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_wishforlove @ 2008-01-02T04:16:00

2008-01-02T09:18:00Z

new journal yayayayayay

tuniiit.livejournal.com

:) old entries on here creep me out, i don't know. add me, bye.

i am very bad at life

2007-12-29T23:42:04Z

i always have so much i want to say but i never have enough time to say it. this is driving me crazy, and i can't do anything about it except make it worse. i feel really helpless, and it hurts, and i'm hurting a lot right now and i'm trying but i don't know how to ease myself out of it.

i miss my babyyyyy

2007-12-29T04:58:09Z

days feel weird when i don't see kavi. i know that sounds dramatic, i don't mean for it to be dramatic but i always feel like something's missing. i'm a little more optimistic because i have a lot of confidence and security in us, i just feel a little emptier when he's not around. wow i'm so lame but i love this kid so much, he's my other half. i don't know, i just want him to stop being far away right now. this sucks. <3

_wishforlove @ 2007-12-27T03:37:00

2007-12-27T08:39:47Z

i haven't felt this sad and alone in so long and i don't know what to do :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

_wishforlove @ 2007-12-26T15:53:00

2007-12-26T20:54:39Z

i don't wanna be home right now. the idea of living back on campus is worse, i feel like for my own sanity i need to move somewhere and have a little more independence. :(

fjdksljfielsjfE

2007-12-20T07:07:59Z

stony brook has been sucking the life out of me this semester. i don't care about school, i've never been so unmotivated in my life. i really really really need a break or something, i don't know. i wanna be a teacher. i wanna work with little kids. it's the only thing that makes sense for me, i've been working with kids since 11th grade, and stony brook doesn't offer it. i tried the minor, it's fucking creepy as hell, that's when i stopped caring about school in general. i don't wanna be here anymore. i wanna go to florida, or like north carolina, somewhere that isn't here because i'm becoming such a waste. i feel like transferring now would be so dumb because maybe my credits wouldn't switch over or something, i don't know, i'm wasting my parents' money and i'm wasting my time and i don't know what to do about it.

i'm at kavi's every single day/night because i hate campus. i can't explain it, i know it sounds dumb. i stopped going to classes weeks ago. i'm more concerned with keeping myself happy because i've been really happy all the time and i don't want it to go away. i love being at this house, i've never felt so at home anywhere that wasn't my house, we put up a christmas tree and stockings and kavi freakin bought me a ring with diamonds and everything with him has been like a fairy tale, that's so cheesy i'm sorry but there's no other way to explain it, it's the most incredible thing i have ever experienced, supreet is like my best friend these days, kavi taught me how to solve a rubix cube, i'm obsessed with a shot at love with tila, i'm also obsessed with watching movies and i used to hate watching movies but now it's my favorite thing because me kavi supreet and vishal cuddle on the couch and watch billions of them and it's been so much fun. we bake like 3 times a week and we do crafts and the boys stopped playing poker and i never want this to end but it's ending in like 2 days. if things turn out the way they are planned to, next semester will be absolute hell and i don't want to deal with it. i just want to curl up in bed (aka futon) like i've been doing all day/week/month/semester and cuddle with kavi and watch tv and actually care about things that i should care about.

jfdksljfisojveklsFJ :( :( :( :(

2007-09-20T21:28:45Z

fuck this semester, i hate it.

i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it I HATE IT.

love

2007-08-29T06:55:09Z

kavi and i got 2 fishhhh and i think it's my favorite thing that happened all summer. i'm not ready for school and for summer to end, this was by far the best one i've ever had. <3

_wishforlove @ 2007-08-16T19:14:00

2007-08-16T23:18:23Z

i have so much on my mind that i want to say but i'm not and it's starting to affect me in a bad way.

_wishforlove @ 2007-07-22T01:42:00

2007-07-22T05:48:39Z

joan elizabeth cusumano i literally would not be anywhere without you in my life. you are the most genuinely selfless and caring person i have ever known and i have no idea how i'm lucky enough to be best friends with you. you honestly will never understand how much i appreciate you, i love you so much, thank you for being so incredible every single second of every single day. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

what else is newwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

2007-07-21T04:38:43Z

i always need to be doing something, i can't ever be alone anymore. it makes sense why things have looked up for so long and it makes sense why i've developed this separation anxiety and it makes sense why i obsess over things being okay and it makes sense why this one small thing affects me in such a huge way and everything always makes sense but in a who-cares kind of way.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

2007-07-16T23:18:01Z

things are never going to change.

_wishforlove @ 2007-07-15T01:25:00

2007-07-15T05:34:36Z

i over-analyze every single thing that has to do with every single person or situation or idea or memory in my entire life and i am soooooooooooooooooooo siiiiiiiiiiiiiiick of it but i don't know how to change. my mind gets the best of me most of the time. i know all the things i hate about myself but i don't know how to change any of them.

