wirehead::entries()

"To whom it may concern, your reality is inspiring"

2008-10-09T18:51:09Z

The above is the text written on a sign that was hung in a tree on the Columbia lawn in front of Lerner Hall.

I had hit up the Thursday farmer's market for a late lunch and was eating it on the lawn. I had probably been sitting there for ten minutes before I noticed the sign. It was painted on a smallish piece of cardboard, and a drawing of a skeletal fish was attached to the bottom of it. The wind, though only a light breeze, set them both to dancing and spinning, so that it was some time before I was able to make out the words.

After that, I had a lovely few minutes in which my faith in humanity was somewhat restored. I sat in the sun, watching small children playing on the lawn, and pondered the person who wrote that message, the power of art, and the essential goodness of humans.

Then a group of three or four guys in Facilities uniforms came over to take the sign down. I tried to tell them they should leave it up, but they just said "It's policy, it has to come down." They took it down with a broom.

A woman who had been sitting on the lawn near me said that she agreed with them that it had to come down. "This is why they shouldn't allow non-students on campus, and they should do a bag check," she said. I told her it probably was a student, but she seemed to think that was very unlikely for some reason. "Anyway," I said, "it's such a beautiful sentiment. It's not a Coke ad or some political statement. Isn't that a nice change?"

She just shrugged. "This isn't the place for it," she said.

If a college campus "isn't the place" for random acts of beauty, what is?

I swear, I know it sounds cliché to say so, but sometimes I feel like I was born into the wrong world. People spend their entire day, every day, bombarded by the ugliest advertisements -- for TV shows, soft drinks, political candidates, clothing lines. Uncomplaining, oblivious. But something like this happens, and this is how they react? It's depressing.

To the anonymous artist behind this sign: I love you. Thanks for that moment of beauty and hope, even if it was only a moment.

I should do things like this.

(P.S.: The sign is now in my office. Facilities told me I could take it instead of them throwing it away. Now I just have to figure out a worthy thing to do with it -- I would just go put it back up, but it makes me sad to send it to its doom like that.)

i need a lab coat for Halloween.

2008-10-09T16:32:51Z

do any of you lovely people have one i could borrow? i don't really want to spend money on something i'm going to use once...

debt musings

2008-09-22T20:57:37Z

I had a weird thought the other day. I was thinking about the fact that so much of my income gets channeled into trying to pay off debt, and how there'd be so much more wiggle room in my financial life if it wasn't for that. I was trying to remember what I bought with the credit card and the student loan money that I am still paying for now. It's not like I bought a car or a closet full of Coach bags or something! It's true that there were a few more expensive things, mostly plane tickets as far as I remember (international plane tickets...). As for the rest, I think I mostly bought groceries, and paid rent, and ate out sometimes, and went to shows and clubs and museums. Pretty much the same things I do now. And then I realized that I'm basically supporting two people right now -- myself, and myself 2-3 years ago.

Which is then a really weird mindset, because I'm paying now for me-in-the-past to take expensive trips overseas to visit B. I'm not really sure I should be enabling that behavior. Uh, yeah.

That darn freeloader. ;p

I am having an argument with myself about capitalization.

musings on advertising

2008-09-15T19:56:31Z

new bus shelter, no ads (Flickr)

this new bus shelter was put in front of my house about a week ago. it's amazing to me how beautiful it was without advertising or graffiti. (sadly, it now has meta-advertising in that spot, a "your ad here" kind of ad.)

seeing it, i found myself imagining what the world would be like if companies didn't feel the need to constantly clamor for our attention and our money. if every blank space we encounter during the course of a day wasn't plastered over with ugly, garish, distracting visual clutter. and think how much cheaper products and services could be if the cost of all that crap didn't get passed down to the consumer!

now, i have a strange relationship to advertising. i think i notice it more, and am less susceptible to it, because i am exposed to less of it -- i don't watch TV, listen to radio, read magazines or newspapers, or even see ads on the internet (thanks adblock!). and since i live in NYC, when i eat out it generally isn't at chains like Applebee's or Taco Bell.

i'm a company's nightmare when it comes to advertising. if i notice it at all, i find it aesthetically displeasing at best, and actively offensive at worst. i have definitely been known, in making purchasing decisions, to consciously decide against companies who have annoyed me in particularly obnoxious ways. i often notice ads but then am unable to recall what company was being advertised, even a few minutes afterward. Pepsi or Coke? Nike or Reebok? Washington Mutual or Wachovia?

with a very few exceptions, brands and companies are basically interchangeable as far as i'm concerned. at the grocery store, i mostly buy the cheapest brand, the generic version or whatever happens to be on sale. for anything else it's a combination of my own evaluation of the product (including my emotional reaction to it) vs. how much it costs, and if i need recommendations or advice i read customer reviews on the internet and ask my friends and family.

