story-telling, at its worst.

some of the things that just can't simply get off my mind:

- SCHOOL. despite the fact that it is the holidays.
- term 2 journal.
- getting a job.
- my sister and her broken thigh bone.
- seeing the killers next year.
- temasek polytechnic.
- progress report.
- sushi.
- lady gaga's bad romance.
- kelly services.

well i can't possibly have too many things in mind, right. i want things to move slowly. i want the holidays to go by reaaaally slowly. i can't wait for sem 2, i know (showcase and seeing ud and liviiiii) but i need the time to get a job. fuck. why am i so useless?! all i've been doing is staring at pictures of alexa chung. and listening to old of montreal albums.

i need to change my towel and wash my feet.

ehhh bambi legs i want you.

but whatever lies behind that door, there is nothing much to do. angel or devil, i don't care. for infront of that door, there is you.

i've recently found my own michael cera. he's so imperfectly perfect that it makes me cry.

semester 1 ends in 4 days. i have made plans this december. oh and i need a job to pay off the tickets for muse and the killers omgggg i hope arctic monkeys come some time later in 2010. also, i've been crewing for SIREN since monday and i've seen most of their runs. all i can say is please go get your tickets and watch SIREN. just watching them through the b&w screen backstage gives me goosebumps. you do not wanna miss it. please don't waste your life (and money) away by watching whatever they're showing on MTV or worse, channel 5. (polo boys yucks)

can the week get any worse?

first. rehearsals everyday. reaching home at 12am everyday. akwardness, everyday. exhaustion, everyday. people pissing other people off, everyday. whining, everyday. 'you're doing this instead of that', everyday. bruises, everyday. shitty technical, everyday. ignorance, everyday.

secondly. the first run of the show, in my opinion, was a bit sucky. radio mics didnt work so well. broken prop. my broken prop. i had to make-do with another prop in a scene that didn't require any prop. fucking losers with their masks making sounds on the bridge when it wasnt even halloween yet. the drizzling rain. my voice being too loud. not having enough 'venom' on certain lines. other performers not giving their best.

thirdly. second run of the show was cancelled. due to the heavy rain that didnt stop until it was 9 or something. show was suppose to begin at 8pm, but they've removed all the seats and the mixers and the wires because all of it would be drenched. i still can't believed it was cancelled. we had all of our make-up done. my one and a half hour make-up. i sat there in the dressing room for almost 2 hours and when i left the room, it was raaaaiiinnniinngggg omg. watching the arts management people stacking up te chairs and folding up the grass mats, just made my heart sink. it was like everyone was psyched and getting ready for a show that will never happen. Syam, Midzi, Abi and Ben arrived early. got caught in the rain. Robert got all of us to gather in C101, where Paul announced to everyone that the rain has made a decision for us. Harris' crying. He told us how disappointed he was that we didn't get another chance to improve on the show. that lead to everyone else sobbing. Nisa and Aizat came soon after. Apan, Muhd Dan and Khai came. and then omg. Amalina(!!!!), Diyana, Zahidah, Ismail and Fad came. Now, count the number of people who came to see me/the show. 13 people came. to watch the show that got cancelled 5 minutes before the arrived. HOW FUCKING SAD IS THAT.

