crimson and clover, over and over.

Fri, 28 May 2004 15:38:18 GMT

you know what, screw my last entry. i made a horrible mistake, i know it and everyone else knows it. i couldn't be more sorry but i can't go back and change it. but i'm not going to sit in my house all summer thinking about it.

yesterday was a really long day, but a good one. there's nothing like being with two best friends talking about ivy league memories on the beach. after some good bbq'ed food, we cheated loews out of $10 and then saw the day after tomorrow at 12:01. what a random time. the movie however, was really good and really intense. we all enjoyed it a lot. naturally when we got out it was pouring. a little frightening.

oh, i forgot the highlight of my day. i get a call from the # 3-902-370-09761. very confused i answer my phone, and its kristen calling from italy. it was so good to hear from her, but also made me insanely jealous at the same time. i miss my best friend. thank goodness for phone cards.

3 more days.

Tue, 11 May 2004 14:36:23 GMT

everything has been kinda crazy around here, but a lot of crazy in a good way. but home soon and i can't wait.

very few people can really suprise me. friday night came out of nowhere, never would i expect something like that. it was amazing. i made such an incredible friend up here this year.

i made a discovery 2 days ago. i knew that i could watch tv on my computer, so when my parents came saturday and took everything out of my room including the tv we decided to plug the cable into my computer. and then yesterday i found out that i could record shows onto my computer as well as rewind live tv on this thing. i know i'm a huge dork, but i had a lot of fun with that.

well anyways, frank is coming today. i can't wait to see this boy. i really miss everyone from home so much. we're going to see something corporate at the chance tonight. going to be awesome.

1 final. 1 paper. this year comes to an end.

i have no patience.

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 01:27:51 GMT

so tuesday was my audition at nyu. i was so incredibly nervous, but once i got there it wasn't so bad. except for the singing portion. those of you who know how well i sing will probably faint if i get in. but lets just keep our fingers crossed.

i can't thank the person who got me there enough for everything he did for me. i wouldn't have been there without you.

hopefully next year i will be starting over in the greatest city and fixing all the mistakes i made with my first year here.

i really don't know if i can't wait a few weeks to find out where i'll be next year, but i guess there is nothing to do but try to have some patience.

i'm tired of doing work, hence why i'm writing in this thing instead of doing it. buttt only 1 more week left so i might as well suck it up and get back to economics.

what we should be blasting in the *bucks lot right now instead of me writing a paper

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 00:45:15 GMT

SSSMACK13: well i cant regret cant u just froget it
summerstars029: i started something i couldn't finish
SSSMACK13: and if we go down we go down together
summerstars029: best friends means
summerstars029: well best friends mean
SSSMACK13: well best friends mean
SSSMACK13: ok ok skip ahead
SSSMACK13: is this what u call takt
SSSMACK13: tact
summerstars029: i swear you're sublte as a bullet in the small of my back
SSSMACK13: brick*
SSSMACK13: so lets end this call and end this conversation
summerstars029: wow oops
summerstars029: hmmmmmm drawing a blank
SSSMACK13: THATS RIGHT SHE SAID
SSSMACK13: x4
SSSMACK13: BROKENNN DOWN IN BARS AND BATHROOMS
SSSMACK13: ALL I DID WAS WHAT I HAD TO
summerstars029: don't believe me when i tell you
summerstars029: its just what anyone would do
SSSMACK13: ITS JUST WHAT ANYTONE WOULD DO
SSSMACK13: TAKE ALOT AND THINK ABOUT IT
summerstars029: take the time to talk about it*
SSSMACK13: oops
summerstars029: think a lot and live without it
SSSMACK13: haha
SSSMACK13: DONT BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU
summerstars029: it
SSSMACK13: ahh nina i miss u so much i love you girl
summerstars029: it's something unforgivable
summerstars029: ahhh i miss you toooo

this convo made me really want it to be summer already.

only a few weeks...

