I've decided

Mar. 28th, 2013 | 12:02 pm

I'm going to kill myself. I don't know if it's this week or this month, but by the end of the year I'm not going to be here anymore. goodbye y'all, it was fun.

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(no subject)

Feb. 19th, 2013 | 02:13 pm

I'm going to start updating this, I feel this is my only safe haven now.

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there are times when life calls out for a change. a transition.

Oct. 6th, 2011 | 11:42 pm

like the seasons. our spring was wonderful, but summer is over now and we missed out on autumn. and now all of a sudden, it's cold, so cold that everything is freezing over. our love fell asleep, and the snow took it by surprise. but if you fall asleep in the snow, you don't feel death coming.

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"I've never felt so free and it's so dangerous

Jul. 18th, 2010 | 12:36 am

the night was electronic, painted red with lust..."

I'm updating this week, I swear!

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"forget about your Monday morning,

May. 24th, 2010 | 02:13 am

we are never gonna be that boring"

I've been depressed lately...

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(no subject)

Mar. 12th, 2010 | 05:29 pm

basically, what I wanted to say was that I'm an attention whore, and I feel horrible about it. I'll let anyone do anything to me and not say anything as long as they keep on giving me attention.

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"this is an alarm call/

Sep. 4th, 2009 | 04:39 am

so wake up, wake up now"

after years and years of hearing people telling me I could do so much and I have so much potential, I'm hoping I can finally put it into good use. I want to become a biology major, with my career goal being a plastic surgeon. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I didn't realize for how long I've been thinking about becoming one, haha. the only problem now is finding grants and loans, and actually researching and deciding on a few schools. I know I fucked up academically, and I know it's gonna come back and bite me in the ass. I hope I can actually do something with my life, not just waste it and become another Welfare-dependent asshole. I know Nancy was so shocked to hear the news, haha. I just hope that in 10 years my life is in order.

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"time is only thing that can undo those things I said,

Aug. 12th, 2009 | 02:04 pm

I'm gonna have to wait 'till you forgive me in your head,
summer will come, but winter's what I dread..."

gonna start school soon, and I don't have any way to pay for it. I'm hoping to take a digital design, screen-printing and kick-boxing class, to really step up my workout game. I want to learn how to make shirts with crazy designs, and see if it takes me somewhere. I'm just getting nervous about the whole actually paying for it thing :c I'll add more to this later

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(no subject)

Aug. 6th, 2009 | 05:05 pm

I had a conversation with my family last night, in which Dan accused me of wanting to be white, I was ashamed of being Mexican and shit like that. I told him just because I speak properly, makes me want to be white? I honestly don't like white people, I've only had like 3 close white friends ever, and I don't speak to them anymore. I would never want to be white, period. I know who I am and I know where I come from, and being embarrassed of either is a damn shame, and I know I'm not. I'm just tired of my own family thinking they know how I am. I will never apologize or be ashamed of being Mexican. I'm just tired of this bullshit that they know is a lie. I think Dan is using that as an excuse for being uncomfortable around me because of my sexuality. I'm just hurt that my family thinks that I'm ashamed of myself, and I'm not. I hope I don't explode tonight.

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"to my bitches in the strip club

Jul. 19th, 2009 | 06:45 pm

shakin' they ass (I ain't mad, do your thing mami!) get that cash!"

been having an ok week. I'm not used to working out and my knees hurt really bad so I had to take a few days off, but I'm back and better than ever! I lost 3 pounds last last week, and I stayed the same this week, but I think it's muscle because I lost inches around my tummy. Gina's up in Ridgecrest with her grandparents, so I haven't hung out with her all month. her sister asked if I could help her out at the salon she worked at a few days ago, and I had no problem with it. it was super easy work, I just cleaned her brushes and combs and swept. it was just so nice to leave my house and have some human interaction! she fed me and she gave me 50 bucks, which is almost gone already. doing hair seems like such and interesting profession, hair says so much about a person. I honestly want to learn what makes humans tick, social behaviors and things in that area. maybe a class in anthropology? who knows?

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