fourth. thanks khairul for the party. but i didnt have that much fun. where was the music? and leaving germaine and a group of musicians to the kitchen? not a good idea. the guitar hero was kinda good but there were too many smokers in the house and all of them wanted to sit outside and do their own things. everything was kind of broken. Aisyah left early. :( thank god Charmain was there. I love you, Charmain, Louis, Ben Thia for being there. I left the house at 2am and cabbed home with Thia, feeling as if i've achieved nothing the whole day. i felt reaaaally empty. and i kept wishing how things would turn out if i hadnt left my secondary school friends in 15 minutes. if only i'd been less selfish than i already am. i was running after something i'll never get. maybe in a few weeks or months but the next time you'd see your secondary school friends will not be in a few weeks or months. it might take ages for you to see them again. what's wrong with you, shaf? seriously. if i was a different person, if i weren't you, i'd just sent a text mesg to khairul and apologize for not being able to attend the party because 13 OF MY FRIENDS CAME TO SEE ME. he probably wouldn't mind. it wouldnt have made such a huge difference if i werent there. but i probably would change something if i'd went with my real friends. i would be able to do justice to them coming all the way to my school and getting drenched just to see me. i'm sorry, dee. i know about your mum being pissed and how you had to leave work as soon as possible just to be there on time. fuck i really feel like an idiot. Amal, surprising me like that. you're truly the greatest friend ever. omg. i really dunno what else say. thank you for coming i reaaaalllyy wish i could ahh omg i dun even feel like i deserve to be your friend now. the number of times i've disappointed you. i'm really an idiot. its okay if you don't wanna forgive me. to be honest, my lasalle friends are not the bestest friends ever. only a few are trustworthy. i'm really sick and tired of all the ~drama~ i'm facing in school. i'm not in the perfect class with the perfect classmates. some of the people i thought were friends are truly just the best, best not being a good thing, bitches i've ever met. i know i have to stop calling them that but i do see who my real friends are now and for so long i've been really stupid and blind for not chasing after what i came to lasalle for. ugghh this is really long and i might not make any sense but this is all i have to say right now.

i'm gonna be in like 4 of the pieces in this performance, so it is quite a huge thing for me. it'd be nice if you could take the time off to come and support the performing arts foundation students of the school. we've worked really really hard for this. we came up with all of the music, dance steps. we wrote the scripts and even composed our own songs. we wouldn't have been able to do these without the help of the director and lecturers, of course. so yeah, do come and support plzzzzz. ty. ;)

loving the 'brand new eyes' album. keep it up.

i can never find time to get some rest. im supposed to be working on my week 5 of journal, which was work like 3 weeks ago but i have been delaying it so im rushing right now and its due this wednesday at 1800h. i still have the Blood Wedding review due on the same day at 2355h. i really enjoyed Blood Wedding. It was the 2nd performance i've seen done by the acting students here. The first one was 'Woman in the Window' by the level 3 acting students which i thought was magnificent in terms of their acting and the set. but sadly i was kinda lost throughout the whole performance because, 1, i was 10 minutes late and 2, i couldnt catch their accents. so that should be something to work on.

been home late for the past few days cos of school. been having rhythm ensemble rehearsals for the sun festival. i really enjoy rehearsals cos it is a way to release some stress though it takes up alot of time and energy. still, i wanna get it over and done with so that i don't have to reach home at 11pm every night. been writing alot of reviews. one was for charlie brown in which i got a 61/100 for. wasn't well done cos i thought i had written too much so i cut it short to 600+ words instead of the required word limit which was 1000-2000 words. i had looked at the word count wrongly. i had 1000+ characters and i thought they were referring to the words but ahh whatever. thank God, i didn't flunk that one. Had written another one text analysis class. i wrote on Manhood. I havent started on the gamelan performance for gamelan class. and now i have Blood Wedding and fucking journals which is not exactly reviews but it still involves typing and shit.

and then there's the performance project, which in my opinion, honestly, i think is crap. no offense. i can tell we are all doing a good job in working together and following the instructions but damnit i just can't wait for it to be all over.i want to move on to bigger and better things. but that doesn't mean im not working hard for performance project. i'm doing all i can.

hari raya doesnt seem like hari raya anymore. oh look its 1.20am. 28th september. my uncle passed away exactly a year ago. mmm, just give it another few more hours. i miss him.

school starts at 1 tmrw. A FIRST! no yoga and speech classes. thank you, convocation.

singing classes with Gimbey, who is also my level 1 musical theatre senior, has been awesome. she's really cool. i'm looking forward to future classes with her.

i should go to bed now. will post in another 3 weeks? hahah

catching 'You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown' Musical by the Level 3 (BA)Musical Theatre students on Monday. Can't wait. It opens on the 15th-19th Sept. Don't miss it!