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 23:07:52 GMT

i miss fff.

can't wait for summer in smithtown.

spring has decided to grace poughkeepsie with its presence

Fri, 26 Mar 2004 17:18:23 GMT

finally, its warm and sunny out. makes me smile even when i have 8 and 9:30's classes on a friday morning.

i'm really bad with updating this thing. but i don't want to write depressed and unhappy entries so i might as well wait til i'm in a optimistic mood. and nice weather can put me in that mood, hence why i'm writing right now.

i realized yesterday while spending the entire day on my economics presentation that even though spring break is supposed to be a break from school, you really have to do work over it otherwise you'll be swamped when you get back. lesson learned.

today, while walking back from spanish there was this girl walking in high heels in front of me and megan who looked like she was either in an immense amount of pain or she was trying to (as we would say in cheerleading) keep a penny in her ass. it was really funny, she walks funnier than me and my roommate put together. and then i laughed really loud. and she looked at me. she knew i was laughing at her. but i didn't care. i think i'm going to hell. oh well.

that last comment was funny to anyone but me. just try and picture it.

anyways. i'm really uninteresting.

i can't wait for summer and fff and sleepovers and all that crazy stuff. ohh and having money again. that will be nice.

home sweet home.

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 03:20:57 GMT

we packed up gaylord the galant, i think my trunk was hitting the road cause it was so heavy, and headed for long island. it was a sunny, yet extremely windy day. after swaying a bit on 684, we safely made it over the bridge and headed south for massapequa. got rid of some of the heavy stuff in the car and happily drove to smithtown.

the weekend was awesome. even though we were standing in the parking lot in the freezing cold, all my friends, well most of my friends were there and it was great. after a good diner meal at 2am i went home and slept forever.
i apologize for kicking everyone out of my house on saturday, but there were just too many of you. sorry. but i did win $35 in poker. that i enjoyed.

the rest of the time i've been home involved a lot of sleeping, a lot of doing nothing, some piano playing, but mostly doing nothing. and i love it. i'm so sad.

i'll write again if anything interesting happens.

picture.

Sat, 06 Mar 2004 22:11:30 GMT

last weekend. after i was alone in the room for about an hour and had a bout 7 shots in me, i began taking pictures of myself. i really couldn't tell you why. i think its just cause my camera was in front of me and i was realllyy bored. so i took a bunch of pictures and i thought it would be funny to make one of them my icon. so here it is.
laugh it up.

it's a first.

Sat, 06 Mar 2004 17:30:25 GMT

this is the first time all year that i'm up, showered, and ready to go eat....and nobody is awake. naturally this would happen. maybe its the fact that we were up til 5am, doing absolutely nothing of course, and i'm the only loser that will get up with only 7 hours of sleep on a saturday. but usually the guys are in here at 11:30 trying to throw my covers off of me. yay, i just yelled at ang and she got up. she looks really happy...

so for those of you that read and know that i ventured out into crazy po-town last saturday night, i'll tell you how it went. it was awesome. probably because i was completely wasted and dancing the whole night, but i had a good time. some kid came up to me and told me he had to pee, so pulling a jeff kanter, i told him to pee in fitz's ear. they thought i was really weird. jeff would have understood. i also whispered something to two kids and they apparently sprinted away from me. i wonder what i said to them...

but yea, it was a good time. i think we're going out again tonight. i feel crazy. actually i'm just a huge dork, but it's all good.

6 more days til home. i can't wait to have a week of absolutely nothing to do.

and you shall be my squishy.