it's funny, i recently had to call my credit card company to activate a new card, and they took the opportunity to attempt to get me to take them up on a balance transfer deal. now, the deal she offered me over the phone was one that they'd offered me online for some time, and i was seriously considering taking advantage of -- but i wanted to get them to waive the fee, so i told her i was kind of interested but wanted to think on it. well, she didn't budge on the fee, but boy did she not want to take "no" for an answer! in the end i'm left with a hugely negative feeling and am thinking i won't actually use that balance transfer, after all.

tangentially, i think this may be why i so dislike politics and am so disinclined to "follow" the pre-election lead-up the way that many people do. you may be surprised to learn that i have yet to see any video of Obama or McCain, and i'm not sure i'd even recognize McCain in a photograph. basically, political speeches are just advertising, and a particularly nasty sort of advertising at that. when it comes time to vote, i'll read up on their histories and voting records and read their stated platforms -- but i have no desire to listen to them trying to sell themselves to me, especially because i pretty much assume all politicians are dishonest and will say anything they feel will get them votes. as far as i'm concerned, it's content-free and annoying (because it tells me nothing "real" about the candidates and is also a too-blatant attempt to manipulate my actions).

maybe this is an introvert/extrovert thing; i don't consider myself a good judge of character (or at least, not of someone i'm not actually meeting in person), and prefer to make a decision based on facts, not emotions. i think that the only effect keeping up with politics would have is that i would be biased by emotional reactions to the candidates (which is exactly what they're trying to accomplish, after all), so i avoid exposure to that as much as possible.

i guess i just have a "pull" model for this sort of data; if i want to know, i'll do my own research, thankyouverymuch. i don't see an ad and then go "oh, i need one of those!"; if i have a need, i shop for it, but not otherwise.

is the internet going to change this business model? we're already seeing things like referral bonuses, Facebook applications, fake testimonials. "viral marketing" has become common parlance amongst the business-school crowd. but somehow, i don't see billboards ever going away.

which is sad, when you see something like this bus shelter and are reminded of all the beauty we're covering up. it's almost soothing, isn't it? so clean and modern. i was talking about this with squishyent and we came up with the idea of taking out advertising space in order to put art there. it's been officially added to the list of things i'm going to do if i ever become filthy rich.

ohshi--

2008-09-10T15:52:00Z

mmm, chocolate.

2008-09-08T21:07:26Z

a certain "Mr. Kollen Pollen" has written to inform me that, backed by the UN, Parliament, the EU and a grab-bag of other world powers, Nestlé has decided "to make a notable change in the standard of living of people all around the Universe" by distributing free money. two million dollars for my own "personal, educational, and business development". that'll buy a lot of chocolate milk!

Subject: REPLY TO THIS MAIL: mrpaulchristopher2008@hotmail.com
Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:30:56 -0700
From: "MU Interviews, Graphics" <graphics.muinterviews@oregonstate.edu>
To: undisclosed-recipients:;

Attention,

The Nestlé Foundation Inc., would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant/Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development, established by the Multi-Million groups and now supported by World Bank,the Economic Community for West African States (ECOWAS),United Nations Organization (UNO) and the European Union (EU) was conceived with the objective of human growth, educational, and community development.

The objective is to make a notable change in the standard of living of people all around the Universe (From America to Europe, Asia to Africa and all around). The Nestlé Foundation has been assured of highest organization standard courtesy of the United Nations.Based on the random selection exercise of internet websites and millions of supermarket cash invoices worldwide, you were selected among the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of US$2,000,000.00 (Two Million United States Dollars) as charity donations/aid from The Nestlé Foundation,World Bank, ECOWAS, EU and the UNO in accordance with the enabling act of Parliament. (Note that all beneficiaries email addresses were selected randomly from over 100,000 internet websites or a shop's cash invoice around your area in which you might have purchased something from).

You are required to fill the form below and email it to our Assigned Agent below for qualification documentation and processing of your claims. After contacting our office with the requested data, you will be directed to our payment center. Please endeavor to quote your Qualification numbers (NF-0145-6701-E-100-124) and Pin numbers (10636732NF ) in all discussions.
FULL NAMES:____________ADDRESS: _______ PRESENT COUNTRY_____
SEX______AGE:_________MARITAL STATUS:________
OCCUPATION:______TELEPHONE NUMBER:_______ NATIONALITY ________
===========================================

Assigned Agent - Mr Paul Christopher
Email:mrpaulchristopher2008@hotmail.com
PHONENUMBER: +2348053071382

All information is strictly confidential and will only be used for the
purpose to which it is been requested.
Regards,
Mr. Kollen Pollen.

... i just went to Nestlé's website and realized that their "brands" are comprised of two major categories: snack food and pet care, including cat and dog food, dog treats, and cat litter. o_O;;

it's so beautiful!!