spent my Saturday wisely (not) with Syam, Midzi and Fatin (Syam's sec sch friend). went to geylang in the afternoon to get their baju kurung (i just got mine today. mum got them from Johor so yay i wont have to go to Geylang again) and broke fast at pastamania. i bought stuff for school too. met Umar and Germaine at around 10 plus and headed to Germi's house to do work but hohoho. Umar made me watch A Walk to Remember. hahah dun ask why but yes, i cried alot alot alot. and then after the movie we heard noises outside her room and Germaine said, "omg who let the dogs out?" no, really she said that but in a different manner cos then her dog Belle-belle, i think came in and i got scared cos she wasnt that from me and the next thing we saw Belle-belle licking germaine's face. haha

today i spent the whole day infront of the laptop trying to start and finish my presentation slides on RP's TRCC. it's for the business class's presentation next wednesday. i think i'm almost done now. i need to start on NAFA's performing spaces. Sharis, i need your help. teeheees.

i miss ma jewel sistas.

can't wait to see Sharis and Santhiya next thursday. cant waitzzzz. thanks for the tickets Sharis. i'll try to get you some for my school productions, ok!

i'm gonna go take a shower now.

yes, that is a naked Yu Beng.

this was on thursday. had dinner at the nasi ayam penyet in lucky plaza, orchard. with a very big hole in the crotch of my harem pants. thanks to morning warm-ups and capoiera.

invited amal, risnah, zahidah, zaa and hazel to come along but amal and ris couldnt make it the last minute, zahidah wasnt free and heard nothing from the other 2. zaa, probably because it was her birthday. but it's okay, it turned out fine. ;)

these are to show how fat, i still am.

( be very jealous, girls! )

school is in full swing. and i always look forward to the weekend. ok yeah, who doesnt right?

i wish i could go back to dunman tmr but school ends at 7pm everyday, except for thursday, whereby i finish at 5pm. this makes me really really sad. i broke fast (is that the right term?) with fad and diyana for 2 days straight. with amal, laiyinna and fad m. on friday. it was good seeing fad after so long and catching up with whatever we had in common.

ok im sorry but i have nothing else to talk about except for school. it's like ohcardigan talking about tegan & sara. or maybe just sara alone.

fasting in school is not as bad as i thought. i survived the first week just fine. the few of us fasting would spend our break time sleeping or reading notes or just trying to stay away from the rest of us munching on burger king. i would go straight to bed without showering to get extra sleep time but it'll still leave me all cranky when i wake up at 430am. i'll eat til 5am and get more sleep until 630am. my aim for the rest of this fasting month is also to save money and try to eat at home and not give in to breaking fast at macdonalds because it is impossible to ignore it on the way to the mrt station.

i have humbug in my ipod but havent had the time to listen to it. i havent gone past the 5th song, i think. why does alex sound so low? i hope his nwe style of singing doesnt bore me too much.

playing with helium ballons is fun but i don't think i was supposed to be consuming helium gas while fasting. :\

i can't focus on my work while i'm fasting. i hate this! i'd rather fast and go to school at the same time than sit at home and have the aroma of whatever my grandma is cooking in the kitchen kill my concentration from school work.

looking on the brightside, i'm really looking forward to fasting the whole month and testing myself. (the rant above was apart of testing myself, btw) school will be exhausting, i know, but i wanna see how i handle it. this will be fun.

currently doing research on rape in the Bosnian war. it has nothing to do with anything but i'm studying a character from 'necessary targets', a play by eve ensler.

dinner with fad, diy, ris, hopefully amal, zah, zaa and hazel this thursday. please please please!

( school campus )

ben your eyes damn scary can.

We learned this for last week's singing class.

i missed Syam's birthday, which was a long time ago and i still feel bad about it. 'The Crucible' which i went with the classmates and sharis, was pretty good. Olivia did a fantastic job, so proud of her.

umm what else? oh i got a new pair of flip flops.

ok it's only been 6 days but damn it, do you know how cute you are?

right. i didn't know there is a G-F.