Sat, 28 Feb 2004 23:45:21 GMT

its been a productive afternoon. went to the mall. applied for a job (that i better get). bought some good candy yumm. and got some goldfish. the fish are awesome, one of them is really pretty and the other is smaller and has a lot of white on her and has blue eyes. we didn't ask what sex they were though so if i go to sleep tonight and the fish start to get funky and i wake up and theres eggs everywhere, i'm gonna be pissed. but yea, they're really cool.

oh, but we didn't name them yet so if anyone has any good ideas let me know.

i think i'm going out tonight. wtf? ha i never go out in po-town. but it looks like it could be a pretty decent night. i guess i'll let you know tomorrow how it all turns out.

ohhh wait. i forgot the best aspect of the day. it was like 50 and sunny, but it definitely felt warmer than fifty. and i was able to drive with the windows down. and ahh it was just so nice. i can't wait for spring and summer.

she's amazing.

Fri, 27 Feb 2004 05:28:08 GMT

once again, kces to the rescue of my poor lj. that girl can work wonders...especially in bed. ohhh yeaaa.

now i'm thinking of spring cause its all nice and greeny. mmmm spring.

today is angela's birthay, and nae's too. so happy birthday to two hotties.

we had some nice ice cream cake, balloons, odd cards, and a bit of smoke. a good time for all.

tomorrow's friday. i'm not going to my 8am economics class out of pure laziness, plus the fact that jon harbinson does not know a thing about economics and once spent an hour and fifteen minutes discussing what a corporation is. ohhh mr. mlinirich, i don't even know how to spell your name anymore but i do miss you. 9:30 i have spanish with a hot professor, so of course i'll be attending. then back to sleep, forever, and ever....and ever.

ohhhh myyyyy

Thu, 26 Feb 2004 22:25:19 GMT

okay so i was playing around with the colors on this damn thing and then i went back to the modify journal page-- and all my overrides were gone. what the fuckkkkk

god damn computers. i hate them.

someone help me.

rydia rocks...and fitz is from bayside

Wed, 25 Feb 2004 16:28:14 GMT

sunday night i went to a show in po-town. i finally felt at home, it was like all those nights back home spent at the downtown and the village pub watching (mostly) amazing local bands.

my friends fraternity brother is in a band called rydia i never heard any of their songs until that night and they were awesome. go here listen to their songs. i promise you will like them. another band bayside played that night also and rocked as well. overall, it was a really cool night.

this is a really cheesy entry. i'm not much in a writing state of mind right now.

i have a paper due at 3:30 so i should probably get on that now.

gaylord <3

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 19:00:01 GMT

so friday, after over sleeping, i'm walking down the stairs from my 8am economics aka death class,and as i'm nearing the bottom i begin to think to myself "man, these steps are really slippery." the next thing i know, my conversation with boccio is abruptly stopped as my feet slip out from underneath me and hit my ass, hard, on the last two steps. usually when i see this happen to people, i think about how embarrassed they must be and how embarrassed i would be if it happened to me. but there was no time for embarrassment, the pain hit to fast for me to think about what an asshole i am. and now i have a bruise. and whenever i sit, or move, or do anything, it sends a pain throughout my body. stupid marist college with stupid slippery stairs.

but the day ended off really nicely. i went home, went out for an amazzzingggg dinner. hung out with the family. and drove my car back here on saturday. hopefully life in poughkeepsie will be more enjoyable with a car. the drive up was really nice, varin kept me company and then i took him out to dinner. we ended the night watching zoolander and 2 episodes of are you afraid of the dark with megan and boccio.

and now i'm writing here instead of writing my two papers due this week. i should probably get on that now...

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 23:50:39 GMT

i've been changing my background all the time. i get really bored sometimes, or maybe i just procrastinate too much and there's not much for me to procrastinate my time with so i end up doing this. no i lied, there is a lot for me to waste my time doing. but this usually seems the most interesting to me at the time. so yeah.

[i'm sorry]

lack of color

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 20:15:51 GMT

i need a break from this place. its sad though cause i've only been here for like 3 weeks so far. but ahh its so like grey and gross and i'm sick and i want to get out of here.

i think a weekend or a night home will really fix that right up. actually this weekend will probably make me feel better. its gonna be a good one.

i get really annoyed with stupid stuff for no reason at all. i should really stop doing that. all it does is give me a headache.

i have western lit. in like 15 minutes so i should probably stop typing.

i like sprinkles.

