batty: Cap'n of the SS Shtty Mnnow

the annual mothers day present.

Fri, 10 May 2013 19:42:31 GMT

Boog just came home and handed me my Mother’s Day gift. In tears. As he is apt to do, he got a little rambunctious on the walk home, tripped, and my traditional Mother’s Day flower pot broke into pieces. He was devastated.

I gave him a big hug and told him that I loved it and he did such a beautiful job on the painting. We’re going to fix it and find a new flower to plant in it.

Things that break due to an epic fuckup are still worthy of love. Don’t forget that.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

life in hell

Wed, 08 May 2013 14:36:04 GMT

In the last post where I blathered on about my food and exercise, I think I kind of made it seem like the skies opened and everything is calm, cool and happy and I am just going about my life. Truth be told, things aren’t as hunky dory as they seem.

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Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

you can’t save all the kitties.

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 02:02:43 GMT

I was on a walk at lunch the other day when I came across a stray cat lying on the side of the sidewalk. She didn’t look too hot. Her fur was wet and nasty, her mouth was horrible, and she should not get up. But she did give me the friendliest meow when I bent down to greet her.

I knew she was in a bad situation, and at that point I had no abilities or resources to take her anywhere, so I called the APL. I left a message, and what seemed like a zillion eternities later, got a call back. They were on their way to check her out. I gave them the specifics, hung up, and just prayed, trying really hard to not think of the impending storms. Or the fact that she couldn’t move. Or sick. Or that the particular area she was in wasn’t the best. I didn’t hear anything else from the APL, so I just convinced myself that they got to her and took care of her so that the ‘what if’s would not take my head.

I got calls from two different people from the APL the next morning. They were able to get kitty, but she was deteriorating from FIV and sadly had to be put down. But they agreed that she was a really, really sweet kitty.

I am glad they were able to get to her. I am glad that she didn’t spend much more of her life suffering the way that she was. I am so, so glad that the APL is full of loving people who cared and understood enough to reach back out to me to let me know what happened. It might not be on this earth, but kitty is safe now, and for that I am glad, too. I sent them a donation this morning.

There is good in this world and sometimes you have to look really hard to find it, but it’s there.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

coming clean, part deux

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 11:11:16 GMT

Things have been way busy here. I’ve had a boatload of things to say but not a lotta time to throw up the words. First off, I got myself an amazing new job as a designer/creative for a small studio on the east side of Cleveland. It is absolutely fantastic and what is housed within the company’s walls is pretty amazing. Beautiful, high ceiling spaces and I have a 25″ monitor as a supplement to my 27″. There is a couch area where we all gather and discuss the complexities of logo design. My weirdness is embraced and I am encouraged to go over the top, as I am apt to do. This is, hands down, the best job of my entire career, and what I’ve been dying for all this time. There was a moment there where I thought I was just completely burnt out on the design thing, but in retrospect, this burnt-outedness really didn’t have anything to do with my chosen profession. I know now that part of it was due to just not having the right job. The rest of this burnt-outedness is due to a wad of complexities that I am slowly now unraveling.

So, if you recall, my last post was fueled by exhausted rage. In the last 3 months, I gave myself a lot of attention to figure out just WTF is going on. Extensive medical appointments proved everything was functioning normally, so I was thankful for that.

Read the rest of this entry »

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

this is the post where i come clean.

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 18:48:47 GMT

This is a post that I have needed to make for a while. It’s about high time I wrote it, because the level of rage I have is immense. So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to rage like a motherfucker.

Advance warning: I AM GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT MY UTERUS.

Read the rest of this entry »

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

call for entries

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 21:20:27 GMT

So if you are acclimated to the Fitness World and are on the internet, you’ve more than likely come across images like these. Images of fitness models with Random Inspirational Quote #45024214 where the intention is to get you to PUT DOWN THE CHEESECAKE, FOR FUCKS SAKE SO YOU CAN GET SOME AB DEF ALREADY.

