| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2009|09:41 pm] |
Fucking glass fucking empty. Fuck.
I don't know if I can be in this for long. |
|
|
| Reality |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|12:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
I cannot and will not do this to her again.
It's not fair.
You deserve so much more.
I'm so sorry. Wish I could be there for you. |
|
|
| Distracted |
[Nov. 12th, 2008|07:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stars- The ghost of genova heights | ] |
I've been here before.
I fucking hate this. |
|
|
| Procrastination |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|11:10 am] |
I put the pro in procrastination. lol. On a beautiful day like this, you can be sure to find me doing something like the Omnivore's Hundred (Thank you Chocolate&Zucchini and Very Good Taste, you never fail me) than say starting my 3-credit worth Literature Review which is due in 2 weeks. Plus, this one's for you Michelle, hope this one entertains you well during those sleep nights in HK.
So... bold the ones you've eaten, asterisk the ones you are particularly fond of, cross out the ones you would never try, and voila!
1. Venison - pretty sure it was part of our cooking class, gamy indeed.
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros- I'm all for big breakfasts and all, though I don't know if I could stomach this at 9am.
4. Steak tartare- I enjoy raw beef.. in moderation, beef sashimi mmm..
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding- blooooood...
7. Cheese fondue - Geneva baby.
8. Carp - my parents were fish people
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush- love eggplants
11. Calamari - deep fried goodness
12. *Pho - tasty meals for a student budget
13. PB&J sandwich - may I replace J with more PB?
14. Aloo gobi- I <3 curry
15. Hot dog from a street cart- What's HACCP?
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle- I've never had truffle.
18. *Fruit wine made from something other than grapes - Plum, apple..
19. *Steamed pork buns- I miss China
20. *Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. *Fresh wild berries- white raspberries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans- spicy spicy
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper- I've only had pickled ones
27. Dulce de leche
28. *Oysters- Only the best of Belgium, hehe. But raw is good too.
29. Baklava- butter? honey? pistachio? what's not to like?
30. Bagna cauda- how did I miss this in Italy?
31. *Wasabi peas- burn baby burn!
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl - I ate the bowl after, lol.
33. Salted lassi
34. **Sauerkraut - the best one I had was from Prague because they put a twist on the classic with sweet apples. Tart AND sweet.
35. Root beer float- I was Westernized by A&W when I was a little girl in China
36. Cognac with a fat cigar - does..that..taste..good?
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O - I don't remember the details those nights. Yet to figure out a way to get those suckers out sans fingers.
39. Gumbo
40. *Oxtail
41. Curried goat- Carabana!!
42. Whole insects- never again.
43. Phaal- oh buffet maharaja
44. Goat's milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more- if only I could afford it myself.
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala- I want naan.
48. *Eel- unagi is my favourite sushi.
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut - I remember my friend bought me one after I told her I've never had the original. Good friend.
50. Sea urchin- more fun to look at than anything else.
51. Prickly pear- PA, you expand my grocery vocabulary
52. *Umeboshi- love love love! My childhood favourites!
53. Abalone - I'm Chinese. 'nuff said.
54. Paneer
55. McDonald's Big Mac meal - I'm not even ashamed of it. I was a regular at McD's when I was a (fat) child.
56. Spaetzle- grandma made the best!
57. Dirty gin martini- As much of an alcoholic as I am, I stil doubt I could do gin straight up.
58. Beer above 8% ABV - ew.
59. Poutine- hello? currenly residing in Montreal.
60. Carob chips
61. *S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin-...isn't..it..a.. mineral?
64. Currywurst- Berlin, baby!
65. Durian - We were forbidden to bring them into our hotel rooms in Hainan and Thailand, lol.
66. Frogs’ legs - I ate them without realizing when I was a child, then I cried.
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake- I was told I never had the full amusement park experience.
68. Haggis- It's not bad.
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette - It's ok. I ate them because my dad really enjoys this stuff.
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini- I like bursting the bubbles.
73. Louche absinthe- I don't do well with hallucinations
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill - negative.
76. *Baijiu- at 60% it's surprisinly the best, most fragrant alcohol I've ever tasted.
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail - buffet style, mmm!!
79. Lapsang souchong- well, I AM Chinese.
80. Bellini - it's the slushie I'm after.
81. *Tom yum- I <3 Thailand
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky- I'm particularly fond of the macha variety.
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash- I <3 Prague
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate- There's this darling little chocolatier up around Fairmount that imports world's best cocoa. Literally.
91. Spam - I'm somewhat surprised I've never had it.
92. *Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa- I've had regular harissa with fish and couscous from a Moroccan restaurant, but never the expensive rose stuff.
94. Catfish- I think.. probably..
95. Mole poblano -
96. Bagel and lox- again, Montreal.
97. Lobster Thermidor- I like it raw.
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake- tastes like chicken
26 more to go! Time for a culinary excursion! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2008|10:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chiodo- One day women will become monsters | ] |
This is pretty fucking pathetic.
