I can't remember if it was yesterday or the day before that my boss called me from UK at about 8:20pm. Apparently he just woke up and its morning there so he decided to give me a call to see how are things. I realized that I actually miss my boss? LOL! Like, work is different without him. He is definitely a larger-than-life person. I am definitely looking forward to his return to the office so that I can have my pay. I am really really broke man. Never been this broke before. Hurhur.

It's Thursday today. Sunday is the last day of the Olympics. I really can't wait. Boss said if we all want to go have a beer on Monday night, let him know and he will join us as he will be back in Singapore by 6pm. So, most probably we are all gonna have a wrap-up party but definitely not as fun as the Euro because this time, its only a six of us working on this bullshit. Unless Hass wants me to invite Selina and Sandie from Starhub but I highly doubt so. I have no idea what's going to happen after Sunday. Am I suppose to pack up the computer and printer and get who to deliver it back to the office for me? I am so not going to carry them home and bring them back to the office. Also, am I working on Monday? All these questions, need to ask boss soon. On Sunday, four out of six channels close at 8pm. The two channels remaining closes at 2am and I have no fucking idea why?!!!... I just hope that I am able to leave that darn place early so that I can take a taxi and rush myself to the girlfriend's place.

I am officially deprived of sleep, proper food, alcohol, social life, friends, girlfriend, affection from the girlfrend, TLC from the girlfriend and the list goes on... Most importantly, I am deprived of that sweetest smile from the girlfriend the moment she sees me each time and of course, all the hugs and kisses... I am feeling very grumpy the past two days. It's been a long struggle and I am trying to maintain my sanity.

Lately, I feel rather flattered because of some things that happened. Like recently, I found out from an old friend of mine, that I am actually her source of de-stress. I was rather surprized when she told me that on MSN last night. I mean, we knew each other since KC times and we didn't meet up with each other until about a couple of months back? We only met up for drinks twice after so long. No wonder she's been asking me out for drinks. I really didn't know that I am unable to help others de-stress. It feels great when people actually tell you things like that. Then, we were on the topic of eyes... I was telling her how huge my girlfriend's eyes are and that I like it and also, putting myself down by commenting that my eyes are small and ugly. And she said that my eyes are actually nice to look into. Again, I feel flattered. Well, the reason why I feel flattered is because I always think that my eyes are small and ugly and it is also because within a week, she is the second person who told me that my eyes are really nice to look into. If you're wondering who is the first, you'll never be able to guess it. The first person actually made me quiver when she said that because as she said that to me, she had both her hands on my face and she was looking directly into my eyes and we were rather close to each other. Unfortunately, that girl is not the girlfriend. No, I am not fooling around. I didn't do anything though it may seem otherwise.

Actually, there's another thing that happened that made me feel flattered but at the same time, a big fat sinner. I only feel 0.01% flattered and I feel like I am a 99.99% sinner. I didn't know that I had the charm to make someone give up on a relationship of a couple of years for me when we barely know each other long enough. To be honest, I have never thought of being a third party and would never want to. However, unknowingly, I became one and I don't know what to do. I just know that I am happy and more than satisfied with my own girlfriend now.

Life is full of ups and downs isn't it? One moment, I was being treated like a nobody, another moment, I have someone giving up on a relationship for me. No worries, whatever flattering is not getting to my head. I feel that there's nothing to be proud of but I kinda gained back the remaining confidence that I have lost when I was being thrown away by someone like I was not even a piece of thrash or a piece of shit. Whoever that someone was, made me lose my dignity, confidence, self-esteem, pride, ego as a person you know. I had none of the above but when I finally woke up to my senses and realized that I have the girlfriend who was always by my side, I slowly gained it back but not totally. Because apparently that someone called me a poseur the moment she saw me and there goes my confidence again. Just because I was dressed differently from the usual that she always see me, she called me a poseur. That totally bruised my ego. She made me feel like no matter what I do, how I dressed up, I just don't look good at all. I felt like I have totally lost the ability to attract others.

