Astrophel

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 00:34:22 GMT

My grandmother is dying.
I saw her when I was home on Thursday. Her health has been declining for a while since a stroke last year (beyond which, she's had advanced Alzheimers for the last several years, and has been mostly unable to communicate for the last year or so) and we knew that this was coming soon. But I expected to see her again when I go home Tuesday morning, and I'm not sure I will. I'm worried about my mother. Her mother was also her best friend; granted, things have been changing since the dementia became apparent. But this is still going to be very, very hard for her.
Meanwhile I'm pacing around my apartment, trying to find something to do. It's not as though I could do something useful if I were in CT, but I feel so completely useless all by myself in Rochester. There's no one here at all. I've just got a gig tomorrow evening and then I'm going back home. I was already feeling lonely with no one else in Rochester, but now I feel completely alone. I've spent more than two hours over the course of the day on the phone with M, who is still wonderful. But I haven't seen anyone I know since Thursday. One more day.

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 04:06:02 GMT

In the process of the complete cleaning/re-arranging/re-outfitting of my apartment in which I am currently engaged, the following exciting things have occurred:

A real sheepskin throw has come to dress my living-room couch. Hooray for the joys of TJMaxx sales and girlfriends who encourage such extravagance. It's VERY plush. And the notion of real fur on my couch makes excites me so. It will also work well on the floor in front of my fireplace.
I have found:

the power cable for my synthesizer, which has been missing for over a year.
a very important phone number which I was terrified I had permanently lost, having not seen it in more than two years.
many letters from Caroline from 2004 and before.
enough old NYTimes magazines to fill several bookcases.
a tiny but thrilling modicum of sanity.

I managed to shatter a large sheet of glass into evenly sized hexagonal flat pebbles just by holding it in the air. I'm still a bit mystified as to what inspired the glass to break.
I discovered that I do, indeed, have more books/scores/cookbooks (a recent collection)/papers/magazines/CDs/records/newspaper clippings than anyone who claims to appreciate the minimalist lifestyle has any business having. So much for that fantasy, I suppose.

I haven't the SLIGHTEST clue how I shall move all this STUFF to its new home in June or thenabouts.

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 21:39:02 GMT

Someone must've known that the book review is my favorite part, as this morning's Times came with 2 copies of it.
To those who were wondering, my lover (per 2 weeks ago) is now my girlfriend. And I'm as happy as I can remember ever being.
Except for the stress of my upcoming senior recital, and all that I still have to accomplish in the remaining less-than-2 weeks (at this moment, 2 weeks from now, I should be almost done singing.)
Anyone passing through Rochester on December 9th: 330 PM, Kilbourn Hall at the Eastman School -- Schubert's song cycle Die Schöne Müllerin.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 02:31:20 GMT

I'm so very happy. This is exactly, exactly what I needed.

Now if I can only find a way of instantly memorizing app. 2 hrs of music by Thursday afternoon, then all will TRULY be well in my world.
But things are very well.

Diana Damrau is amazing.

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 22:47:57 GMT

Wow. New CD. Can't wait to get my hands on a copy.

"was ich sucht, hab ich funden..."

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 10:39:49 GMT

I think I've found in M the very sort of person and potential relationship that I've been babbling about for the last 5 years. This is something of a first-impression, still, but a very positive one.
We had an extended coffee date this afternoon, during which she invited herself over for a bottle of wine and a game of scrabble after she finished work... at 1130. She was here until 6:05. No more details than that (I've decided to never again kiss and tell.) For now.

I have questions/confusions, though. Worrisome, that. (Could it be that my autoanalytical side is going to interfere with my ability to enjoy? That NEVER happens to me.)

(Does sarcasm read well in text?)

an update, for benefit

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 22:32:21 GMT

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Wed, 31 Oct 2007 20:17:04 GMT

This is two great fortune-cookie fortunes in a row.
Yesterday: "It's not the will to win, but the will to prepare to win that makes a difference." (Nevermind the grammar.)
Today: "Keep your plans secret for now." (How do they know I have plans? And that I always get in trouble for not being subtle enough? Ars subtilior.)

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 04:08:44 GMT

I change crushes the way some people change shoes.

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 13:57:07 GMT

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/11/05/071105fa_fact_grafton?printable=true

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 15:29:25 GMT

My brilliant moneymaking venture of the week: Die Hard, the Musical

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 06:02:46 GMT

Yegh. I feel as though the stench of marijuana and cigarette smoke has permeated my skin, such that i am forced to breathe it every time i take a breath. That party was definitely not my scene. Thanks, Jason, for telling me to come, but no thanks. Red lights and half-naked people trading in lingering drunkenness for highness? Lovely.
Amusingly, a fitting culmination to a rather miserable evening. I can't wash off the stench or the eye-liner. (My first evening in drag. I hate Halloween. I hate Zuza. I hate parties. I hate bars. I hate people who smoke. I hate people who think red lights and half-drunk half-naked people is a recipe for a wonderful evening. And I hate always assuming that people will treat me well even when I know that they never have in the past.)
Done complaining? Yes.
Goodnight.

