|| pissed the fuck off!!!!!
I have every reason to be as drunk as I am right now, as I write this. Yes, I admit, on several occasions I get totally "pussed" for no apparent reason, but why does anybody these days anyways? BUT!!! This time, I have a cause, a real reason. It might not be a good one, but at this point, I couldn't give two shits. Why praytel am I speaking so aggressively and passively? I'll answer. WAL*MART, THE CORPORATE SHIT HOLE OF ALL SHIT HOLES FIRED ME!!!! I can't fucking believe it. They used and treated me like their bitch for a whole year and a half, and what do they do....FUCK ME OVER BIG TIME! Now I'll admit, in this past year and half I bitched incessantly about the place. Honestly, I hated it with every fiber of my fucking being. Regardless though, it is my bread and butter. It's what keeps me feel remotely safe financially. And since on the spur moment they terminate my employment, not only am I fucked for money, but fucked for a job...AGAIN!!! "WHERES THE FUCKING NOTICE!!!" I had none. So now, for the umpteenth time, I have to blitz and put out resumes to a shitload of places I know I will probably not enjoy the work anymore than the other, in complete desparation to make rent and pay bills and have food. They fucked me over so badly, and they don't care. I'm sure it's nice to be a manager and make that fucking six figures a year and not have to worry about other people's problems. FUCK THOSE ASSHOLES! I AM SOOOOOOO JOINING WAL*TOWN!! (A voluntary organization that openly protests against Walmart on their turf) See how much the fucking like it. I'm also taking them to the Labour Board for wrongful termination. At this point right now, I couldn't care less what happens with that. IT won't make things any better or worse. I just desperately need to get a job. Desperately. I am so depressed it's sickening. I've actually been sick the past couple days because I can't cope with this stress. Christ!!
I've really appreciate the compassion and concern and care from all my close friends who already know about this. They have been so good to reassure me that things will be OK, when honestly, I can't help but feel that they won't. As predicted, this fucking 2005 has gone to shit, and we're only what, 17 days into it. Can't wait to see what the other 348 will be like. My mom, who can be very annoying and penalizing at times, has been great. If there's one thing I miss about living with my mom, is how much she cares wants to help.
I feel like running away. I feel like taking all the important clothing, journals and posessions I own and running somewhere far away and be invisible. I dont' even have a particular destination, i just desperatly need to get away. I'm tired of there always being somebody telling you what the best thing to do is...what if what you do is the best thing for you, and others see it as bad? Why first of all should you care?
I dont know. I'm so aggressive and sad. I could just crawl in a corner and cry for hours. I won't cause I have to put out resumes and Idon't want to look like a desperate crack whore looking for work so I can support my habit.
For the record, I used spell check on this entry....so if anybody is suprized how well I spelled all the words, that would be why. Trust me, after a 26 oz of Jose Cuervo(tequila) nobody in their right mind would be able to type at all. Actually, just for a laugh, it took me...45 minutes to write this. I timed myself. Why not? I have no job, i have all the time in the world to do stupid meaningless shit, it won't make a difference to me or anybody else.
End of depressing rant.