When I decided to give up hope on that person and give myself and the girlfriend a proper chance together, I felt more confident. I realized that your other half actually have the ability to affect/boost one's confidence. I felt good about myself all over again, I felt confident again, I felt attractive again. I also realized that if you feel that your other half is not appreciating the things you do like dressing up for him/her and makes you lose your confidence, it's time to drop that fella and move on to someone else. Because no matter what you try to do, if that fella doesn't appreciate or like you for who you are, its not gonna change anything. At the end of the day, that fella just doesn't have eyes for you anymore. Simple as that.

Okay, enough whining. I don't know what am I going to do to solve that problem that I have. I just know that for now, I've got loads of work waiting for me to do.

I miss the girlfriend, I really do.

i'm backkk.

heh.

sniffles.

I'm back in the office. Saw my new colleague, Linda. She's 40 years old and is our office manager. Basically, she does all the admin work and takes care of the accounts and overall, the office. Finally, I got my namecard. Which means, I will need to get a namecard holder soon so that I can carry a few around with me just in case. Never had a namecard before. Feels rather weird having so many now. Two boxes of it man. I think there's a hundred in each box. Anyway, I will have to go to the studio as per normal later and I have yet to eat anything yet at all up till now. Feeling peckish and yet, fat since I've been feeding on junk food for the past week. Hurhur.

It's finally Tuesday today and I am definitely looking forward to Sunday when the Olympics is officially over. Had enough of all the late nights. I will need to tune my body clock back to waking up at 6:30am in the morning to come to the office by 9:30am. Also, I can finally have my life back. Need not coop myself up in that bloody cold studio every night.

However, I am so broke now. Been taking taxi back and forth and paying for dinner. Fortunately, I am able to claim it all back from the company. So I am waiting for my big fat cheque plus my pay cheque! Hehe.

So far, everything's okay though we screwed up the channels on some nights. I've been having a little fun because of Anthony's great company. I've kinda grown to enjoy it but its really very tedious work. I need to have full concentration and focus every night till 2:30am. It really tires me out a lot. Always falling asleep in the cab on my way home. Definitely beats coming into the office in the morning, sit infront of the computer till 6:30pm. LOL!!! I am so contradicting myself. Oh well... This is work.

Letter of offer from SIM came. Next Thursday is the payment due date and Friday would be the Orientation. Grrrr... Matthew and I applied for the same course so I guess we will be classmates again! Hahaha! At least I've got company. Won't feel so lost in a total new environment. Mixed feelings about school. Looking forward to it but at the same time not. Looking forward to it because its been a year since I went to school. Not looking forward to it because I can't imagine what is it going to be like working and studying at the same time. In the past, my school was full time and work was part time, now, its the other way around. I don't know if I can cope. Hurhur. Oh well, shall see how it goes.

All right, am off now. Sorry for the boring entry. Heh.

other than blasting back in time to the 90s where pop was POP,
i stumbled upon this long forgotten song.

jarrold, candice and i, under the same roof.
how fun!

i wanna eat a rock and shrink like alice.

Yesterday, I was watching the Table Tennis matches at the studio. I was busy during the Doubles but managed to watch the Feng Tian Wei play against the Korean girl. I would say that the Korean player has awesome defence because when Feng hit the ball way too far, the Korean player managed to hit the ball back to her. For a moment, it became more like Tennis instead of Table Tennis! The commendator was hilarious as well. Everyone in the studio burst out in laughter after hearing what he said about the girls being way too far off from the table and hitting the ball to each other.

If you ask me, I would say that Singapore won because of luck. The Korean girl was obviously very nervous as the camera had a close-up shot of her before she served the ball to Feng. It was a server-error that led Feng to win as both the scores were on par. The Korean player could have pulled herself together and not let the nervous-ness get to her. She would have been able to win Feng, seriously. Sorry to be a wet blanket but I seriously feel that Singapore will lose to China during the Finals. That's for sure. Wang Yue Gu's the worst player amongst the three of them which is inclusive of Li Jiawei. Definitely will not pin a single hope on the Gold medal for Singapore on Table Tennis. Be realistic people! LOL!!!

