he wrote me a message in my schoolbook. Heres how it goes: Dear Saila. I truly love your name. It is beautiful much like you. You had many good things to contribute to discussions.. Thank you. Please keep in touch. I started to cry when I hugged him for goodbye. :(

Now Im just trying to think what to do when I go back to Finland. Could I ever be the same girl I was before I came here? I think this trip has changed me a lot, but only in a positive way, I hope. My English has improved quite a lot and also my social skills. Ive really learned a lot here. Im really confused right now, and only my true friends know why. I dont know what to do with my life in Lahti. I just dont feel the same anymore. I want to travel. I want to meet new people. I want to live my life. I want to cry. I want to laught. I want to smile again. I want to catch the waves. I want to be happy. I want to hug my friends. I want to tell them how I feel and how much I love them. I want to have fun. I want to have sex. I want to get drunk as stupid as it sounds. I want to love and be loved.

You know what Im thinking. Because you told me that. You told me to listen to my heart and thats exactly what Im doing. But I just dont know what its saying yet. Maybe I have to listen more carefully.

BTW, two of my friends broke up. Sad.
See you in just two days!
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Well I would like to think
The world hasn't seen
That all the best is still to come,
And I know life ain't easy

I pass them sleeping on the streets
Their bloodstained hands and dirty feet
And I can't ignore them
Any more than I already have


CHORUS
So we laugh, and we smile
And we play our games of sweet denial
But don't tell me we're forgiven
If we hold, all our breath
If we kneel right down and just repent
You can't tell me we're forgiven


Start with me, I cannot lie
When my heart doesn't follow my eyes
Turn away, from all the suffering
That surrounds
Our time on this earth
For some their life has been a curse
I say I'm sorry and I should change
You know it just could be me someday


CHORUS


There's no way outta here
I don't wanna die, and leave it all behind
Each day a part of me disappears
But who am I to judge, what's been sent from above?


CHORUS


We can't laugh, we can't smile
When so much just ain't right
It can't go on forever
If we hold, our breath
If we kneel right down and repent,
You can't tell me we're forgiven, no,
You can't tell me we're forgiven

The Calling is my new favorite band :D.