_wishforlove @ 2007-06-18T02:47:00

2007-06-18T06:42:23Z

i'm trying to teach myself how to take things one day at a time, i've always been bad at that. anyway, summer is nice, i spend a lot of time with kavi. he makes me really happy all the time. i miss him right now even though i saw him yesterday and most of the days since school ended, i can't help it, i love him so much, i have so much fun with him. today i went to tanger and did father's day things, yesterday i almost died because my car blew out one of it's tires and flung itself across the highway uncontrollably, friday and thursday i had work, along with every other thurs/fri for the rest of summer. work is really fun, it's long but there's a chance i want something similar as my career, who knows. i got are you afraid of the dark dvds and i'm waiting for my best friend melissa hernandez to come over and watch them with me. i start to feel lost and disheveled when i don't see her for a few days at a time, i can't wait to be roomates again, she's the best. i'm not seeing enough of any of my stony friends, it makes me sad when i think about it. maybe now i'll get a new car somehow and visit everyone. i don't really know how it's halfway through june already, i'm going on a cruise soon, i'm not even excited about it even though i know i'm gonna enjoy myself. i think we're opening my pool tomorrow. bye.

it's summer?

2007-05-18T00:42:43Z

my horoscope for today:

Sort out this issue that has been plaguing you and move on with your life, Tara. Things will get better, but you need to meet life half way here.

that is definately true.

blah,

2007-05-10T17:19:01Z

i am not content with things in my life right now.

nooooooooooooo

2007-05-03T20:43:02Z

it just hit me right now that summer is in less than two weeks. it doesn't feel like it even a little bit.

three and a half months is waaaaay too long to not see these people every day of my life.

after this semester, we're all moving across campus, and nobody's gonna be in 110. it's gonna be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo weiiiiiiiiiird that place has been more of a home to me than my room here or at home for that matter. nobody's gonna be in douglass and that's weird.

boo to change. i don't wanna leave.

just pictures.

2007-05-02T00:09:43Z

:) the balloons we got for dannnnn.

HOWWWW huge does my arm look though!

chris don't lie you knew we were taking candid pictures

aww craiggy and his award.

oww owwwwww

i don't remember when these were from but everyone was wasted.

ewww my noseeee

not a cool photoshoot though

chris?

this doesn't even count as a picture

haha this is gross but for some reason i love it

love themmmmmmmmmmmmmmm <3

meh.

2007-04-07T05:15:10Z

spring break is kind of relaxing and kavi makes me feel so incredible <3

his theme of the dayyyyy.

digging for fossils.

ehhh coloring

love this picture and love this girl

the dino head was making our grandpa joe faaaaace!

lovahhhhhh<3

at tanger :] ps we actually put 50 cents in this machine.

worst photobooth pictures ever though i get less and less in each picture :]
we took another set but they never came out of the machine! boooooo.

:(

2007-04-04T22:15:24Z

what is with everyone lately?

i'm gonna download a new ringtone after this.

2007-03-31T02:20:38Z

a) i took pictures the last two nights. turns out i really missed being obsessed with my camera.
b) where did march go?
c) justin timberlake cheers me up so much.
d) benedict next semester with my best friend melissa hernandez as my roomate again and we're bringing dan and greggy and craig with us.
e) my boyfriend makes me happy like you wouldn't believe.
f) spring break has begun.

wednesday.

lovahhhhh<3

yaaaaay you're not in caliiiii!

:] :] :] ♥

this is a good picture.

alright.

hahahahahaha

"our eyes are pretty! the rest of you are ugly"

lovelovelovelovelove

looooooooove hiiiiiiiiiiiiiim soooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuuuch

thursday.

i have terrible aim but at least dan looks good.

me and meli laughed at this for like twenty minutes.

so much love in one room though

i love these two more than anythingggggg ♥

hahahahah whattttttt

the end.

pictures.

2007-03-16T00:53:28Z

apparently this semester i like forgot i had a camera or something. i took pictures at dan's show the other night, and i found pictures from my birthday that i hadn't uploaded yet. it's been a while.

i can't aim.

really.

buttssssssssss.

not coollllllll!

hahahah

hahahahha

hahahaha

hahahahah

cool boys.

most talented kid ever thoughhhh.

HAHAHAHAHA don't ask.

really really really attractive.

maia's so prettyyyyy :]

ahh.

2007-03-14T00:49:53Z

i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of the drama. everyone was so mad at me for not being around last semester but what nobody realizes is it's this kind of bullshit that's pushing me farther away.

who cares anymore.

2007-03-10T04:36:02Z

i used to be such a burning example.
i used to be so original.
i used to care, i was being cared for.
made sure i showed it to those that i love.
i used to sleep without a single stir.

take me out tonight,
the ship of fools i'm on will sink.
i'm my own stone around my neck.
be my breath,
there's nothing i wouldn't give.

i used to pray like god was listening,
i used to make my parents proud.
i was the glue that kept my friends together,
now they don't talk and we don't go out.
now i've made this bed and i can't fall asleep in it.

never hit the brakes.
was no time to see,
just ran out in the street.

sure as hell paid for that mistake.

save my life tonight.
the ship of fools i'm on will sink.
i'm my own stone around my neck.
be my breath,
there's nothing i wouldn't give.

;(

2007-02-27T16:41:05Z

i don't know what i need. i just know that i'm not getting it from anything in my life and i don't know how to change that.