It's been a while. uni is so hectic. and i am reading everyones posts but i either have nothing to say or no time to say it. sometimes both.
Uni's getting a bit strange now. maybe i'm overthinking it. or maybe i'm just hormonal or emotional or something. but it often feels like people are doing stuff without me. And its silly cause i know that even though they are doing things without me it's not cause they want to be without me its cause they want to do the stuff. if htat made any sense. It's just stuff like discussing houses next year and the people who now i would probably consider sharing with are all teamed up and saying they're going to live together. it doesn't really bother me cause i'm almost certain it'll change by next year but it does irritate me that i can't join in the conversation - if you see what i mean. omg i sound so teenage. but there it is.
I also started missing home. not really home home cause i'm quite happy here but i just miss people who i was properly friends with - like people who really knew me and i didn't really have to explain myself to. and i really missed my mum on friday but i think that was just cause i was ill and chucking everywhere and no matter how old you are when your ill you want your mummy.
But even that isn't what is bothering me. what is bothering me is really stupid.
There's this guy i know and think is the most lovely wonderful person ever (and i think that he's really pretty and i thought it was really obvious but aparently i'm weird in finding him attractive)
Anyway, he's gay. well he says he's bi but i'm fairly sure he's gay because he's comletely hung up on this guy he slept with who now has a boyfriend and he blatently looks at men more than women and he wants a relationship with men and just fucking with girls AND the only reason he says he's bi is that he thinks homosexuality is wrong.
Now this guy is a complete mess - well at least he thinks he is. cause he's 20 and he claims he doesn't know what he wants in life and what he wants to do etc. but i still can't fathom how he thinks that he's unnatural and wrong. It just doesn't make sense to me. I mean everyone had that moment when they worked out that they liked the same sex that "omg am i normal? what the fuck? why me? what the hell is wrong with me?" but i could never feel i was unnatural. and it really upsets me to think that he's so unhappy about this - don't get me wrong he doesn't seem unhappy a lot of the time but i get the feeling it really bugs him. What's worse is that the only time he talks about it is when we're alone and drunk and to be honest when he's drunk i normally am and you know what i'm like drunk - not vvery helpful about anything.
At anyrate. It's not even that that bugs me - it bugs me that it bugs me. Why is it any of my business? God i'm so nosey. why do i have to ponder otehr people's issues? i do have my own - like the fact that i'm either a whore or alone. but the fact that he thinks that about himself really upsets me. cause he shouldn't. because he's lovely and one of the nicest people i've ever met and it's silly and the world sucks ass.
that is my conclusion.
Other than that though life is wonderful and amazing as ever. work is hard but owrth it. i can't do imaging though so i'll have to go to Africa or somewhere where they can't afford xrays and MRIs.
yeah so now that's all off my chest.
EVERYONE COME VISIT ME :D