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|Monday, February 10th, 2014|
|Re-reading old entries inspires new ones.
I'm approaching a lot of anniversaries now. It's hard to believe a year has passed already in some ways, but in other ways it almost feels like I've always been living like this.
I read the entry from last year's Inferno Kickoff. I was so new then. I remember Paul took me completely under his wing and introduced me to everyone. That was the night I met Joakim and Dan, and a lot of the people who would turn into very good friends. It seemed surreal at the time, and in my entry about it, I called it a "really good weekend". Reading the description though it just reminds me of "random Saturday" now. Which I am assuming is a very good thing.
I get choked up when I try reading about the abuse. I'm still working on putting it behind me, but I'm doing better. No more panic attacks, ever. Fewer nightmares. I cried for the first time (that wasn't from laughter) last Sunday when I was having mood swings. It happens when it's near the end of my treatment (I am due for one tomorrow). Kenneth has very little experience in dealing with me when I am unwell, so he did what he knew from the past when I had bad migraines, and gave me space. I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted then, but I really appreciated the thought. Not sure if I wanted company then either. After re-logic-izing myself back into my head with the help of a dear friend via chat, Ken kind of pseudo-forced me out of the house to my work's (late) holiday party. I ended up having a really good time, I'm really fond of my colleagues, and I told Kenneth how much I appreciated his little push.
I'm not sure what's happening with my treatments. I'm meeting with the doctor tomorrow to discuss. The surgeons also apparently made an appointment with me but didn't let me know. I don't want surgery now. Not when this works. Yeah I'm weird for a week, but 9 good weeks out of ten is worth it.
I've been a little cranky because I'd been working so much and missing spending weekends with Ken. He's been going out and having fun and I've been up all night working my ass off, and we'd meet on the bus home in totally different moods. We do get our time together, then I un-crank. Living with someone and spending time with someone isn't the same thing. Last night was the same, he was kind of drunk, I was completely exhausted and wanting to sit down, and when we got off the bus, the weather was about one degree, so all the snow was slushy and fluffy, and we had ourselves a snowball fight. It was hilarious. Today we hung out at home, movie, ice cream, soda, and snacks. We really eat incredibly healthfully during the week, I home-make raw protein bars and force-feed lots of veg and lean meat, but we totally cheat on the weekends. It's ok.
I control-gained a little weight to help build muscle. Nothing severe, my clothes all still fit, but going to the gym at least 2 times a week plus my quick home workouts (squats, yoga), I'm starting to feel really good in my body. I'm starting to feel and look strong. I look forward to building more strength, Ken is coaching me.
I still need to post my what happened. It will be cathartic. But it's late, I'm tired and happy, and I have to get a massive needle stuck in my hip in the morning. I should go enjoy sleeping on my tummy for the last time in a week or two.
|Friday, May 10th, 2013|
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
|Wednesday, January 6th, 2010|
|Sunday, May 31st, 2009|
By the way, that was:
Blood Red Throne, Portishead, Arcturus, Solefald, Tom Waits, Taake, Turisas, Porcupine Tree, Massive Attack, Sahg, Glittertind, Lumsk, Thyrfing, In the Woods..., Ajattara, Asmegin, a photo of what was originally Einstürzende Neubauten, Stolen Babies, Bak de Syv Fjell, and Carpathian Forest.
|Thursday, May 28th, 2009|
|Everyone's doing it...
Open your itunes / winamp player.
Put to shuffle mode.
Find pictures of the first 20 artists. If repeated, skip it.
Have your friends list guess the 20 artists.( Read moreCollapse )
|Wednesday, December 10th, 2008|
|Thursday, January 31st, 2008|
|The ridiculous things I hear...
I used to do this when I was in high school... randomly sharing something I overheard in class... and a young lady in one of my courses as inspired me to share words of sheer brilliance again... ready...
Professor: "What are some red-light environmental hazards?"
Brilliant girl: "...uhm... something about recycling?!"
But wait theres more...
Professor: "What were factories during the industrial revolution powered by?"
Girl who was correct: "Water"
Brilliant girl: (enthusiastically) "Solar!!!"
The professor then nearly lost all hope in humanity then. Current Mood: calm
|Saturday, January 26th, 2008|
|Saturday, May 12th, 2007|
I was going to write someting witty and sentimental here, but I not only lost my train of thought entirely... I also changed my mind about the post all together. Live journal is poop. Current Mood: blah
|Saturday, April 14th, 2007|
Last night I had a very vivid dream about dolphins and Dimmu Borgir.