So, I sneaked out of work twice in a row. Thursday, I sneaked out to party. I've never gone clubbing in such last minute before and Thursday was the first time. It was also the first time, I am so casually dressed to a party. Well, as I mentioned, it was very last minute that I decided to go that's why I didn't dress up. I was supposed to be working anyway. I left the studio at 9:45pm and took a taxi down straight to 'Play' at Tanjong Pagar. The place was seriously quiet. It only got a little more pack after 12:30am... The last time I went partying was with the Giraffe mates at Zouk which bored me out totally. Play wasn't so bad. It was quite fun. The girlfriend doesn't know until I told her yesterday morning over the phone. She didn't say anything. She just hung up on me. LOL!!! When I tried to call her back, she refuse to answer. Even when I called her in the office, she didn't answer.

She got me desperate and panicking. I quickly showered and went down to her office. It was really funny when she saw me. At first she smiled sweetly as always, then suddenly, she wiped that smile off her face and refused to acknowledge my presence. I think when she saw me, she forgot that she was mad at me. LOL!!! So, I had to cajole her like a baby... Well, I absolutely behaved myself and am proud of it. Had lunch with the girlfriend before heading to the office. Managed to ease her anger during lunch. Which is good! At least I can go to work with a piece of my mind, without having to worry about her. Hehe.

Went to the office, submitted my $500+ worth of claims to Tina. Should be getting my money and pay soon. Woooohooo! Arrived the studio at about 3:50pm. Sneaked out of work again, met up with Ryleigh, Jeff, Casey, Erika, Iza, Iza's boyfriend, Calyn, Joelle and Louis. Joelle and Louis is actually Casey's friend. The reason why we met up is because it was Casey's birthday and he's finally 18 years old. Both Joelle and Louis are very good looking for their age. Anyway, we went to Dunlop Street to look for Jared as he is helping out with his cousin's Tapas Bar. The bar is super cosey both at the bar and the rooftop area.

Jared made me a Kiwi drink which tasted so damn nice. LOL! Its called 'Green Ice' or something like that. After that, we all head over to Acid Bar, enjoyed the live band and had another round of drinks. Left at about 2:40am. Shared a cab with Iza, Casey and Joelle who's going over to Casey's. Came home and knocked out. No, I wasn't drunk. I was just really tired. I just wanna have a day off from the Olympics, stay at the girlfriend's place and sleep throughout the day.

Though I just woke up, I still wanna sleep... Okay, am off to get ready for work. =(

I AM SO ANNOYED. i can't believe Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince got pushed back to July next year !!! just because they wanted to open during summer?! grrr wth! anyway at least there's still Twilight! okay this is so random hahah.  anyway! yay for Singapore! hope we get a Gold medal :D was watching a little of the table tennis on the bus home today hahah. and i finished Season 3 of Greys! must only start watching Season 4 after Wednesday! okay need to stop procrastinating and get to work !!! but i'm sleepy ): 

congrats maj,
you managed to get a P grade for leadershit which means you need to take one more CDS. and there's nothing left to choose from ah! jap & public speaking. eeeewww.
zzz. it wasn't even technically my fault ah.

I keep it all in..because it means that much to me.

Right now, as I am posting this entry at the Olympics studio. Its only Day 4 today and I am suffering from a very severe migraine and am struggling to stay sane. Last night, I only got home at 3:20am and I woke up at 9am this morning as I had to go down to the office to get some stuff for the studio and also, to unpack since we've just moved. Left the office at about 2pm and went to Suntec's Carrefor to get some snacks for the guys. Here's what I bought...

10 Red Apples
5 Green Apples
2 Bunch of Bananas
2 packets of ready-to-eat baby Carrots
1 big packet of Twisties, Cheese flavor.
1 big packet of Double Decker's Chicken Crackers.
1 big packet of Double Decker's Cheese Rings.

I realized that pushing the trolley and shopping in a supermarket alone is rather enjoyable? I thought I was going to be bored but surprizingly, I wasn't! I thought it was quite fun. Took a taxi and came to the studio. Did a lot of work. Ordered this 'Golden Pillow' thingy for dinner and fried rice. 'Golden Pillow' is this HUGE bread with curry in it. You can choose between chicken, mutton or fish. We had chicken curry. The fried rice costs $10 and it's so much! The lady told me it can serve 3-4 people but there were 5 of us and we were unable to finish it! The bread that wraps the curry is so bloody soft! It's the best bread you can ever find, I swear. We also ordered this prawn and chicken roll for side dish and everything only costs $31.90! Its totally reasonable. I mean, 5 of us, $31.90 and there is still leftover??? LOL!