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 01:03:45 GMT

the people nextdoor to me are blasting jump around. i really, truly, with all of my heart, hate them. they are the most obnoxious people to live next to. one day i'm going to kill them...just kidding...or am i?

i'm in a really weird mood tonight. like really hyper, but i feel exhausted at the same time. i finished almost all of my work though so thats cool. i'm basically going to sit around and watch t.v all night. what a waste of life.

i have a headache now from these damn girls. grrrrr.

angela said i look like a "heinous bitch" in my i.d. card picture. and i do. so thats cool.

i miss a lot of my friends. i hope i get into nyu. i need to go home for a weekend. i want my car up here. i love varin. jeff kanters birthday was a lot of fun. jared leto is hot. my grandma sent me a cake. i'm looking forward to valentines day weekend. there are many more things to write but american idol is on, so i'm going to stop.

it's friday.

Sat, 31 Jan 2004 00:18:39 GMT

so i've been trying to change the background of my journal for so long now. but for some reason i really suck at it. so if anyone can make beautiful jared leto not repeat on my background i would really appreciate it.

things have been going pretty well. i finished my nyu application, everything is sent in, and now all i have to do is wait. its going to feel like forever.

going to the city tomorrow for jeffs birthday. should be a really fun time. might play some poker at columbia? how random.

i'm really hungry. my grandma sent me a cake yesterday and me and angela are going to eat the whole thing in like 3 days. ahhh i love grandma's cakes, so does frank :)

my life isn't really exciting at the moment.

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 16:56:03 GMT

okay well i did have a sunset picture as my background but it looked like shit so i had to change it. so deal with the green for now.

so i havn't updated in a while.

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 16:14:06 GMT

the first thing i did when i got back to my dorm room, after of course setting my computer up, was take out my long beach sunset picture and put it back on my desk. and then i looked out my window and saw the frozen hudson river and realized how depressing winter is and how much i want spring and summer to come around. and i really, really miss those long beach sunsets. hence the new background picture.

this vacation was really amazing. things turned around for the best and i've never been so happy. although there were many poker filled nights that i wasn't so happy about i finally learned and enjoyed playing on the last night i was home. it was a lot of fun, probably cause i lost varin's money instead of my own. sorry. i got to see kristen a lot who i miss terribly already. vw was only home for like .3 seconds, but nonetheless i love her anyways and miss her too. i got to see all my other friends. went to an islander game with kces, frank, and mike which was definitely a good time. and i honestly can't even remeber what went else went on. all i know is that i really love my friends and i can't wait for summer.

i have a few pictures from over the break but i first have to figure out how to get them onto my computer and then into my journal. but hopefully that will be soon.

the 17th was saturday. one whole year. who ever thought that i would make it this far. i definitely didn't, but i've never been happier so no complaints here. thanks for an amazing day.

i don't even know what to write. i'm sending my nyu application in soon so let's hope that i get in so that i can leave dreary poughkeepsie.

have a good day.

it's been a long december and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last

Mon, 05 Jan 2004 05:34:32 GMT

it's been a really awesome vacation so far in many ways
although, lacking in some areas.

there's been so much on my mind lately. and i know that there's always someone there for me, but there's things that i just can't explain to others and stuff that if i did explain, no one would understand. my mind really works in some weird ways. ways that some people, no matter how much they want to, will never fully understand. sometimes i don't even know what i'm thinking or what i want. but its something i have to deal with, and others have to deal with also. i apologize for this, but i really feel like it's out of my control.

