[06 Sep 2008|06:37pm] loveandwar I am still mourning the loss of Summer when everything seemed to be more simple. Tropical Storm Hanna descended on the city last night. The rain has made me sleepy all day. Because of it, I haven't done anything besides take naps and pretend to write papers. ( School schedule & I also want this cat ) post comment

Story of my life. [05 Sep 2008|05:43am] rolodex Sometimes I get this hurt deep down in my belly and all I want to do is lay in bed with you. I don't think I will be able to shake that for a long time (I'm trying, I swear). I hate that I feel like that would be the answer to whatever is wrong with me, that just laying around with you would make everything okay. I know it won't; I spent seven months laying around with you and I still have that empty pit in my stomach. I hate that having your arms around me makes me feel less alone, I hate that being close to you makes me feel safe. But it always makes me feel better at the time and, in the end, all we really want is instant gratification, right? I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm in South Florida again. I'm sitting on the floor of Sarah's music room and last night kind of felt like tenth grade again. Drinking and getting high at Brittany's all day, then going to Richie's and shit talking in his backyard like the really, really old days. I've decided that even though everyone has changed, everyone is still kind of the same. No one ever really changes, I guess. Ignore the major details (everyone is either in college or holding down full time jobs now) and everyone down here still reminds me of their former high school-era selves. Or maybe I'm just detached. Or I was just really, really high. Or both. Ramble, ramble, ramble. I'm going to see my grandma today and I'm having anxiety about it kind of. I don't want her to yell at me or make me cry, but I know she will. Oh well. I'm going to South Carolina with Brittany and Zane next week, if Ike gets strong enough and is coming straight for us. I'm kind of stoked, Zane's family is intense and I haven't been to South Carolina in a long time. If we go, all I want to do is get drunk and sing karaoke every night. I'm so tired all of the time but I can't sleep and I think I need to be put on medication (not necessarily for my sleeping pattern). Conor Oberst is coming and I want to go to both Florida dates and I'm getting all giddy just thinking about seeing Conor at The Social. I'm full of bad habits and I hate it. I smoke too many cigarettes and smoke too much weed. I can't stop biting my nails or picking at scabs and it makes me feel like a baby. I say "like I don't know" a thousand times when I get nervous or anxious or lose my train of thought and I think that's the most embarrassing thing ever. Paolo pointed it out last night and it made me feel so stupid. I never have anything good to say. 2 comments| post comment

long day / night [05 Sep 2008|10:38pm] lelove Takes a hike for a while.

[05 Sep 2008|04:43pm] je_suis_rouge 3 comments| post comment

[04 Sep 2008|04:16pm] rolodex [ mood | Silly. ] So apparently my Livejournal does not want to be friends only and reverted all of my entries back to public. Oh well, I guess I'm just not meant to have secrets on the internet! Ex-boyfriends are the most confusing things on the planet. I don't know what to say when you tell me how much you miss me and wish you had stayed with me. I don't know what to say when you ask about the boys I've been with since you. I don't know what to do in response to most of your actions, but I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't make me happy when you come over. Who cares if you're drunk and who cares if I get fidgety when you try to hold my hand or touch my legs; if it means great sex and free pot, I'm down (I don't care what anyone says, sex is always better after you break up). I'm going home for the weekend with Brittany and Zane and I'm pretty excited. The current object of my affection is coming down with us and it's making me all giggly! If I'm not wearing a bathing suit all weekend I'm going to be disappointed. All I want to do is smoke blunts and go to the beach! These hurricanes are getting a little ridiculous. We're dodging Hanna, but I have a feeling Ike (already a Category 4!) is going to beat the shit out of Florida. The only hurricane supplies I need are flashlights, cigarettes, beer, pot, and munchies. Bring 'em on!! post comment

[03 Sep 2008|01:35am] kazuality I put up some glasses of mine on Ebay. If you need some new eyeglass frames these are pretty rad. Sorry, I just need some extra $$ before I move. Check it out :) http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZtravelblind post comment

[02 Sep 2008|10:09pm] je_suis_rouge i've been such a consumer lately. it's kind of bugging me. but records, you guys. i can't help myself sometimes. i just get so excited about them. baking is still super tight. i'm getting more consistent and the manager loved the choco-orange pound cake i brought in. she said we should start making it to sell but we have yet to do that so maybe she was just being nice. hard to say. i broke another spoke on my rear wheel today on the ride to work. i went to the bike shop after work to get the stuff to repair it but didn't feel up to it. i'm going to borrow nic fox's bike again even though it's too small 'cause i'm a giant. he has a redline monocog mountain bike that has 29" wheels. it's small for me, but those tires make me feel like a super hero so maybe i'll run over some cars. a co-worker got hit by a car last night and walked away with minor scrapes and a sore back. he fucking crushed the windshield of the porsche that hit him. the driver gave him a helmet and then gave him a ride home. i need to make some shit. 6 comments| post comment