That is all.
|Thursday, March 8th, 2007|
I need a hug. Current Mood: blah
|Tuesday, February 20th, 2007|
So I was at Eric's last night and all of a sudden my throat starts hurting, and then I went home and went to bed, and I woke up and my throat hurt more, and then I started getting a fever and feeling like shit, and he offered to take me to the hospital, and we went and it turns out... I HAVE MONO... wtf? Who gave me mono? But yeah, they hooked me up to a saline drip and we were just chilling out and talking about life, but dude... I have mono... wtf? Current Mood: sick?
|Wednesday, February 7th, 2007|
I got a parking ticket today for "blocking cars"... it's only $15, but still... the UML police should pay me $15 for having to park in their ass backwards riverside lot... wtf... like... 2/3 of the lot sucks to park in because the only way out is to... back out... for a long time and fuck that. I pulled into one of their ass backwards weird angle spots, 4 minutes until class starts, and they ticket me. Fuck you, UML police. I wouldn't have been running late if they fucking told me they were digging a hole on 110/113 and I had to turn all the fuck the way around and drive to New Hampshire to get on 495 because they are lame. Ugh. AND... every night the power has been going out, and it went out last night for a second, and it just went out like... an hour ago... and it's not back... luckily only half my apartments power is out... the kitchen is on, but the bathroom and half the living room are not... so no tv... but luckily my heat is still on. Last night when the power went out it reset the thermostat to I think 50 degrees F... and waking up was not plesant.
On a happier note, I started working out (now I'm kind of addicted), and I broke my romantic dry spell... finally... *sigh*... veldig bra...
Ok I need to make food. Current Mood: drained
|Monday, February 5th, 2007|
|Sunday, February 4th, 2007|
|Saturday, January 27th, 2007|
I've been trying to get rid of the burnt popcorn smell in my apartment all day. Open window, fan, 4 sticks of incense, wtf??? And FYI popcorn people... when you say "Popcorn will finish in about 3 minutes, and I put it in for 2 minutes at 20 seconds, I don't expect to open my microwave to find the inferno. Fucktards. Current Mood: cranky
|Monday, December 25th, 2006|
|holidays of horror
Everyone must go see The Holiday. Seriously. It's probably the cutest movie ever made. I still hate Christmas... because it's the holiday in which all the world shuts down, except Chinese food places. And when everywhere in the world is closed, and I have no choice but to eat it, my body decides that it hates me and the MSG takes hold, and I become lethargic, and pass out, to find myself waking up 5 hours later, completely fucked because I need to wake up really fucking early tomorrow for a belated christmas thinger with the family. On top of that, I had a dream with a past lover in it, who I haven't thought of in a while and now I can't stop thinking and that's quite irriating. Probably all the movie sappiness and gorgeous european guys. On a less depressing note, I love my new camera, and I fixed my earrings. Hooray. Current Mood: cranky
|Tuesday, December 19th, 2006|
I have the flu. Lucky me. Finals week. Hooray. Anyone wanna hook me up with a saline drip? Current Mood: sick
|Sunday, December 3rd, 2006|
|Is it possible?
Yes it is, I'm still happy. I had an absolutely amazing night last night with Alex. It was so good that I am completely unscathed by the information that I have a lesion on my liver. It's benign, but still... a lesion nonetheless... and I'm in such a happy-go-lucky mood that I'm all "hey, if it gets bad, I'll have it cut out and it will grow back... whatever"... yeah... that's how happy I am. But yeah... we slept from 11 last night until 12 today... so I've been lagging. I feel like butt. There are rowdy drunk people outside. Why do drunk girls feel obligated to scream "WOOOOO" at the top of their lungs? Are they retarded? Is it like when I get alcohol in me I become more metal... they just become retarded. Yeah. I have heartburn :(. Yeah... no more post. Current Mood: chill
|Wednesday, November 29th, 2006|
|I am even happier.
Beautiful, blissful day. I have a constant smile on my face. Happiest I've been in the longest time. I'm so full of positive energy right now... as well as exhaustion. Being that I'm about to go asleep lets me know it's not a dream. It certainly feels like one. And I certainly feel like the luckiest woman alive. Current Mood: ecstatic