||[Aug. 21st, 2004|06:02 am]
I didn't know my heart could break as much as it does now.|
I didn't know that there could be so much fucking pain.
I really thought I meant more to you.
I thought that after all that time you'd at least be there.
I didn't know that I could love you and hate you so much
all at the same time.
Nothing would have kept me from you, not in your time of need.
God I didn't know my chest would feel so heavy.
I didn't know I'd want to die more than ever.
I never really thought you'd just stop loving me.
From the second I met you, I never thought I'd be so alone.
I never fucking thought you'd just not give a shit.
How stupid of me.
||[Aug. 4th, 2004|11:40 pm]
|||||Dear God - XTC||]|
There's a knock at the door.
Who can it be?
It's our Heavenly Father..
Come to see Me?
What could he possibly say..
to cure my fallen tears?
Will he tell me it will be ok..
in 1000 years?
Will he look down upon my face..
and tell me all is well?
What will he say when I look at him..
and tell him to go straight to hell?
Will he remind me of his sons brutal death..
the one that forgives my sins?
How will I tell him that death was in vain..
because evil always wins?
Will he touch my cheek with sympathetic hands
and call me his beautiful child?
How will I tell him I don't like to be touched..
because I was the one defiled?
Will he tell me his angels fly in the heavens
watching over my every breath?
How will I politely explain to him
that I only long for death?
Won't he ask me to forget and forgive..
those who have treated me this way?
When I answer him "no" does that mean..
I go to hell on judgement day?
Where is the justice I so deserve?
Why do I live like this why?
There is no relationship that I can preserve.
There is no place to fly.
I want to love and touch and feel
But you Dear God created the men
that Hells bowels couldn't bore.
So with this thought I turn away..
careful not to make a sound.
Because God is there and on this day
I'd rather not be found.
||[Jul. 28th, 2004|04:39 pm]
Shall I compare thee to a summers day?|
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
||[Jul. 8th, 2004|05:32 pm]
Ya that's what I said.. "Bleh"
||[Jul. 7th, 2004|01:56 am]
|||||Naked In The Rain - Red Hot Chili Peppers||]|
Puppeteer who pulls my strings,
Snip them quick so I can flee.
Wipe clean this sallow frown,
Eternally I long to be free.
||[Jul. 1st, 2004|03:50 am]
I wish I was perfect.|
||[Jun. 30th, 2004|11:02 am]
Give me wings so I can fly,
The caged bird forever cries.
Give me beautiful memories,
Set my fears on fire.
Give me love without contempt,
This soul hungers to be pure.
Give me strength and dignity
To live this shameful life.
||[Jun. 1st, 2004|06:21 pm]
I need someone a person to talk to
someone who'd care to love
could it be you could it be you
situation gets rough then I start to panic
it's not enough it's just a habit
hey kid your sick well darling this is it
you can all just kiss off into the air
behind my back I can see them stare
they'll hurt me bad but I won't mind
they'll hurt me bad they do it all the time
yeah yeah they do it all the time
I hope you know this will go down
on your permanent record
oh yeah well don't get so distressed
did I happen to mention that I'm impressed
I take one one one cause you left me and
two two two for my family and
3 3 3 for my heartache and
4 4 4 for my headaches and
5 5 5 for my lonely and
6 6 6 for my sorrow and
7 7 for no tomorrow and
8 8 I forget what 8 was for and
9 9 9 for a lost god and
10 10 10 10 for everything
everything everything everything
||[Apr. 19th, 2004|02:24 am]
|||||Pretty - Kidney Theives||]|
What is your name?: Zeda
What is your quest?: To live again.
What...is your favorite color?: Black and maybe pink
Do you like Pink Flamingos?: Everything is pretty in pink.
What about Star Wars?: Hmmm
What would you do for a million dollars?: not *anything* but i'd do a lotta things.
I'm done. are you done?: Yeah, im kinda done.
DO you like cheese?: Yummm
Do you like duct taped wallets?: Cheesy but my sister has one.
Do you like ice cream sandwiches?: not really
Have you ever ran into a wall?: Not that I remember.
Do you know the muffin man?: that lives on Drury Lane?
Have you freed a giraffe?: not yet but soon...
Do you like cheese nips?: Sure but too fatty
What comes to mind? This questionaire is lame.
Elevator: What goes up comes down.
Lemon: this face i'm making right now
Light bulb: bright light!
bob: for an apple cuz it's healthy
The end, I can't believe I'm even posting this.
||[Apr. 13th, 2004|02:03 am]
|||||Turandot : Pavarotti||]|
What is it to be held and touched and loved?
Only so long can one go without these somber
necessities of life. Every day longing to be
free. Wanting to feel soft finger tips as they
trickle down each curve of the body. Needing
the passion that lingers on through eternity.
Longing to be within the grasp of love. Want,
is it so wrong to want? To want to feel. To
feel love. Love that is endless and timeless
and full of every guilty pleasure imaginable.
Soft lips pressed hard, knees weaken, the body
aches for pleasure. Pleasure, that for a
moment, will allow the memories to be set free.
To be touched, God! How harsh this longing to
be touched. Terrified and oppressed within.
Ravenous desire alive in each nerve, calling
out. Close these eyes and he is there.
Memories fade. Time forgotten. Bodies shared.