2008-09-05T16:22:32Z

last month i paid the last remaining amount, along with $2.16 in interest. i fully intend that $2.16 to be the last credit card interest i ever pay.

Columbia Japanese

2008-09-03T12:50:29Z

sounds like i'm really in for it with my Japanese classes this year. apparently Columbia is well known for having one of the most intensive Japanese language programs in the country. i'm glad i decided to start over with first-year instead of trying to place into second-year; last year at Japan Society was fun, but it was way less work than this is going to be (and i didn't really retain as much of it as i hoped to).

i'm out $100 for the various textbooks, workbooks, and CD that we'll be using -- available only from the Japanese department, because they import it from Japan. the main text has no Romaji in it. then there is a "translation and grammar notes" for the main text. yipes!

we're also expected to spend 2 hours studying for every 1 hour in class, and that's between classes, not all bunched up at the end of the week. plus one hour per week in the "language lab".

whee!

other stuff

2008-09-02T20:12:06Z

so, life has been pretty good lately. the bug thing is under control, work stress has settled back down to a manageable level, adventures have been had.

on sunday i grabbed my copy of Good Omens and went to the beach (@ Jacob Riis Park -- Far Rockaway / Fort Tilden). it was ridiculously gorgeous. perfect weather, not too many people, water was lovely, seashells were collected, skin was nicely sunburnt*. this adventure also involved walking through an endless green field where the air was full of dragonflies. i vow to go to more beaches next summer. swimming in the ocean is one of my favorite things ever -- somehow, the rhythms of the sea make me feel that everything is going to be okay.

(*actually i am sunburnt in kind of interesting streaks and patches based on the places i couldn't reach or missed with sunblock. as far as i can determine, this is the ONLY downside of going to the beach alone.)

i watched Duck Soup this weekend, because election year rhetoric always reminds me of it. ("the last man nearly ruined this place, he didn't know what to do with it / if you think this country's bad off now, just wait 'til i get through with it!")

i've also been playing Okami, which is awfully pretty, very unique, a bit nonsensical and occasionally frustrating as hell. (this last bit may or may not be largely due to the difficulties of drawing things like circles with a crappy wireless controller.) it's either very derivative of, or an homage to, Zelda. it has more than a touch of the old "the planet hates tomatoes" syndrome, but that's okay, i LIKE sidequests and collecting shit. my main gripe so far is that it just doesn't give me enough credit and basically tells me all the answers to the puzzles before i have the chance to try to figure them out. oh well.

today is the first day of the fall semester, which means i've been wading through hordes of freshmen around campus. i kind of like the feel of it though, very revitalizing. it's neat working at a university, you sort of get the rhythms of academic life without so much of the stress. (also, i got mistaken for a freshman last week, and then when i went to turn in my tuition exemption form, the lady was all "you work for Columbia? but you look so young!" lolol.)

oh yes, tuition exemption! i am enrolled in Japanese classes here, since i figured i ought to start putting that particular benefit to good use. my first class is tonight! (total cost for taking a single semester of Japanese (that's one class, folks, even if it does meet 4 nights a week): $6259. holy ivy league tax, batman!)

in other news, i think i've just talked myself into doing the 35 mile course of the NYC Century on sunday. whee!

bedbug update and advice

2008-09-01T19:15:01Z

so, the exterminator came over on thursday and sprayed our apartment. he agreed with my assessment that we don't seem to have a very large infestation. we found several bugs in myself & flooey's room, and one in squishyent's room, but it was his professional opinion that roseandsigil's room was clean. ("this is the best bed in the house," he said, of my metal loft bed.) he sprayed thoroughly in all 3 bedrooms though, just to be sure. then we put encasements on all the mattresses.

no one has been bitten since then, which is 4 nights. i'm feeling optimistic. lots of stuff is still in bags and has to stay there for another week. if there were any eggs they would hatch in 7-10 days, so i can't declare us conclusively bug-free until we've gone 10 nights without a bite. i'm trying not to get my hopes up, but not being covered in itchy bites is definitely nice.

guys, if you don't already have them, i advise you to get high-quality encasements for your mattress and box spring. especially if you live in a big city and/or an apartment building. you can get them at bed bath & beyond. get the ones that are labeled proof against dust mites and bed bugs. this could save you from developing an infestation in the first place, and it will save you having to throw out your mattress/box spring if you DO. (they do not only live in mattresses, but it is the first place they will try, and it is pretty much impossible to get them out of it again.)

i'm not going to say "it can happen to you". i'm going to say "it probably WILL happen to you." these pests are a growing problem everywhere in the world. and they do not discriminate based on your housekeeping skills, personal hygiene or income level. they can easily spread from one apartment to another, or even one building to another. they can travel on bags, shoes, or even other items of clothing. they have been found living on many types of public transportation (including those wooden benches on the subway platforms).

we need a public awareness campaign about this, but people don't want to talk about it. it's like an STD or something. ridiculous. here are the four things that i've taken away from this whole process:

1. encase your mattress and box spring.
2. look for them in hotels when you're traveling, and take steps to protect yourself even if you don't see signs of them (e.g. don't put your luggage on the bed).
3. know that they are resistant to all over-the-counter pesticides. you do NOT want to try to treat them yourself -- this will cause them to scatter and will make a simple problem into a complicated one. bed bugs require treatment by a professional. in NYC, your landlord is required to pay for this!!
4. know that from 40-60% of people do NOT have an allergic reaction to the bites. creepy but true.