______________

i got my 1st semester gpa. and i didn't do terrible but
it wasn't what i had set my goals for and i'm pissed off at myself for not realizing sooner that i was really screwing myself over. at the time i really thought i was fine. all of those sleepless nights and procrastinating like it was my major. but i fucked up. and if this ruins my chance to get into nyu i have no one to blame but myself. and i hate that.
and it really wouldn't be bad to spend another year at marist. i love my friends there. its just that i don't want to miss my opportunity to go somewhere else. i really hope i still have a chance.

-----------

sorry i keep jumping from thing to thing hear. my minds been pretty scattered lately so i guess this is just a reflection of it. on another note, i love reading kces' and vw's entries on how lucky there are with our group of friends. and its really true. i couldn't wait to come home and see everyone and being here confirms why. everyone is so great in there own why and i just love it. its just a feeling that we all belong together, even if we're just standing outside in a cold parking lot or playing racist taboo in kristen's basement.

anyways, i'm really weird and so is this entry. so i'm gonna go. bye.

perfect.

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 08:18:05 GMT

how does one describe a night like this? i dont even know because it was soo amazing. but i'll try..

lunch with jeff nae and alison was very nice. i miss those girls.
afterwards i met shiz, vw, and jw in the parking lot and made our way to catch the train from ronkonkama. we miss it but waiting an hour for another wasn't so bad.

made it into the city and downtown to the knitting factory. so much better than roseland could ever be. the show began with on my signal-i didn't like very much but the singer looked like matt paster. so i just watched him the whole time. next came zolof the rock and roll destroyer-i think everyone agree that the tambourine player made the band. although they were a fun band to listen to. ahhh kevin devine- realllyy good. loved his music, his personality. all around great artist. and soooo cute in every way. finally, straylight run took the stage. amazing performance. everyone there was so into their music it was such a great feeling. then as the band left the stage john took a seat at the piano and started to play "play crack the sky." and then jesse lacey walked on stage. and then i died. well not really, but it was incredbile. and kristen was shaking, and it was just an amazing moment.

after the show was over we walked into the merch room. talked to kevin devine, bought some stuff. and took a picture with john nolan. and now life is complete.

got back to smithtown and had a nice talk with a good friend who i've missed a lot.

this was all in all, an amazing night. now i need sleep. goodnight all.

oh, look in kristens lj for some amazing pictures

you can take your rudder..

Wed, 24 Dec 2003 20:40:59 GMT

for the past two days i worked at my parents company. its not bad work and im making a lot of money so it's pretty nice. it made me think though. i really dont want a job where i sit in an office all day and can teach someone to do all my work in a day. i want to feel important, like i'm making a difference, me personally making a difference. not just the work that i am doing. i dont know if that makes any sense. but hopefully i'll be working in the music business. my life can be exciting with traveling and such. and i will make a difference somewhere.

last night me and kces had a well needed night together. i made my way over there around 10:30, i love driving there cause it just feels so normal like i never left or anything. we went to blockbuster, waldbaums, and what would our night be without wendy's, so naturally we were there too. we got back to her house, ate our food, and put gangs of new york on. it was a really good movie. between disks we took out the smore maker and made smores semi xando's style. it was fantastic. ah i love that girl and it was a great night.

it's christmas eve. merry christmas to all <3

home for the holidays

Sun, 21 Dec 2003 19:08:35 GMT

after an interesting ride home from marist with gary and angela i finally made it back home to smithtown. but i miss my roomie already.

that night i saw lord of the rings with varin kces and sims. the movie, of course, was absolutely amazing. i laughed, i cried..a lot, and it was just all around incredible. i would like to thank sims for randomly laughing several times during the movie, kces for us always thinking exactly alike, and the huge spider for scaring the crap out of me. thanks all.
after the movie we went to the diner for some good 2am food and sims played reallyyy random songs. good times.