And while I will recognize that these kind of images are inspirational for some, and just maybe they DO just give you a little pause before you devour that cheesecake. But, I also think that these kinds of images fabricate a fantasy world in which we all head to the gym with shorty shorts on and perfectly sculpted calves and hit the treadmill and watch our abs glisten with sweat. And, just maybe, there are people out there who will not do anything to better their health because they think the gyms are full of the type of people pictured above.

It’s a fantasy. It’s a fantasy that I think wrongly distracts us from the reality of ourselves and prevents us from truly appreciating the reality of ourselves. Turning a blind eye to all the awesomesauce we currently have in ourselves. You are still worthy even if you’re carrying an extra 10/20/30/50 pounds, or if you jiggle when you deadlift, or look like an Italian sausage if you put on shorty shorts.

I am that last one, btw. Pass the onions and peppers.

This is what I want: I want to create a gallery full of *~inspirational images~* full of us regular folks. I definitely do not look *~hot~* (I love doing *~this~* to words. Its so *~MySpace~*) when I head to the gym. When I leave, I’m sweaty, full of chalk, and my hair is sticking up. I could possibly also be stinky. I want to create a resource of wonderful, truthful photos picturing people of all shapes and sizes celebrating their own selves and bettering their health. You never know – that person sitting on the bench next to you could very well be battling some inner demons that are telling her (or him) that they are not good enough because the fantasy lady (or dude) in the photo keeps telling them they’re Not Quite Right.

This is what I’d love for you to do:

Take a picture of yourself at your gym. Or outside, whatever. Doing what you do – whether its lifting, or running, or walking, or Crossfit, or Hungarian Toe Sloth Hot Yoga. The pose is up to you, but full body is preferred. There is no hiding here, there is no shame. Flaunt what you got.

Include your own *~inspirational quote~* if you so choose. It could be deep. It could be real. It could be something you’ve learned on your own journey on this here Earth. It could be some thing like “I pee when I OHP”. Whatever.

Put that quote on your image with your photo editor of choice. Here is one available online. You could feasibly get all blingee on me, but I do not want you to block your body. If you really want a quote on your photo and have trouble doing so – send it to me with the quote and I will do it for you. Trust me, I’m a designer.

Credit where credit is due. Tell me who you are and where you’re from.

Pack that shizz up and send it to me in an email. I will collect them all and start our own regular peeps *~inspirational gallery~* that we can consult often when we come across the feeling of Not Good Enough. Because that Not Good Enough feeling is crap, no matter who or what you are.

Both Dudes and Chicks apply here, btw. Oh, and you really buff people? You bring it on, too. I will honor all body fat percentages.

Spread the word. Share this post wherever you can. I want many images of all kinds of people. I think this could turn into an amazing project full of things that we really need – most importantly, appreciation for ourselves.

Fantasy is great sometimes. It can help with creativity and expand your horizons. But to stay submerged in a fantasy world 24/7 can lead to a deteriorated appreciation for what you have right now. That is what is truly important.

I look forward to your photos.

Much Love,

Batty

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

my 2013 resolutions

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 06:01:34 GMT

hold myself accountable for my actions and my words.
find something i am good at.
create.
discover my calling.
love.
make adventures.
cultivate friendship.
grow.
find peace.

May 2013 allow you to look back and be amazed at how far you’ve come.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

the most epic christmas gift

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 14:01:47 GMT

Given to me, by my son.

He picked this out himself. That is a print of a cat with batwings with bonus spider and creepy dude in back.

The awesomeness of this defies any kind of words I can put to it.

To all of you and yours: have a fantastic holiday season.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

strength of character

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 13:01:30 GMT

Boog’s really into minecraft. As in whoa-hold-up-lets-check-the-kitchen-for-boiled-bunnies into it. This obsession leads to many a lengthy discussion with him on the appropriate amount of said game. I am sympathetic, being an formerly obsessive gamer myself. I also understand that a healthy balance must be maintained.

Such a discussion surfaced this past evening, as Boog threw a royal shitfit when I told him it was beddytime. He wanted One More Video, and One More always leads itself to Five. Or 3 hours worth. Gotta cut em off somewhere.