(a longer version of my experiences is on the bedbugger forums: one, two, three.)

bedbugs: we has them

2008-08-21T21:44:40Z

well, to my great chagrin, we've finally fallen prey to the NYC epidemic.

i noticed the first few bites a week ago, um, tuesday, and figured them for mosquito bites. within a couple of days the problem got worse until it became apparent that something else was going on. did a lot of internet research and tore the bedroom apart looking for signs, but didn't find anything except some carpet beetle larvae (harmless and common) and a couple of spiders. washed all the bedding and a ton of clothing (including what was in the dressers near the bed), vacuumed the mattress and box spring, wiped down the dressers and mopped the floor. still was getting bitten and thought i was losing my mind.

well, yesterday morning i caught one of the little bastards in my bed. not a full-grown one, a nymph -- all fat and full of my blood. in a sense it was a relief, to know WHAT was biting me, to have proof of it (because the landlord wouldn't be able to treat without proof). taped it to a piece of paper and called the landlord, who referred us to their pest control company. they're coming over tomorrow morning to do an inspection. once they're sure we have 'em (which shouldn't be too much of an issue, considering i've got a specimen to show them, but i'm a bit anxious because i haven't been able to find where the rest are hiding), we arrange to have them spray some scary chemicals, we wash all the clothing and other fabric in the house, and we put covers on the mattresses.

i'm hoping we've caught it early enough that they won't be too hard to eradicate. i did catch another nymph on the bed this morning but still haven't seen any adults, eggs or other signs of a serious infestation, nor are there any conclusive signs they've made it out of the bedroom (squishyent, who shares a wall with us, has a few bites but so far he's the only one aside from me who's being bitten -- apparently flooey either is not tasty or doesn't react to the bites, which is apparently common). best guess right now is that flooey may have brought them home from a hotel on a recent road trip -- he got back monday, and my first bites showed up monday night, so the timing there is fairly compelling.

anyhow, i'm trying not to lose it over this. last night i kept having nightmares about finding a huge nest of them, waking up itchy and turning on the flashlight to inspect my mattress and sheets (and finding nothing, as usual). today i am sleep-deprived, stressed out, itchy as fuck and depressed. i'm already kind of dying of work (i'm behind schedule on a project that is due when the semester starts in a few weeks), plus i need to be studying my Japanese since i'm planning to start classes here and should take the placement exam (the friday before the semester starts). and i can't focus on anything between worrying about this and being so itchy. i've taken some Claritin, which helps a little, but i still feel like removing all of my skin.

add to that an enormous phone bill (i went over my minutes last month like a retard) and an enormous electric bill, and i just feel like curling up in a ball for a few weeks. argh.

more on the Christians

2008-08-12T19:44:34Z

[from my twitter earlier: "Ugh, ambushed by christians. they wanted to prove to me that the bible says god is also female?"]

(pasted from AIM since i'm at work)