Why do we always resort to such primitive relexes?
Grow up already. |
|
|
| Kick me |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|08:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | FATA- Chloroform perfume | ] |
I wish I didn't feel so... worthless, in comparison. What a beautiful thing. Who's going to be here to convince me that it'll be okay this time? Who's going to stop me from sinking this time? I can't help myself, I can't pull through on my own. Abandone all hope. Do you feel it? Give up and let go. I wish it was as easy as it may sound. I didn't plan for what had happened, is this what I've been waiting for? If this is what's going to save me, then why does it all feel so wrong? So close, within my touch; so distant, completely unattainable. I will never be. You will never know. This cycle is never ending, all of this is so fucking familiar. I can already see where the night ends. This is a habit that I can't break. I pushed myself here, come and watch me fall. If I don't waste the time to piece myself back together this time, will you understand?
Make me see, make me feel or make me stop. I can't be trusted, I don't want this.
I want to disappear.
I miss you. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2008|07:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit. |
|
|
| If you feel like dying |
[Jan. 27th, 2008|12:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Used- All that I've got | ] |
...aaaannd, there it is. Hello, I've been expecting you.
What the fuck, Cindy. So this begins again.
Sinking into this hole again, how comforting. Fanfuckingtastic. |
|
|
| Mad Season |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|11:50 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Nirvana- Come as you are | ] |
It's been a while, but I feel incredibly privileged....... and loved.
I will be there for you if you let me. It's okay not to be okay. |
|
|
| 别来無恙 |
[Sep. 1st, 2007|01:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 大地- 别来無恙 | ] |
So Montreal. This is unforgivable.
Idiot, when will you learn that it didn't, doesn't, will not mean anything?
Give it up. |
|
|
| Florence |
[May. 22nd, 2007|10:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Florence | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | FBTMOF- Should have stayed in the shallows | ] |
I think I've become accustomed to this lifestyle.. packing up all my belongings in a bag, and leaving everything behind every two days. In fact, I quite enjoy it. Not knowing where I'll be two days from now; never staying in the same bed for more than three nights; and none of the relationships last more than 48 hours. A brand new city, a fresh start... another chance.
... And I think I have figured out why I always desperately need to run away... |
|
|
| So this is the end... |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|02:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Brand New- Play crack the sky | ] |
I can't believe this is the end. It's that season when everything falls apart again.
Over and over I'm reminded of something that I've always known but never been able to face.
Torn between excitement and regret, I'm not sure how to feel. I wish things didn't have to be so difficult. Or complicated. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2007|02:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Anatomy of a ghost- Satellite in Fists | ] |
All these thoughts are so incoherently significant.
I can't do this.
(So close, so underprepared) |
|
|
| I can't believe the time |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|03:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Blood Brothers- Fire fire fire | ] |
Oh wow... how ridiculously appropriate. |
|
|
| Terrifying Serenity |
[Mar. 22nd, 2007|08:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Brand New- Millstone | ] |
So this is it, isn't it. As good as it gets. As low as I can sink.
Fanfuckingtastic. |
|
|
| THURSDAY?!?! |
[Mar. 1st, 2007|11:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Silverstein- November | ] |
Fucking shit. |
|
|
| If they don't put me away, that'd be a miracle |
[Feb. 25th, 2007|02:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Straylight Run- Tool sheds and hot tubs | ] |
It's kind of amazing learning about other people. A glimpse of a particular moment in their lives, an insight to what they are going through.
And you realize you are not alone....
Or unique.
We have such persistent ideas for what's ideal, but are we just a bunch of fools chasing the imaginary?
I've spend so long convincing myself not to give up, but in all honesty, I can't even be certain if what I am searching for is a reality. Older but not any wiser, blinding myself with my stupid pathetic so called courage, I should've foreseen the disastrous endings. I'm overreacting again. So much anger, so much frustration, but who do I have to blame but myself? Stubborness or faith, it was all doomed from the beginning. Maybe all these repetitive mistakes will eventually accumulate to something significant enough. Enough for me to see things for what they really are. Afterall, aren't we meant to learn from our mistakes? Wisdom or curse, I imagine the ability to reduce everything to its painfully simple basics. Maybe then it'll become clear all those that are unworthy of the effort, unworthy of trying; maybe then I'll stop setting myself up for spetacular falls.
Because I'm tired, I'm tired of searching, I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of holding on, I'm tired of being discontent, I'm tired of lying, I'm tired of being disappointed, and I'm tired of convincing myself it's for the best.
|
|
|
| Milestone |
[Jan. 30th, 2007|11:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Brand New- Jesus Christ | ] |
.. last class as an undergrad.
..........last final as an undergrad.
I guess this is all very significant, or something. |
|
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