| The New Endangered Species List: Which Ones Are Cute Enough To Save? |
[07 Oct 2008|06:00pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/07/the-new-endangered-species-list-which-ones-are-cute-enough-to-save/ The Telegraph U.K. posted an updated list of some of the world's Most Endangered Species today. Because we can't save them all, and because I'm pretty qualified in the field of looking at animals and passing judgment on them, I've analyzed the list and gone ahead and made my recommendations about which species are definitely cute enough to save and which ones are redundant (uncute). Let's get to it:
Tasmanian Devil
Any animal immortalized in cartoon form gets an automatic free pass for life. Same goes for roadrunners, wallabies, koalas, Squirtles, and Foghorn Leghorns.
Verdict: Save.
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The Caspian Seal
OH MY GOD.
Verdict: DIVERT BAILOUT FUNDING TO SAVING THIS IMMEDIATELY. The species too if you can, but I mean this one specifically.
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The Black-footed Ferret
We have more than enough ferrets hiding in stoners' futon cushions on college campuses nationwide. Plus the picture is out of focus.
Verdict: Nah.
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Iberian Lynx
Seems pettable enough that we should probably save it, but that sly grin makes me wonder if we'll regret it.
Verdict: Save (but keep an eye on him)
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Père David's Deer
Boooooooooring. I grew up with more interesting species in my backyard.
Verdict: Nah.
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Holdridge's Toad
Please. I hung out with These Guys my whole childhood, I can't turn my back on them now.
Verdict: Save.
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The Grey-faced Sengi or Elephant-shrew
Eh, it's cute, but we got hundreds of these things, and no one said these choices were gonna be easy.
Verdict: Nah.
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The Rameshwaram Parachute Spider
I don't want to think about what this thing must be capable of doing to get the name "Parachute Spider".
Verdict: Kill the rest immediately.
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The Fishing Cat
Don't regular cats fish? I guess we don't totally need this one, but maybe it'd cuddle up next to you for a nap every now and then. We better keep it around and find out.
Verdict: Save.
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The Squaretail Coral Grouper
Overfishing has really gotten out of hand the last few years, but as long as we got some fish around, I'm not picky.
Verdict: Sushi party!
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La Palma Giant Lizard
Completely replaceable, and not even facing the camera and making an "I'm so cuddwy you have to save me, wwwight?" expression. Even then he would've been a longshot.
Verdict: Nah.
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The Wild Horse (Equus ferus)
I got nothing against horses, but thaaaaaat's two dudes in a sh*tty horse costume from a 20s silent Western.
Verdict: Make sure it's a real animal, then if it is, I guess save it.
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The Cuban Crocodile
"The Cuban Crocodile" is not an actual species, it's clearly the nickname of a boxer and that's just a stock photo of a little crocodile.
Verdict: Nah. Not buying it.
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The African Elephant
Duh -- obviously save it. That'd be like discontinuing "Blue" in future packs of crayons.
Verdict: Save.
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I imagine we're all pretty much in agreement here? Leave any objections in the comments, and I'll be sure to pass them on to the U.N. when I make my formal recommendations.
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| Kanye Debuts New Video On Ellen, 4 Millionth Nail Hammered Into MTV Coffin |
[07 Oct 2008|04:30pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/07/kanye-debuts-new-video-on-ellen-4-millionth-nail-hammered-into-mtv-coffin/ Kanye West has debuted his new video for "Love Lockdown" on Ellen today (because where ELSE are you going to debut a music video...20/20?). It's really symbolic and deep. The video consists of Kanye hanging out in an all-white suit in his all-white apartment, being all serious about love, alternating with images of some tribal dancing. I wanna know what love is...and now Kanye has shown me. Click on the image to watch the video!
Thanks to Dave at Prefix for sending this to me - if you want a ripped version of the video they have it here.
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| Am I The Only One In The Universe Who Thinks Benicio Del Toro Is Unattractive? |
[07 Oct 2008|04:00pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/07/am-i-the-only-one-in-the-universe-who-thinks-benicio-del-toro-is-unattractive/ I've long given up attempting to understand my female friends' obsessions with certain male celebrities, but in almost every case, I can at least devil's-advocately understand how someone can find the individual attractive, even if my rugged straight-male persona won't allow me to gushingly agree out loud (also I love football!!! WOOOOO!!!).