wirehead2501: haha, funny christians
wirehead2501: Eddie says they're some strange Korean cult
wirehead2501: they were all "can we ask you a quick survey? have you heard of the female image of god in the bible?"
wirehead2501: it transpired that they were using the "created in our image" passage ... uh, what is it? "and God said, 'Let us create Man in our image; male and female let us create them'" ?
wirehead2501: they were all "see, it says 'our'. why do you think it says 'our'?"
wirehead2501: and i said "isn't that just the royal 'we'?"
wirehead2501: "the what?" they said. well, they didn't speak English very well.
wirehead2501: it's just hilarious, because i'm like, sure, God is female. also male. if you insist on trying to apply gender to something ineffable.
wirehead2501: "do you believe in the bible?" they said
squishyent: hahaha
squishyent: "do you believe in the bible"
"no"
"well, behold!" *holds one up*
"ok, I'm convinced. the bible exists."
wirehead2501: yeah, that was kind of my reaction too. "do you believe in the bible," they asked, holding it out to me.
wirehead2501: confusion of words and ideas and....
wirehead2501: just impossible to talk to them intelligently
wirehead2501: which is why i prefer Mormons, on the whole
squishyent: It sounds like some kids who found an interpretation they thought was neat, and means something to them, who are trying to spread their insight around
wirehead2501: well, it was just so circular. 3rd grade arguments.
squishyent: Except that to a Mormon, the bottom line is whether you "feel" that it's true :p
wirehead2501: by "do you believe in the bible" they mean "do you believe that this was written by [our] god". and then they say "it is written by god, it says so right here in the bible. so you should believe in the bible."
squishyent: yeah... (:
squishyent: I got that a lot when I was in sixth grade or so talking to my Mormon friends. "How do you know there are three levels of Heaven?" "Well, it's in the Bible!" "Show me." "Well, it's in the Joseph Smith translation."
wirehead2501: oh, i also pointed out to them that Eve was created from Adam's rib, and they brushed that off saying something like "that was just a prophecy."
squishyent: a ... prophecy? :p
wirehead2501: no idea.
squishyent: did you tell them about Lillith? (:
wirehead2501: i had better things to do than attempt to unravel.
wirehead2501: i mean, i was walking fairly rapidly across campus at the time, *eating a sandwich* as i walked. it should've been obvious that i was too busy to discuss religion.
squishyent: ahh
wirehead2501: best of luck to them, i guess. i support all heresies.
squishyent: proselytizers are not known for their overwhelming respect for your time :P
wirehead2501: i am not good at being rude to cute tiny Korean girls.
squishyent: I try to be very polite to religious folks (:
wirehead2501: we're talking *significantly* shorter than me, here. and very young (Freshman?) and full of naive glowing believing in something.
squishyent: ...which might actually be condescending of me, now I think about it
squishyent: aww
wirehead2501: or just wise, considering what tends to happen to those who are impolite to religious folks ;p
squishyent: haha (:
wirehead2501: i know! they were so precious. i mean. here they are, having "discovered" something just SO OUTSIDE the Christian framework as they know it.
wirehead2501: and from my perspective, it's kind of (a) old news, (b) still trapped within the same old box
wirehead2501: i don't know, it's weird
squishyent: awwww
squishyent: I used to do that (:
squishyent: find something new, and latch onto it, and just be blown away
squishyent: convinced that if I could just share it with someone else, it would Change Their Life
wirehead2501: i don't think i've had an idea of god to which such ideas were actually applicable... i mean, an idea of a god that *could* really be male, or female, or tall or short or blond or dark-haired or young or old.... since i was a child
wirehead2501: no, that's silly, it's god...
squishyent: "wait, are you saying god can be pregnant?"
wirehead2501: i mean, the awful *literalism* of it
wirehead2501: to think that god "creating us in his (or her?) image" could mean that god walks on two legs and has five fingers on each hand
wirehead2501: i prefer to think it means that we can create, imagine, dream, hope, plan, see the future... which no mere animal can do

taboo topics

2008-08-04T23:06:01Z

this is pretty interesting: creditcards.com conducted a poll and found that people are less comfortable talking about credit card debt (with someone they've just met) than about a variety of other topics, including the death of a loved one and their weight.

the question was: "Sometimes when people first meet, they're comfortable talking openly about some topics but not others. I'm going to ask your opinion about a series of topics. But first, just assume for a moment that this topic came up between you and that person during a harmless conversation. Please tell me how likely you would be to talk openly to someone you've just met about this topic."

here are the results of the poll, ranked from "most taboo" to "least taboo":

1. Amount of credit card debt
2. Your love life
3. Your salary
4. Your mortgage, rent payment
5. Your health
6. The death of a loved one
7. Your weight
8. Your religious views
9. Your political views
10. Your age
11. Gas prices
12. The weather

my own personal ranking would be more like:

1. religious views
2. political views
3. death of a loved one
4. weight
5. love life
6. health
7. salary
8. gas prices
9. age
10. weather
11. credit card debt
12. rent payment

so, let's see, at the top of the list: religion and politics. i'm not embarrassed about my religious views, but they're quite complicated, and i hesitate to get into them with someone i've just met because i don't know how they'll react. political views, well, i'm not really embarrassed about them, but i don't really have that many, and i am not great at explaining them. plus i'm not very comfortable discussing politics in general (i find them equal parts boring, frustrating, and confusing, and try to have as little to do with them as possible). and conversations about politics make me feel guilty because i feel i should care / be involved / whatever.

the death of a loved one: not easy to talk about and none of your business if i've just met you. (maybe it's just me being introverted, but i am very sensitive/emotional and i do not process these things by talking about them to people i hardly know.)

weight: i'm not embarrassed about my weight, but i am a bit embarrassed about my general lack of fitness, and then i am somewhat embarrassed that i care, but mostly it is none of your business.