Addendum, 10/29: heh. yeah. drag, for halloween. got that all out of my system, never have to try it again.

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 03:04:44 GMT

The Damages finale was... well... perfect?
I. love. this. show.

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 20:24:55 GMT

I just attended the most inspiring masterclass ever with baritone Håkan Hagegård. As my voice teacher put it when we spoke afterward, "this guy is the real deal." Wow. Now I want to be a baritone again, and dedicate my life to "my art" and such and so on. Also, new discovery, I have a sudden desire to teach voice. The idea always sounded so abhorrent to me, but now (especially after bexi's comment...) I want to have a little studio in somewhere near NYC-say, Yonkers or Hoboken-and teach little highschoolers to make artful noises.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 20:08:24 GMT

Choosing to get a Bachelor of Music degree can be officially deemed the worst major decision of my life. I am supremely unqualified to do anything except get another degree. As a singer, this is compounded by the fact that I'm simply too young to try to find work as a singer yet. Meanwhile, a recommendation has been made that I take a year off before doing a Master's and just work and take voice lessons and sing recitals. Jobs I've been looking at: UPS truck driver (this would be good for my upper-body strength, I think), temp-agency work (sitting at a desk and typing for too long a period makes me nauseous), high-end fashion retail (I would be a great women's fashion salesperson. Except that I have foot problems that would make standing for 12 hours a day a miserable experience, probably. But working at Nordstroms or Ferragamo or something does sound like fun.), Hebrew school teacher (extra money, but I'm not sure that the NYC hebrew schools would hire me since most of my knowledge is informal and from my own reading, but I do have two good years of experience, and the NYC schools are said to pay $$$), male porn star (okay, okay. but it might be fun for a day or two, so long as my parents never found out.)

Any advices?

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 17:30:09 GMT

It has been suggested that my return to regular posting here about the vicissitudes of my love life is an indication of a post-teen resurgence of teen angst (pronounced with a long a, like the Germans say it).

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 04:19:57 GMT

Lawrence Kramer, Franz Schubert: Sexuality, Subjectivity, Song:
"[The miller] does not want to intuit the infinite or unite with nature through love; he just wants to be loved by a beautiful young woman who also happens to be his boss's daughter."

I'm not sure why that sentence amuses me so. But it does.

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 01:18:26 GMT

...anxiously awaiting the results of the preliminary round of the Friends of the Eastman Opera competition...

...

...

...still anxious...

...dwelling on the fact that N is (1) GORGEOUS and (2) interested in comparing the Ovid translation she has to the one I have? too good to be true, right?...

all the while listening to recordings of French opera made in the first 30 years of the 20th century. I hope my Mab was good enough... I'll be endlessly happy if I get into the finals, but I'm up against a lot of MMs and DMAs as well... I hate being young (when, until now, have I ever thought of 21 as young?!)...

...waiting.

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 14:31:23 GMT

An amusing notion:

A SCOTUS expert on the Diane Rehms show this morning, discussing the court in a possible Democrat-president future:
"If Hillary Clinton wins the presidency in '08, I think she'll nominate Barack Obama to the court. He's an unassailable nominee, and it's a Machiavellian masterstroke, getting him out of the way!"

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 02:19:23 GMT

She made a very odd joke about her being Don Giovanni during dinner.
I'm still trying to figure out what (if anything) she meant by it. Probably nothing.

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 22:44:12 GMT

Date in 15 minutes with the most beautiful student at Eastman.

Nervous.

Another day in the life of "Your Too Young to Sing That"

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 01:15:57 GMT

The life of a pre-30s singer is about waiting.
Tonight was the annual seminar about summer programs. The basic message of the seminar: "None of you are ready to audition for any of this."
Yet! A sparkling review in the Times this morning of the Met debut of a mid-20s mezzo, recent J-ard grad. There are always exceptions. Query: can you still have a huge international career if you're not one of the exceptions?

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 03:04:12 GMT

This job at the reference desk on Wednesday evenings is turning into the best time for meeting women. This evening, I had a fantastic conversation with a stunning Iranian-born pianist (did I mention exotic?) about old books and other things. She said we should hang out sometime, and promptly sent me a long message about the 1920s journal we were discussing on facebook.
She's a fantastic pianist, too.

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 00:43:26 GMT

"Abraham H. Foxman, national director of the Anti-Defamation League, said Mr. Bollinger’s speech was counterproductive.

'If you invite someone, you have to be polite,” he said. “Ahmadinejad scored points, especially in their culture. If you permit an enemy to come into your home, you still treat him with dignity and respect. Therefore, we lost. The points that President Bollinger made were fine. But to close with insulting words almost undid everything he said before. It was not a good teaching experience.'"
-NYTimes

Precisely what I've been thinking.

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 23:08:15 GMT

My sister was among the thousands protesting at Columbia today. Her living in NYC is beginning to make me feel terribly left out...