During the conversation, he kept asking me what time I was going to bed. Over and over again. I found that to be odd as this wasn’t something he is typically obsessed with. Well, now I know why. At the apex of his shitfit, he told me that sometimes he waits for our bedroom light to go off, and he thinks he wants to sneak his laptop out and play some more minecraft. He *doesn’t* do it, but he thinks about it, and he wanted me to know.

My kid just totally ratted himself out.

There is not one malicious bone in this child’s body.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

the world’s most expensive christmas tree bow.

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 13:31:33 GMT

We have an inordinate amount of boxes filled with Christmas tree ornaments, as I am sure many of you do. We have a handful of ones that have special meaning to us, of course – either ones that have been handed down to us through the generations, or ones commemorating special events. But the rest is just crap – meaningless filler purchased over the years to fill up space.

I don’t like crap too much.

So we decided to make our tree a bit more meaningful and uniquely us. In case you missed the memo, we’re very much outdoorsy people. Most, if not all, of our vacations are spent in tents. This is us. D and I took a lovely hike through the pine forest a few weeks ago and collected pinecones and acorns to serve as the base of our decorations. We then spent an evening with Boog coating them in glitter and paint. Shut up, glitter totally occurs in nature.

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Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

Guest Post: Eat Hard, Play Hard, Sleep Hard, Be Hard

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 14:23:09 GMT

This is the first in a series of guest posts from people who inspire me. Matt Stone of 180 Degree Health, with his often flame-inducing ballsy challenges to current nutritional beliefs, has often helped me pull my own head out of my powerfully strong ass. I don’t necessarily believe everything he says, but god damn does he make some good points.

His most recent book, Eat For Heat, was just released and is available online. Yes, I resell his stuff. I don’t resell a lot of anything, let alone anything that contradicts what I believe or stand for. You can find the other publications of his I endorse in the sidebar of my blog.

Enough of my drivel. Here’s Matt.

–batty

Read the rest of this entry »

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

gender roles in the gym?

Thu, 29 Nov 2012 19:54:45 GMT

The latest to make its roundabouts in the social media:

The Flip Side: Workout

For the most part, everyone thinks it’s funny. Ok fine, it has its merits. Yes, there are things that women typically do in the gym, and there are things that men typically do in the gym. Stereotypes sufficiently played there, bravo.

There is an undertone to this video thats kind of rubbing me the wrong way, and I will tell you why.

That bench scene? That was totally my friend and I on Tuesday. We do that. In actuality, a lot of women do that. This video seems to suggest that it doesn’t and it is completely ironic and awkward.

There are women out there that act like “dudes” in the gym. Mind you, I am not talking about the lewd ass grabbing and come-ons that are nizz-asty and should not happen. I’m talking about the part where you see the women sweating their asses off under loads of weight, shouting encouragement at each other as they send that weight back to its origin, and hi-5 each other when its done. We do that.

We sweat.

We push.

We act like “dudes”.

And there is absolutely, positively nothing wrong with that.

And we’re not freakshows, or a totally hilarious comedic concept portrayed in a joke video. I still have a vagina and the inherent sexiness of my bad self is not diminished because of this. I go to the gym, I grunt, I get sweaty, I yell, I sometimes forget to wipe my ass sweat off the seat, too – and I can still look killer in a hot pair of heels and fishnets.

I would like to have it so that when I hit the gym, these “roles” are not assigned, at all. More women, I bet, would be less intimidated to become the awesome, sexy-ass powerhouses they can be. We’re trying so hard for some equality around here – are videos like these actually helping?

Break that stereotype, women. We’re better than that. I will fight for your right to do whatever the hell you want to do in the gym without being judged.

Now wipe that ass sweat off the bench, because ew.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

that’ll do.

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 21:55:37 GMT

I’ve been catching boog sporting two pairs of underpants at a time. Like, more than once. His reasoning is the arduous task of removing the old underpants takes way too long, and just putting the new ones on over them gets him to his morning game of Minecraft about 10 seconds earlier.

Way to streamline operations there, son. Mommy is so proud.