If it were one or two of my friends' bizarro personal crushes, that'd be one thing, but just about every frickin' girl I've ever talked to -- from 'love every celebrity' crush-mongers to hipster pals who pathologically despise general sentiment -- seems to think he's the hottest dude ever, despite just about every piece of photographic evidence arguing to the contrary:
Here's the thing: His name is hot, there's no doubt about that. But people seem to think that because his name is hot and he dresses like a guy who's hot would and carries himself in the manner of a hot guy, that suddenly, he doesn't look like a squinty, beat-up 80-year-old former boxer in a Menudo Halloween wig.
If this dude's name was Benjamin Turowitz, and he and his accountant cronies from Dean Witter approached your table during Applebee's 2-for-1 Melontini Happy Hour, your group of female co-workers would laugh them into five years of "afraid to approach group of women" solitude.
To see if someone's made this glaringly obvious argument before, I Googled "Benicio Del Toro ugly," and two of the first four results are articles about Benicio's emblematic "Sexy Ugly" look, which -- and not to play semantics here -- IS NOT A THING. "Sexy Ugly" is by definition not a thing. "Sexy Ugly" just means "Ugly but I want to sleep with him anyway because his name is hot and all these other stupid factors and I then retroactively decide that I believe that he is hot because he was cool in Fear And Loathing and therefore doesn't have the eye sockets of a troll's skeleton." My point is, you all say that exact sentence verbatim. I know you do.
Timeout: Here's Benicio Del Toro dressed up as Che, looking ridiculous:
Still not on my side? Even after seeing him as the corpse of John Travolta?
Not much point going into further detail, cause if you don't see it by now I imagine I'm not going to be able to convince you otherwise. I also don't want to get into the argument of male-attractiveness being subjective and how girls often find random stupid things attractive in guys, because, well, it's about all I have going for myself, so I'm all in favor of it continuing.
In conclusion,
Really?
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| Is Lauren Conrad Gay? |
[07 Oct 2008|03:30pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/07/is-lauren-conrad-gay/ IT'S JUST A QUESTION...
Think about it.
1. She hates all the boys that date her lady friends ====> She's possessive of her lady friends ====> She wants to make love to her lady friends.
2. Her relationships with men consist of vapid, scripted conversations in front of a camera crew ====> She creates enormous drama over the fact that once she has merely spoken to a man, none of her lady friends, past, present, or future, can ever SPEAK to him ====> One by one, she is taking every man in L.A. off the market so that her lady friends have no choice but to make love to her.
3. She has a moustache ====> She has testosterone coarsing through her body ====> She's not afraid to show it ====> She wants to make love to a lady.
Obviously, I'm no expert on human behavior. Buuuuuut I'm gonna keep a watch on this (because I know what's important in life). And, I wouldn't be surprised if, in a couple of months, we see LC dating a Samantha Ronson type. And if that is who Lauren is, I'm all for it, because honestly, I'm really sick of her complaining about her life. Lady needs to get some lovin'! I don't care where it's coming from.
p.s. We've already answered the question of "Who is the biggest douche in the entire world," like 400 times, but really, could he get any more douchey? Did you see the way he was talking to Heidi's sis last night?? Sigh.
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| How Many Times Will I Need To Hear “Womanizer” Before I Actually Like It? |
[07 Oct 2008|03:00pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/07/how-many-times-will-i-need-to-hear-womanizer-before-i-actually-like-it/  Today is a very special day for millions of young teenage girls and gay men of all ages: Britney Spears' newest single, "Womanizer", is now readily available for download on iTunes. This single marks the debut of "New Britney", i.e. "Old Britney" before all the booze and drugs and head shaving and umbrella wielding took over. New Britney is fit, she's tan, she's blonde and her weave may or may not be actual human hair. In other words: She's back!