The girlfriend, is the sweetest thing ever. I last saw her on Sunday or Saturday? Can't really remember. I haven't seen her since and what she did was, she came all the way to ST Teleport just now at about 10:50pm? When I came out and saw her standing right in front of me, I was more than just happy, more than just surprized. The best thing was, when she saw me coming out of that door, she just stood there with the sweetest smile ever and opened up her arms. I gave her a big bear hug and a wet sloppy kiss.

I guess I've been really busy and tired lately. When I saw her, I felt like all the stress vanished straightaway. I miss holding her in my arms, I miss the way she smells... I couldn't spend much time with her as I had work to do so we only saw each other for about 15 minutes. When I held her hand, I didn't feel like letting her go at all. I didn't feel like going back to work. I so much wanted to just go off with her just like that but I can't. I have a responsibility to fulfil. A heavy one at that.

I am so sure of what I want and what I need now. I am even more sure of myself. More sure that I didn't make the wrong decision.

Right now, I just can't wait for the Olympics to end so that I can have my life back, spend more time with her and of course, with my friends... Really can't wait. I'm deprived of sleep. Very much deprived. I'm deprived of my social life and of course, deprived of time with the girlfriend.

Okay, back to work.

  
  
  
  
  
  

On Friday, we replaced clubbing plans with Hong Kong Cafe, Wedding Daze, chillxout at Balcony where we had shots and finger food which the boy and I were secretly wondering how come the mayo was so fuckg spicy.. After a good quarter hour, I finally popped the qns of curiousity (and cautious at that in case I might sound fuckg dumb), "is it just me or the mayo is rly spicy?" N: "it's wasabi mayo, damn it".. Okay, I am dumb and wasabi mayo is.. damn yux pls.  Knowing the boy can't take spicy stuff, I suggested the wordy game (which he unfortunately suck at) and the penalty was to eat the whole wedge dipped in the wasabi. In the end, I was the loser. Gr8. Lesson learnt: Revenge isn't sweet all the time. 

It was almost 12am and KTV wasn't much of a pocket worthy option so we opted for Counter Strike instead. We spent a good hour battling, screaming and omg best, the boy and I owned them, with all credit to him of course! We played Mario Kart after and got home at 3, lifeless and dead by then.

On Saturday, we attended Nat's party (Happy B'dae Big Boy!) and Mario Kart again. Then we grew bored of it and moved onto poker, big/small (this was fuckg funny!!!), 21 and many others in our makeshift casino in the comfort of N's home. We stayed over and squeezed in discomfort. Nic and I talked till 8am in the morning... I've so much to say but I guess I'll save it. All my ♥.

I arrived at ST Teleport at about 2:30pm yesterday. First thing I did was to check my e-mails, send e-mails, reply e-mails and etc. Everyone felt peckish after a while and Bernard had to go get some blank CDs for his graphics. So we went to Clementi Central and got some goreng pisang, kopi and teh and also, some prawn crackers for everyone.

Anthony came at about 4 plus with ice box, packets of ice and cartons of Coke Light, Coke, 7-up and 100 Plus. Apparently, my boss, Hass had gotten all these for us and had loaned his car to Anthony while he is away. I was wondering, if I had a license, he might have loaned his car to me instead!!! Then I will have a car to go around for almost three weeks! Sigh... Anyway, Anthony is absolutely entertaining. With him around, you will NEVER feel bored. NEVER. He's from Australia and though he may be a bit old but his has tons of energy!

Everything was all right till 7pm onwards. That is when Starhub hand over their channels to us till 2am. Out of six channels, three channels were screwed up last night.

One of the six channels had frozen screen.
The other one was showing green screen.
The last one was in fast-forward mode.