Things in my life right now are either all at 0 or ALL THE THINGS NOW. This week is one of the latter. I am thoroughly enjoying my stint with the railroad, although 10 hours of it straight with NO BREAKS EVER leads to some interesting post train land sickness in the evenings. We’ve been graced with some pretty glorious weather so it’s not all bad. Hell, what am I talking about? There was a torrential downpour Friday and it was still glorious and pretty because hi, I’m in the woods. And I get to watch the bald eagles all day, when you can catch them. I have indeed seen the baby and one of the parents.

I am the only female bike handler. The rest of the females either work concessions or at the ticket booths. This is not a reflection of any systemic sexism within the railroad, it’s just that the hired females have preferred to sling M&Ms and beer instead of bikes. Obviously I do not want to sling M&Ms.

We were a heck of a lot of understaffed this morning, to the point where the conductor got involved. Upon seeing my lovely visage as the only hired hand, conductor got on the horn to get more people. I kind of overheard him on the radio when he exclaimed WE ONLY HAVE ONE FOR THE BIKE CAR. ITS A WOMAN.

OH MY GOD, A WOMAN, Y’ALL.

…this is NOT how he meant it, he just didn’t know my name. It just sounds funny. I *AM* the woman, thanks for noticing! I am sure I could have come up with an excuse to be offended or something, but I was still wafting on a high from benching 120 this morning. He *did* ask if I was ok with lifting the bikes into the car. Yeah, it’s ok, conductor. I think I got this. Thank you for your concern.

In all honesty, I do have issues with it at some of the stops because I’m shorter, and the floor of the car is sometimes forehead level. Sometimes I gotta shotput the damn things in there.

Later in the afternoon, a lady took a picture of me hoisting her bike in because she was very impressed and told me she had issues getting her bike just into the rack on the back of her car. It all balances out eventually.

Speaking of balance – I’ve got a string of guest posts lined up from people I admire, respect, and think you should listen to. These will be posted intermittently and with no real schedule. But I am excited to have such awesome folk make words for my webspace.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

Challenges and adventures

Mon, 27 Aug 2012 15:17:25 GMT

So my laptop took a crap last week, and it’s left me trying to run my life the best I can by my Droid. It’s been an interesting experience. I am also fortunate to have many geek friends who can help resurect my poor computer when I reach the limits with my own geek skill. If you have contacted me in one form or another and have not heard back, the above is probably why.

In my continuing quest for adventure, I am spending the fall slingin’ bikes on the bike car for the cuyahoga valley scenic railroad. I saw an opportunity when I took Boog there for a ride and grabbed the everliving crap out of it.

I’m working with kids half my age. But if you will allow me to puff my feathers for a moment, I was asked what school I went to. I guess anyone over 30 is not allowed to be inked and sporting a Mohawk. Not in my world, friends. Not in my world.

I also got dubbed “guns” by the boys by the end of my shift, because Mom unloads bikes from the car with one arm.

My office for the fall is a train in the woods.

Your turn.

I have a lot of plans for more blog stuff that will hopefully get moving once my laptop is back safe and sound. Watch this space, y’all!

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

dogma.

Sun, 19 Aug 2012 14:16:09 GMT

Our church is having an experimental service on Saturday nights throughout August. We decided to attend last night instead of the usual Sunday morning and now I am feeling strangely Catholic.

But I would like to tell you about the Homily. Mind you, this is my own recount and it might not be verbatim. It ended with a guitar riff, pyrotechnics, and the priest moonwalking back to his seat, although D said he didn’t recall that part happening.

At the Homily, the priest talked about diet. We are told what to eat by various authorities – our doctors, nutritionists, yadda yadda. We make choices and consume things for various purposes – losing weight, getting healthier, getting stronger.

He then pointed out that we also have a Christian diet. We are instructed to practice various things by our holy authorities. We make our choices and beliefs by these instructions, and our own personal reasoning. We choose what to consume as a Christian.

However, he pointed out, that there’s a lot of fear going on today and the instructions for both are reflecting that. Eat X because Y will kill you. Eat A because B will make you fat. Believe 1 because 2 is something scary. This is truth because Authority Told You So. Be Afraid. If you don’t, the consequences are disastrous.

He told us it was necessary to really take a look at what we are consuming, believing, and doing as Christians and really consider why we’re consuming, believing, and doing those things.