love life: complicated and none of your business, but i can over-simplify and talk about my current most-significant-other in social small-talk if i must. (i noticed a strange thing about myself at some point: i will almost never mention someone that i'm dating in casual conversation unless asked. because i don't want to be defined as part of a couple when i'm just getting to know someone? because i think sentences that are about your SO and not about you sound overly-dependent and inane? (e.g. "my boyfriend thinks that blah blah..." == you are just repeating his opinion about it and not forming your own; "my boyfriend does blah blah..." == i do not do anything interesting, so i have to vicariously report the achievements of my SO; even "my bf and i [did something together]" == "i am not an independent human with my own life and interests".) maybe i am a little neurotic about my independence sometimes. ;p)

health: none of your business, not to mention that talking about your health problems to someone you've just met is a great way to be a colossal BORE.

salary: i don't really care but i worry that you might. plus it opens doors to conversations i'm sick of having: yes, i am making a lot less than i could be, and no, i don't need you to tell me that or try to convince me to get a "better" job, kthx. (actually i'd love it if more people were open about their salaries, but we're not there yet.)

gas prices? i don't drive and this also opens up a number of potentially nasty conversational paths, in which i might well offend you with my opinions about people who do (and people who hypocritically complain about gas prices instead of addressing the problem by changing their habits).

(common thread: i am embarrassed by practically nothing, so i worry about what things are likely to make the other person uncomfortable or make conversation awkward. (this is also true of modesty; i have almost none innately, so i tend to take all my cues from someone else. for instance, i don't care if my roommates see me naked, but i get dressed before wandering around the house because i know it would be uncomfortable for them.))

anyway. age? i don't actually care, but i feel like i'm supposed to, and i know other people do, so meh.

the weather? it makes me uncomfortable to talk about because i fear it makes me sound boring, because it's stereotypically what people talk about when they have nothing interesting to say to each other, and so i try not to talk about the weather at all unless i'm using it as filler while i try to come up with something better to say.

amount of cc debt: absolutely, bring it on. i'd love to talk about my debt, how it happened, and how i'm extricating myself from it. but, although i wish i wasn't in debt, i'm not particularly embarrassed about it -- i'm pretty good with money, and my current debt is the product of an intentional decision to live beyond my means while i was in grad school. so, sure, especially because i find it interesting to compare notes with others.

and finally, rent payments! i talk about this ALL THE TIME, and compare notes with friends and colleagues. is it a New York thing? i don't know. but not only do i not mind this, most of the people i hang out with seem pretty happy to discuss it, too.

so... what would your list look like? TALK TO ME INTARWEBS.

i would like to provide you with the following valuable insight into my relationship.

2008-07-29T19:15:41Z

[13:44] flooey: Guess what?
[14:00] _wirehead_: what?
[14:04] _wirehead_: ohgod what???
[14:04] _wirehead_: the suspense is killing meeeeee
[14:09] _wirehead_: and i have to go do an interview in a minute or two
[14:24] flooey: Hi
[14:24] flooey: Still there?
[15:06] _wirehead_: back now
[15:07] flooey: Guess what?
[15:07] _wirehead_: um... what?
[15:07] flooey: CHICKEN BUTT!
[15:07] _wirehead_: ...
[15:07] flooey: ::runs away laughing::
[15:08] _wirehead_: please tell me you had something else to say to me ;p
[15:08] flooey: That was actually all I originally had

in which i talk about my ovaries.

2008-07-11T20:42:24Z

i had egg retrieval surgery yesterday morning, closing out my second donation cycle. (the first was last december.) from start to finish, this one was SO much easier than the first time. part of it was knowing what to expect in terms of side effects, being comfortable giving myself shots, etc. but also, they only got 11 eggs this time (last time it was something like 27).

it made a HUGE difference in how uncomfortable i was for the week leading up to the surgery, as well as the recovery time. last time, i was super sore for at least 3-4 days afterward, and didn't feel back to normal for more than a week. today, though, i am hardly in any pain at all -- i'm back at work and unless i do something that jostles my innards (like taking stairs too quickly), i feel completely fine.

why the difference in the number of eggs? the nurses didn't really know; they said that every cycle is different. i feel a little bad because i'd like to give that anonymous woman the best chance in the world to have a child, but it's not like it was affected by anything i did (or didn't do). though i kind of wonder if my stress level was higher this time, what with moving and all.

lots of fluids and no heavy exercise for a couple of weeks until my poor ovaries get back to their normal size.

don't have much else to report -- i'm feeling just about settled into our fabulous new apartment. if i feel up to it this weekend i'm going to do the last of the unpacking and reorganize a few things... wow my life is super-exciting.

notapattern lives

2008-07-09T14:46:50Z

finally, we has internets at the new place.

my new apartment needs a name.

new york stories

2008-06-14T02:14:41Z

found this in an old "drafts" folder. there were pictures to go with it (lovely, haunting pictures of the deserted Coney Island boardwalk in the middle of a freezing winter night), but they were lost when i accidentally reset my phone.

Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 12:56:05 -0500 (EST)
From: (me)
To: (livejournal)
Subject: new york stories

the trees outside the subway station sparkled with fairy-lights; they were so pretty, in the cold, that i found myself suddenly in tears. he asked what was wrong, but i couldn't explain it.

i felt i was coming to bits, so i walked out. i found myself on a train, and then another: a Coney Island bound F.

on the street, i was crying again, without even knowing why. i huddled into a corner on the train, turning my music up loud, my vision blurring.

a panhandler said something to the car, made his way down it to stand next to me. moved by some impulse, i paused the music, was surprised to hear that he was singing to himself, so softly i couldn't make out the words. i toyed with the idea of giving him some change as the train slowed to a halt, the doors opening. "carry on," he said, so quietly that i was sure the words were meant for me alone. "take care of yourself." i looked up, startled, but he was gone.

somewhere along the way, i became convinced that i was going to Coney Island to get mugged. it frightened me -- i have my laptop with me, was my first thought. but to turn back would have been to admit my cowardice, to dodge my intended fate. i wanted to meet it with my head held high, i wanted to see it coming.

i began a mental inventory of everything i carried with me. it was a sort of meditation. i focused on each item, thought of its worth to me, recited all the reasons i didn't want to lose it. and then i let it go. the hardest thing was the large chunk of un-backed-up writing on the laptop. i thought there was no possible way i could be blasé about losing that. then i remembered losing several thousand words of my first NaNo novel to a hardware failure. "i will rewrite it," i said to myself. "it's still in my head. i know what happens. nothing will be lost."

i wrote the following:

faced with the inevitable loss of everything
our impulse is to cling -- but that is exactly wrong.

just let it go.

everyone you love will change, will become a stranger, will be taken from you one way or another.

there is nothing in this world we can keep, we can call truly ours, except that which lives in our hearts. everything else is distraction -- a poison deadlier even than death because you find you are left completely empty-handed when all is said and done.

i cannot run far enough or fast enough to leave myself behind, to learn to let loose the menagerie of petty fears and insecurities that bind me.

everything i leave behind with such joy will be waiting for me when my courage runs out and i turn back again.

someday may i find the courage to leave, to open my clutching hands and let it fall away.

my prayer for all of us is:
Dear God, let me never become indifferent.

and yet, crying silently on the subway, i felt that one unrequested act of kindness would break my heart completely, would shatter me into pieces.

i feel i'm falling to bits, coming completely apart at the seams. sometimes i feel dizzy, i want to start screaming, to take my clothes off in class, to do something terrible and irredeemable and insane.

found (unsent draft dated 10/24/2006)

2008-06-14T02:04:06Z

he held me last night as i shivered with fever,
skin clammy with sweat,
thrashing out at nightmare visions.

perhaps he was sent to taunt me,
but if so his mission has failed.
for he holds me close and i am happy, all else forgotten.

[locals] help us move!

2008-06-09T20:29:34Z

[reposted from e-mail; apologies if you see it twice.]

hi all! for those of you who aren't already aware, i'm moving this month. squishyent, flooey and i are relocating into a 3-bedroom in South Harlem (115th and Manhattan Ave). you see where this is going, right? ;p

if you happen to be free on the 21st, you could score some free food, enjoy good company, and get a GREAT workout* in the bargain.

we're renting a U-Haul and moving three people from two different apartments in the same day, so we can use all the help we can get! here are the details:

DATE: Saturday, June 21st.

PART 1: loading, Park Slope, morning. we're picking up the truck at 7:30am so we'll probably start around 8.
PART 2: loading, Upper West Side, late morning or early afternoon. (probably with a long lunch break so we're not working during the hottest part of the day.)
PART 3: unloading, South Harlem/Morningside Heights, late afternoon or early evening.

we'll buy lunch, of course, as well as dinner + booze for those who end the evening in Harlem with us.

please let me know if you'd like to help us out, and if so, roughly how long/what area. i don't expect anyone to commit their entire day to this -- if you can spare just an hour or two, it would be a huge help.