My heart nearly stopped and I couldn't breathe. Thank goodness Anthony was professional enough to fix these problems within a split second and I was fast enough to switch the channel with the green screen to graphics. PHEW! Because my boss is overseas, I am left with the heavy responsiblity of the Olympics TV Production. If I screw up, I am going to be so dead. Starhub will come after my blood and so will my boss when he's back in Singapore.

We ordered KFC for dinner. I guess its going to be Macdonalds tonight. LOL! We can only order something that will be delivered to us as the ST Teleport is totally out of the way. There isn't any cafe/coffee shop/bistro/restaurant/7-eleven near us. Not at all. We are in a very isolated place. No taxis or bus goes there. You have to call a cab if you wanna leave that place.

So yeah, we stayed till 2:45am because we were over-running! I was so tired. Anthony asked if I wanted a cup of coffee after seeing my eyes were all blood shot red. I didn't have the coffee because I was afraid that I would not be able to sleep when I get home and I need to sleep!

Wanted to go swimming today but overslept and it seems like its going to rain anytime soon...

I miss the girlfriend. =)

JARROLD i'm your BIGGEST FAN!

You guys were awesome tonight.
Both of you should really make use of the audio room and record a set together!

Yesterday, woke up at 9am. Bathed and took a taxi down to my new office. Apparently it's not ready yet. Why am I not surprized?... Then went down to ST Teleport with Hass, when I logged into my e-mail, I had 13 unread e-mails in my inbox. So I spent quite a some time reading, replying and forwarding mails to the relevant people. After that, Hass brought all of us to the 'Colbar' for lunch again. Its at Portsdown. That place is actually called 'Colonial Bar' so 'Colbar' is just a short form for it. No, it is not a bar. It is a cafe/restaurant. They serve western and asian food there. I went there the first time and had the chicken curry which was really awesome. Yesterday was my second time there, I thought I should try something different. Like, sausages, eggs and chips. It came with two sausages, two sunny-sideups and a few chips. Sounds more like breakfast isn't it? Trust me, it was filling. After that, we even had ice cream.

Went back to ST Teleport after that and continued with my work. Hass left earlier as he had something to do while I stayed till about 6pm. Took a taxi to love's place as she was unable to decide on what to wear for the wedding. So I arrived at her place and she wore a few and asked me which is nicer. After deciding for her, she used the most suggestive manner(content too explicit!) and suggested that we should just stay home and spend quality time with each other so in the end, we didn't attend the wedding. Both of us didn't have dinner till about 9:50pm. LOL!!! I was sitting on the sofa watching the last few minutes of the Olympics after dinner, she went into her room and came out with a few shopping bags. She sat down next to me and took out the items from the first plastic bag. She bought me two t-shirts. Both have very funky designs. Then, from the second plastic bag, she took out a pair of chequered shorts, its like bermudas. From the third bag, she took out a black vest and from the last bag, she took out a scarf that is brown and white in colour from Zara.

I sat there, looked at the items that she had bought for me. I was so surprized. I asked her if she was trying to change my wardrobe for me and she said that she had wanted to go shopping for herself but somehow, she ended up shopping for me instead. She only bought a beach dress for herself. LOL!!! I was very amazed because the t-shirts fits me perfectly, so did the vest and what really suprized me was she knew my size for the pants!!! I mean, its not just the waist size that has to suit, the cutting of the pants as well has to suit. I mean, it can very well be too small or too big. But when I tried it on, it's just nice! Its not too fitting, neither is it too baggy. Even my mom wouldn't buy anything without letting me try it first because she's afraid that she might get the wrong size or cutting for me!

I am so touched that though I only know her for more than a year, she seem to know me very well. She understands me, she knows my sizes, habits, likes, dislikes... She really knows me way too well. Which makes me feel bad because to be honest, I don't really know what are the things she like or doesn't like, not to mention what size she wears... I should start putting in more effort into understanding her and getting to know her better aye? YESSSS... I should!

Okay, I think she's awake. I thought I saw her moving in bed. Gotta go. Gotta work later... Sigh.

when i say not to tell anyone, i mean exactly that.
is it really that hard to understand?

i wish for those metal mouth zip and padlock things to exist.
then i can padlock my mouth first.

but whatever, what's said (aloud to someone else, a third party, someone that is neither me nor you) is said.