yesterday i got to hang out with my 2 bests, kces and vw. we went to the mall, naturally got wendy's, and came back to my house to watch dead poets society. reallyy good movie, depressing but really good. and really hot boys were in it, which we enjoyed.
my roommate on us watching this movie:
DancinSwetie7: oooo great depressing movies fo r the emo kids thats a great combination

happy birthday murph

________________________________________________________________________________
last night i think i had some sort of anxiety attack. if it's possible to have an emotional anxiety attack. it was the worst feeling that my body and mind has ever had. i didn't know how to control it or myself. i was scared and sick and i didn't know how to stop it. i know i do a lot of wrong things, and i know i'm asking you to put up with a lot. im sorry i really am. i'll try to change.

stolen from maureen

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 04:51:20 GMT

everybody is gone. it's really sad. i'm supposed to be either a)packing right now or b) getting wasted with angela but i'm gonna do this instead. because i have no life and i'm lazy...

1) Using band names, spell out your name

Kweller, ben
Rockwell church
Incubus
Saves the day
Taking back sunday
Inxs?
No use for a name
Alkaline trio

2) Have you ever had a song written about you? pete :)

3) What song makes you cry? dave matthews- crush, howie day- she says, dispatch- walk with you

4) What song makes you happy? ben kweller- wasted and ready (i dont know why, i just really like the song), i have to agree with maureen here and write outkast- hey ya

5) What do you like to listen to before bed? dave and tim-anything they play, or coldplay

PT. II

a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 5'5" or something
HAIR COLOR: brown
SKIN COLOR: i used to be tan
EYE COLOR: brown
PIERCINGS: two in the left, one in the right, more coming soon
TATTOOS: in a year or two

r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: blue
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: dave- stay or leave
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: root beer
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: freeeeeezing
HOW ARE YOU? a little sad

d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: yes
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: picking my split ends, i know it's gross and random
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: yea
LIKE TO DRIVE?: gaylord the galant <333

f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: everwood, corny but i love it & friends
CONDITIONER: pantene pro v
BOOK: oohh lots, the pact, perks of being a wallflower, go ask alice, catcher in the rye
MAGAZINE: ap
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: dr. pepper or iced tea
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: mmmm sea breeze?
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: lots of nothing. be with my friends
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: jesse lacey <3, dave matthews, guster, straylight is up there too

h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: underage drinking?
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: no, i would have to run too far to go anywhere
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: i don't think so
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: not that i remember
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: yeaa, sleepovers at nae's back in the day
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: keeping maureen's answer, ah no
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: yes
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: yup, but usually i would just go really really late
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: hhmm no?
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: elementry school days
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: yea

l o v e
BOYFRIEND: varin :)
GIRLFRIEND: i <3 kces and all of fff
SEXUALITY: boyssss
CHILDREN: i have no patience, but they can be really cute
CURRENT CRUSH: mmmmm
BEEN IN LOVE?: yesss
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: oh yeah
BEEN HURT?: yes
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: i'm gonna also have to go with the college application procedure on this one, there's another regret that i don't feel like stating
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: ohhh the good ol' ivy league days

r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: in a week i will
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: dave & tim
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: hot green
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: copying yet again, music and my friends
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: varin, fff, all the boys, my 5 marist friends, mcdc girls
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: the ones im going to steal from murph when he buys them
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: fff, all the boys, varin, aq4e, my few marist friends
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: go to shows/concerts

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: i've been doing a lot of that lately
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: murph left me a post-it on my computer yesterday morning, does that count?
YOU GOT E-MAIL: aol won't let me check my mail
THING YOU PURCHASED: mixers for me and ang's drinks
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: friends 10 minutes ago
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: elf, return of the king tomorrow!!!

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: for certain cases
TEENAGE SMOKING: smoking cigarettes gives you a hairy tongue, i did a poster on that in mr. rose's 9th grade health class, gross
SPICE GIRLS: ......i had the cd in 6th grade
DREAMS: i have a lot of weird ones, but a lot of good ones. i love them.

i hope i bored you all with this.
maybe i should start packing now... or drinking..