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[20 Jan 2008|10:49pm]
I have a new account because i am so sick of this one.
if you would like to continue reading my ramblings,
add me on       lack0f_color
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[17 Jan 2008|11:18pm]
so  i went to this website and it has you pick colors in order of how much they appeal to you. and then afterwards it claims to be able to tell you about your personality and whatever. this is what i got

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what  you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.
 

its pretty dead on, and weird. try it this is the website... let me know how it works.
http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm
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[15 Jan 2008|08:58pm]
 so, theres this theory, it's called the messiah complex. it's so intriguing and at the same time it feels very destructive.It has to do with thinking, hoping, believing that things can and will get better. at home, at school, in the world. leading right to disappointment. I don't know when everyone lost touch with human feelings and relationships. It seems that people are so caught up in their own life, thoughts, problems. To busy to even notice the beauty of nature. the beauty of human relationships. not some shitty conversation over facebook, myspace, aim, hotmail etc. They don't look at the big picture; having a home, a constant supply of food, the family, the friends, the fact that they have every possible tool they need to live. I don't know when the word successful changed its definition to having a big house, a bmw, a job that keeps you away. Sometimes I think we need to escape our elements to see. not just to look, but to see . not just to hear, but to listen. not just to feel, but to love.
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[13 Jan 2008|12:04am]
 so, its january - already. and the school year is almost over. I'm terrified of highschool coming to an end. not that i don't want it to be over, i don't even like most of the kids in my school, but its just that its the end to a part of my life. Something I can't do-over, erase, or forget. it is now a history of who i am and who i was. the years just keep going by. theres nothing you can do to stop them. and yeah i know, I'm still young, but i just keep getting older. as easy of a concept it is to grasp, i don't even want to reach for it. I'm not ready to grow up.
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[19 Nov 2007|11:58pm]

 Our Generation has had no Great war,
no Great Depression.
Our war is spiritual.
Our depression is our lives.

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[08 Jul 2007|03:43am]

alone with her plastic cup
her beautiful mixture of alcohol and luck
hoping this may be the night
to find her new temporary delight
but we all know that when daylight comes
all her feelings will be surpressed and numbed
get over it, get over it, just another lonely night
fight it off, fight it off, soon it will be light

we wonder around the stars
sipping cups in the empty bars
hoping, hoping that there may be something worth while
I close my eyes and pretend to dial
that number that I hold so dear
that voice that was so near
please pick up, pick up your phone
don't let me be all alone
your voice may succomb the cries
please deny all these lies
we were so close, don't let this beauty die
close your eyes, and give this another try
sip it down, drink it away
the fears that are casted by the day
the past doesn't matter
and the people will always gather
love was always our secret song
don't pretend, you knew this all along.
summer will refresh those couragous thoughts
bring back the butterflies and the tickling knots





the love songs keep playing in my head
the tune is there, but the lyrics are misread
alone, alone she cries, again and again he tries
nothing ever happens right, there is never a flight
love is limited by gravity, the heart is just another cavity
i want to escape from the realm,  but his thoughts have cought me from my helm
they keep bringing me, bringing me down
sewed around me like  a disappointing gown
cut me loose, untie my dreams
let go of me, unhand my seams





the words keep playing in her head
it hurts her so much, like a peircing needle and thread
alone, alone she cries
together, together we die
nothing can hold us from falling
no parachute, no legs, just keep crawling
wait til we cross that finish line
you've got an ace, I'm left with a nine
cause alone, alone I cry
and together, together we die
because our dreams are slowly fading
and the restrictions make these thoughts forbading
but I want to get out of this prison alive
I want to cut the noose and let go of the knive
bring back my hope, bring back my trust
I give up on love, I buy into lust
no more lonely nights, no more hopekess cries
thank god that my heart will slowly die



... what happens when you're drunk and attempt poetry

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[13 Jun 2007|01:41pm]

its funny how everything is misunderstood
and how nothing really is what it seems.


even shooting stars are just rocks

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heres what i think [21 Apr 2007|03:49pm]
everything, i mean everything is related and intertwined between each other. it'll all make sense some how. whether we notice it or not. its all there. we all coexist. enemies and foes.
does this make sense? maybe not to you.
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Just want to be free, from the confines of gravity [22 Mar 2007|10:42pm]
I remember when I actually thought it was cool to fit in. boy was i wrong. What was I thinking when I thought you guys were actually intelligent, mature people? Since when has everyone around me become such products? I don't think of you anymore then a product. Just another high school adolescent looking to the media to help them fit in and be mediocre. To fit into the mold created years and years ago. we're all so insignificant. just a dot in the timeline of this 'universe'. With minor knowledge about the world that surrounds us.

I wish I could dive into the deepest parts of the ocean, swim with the beasts and hide with their prey. I wish I could stay in the rainforest and fly with the birds. Just to get a slight understanding. just to get a slight glimpse  of freedom, if there is such a thing. 

basically, i can't wait to get out of this highschool bullshit and experience life. To learn. to love. to understand.


I read so i can be in complete denial of reality and society. and how that everything we feel and think, we are taught to do so. our whole lives are marketing tools. every problem we have has been thought out and developed into some product that can fix it. everything we're taught to believe, is a lie. There is no god. There is no freedom. These is no hope. There is no such thing as love.
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HIGH SCHOOL. [08 Feb 2007|06:58pm]

I've been feeling down
I've been looking round the town
For somebody just like me
But the only ones I see
Are the dummies in the window
They spend their money on clothes
It saddens me to think
That the only ones I see are mannequins
Looking stupid, being used and being thin
And I don't know why I hang around with them

The way they act, I'd rather be fat than be confused
The way they act, I'd rather be fat than be confused
Than be me in a cage
With a bottle of rage
And a family like the mafia

I've been feeling blue
And I don't know what to do
And I never get a thrill
And they threw me out of school
'Cause I swore at all the teachers
Because they never teach us
A thing I want to know
We do Chemistry, Biology and Maths
I want Poetry and Music and some laughs
And I don't think it's an awful lot to ask

So won't you please get up off your knees, and let me go
So won't you please get up off your knees, and let me go
Cause I'm here in a cage
With a bottle of rage
And a family like the mafia


[BELLE&SEBASTIAN]

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[02 Oct 2006|09:29pm]

oh my skillz at photoshop.
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FRIENDS ONLY. [28 May 2005|05:04pm]
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