my last post was via the ljapp that i just downloaded to my iPod. you can only post, but i thought it would make it easy to post at home when i'm feeling bored & lazy.
right before i posted that, i was trying to download it, and my iPod kept asking me to verify my billing info. whenever i would get to County, it would say Prince William. I would tap Next. Prince William would disappear so I would select "Prince William" and click Next. Prince William would disappear again. I was yelling and mumbling and my voice was getting that cry whine to it, and ryan was yelling "calm down, whats the problem?!"
so i finally got around it by verifying through my laptop - no issues there. it downloaded fine, and i opened it to write a post. it took me forever to write a paragraph because i hate touch screen keyboards. i grow my nails long, and iPod wants them short. i wrote several funny things, and then the screen got stuck. it asked me a question my stressed mind didn't understand and then i pushed the wrong button, which caused all my anecdotes to be erased. i screamed, threw my iPod against a wall and started crying.
ryan was shocked that i threw it...i was a little shocked too. but i have been having nothing but problems since i updated to IOS 4.0 (as the kids call it) and my lovable iPod was becoming my enemy iPod. & i'm pretty sure i love to cry. i like to let it all out...i think i bottle stress like cherry Pepsi, because if i don't cry for a few days, i can feel it creeping into every emotion. sleeve = heart.
ryan pointed out to me once that it sounded like i had been teased a lot as a child, by friends. & that's when i realized i had been, by friends who i deemed "best" no less, and that was why i'm always ready to pounce. i've been called defensive more than once, and i hate it. but i also hate it when people discover something about me and then laugh at it. i suppose it is true, that the toughest exteriors are to protect the most sensitive insides. like bullies and all their problems.
i want to get better with age, not continue bad habits so i eventually become too crazed and insane to be loved. i hate ruts, and my life is full of them.
btw, i have invented a new pen name based on my character and the story topics i tend to gravitate to.
feisty fatale, or feisty for short. i am desperate for feedback, though afraid of it at the same time. i think i'm good and ryan says i am, but both of those people are so very very biased.
hellow palm tree
colder than oldness could ever be