It never ceases to amaze me how, when, and where these Messages From the Universe come to me.

Do you practice your beliefs because it is good and right and it makes you – and those around you – feel good, or is it out of some kind of fear of the alternative?

Are you suffering because Some Authority told you this is what you have to do in order to be a Good [insert Noun here]?

^^^^^ There are so many labels you can put at the end of that sentence.

Christian. Atheist. Person. Athlete. Skinny Person. Vegetarian. Paleo. $Label.

Are you killing yourself trying to get skinny because you’re afraid of being fat?

Are you dealing with the pain because They said if you don’t, you’re a pussy?

Consider this all today. Take a look at what you are feeding your body and soul and really think about why you’re doing that. Are you making the choices to be – and do – good because you want to be and do good? Or, are you consuming dogma out of fear of other things?

Do things and be things and consume things for the right reasons in every aspect of your life. Fear is not a very good reason.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

boog, rockstar.

Sat, 18 Aug 2012 12:49:07 GMT

In case you’ve forgotten just how awesome this child is in real time, here’s some footage of him performing with his father:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S4l8IS5LiA[/youtube]

According to Jeremy, this was his best performance to date.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

technicality

Fri, 17 Aug 2012 11:45:28 GMT

Boog has a buddy down the street. He asked if he could go visit him. I say yes and that he needs to be home when it gets dark.

So the sun goes down, street lights come on. No sign of Boog. I give him another 10 minutes or so to see if he makes good on our agreement. He doesn’t. I walk down the street to find the boys playing in the front yard with light sabers.

I tell Boog that it’s time to come home and remind him that he needed to be home when it got dark.

His reply: I know! I CAN STILL SEE OUTSIDE!

Point, Boog: technicality.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

click. read. donate. do good.

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 21:21:40 GMT

Ali McWeeny is Stronger Than That.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

avoid responsibility with fun

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 12:16:29 GMT

I like to spend my Sundays in denial of what I need to prepare for the week.

I also do this on Saturdays.

I decided we needed to spend Sunday afternoon on our butts somewhere else, so I hauled Boog over for a ride on the Cuyahoga Valley Scenic Railroad. It was a nice 3 hour, air conditioned, holy-mother-of-god-get-me-away-from-this-computer moment of zen.

The conductor gave Boog his own pin. Because he’s Boog.

We listened to the audio tour (woo! free headphones!) and enjoyed the air conditioning and the movement of the train, and the opportunity to just be. I might have succumbed to buying Boog a train lego set from the gift shop.

Boog’s favorite part? Using the bathroom. MOMMY, I’M PEEING ON A TRAIN. I’M PEEING AND MOVING AT THE SAME TIME! WHOOAAAAAA!

Totally needed.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

ideal, schmideal.

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 18:53:29 GMT

So, this image has been making the rounds of Facebook lately, and after the first 500 times I saw it, it bugged me. A lot.

Actually, no. I’m going to be honest here. At first, I was like, yes. This is awesome. Up your butt, Victoria’s Secret, with your waffer-thin models dictating what is supposed to be attractive. REAL women do not look like that. And I sat there all smug and validated and feeling good about me and my life for approximately 7 minutes, when my sense of objectivity bitchslapped the hell out of my need to be validated and grabbed the cranial wheel.

This image really ain’t right.

Read the rest of this entry »

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

rites of passage in motherhood

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 15:03:46 GMT

Yesterday was hot and annoying and so was Boog. I was in desperate need to get some work done, so I sent him out to the backyard to play with the dog. After working feverishly for about half an hour, I went to check on him. He was nowhere to be found in the backyard.

Checked the garage. Bike still there.

Checked the doghouse (um, yeah, he sometimes likes to hang out in there with Lady). Not there. Not in the basement, not in his room. Not in our room. Checked with the houses of his 3 friends and he was not there, either. Panic started to creep in as I wandered up and down the street calling his name at ever increasing volume.

Our neighbor across the street heard my calling and volunteered to get in his truck and scope the neighborhood and he did so. And that’s when I felt I had to initiate the most painful, scary, and mind blowing action that could ever, ever happen in a parent’s life: calling the police and telling them that you do not know where your child is.