*just so you can't say i didn't warn you, Parts 1 and 3 both involve 3rd floor walk-ups, and Part 2 involves 1 flight of stairs.

btw, there will be a proper housewarming party once we get settled, so those of you who don't want to help carry stuff, but do want to hang out and see the new place, you will have your chance. :)

thanks all, you're the best. <3

rainy night, sunny day, rainy day

2008-05-27T22:52:44Z

editor's note: i completely wrote this last week but didn't upload the pictures until today. events referenced herein refer to the dates 5/16-5/18.

on friday, flooey and i braved the weather to participate in the latest improv everywhere mission, which turned out to involve getting soaked to the skin standing on the brooklyn bridge. it was a cool idea but i think it needs to be restaged on a nicer evening. (the idea was a wave of camera flashes that started at one end of the bridge and went across to the other.) i was psyched about it at first, but some kind of organizational problem happened and we were all just standing out there for ages. eventually we ducked out, because i was losing the ability to keep my camera dry, and didn't want to risk ruining it.

the best part of the evening was when we finally, finally made our way home, peeled out of our soaking-wet clothing, and curled up under a blanket with cups of hot chocolate, listening to the rain still pattering away outside. yum.

yesterday was actually beautiful, and luckily we were up and out of the house fairly early, meeting up with squishyent for a viewing of yet another unsuitable apartment. so we breakfasted on crepes and then brainstormed what ovenchar should happen on such a lovely day.

we wound up taking the tram out to Roosevelt Island, where we were able to see the ruins of the old smallpox hospital (which i've heard is supposed to be haunted), a tiny lighthouse, and the building that once was the insane asylum.

we spent the afternoon wandering around, then made our way back to Manhattan and treated ourselves to pizza at Patsy's, which i swear is the best damn pizza in New York, if not the world.

today was, once again, cold and rainy, but i ventured out just long enough to hit the grocery store (via the street fair that, for whatever reason, was happening on Amsterdam) and spent the afternoon baking another experimental vegan dessert recipe. i haven't had much luck with these so far (and if anyone has a good recipe for vegan chocolate chip cookies, or vegan brownies, i want to know about it), but today i made pumpkin oatmeal cookies, and they are completely delicious.

photos on Flickr

_wirehead_ @ 2008-05-13T12:07:00

2008-05-13T16:56:57Z

last night, i finally sat down and (re-)learned how to fold paper cranes. i'm very pleased with myself. i don't know why, but there's something so satisfying about the creation of these tiny objects. plus it was something on my 43things, and it's always very satisfying to close out one of those.

btw, the Revolution Money Exchange referral thing i posted about is only good for another couple of days (it expires May 15th). so if you want a free $25, sign up now.

free money

2008-05-10T17:45:04Z

there is a competitor to Paypal that has recently turned up, called Revolution Money Exchange. i did some research and am convinced it is legit... was apparently founded by AOL founder Steve Case. they're trying to use social networking to virally take over Paypal's market base.

so, right now they are offering a $25 sign-up bonus, as well as $10 referral bonuses (up to $500). so if you feel like getting in on this, here is the link:

https://www.revolutionmoneyexchange.com/ReferAFriend/ReferAFriend_landing.aspx?referreremail=wirehead2501@gmail.com

you have to give them your SSN to sign up, because you're opening an account with a real bank (FDIC insured), and it is government regulation to require that. you do NOT have to give them bank account information (i haven't yet); you can request payment via check, albeit for a $2.50 processing fee.

i have been pissed off at Paypal enough in the past that this seems like it might be a good thing.

further reading:
http://www.crunchbase.com/company/revolutionmoney
http://www.techcrunch.com/2007/12/14/revolution-money-thinks-it-can-win-friends-on-facebook/
http://geek-news.net/2008/02/revolution-money-exchange.html
http://www.powersellersunite.com/about16864-0-asc-0.html

and many more via teh google... and of course, do your own research, and feel free to ignore this if you don't want to get involved. :)

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

2008-04-30T19:35:05Z

i just finished reading it. i don't have words for the amazingness. best thing i've read in ages.

you should all read it. right now.

and if you don't believe me, how about Mr. Gaiman?

'Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell is unquestionably the finest English novel of the fantastic written in the last seventy years. It's funny, moving, scary, otherworldly, practical and magical, a journey through light and shadow — a delight to read, both for the elegant and precise use of words, which Ms Clarke deploys as wisely and dangerously as Wellington once deployed his troops, and for the vast sweep of the story, as tangled and twisting as old London streets or dark English woods. It is a huge book, filled with people it is a delight to meet, and incidents and places one wishes to revisit, which is, from beginning to end, a perfect pleasure. Closing Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell after 800 pages my only regret was that it wasn't twice the length.' NEIL GAIMAN

(can be found, with many other reviews, here.)

CCNMTL still seeks a developer

2008-04-29T21:51:43Z

fyi, the Center is still looking for another developer. the job posting is here. i can vouch for my workplace being full of awesome, and you can check out the project portfolio to get a feel for the sort of stuff we do.

there's apparently a finder's fee for any of us who refers someone that we actually hire, and of course i'd be glad to split that if we end up with someone i know. :)

pass it on if you think you know anyone who would fit the bill...

Carnival pictures exist

2008-04-22T02:43:33Z




full set on Flickr

damion, i think i sense a new LJ icon in your future.

i also uploaded like six billion pictures of the cherry trees in Central Park last week, if anyone's into that.

*edit: fixed broken link