Now, I'm someone who was absolutely obsessed with Brit's last album Blackout (well, every track save for the slow one, which should only be listened to while waterboarding). There's no denying the catchiness of "Gimme More" or "Radar" or any of the other 10 songs in which Spears was propped up on a rolling gurney to belt out. So, you can imagine I was pretty darned jazzed about "Womanizer". Would this, ladies and gentlemen, become my Fall Jam of '08?
And then I heard the song.
Verdict? I hate it. It starts off promising enough. Robot voice, good beat, the word "baybay" thrown around a couple of times. Then the chorus kicks in. "Womanizer" repeated over and over again in a monotonous manner. Over and over and over again. This goes on for four minutes and 37 seconds. Zero melody and the same word for almost five minutes. I seriously cannot get through the entire thing in one sitting.
Then it occurred to me. This is pretty much how I've felt about 80 percent of Britney's songs the first few times I heard them. But somehow, 463 listens later, they start to make musical sense to me. I'm a Slave 4 U? One of the worst songs ever. At first. Cut to me 3 months later, snake scarf tied real tight, IMAS4U cranked up in my earbuds, just having. a. blast. "Toxic"? Unlistenable. That is, until it was remixed, rereleased, and added to my internal playlist called "My Lifesongs."
So the real question here is: Will "Womanizer" break me down?
Will I eventually learn to love it, much like the Danity Kane song "Damage" and the Pussycat Dolls masterpiece "When I Grow Up"? Right now, I can't see that as being a possibility. I think I hate "Womanizer". But that's not to say that 3 months and 5 appletinis from now, I won't be doing dancefloor handsprings to the chorus.
Please listen to the song for yourself and check out the video stills below And be honest: Who's tivoing 20/20 on Friday to catch the world premiere of the video. **timid raised hand**
Brit should go broon for winter. Very complimentary.
OK, so what are we thinking here? Will I eventually learn to love "Womanizer"? Or is it, as I fear, one of the worst songs ever produced?
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| Our Little Girl’s Done All Grown Up! |
[07 Oct 2008|02:00pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/07/our-little-girls-done-all-grown-up/ Remember Dakota Fanning? Reminder:
(Though, if you only remember her as a child hobo, please click here.)
The tiny blonde, strangely-toothed actress is now 14 years old. And if her red carpet photos from The Secret Life of Bees premiere are any indication, she's done all grown up.
WHAT DOES DAKOTA LOOK LIKE NOW?
Plus, red carpet photos of my three favorite BBW, Queen Latifah, Jennifer Hudson and Will Smith.
Well, it appears her transformation into Gwyneth Paltrow is nearly complete:
Dakota is only 14... and she looks like a grown up lady now. And you know what? We respect her for that! Make it last DD Fanning... make it last.
Also at the premiere?
Will Smith and a little boy in a weave. Feed her a meal. Or something.
And who's this?
Why, it's Jennifer Hudson! (Cue entire Dreamgirls soundtrack in my iPod, hide screen from people on the train so they don't know how sad your life is.)
Here's Will Smith doing what he does best: Just horsin' around.
And finally, my favorite BBDubs:
Queen La and J. Hud. Both of these ladies have lost a ton of weight, bless em for it. That, or some new, insanely effective line of Spanx has just been released to the rich. In which case: I'm furious.
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| It's the great pumpkin! |
[06 Oct 2008|09:53pm] |
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So....guess what I'm going to be for Halloween this year?
( ...de dum dededum...de dum dededum... )
What else.....oh, saw the doctor again for my hives. Yep, they're still here. And still bugging the shit out of me. Now they've seem to favor my feet...I wish this on no one, I really don't. Hives on your feet, on the BOTTOM, is absolute hell. They're swollen and itch and hurt so badly. So I'm kinda at the end of the road, and now they're going to do some x-rays and blood work. For now, they gave me steroid shots. 2. Ow. They hurt. I had to get it on my ass (yes, my fleshy ass). Let me tell you...WKEAMLKEAWOWWWWWWW. It kinda hurt. The shot itself didn't hurt but it burned afterward and the shot area is now really sore. It was a bitch to drive home with one cheek not touching the seat. They said there wouldn't be any side effects but I'm burning up like a motherfucker right now. I feel like my face is in an oven, hopefully it will clear up overnight. The good thing is the itching isn't so bad now- and the shot is supposed to last a few weeks at least. Meh. I'm over this. I'm gonna have some cake.