I love our law enforcement here. Not a minute into my conversation with the dispatcher and 3 cars arrived at my house. One zoomed off to check his elementary school, another started his own search around the block. The third said, “let’s go in the house and look,” and i am thinking JESUS CHRIST DON’T YOU THINK I DID THAT ALREADY? 3 TIMES I DID. SHOUTING HIS NAME. A LOT. AND I LOOKED IN THE BASEMENT AND THE DOGHOUSE AND. HIS. ROOM. HE IS NOT THERE. NOT. THERE.

And thus, I opened the door to his room for the fourth time, this time with a cop there, too. As if by magic, the lumps of the sheets and comforter on his bed transformed into the shape of a 7 year old boy, quite obviously pooped out from his swimming lesson earlier that day and completely dead to the world.

No, seriously, the cop and I stood in his doorway and talked for like 3 minutes and my child did not. Wake. Up. Jeezus.

A HUGE wave of embarrassment and apologies followed as the cop got on the radio to call off the search. Like, I can count on my fingers just how many times I’ve had to call the cops, and I certainly don’t want to distract them with unnecessary things, especially ones that might say, “hi, I’m not very good at keeping track of my kid”

But that embarrassment quickly faded into gratitude. I am thankful we have kind and generous neighbors. I am thankful for the swift actions of the Lakewood Police Department. I am so fortunate that I have a child that does what he’s told. That he doesn’t wander, he doesn’t go anywhere unless he asks, and when he gets bored, he takes a nap. Tears of relief soon followed.

Boog woke up a whole hour later, and I told him what happened. He got a little look of worry on his face and said, “didn’t you see me go into my room?” and I told him no, I did not, and he hugged me. Because my child is awesome and compassionate and understood that his mommy was scared.

I know, as parents, we all will have these moments. It might be like this, or it might involve sneaking out of the house to go be debaucherous with teenage friends. These are sometimes things that we parents have to endure, as it’s the process of parenthood. Just like everything else in life, parenthood *is* a process – there’s never a time when you can claim ‘ultimate’ parenthood, because there will always be new things to experience and challenges to face, whether you’re 20 or 80. Regardless of where you’re at in your parenthood journey, you have to agree with me that the first time you have to go through something like this is absolutely, excruciatingly painful.

I am glad mine is over.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

lean eating: paying it forward

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 15:39:08 GMT

Yes, I’m going on and on and on about this program. Deal. I cannot tell you just how life changing this program was for me. In fact, the ‘getting ripped’ part of it? I consider that the side effect. I will sing this program’s praises until my lungs collapse and shrivel up into raisins from the lack of oxygen. And then I will keep singing and look like an idiot because hi, no oxygen.

Anyway. One of the mens finalists, Peter, is doing something awesome. He’s offering up a scholarship that covers the cost of the full year’s program. Everyone, regardless of financial situation, deserves an opportunity to experience something like this. I am sitting here, right now, thanking all the powers that be that I am finally free of pretty much everything that was dragging me down mentally and physically. And yes, this freedom was because of LE. LE helped me conquer some really deep shit in my head that I have failed to conquer my entire life.

At risk of divulging too much of my own personal financial situation, I fell unto some *rough* economic times during the program. I sacrificed a lot to stay in it. If I didn’t have D backing me up I probably would not have made it. I am currently sitting on the aftereffects of some of those sacrifices. I don’t pull this kind of stuff, ever. THAT’s how much this program meant to me. To have someone out there offering something like this to me would have been an absolute blessing.

Herein lies the link:

http://peterpetrik.com/blog/paying-it-forward

If you are considering the program, but are worried about the money, please do sign up. You deserve it. If you are rolling in cash and know me and realize just how much this has meant to me and think to yourself, “hey, if batty received SO MUCH from this program, it must be pretty awesome,” please consider donating to Peter’s scholarship fund.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

i have done great things!

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 15:35:58 GMT

Well, shit howdy, check me out:

I’m a finalist in the July 2011 Lean Eating Program.

(I’m #8, btw.)

As I’ve been told, 450 women were enrolled in LE for this round. 450, and narrowed down to 20 finalists, and there my ass is smack dab in the middle.

Those other women aren’t competition, though – 10 of them were on my team and will forever be labeled as ‘sisters’. Others have become friends. All of them, even those not listed, have amazing stories to tell and I have nothing but mad respect and love for who they are and where they’ve been. Because – and I will tell you this over and over and over again until my last dying breath – those outsides cannot have lasting changes applied to them if the insides are not in check.

Our team was named the Cynergistas, named after our fearless leader, Cynthia, who was a past winner herself. She coached, and supported, and guided, held our hands when shit got difficult, and cheered us when we were able to go on our own. God, I love that woman.

We had shirts made. I might have had a hand in making them. Heh.

Same goes for the dudes. A lot of fine, solid men on that finalist list.

I told maybe all of 5 people I was doing this program. I didn’t tell more because I was afraid I’d fail. What’s funny is that failure is no longer a catastrophic demonstration of incompetence for me – failure is how I learn. Failure is how I grow. Failing is great because I get smarter and wiser and leaner and faster and stronger.

I know there’s a lot of you out there who have been following me and my epic body transformation journey since the post pregnancy days. I know you know just how much effort and energy I’ve put into all of this. What makes me awesome *now* is that I get it. I get it all. I get that there are some things you cannot get in some mindless attempt to go on cruise control for the rest of your life. I get that there are things you just can’t *get*. Your life is a journey, not a path to a destination – there is no ‘there’. Its a series of failure and experimentation and success and experience.

Anyway. I am proud and honored to be one of those 20 women. I’m in amazing company.

So. Freakin’. Proud.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

the things i need

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 15:37:04 GMT

I get noses wrinkled at me when I say I’ve been working out in the garden.

“You know, they have things to prevent weeds and stuff.”

But, I do not want things in my garden. Putting things in my garden is, like, the equivalent of having a kid and then sending them off to a nanny to be raised. What’s the point in having it if you’re not going to do anything with it yourself?

Plus, everything tastes better if you have a hand in growing it. That includes kids.

My gardens are my zen moments. I go there to recharge and recenter, or to process the noisy in my head. Bad day? I hit the garden to weed. I peek out the window every morning – just after firing up the coffee pot, of course – and just observe. Like a black cherry tomato is going to bust a move right in front of my eyes or something. Between my efforts and what we get from Bay Branch Farm, we benefit from some pretty good eats for a majority of the year. My garden isn’t a novelty, it’s a necessity. It is my responsibility.

Yesterday was D’s birthday. I cooked for him. Well, I always cook for him but I made it extra special last night IF YA KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’. He remarked on how I have changed his palate – that he now can appreciate the intricate complexities of avocado used in a cheesecake because it’s not drowning in several cups of refined sugar.

Our food is a necessity. It’s our responsibility. It should not be an afterthought. It brings us joy and love and strength and life and the will to live. This stuff is golden.

You cannot forge quality relationships from a base of corn syrup solids.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

last day of school

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 12:57:52 GMT

They’re having some kind of beach party today, so they were required to bring a beach towel. You can’t carry a beach towel without having a fabulous Hawaiian shirt. It just would not be right.

After today, I have a 2nd grader. This kid right here is turning out to be pretty alright.

Originally published at batty.us. You can comment here or there.

batty: Cap'n of the SS Sh*tty M*nnow

the annual mothers day present.

life in hell

you can’t save all the kitties.

coming clean, part deux

this is the post where i come clean.

call for entries

my 2013 resolutions

the most epic christmas gift

strength of character

the world’s most expensive christmas tree bow.

Guest Post: Eat Hard, Play Hard, Sleep Hard, Be Hard

gender roles in the gym?

that’ll do.

Challenges and adventures

dogma.

boog, rockstar.

technicality

click. read. donate. do good.

avoid responsibility with fun

ideal, schmideal.

rites of passage in motherhood

lean eating: paying it forward

i have done great things!

the things i need

last day of school

batty: Cap'n of the SS Shtty Mnnow