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| Tweets for Today |
[07 Oct 2008|12:03am] |
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Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter
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| …OF THE DAY |
[06 Oct 2008|10:40pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/06/of-the-day-498/ 
- BIRTHLING: The World's Tallest Man is now a father! And his newborn has already been entered into the recordbooks... as the WORLD'S MOST TERRIFIED BABY. (Yahoo)
- GET JAILED: O.J. is guilty! Finally! Which I guess means he'll never get around to making Get Juiced 2. Or he will, but it will be an entirely different kind of movie. Either way, relive the original special with us, won't you? (BWE.tv)
- PALIN COMPARISON: Sources say Sarah Palin might be on SNL playing -- wait for it -- TINA FEY! Does this mean she'll actually start making sense with the words that are comin' out of her mouth? Hallejewya. (Just Jared)
- HEADLINE: God bless the British tabloids. They take something as simple as Starbucks wasting trillions of gallons of water per year, put it in the ol' 1950's headline generator, and get a little printed receipt at the end with the following brilliance: THE GREAT DRAIN ROBBERY. (The Sun)
- XXXSCAPE: David Duchovny is finally out of sex rehab. We're guessing if he tries to get near wife Tea, she'll shoot him with a compressed air can or a watergun or some other Cesar Milan approved device. (ONTD)
- AND NOW, FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER: An interesting photo of the esteemed Colonel Sanders. (TheBigCSandz)
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| Happy Birthday To Me |
[06 Oct 2008|04:38pm] |
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Originally published at the awesome summer journal. Please leave any comments there. 
I won’t lie– I totally went shopping for my birthday. I mostly bought accessories and basics, like tanks for layering (a must in Humboldt!) and plain blouses, but I did get a few exciting things… One of them being this new belt! It latches behind the buckle– as evidenced by its crookedness, oops!– and is elastic all around the back. It is, of course, ultra-wide and can’t actually fit through any of my belt loops.
I also bought my first ever pair of high waisted shorts (pictured above) and they are marvelous! My room mate is all about the high waisted pants, so it was only a matter of time before I jumped onto this fashion bandwagon.
Oh, and there’s a cute anecdote this entry must end with: Yesterday Chris came home from work and found me wearing a belt above the waist. He couldn’t figure out why my belt was “5 inches higher than it should be.” This morning when I put on these shorts, he asked me why I was wearing “mom pants” and then declared that “fashion is officially beyond [him].” Hah!
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| Anna Faris At The French Premiere Of “Helpful Vagina” |
[06 Oct 2008|09:40pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/06/anna-faris-at-the-french-premiere-of-helpful-vagina/ Here's Anna Faris at the premiere of Super Blonde, the French-ified title of her movie The House Bunny ('cause the Playboy pun doesn't translate over there):
Some other suggested titles that the French might respond to even better:
- Helpful Vagina
- Lesbian-Maker
- Experienced At Life And Sex
- Articulate Aspiring Mistress
- Half Of Menage a Trois Believes She Is Teacher
- Flesh Condom With Lessons
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| POP CULTURE COOKBOOK: Nick Cannon’s Freeloadin’ N Out |
[06 Oct 2008|07:30pm] |
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http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/10/06/pop-culture-cookbook-nick-cannons-freeloadin-n-out/ (ED NOTE: When she’s not busy fetching us the coffee and trucker pills necessary to keep you people entertained, our own Intern Emmy is hard at work on the world’s first Pop Culture Cookbook, which I guess is a catalog for recipes that you can’t eat, but are still great for entertaining. Anyway, she’ll be dropping in from time to time to share them with us.)
Ingredients
1 unthreatening triple threat
1 Supastarcougardiva
1 wedding RingPop
You Will Also Need
11 years' age difference
Pubescence-inspired facial hair
Cooking Directions
1. Distract cougar with mirror
2. Shred pre-nup
3. High five bros
4. Assume awkward prom pose
(photo via Getty)
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