[01 Sep 2008|02:31am] loveandwar Waldleuchten, Sonnewind, and Schwarzwaldleuchten by Alexander Binder from the series -26,8 mag. Postcard of two chips on a tricycle sent by Bobby to Jamie on a trip to Miami in 1967. Found by Grant on Bedford Avenue. Postcard of Peek-A-Boo Trail in Utah from Beth to Aunt Ginnie & Uncle Jeff in 1977. Found by Grant on Bedford Avenue. Flower trim a present from Carolie. Songbird Hex Sign from Chris. "Songbirds are stylized distlefinks singing about the sweetness of life. The prominent water droplets are folk symbols of fertility and abundance. The circular border represents a long unending life." Unmarked postcard from Disney World, found by Grant on Bedford Avenue. Illustrated page on Vireos & Wrens a present from Carolie. Portrait of a young woman with flowers found by Nicole R. The power of god, free -- not to be sold, pocket size booklet given to me while walking on Driggs Avenue. rotatinggallery.com PS. How is it already September? 6 comments| post comment

[31 Aug 2008|02:19am] loveandwar post comment

[29 Aug 2008|11:00am] je_suis_rouge 1 comment| post comment

[29 Aug 2008|10:52am] je_suis_rouge in a brief note, my friend bobby explains getting hit by cars is not what we do around here: keep up the art work the shirts the music the bike and try to decrease the probability of collisions with automobiles on your bicicleta ADEIU! we don't do that around here! thanks for clearing that up, bobbo. 2 comments| post comment

[27 Aug 2008|11:48pm] july_july Today I told my mom I was going to get my arm started next week & that was the last time I'll ever tell her anything. post comment

[27 Aug 2008|04:05pm] je_suis_rouge The Archive from Sean Dunne on Vimeo. quick, someone spot me $3,000,000. 3 comments| post comment

Jealous Sea. [25 Aug 2008|04:39pm] july_july Saturday I worked which threw me off the rest of the day. I swore it was Friday & time seemed to be taking a long time. Imagine that. Right after work Mandie picked me up & we grabbed Tyler on our way to Esco to meet up with the Party Van to drive to Joe's. We started fairly early. I'd say about five or so. I peed in a Gatorade bottle. Turns out my sodium intake is high & I should be drinking water. Naaaah. Turns out, I also complain a lot about my body. Not how it looks or anything like that but how it feels. I never feel well. Oh well. We got to Joe's & I suppose I was already a bit drunk, so, I drank some more. Did some other things, swallowed some other such nonsense, & ate some chips. Saw some people I like, saw some people I don't like. Overall, I kept composure. I done good. Lewd Acts played last. It's interesting to me how I can do/see certain things so many times over the past however many years & yet, I still don't get sick of it. It could have been the drugs though. I just enjoy seeing what they've become & how stoked other people get over them & then talking about it later while my ears still ring. All of us were undesignated drivers so we had a sleepover at the Chatuea. I made chili dogs then crashed in Emily's bed only to be joined shortly after. Around 3:30 in the morning I had a dream. I was in a huge mansion in New Orleans. I was sitting at a cast iron table with a guy, talking. Not sure who he was, not sure what we were talking about. The setting some what resembled Disneyland. All of a sudden a huge stormed started to pass through. The craziest most powerful lightening I had ever seen. We walked down a hall & to the front door which happened to be french doors. I opened one up but keeping my body behind it. Lightening came right for me & struck me. I flew backwards onto the hardwood floor, hit my head, & died. I can't recall if I woke up immediately after that since I had died, or if I was now at my funeral. I do remember waking up & being in the strangest position. You know how when someone is laid to rest in a coffin, they are usually set a certain way? Laid on the back with the arms making a "V" & the hands overlapping on the lap? That's how I woke up. With my right hand resting on top of my left hand. I woke up so scared that I was stiff. Why is this weird? Well, besides the fact that I just died in my dream, (again), I never sleep on my back, nor do I ever have my arms & hands that way. What are the chances that that's the position I wake up in? Especially when I'm sharing a bed. I'm usually in one of two positions. At this point, I'm awake & sober, so I couldn't go back to sleep. Little did I know, the person next to me was awake & sober as well. I learned he couldn't sleep either when he got up to pee, so we chatted & then a few hours later woke up & had to leave. What a bizarre night. post comment

party har har [25 Aug 2008|02:11pm] robot_ambulance very funny, you dont hear my tummy i getz my money. wow...school is back in session! wah wah wahhhhh. summer was so fast and so meaningful and unforgettable but at the same time so dull and forgettable. i love summer. im sorry for it to leave but at the same time i cant wait to start this year off good. i want this year to be the best. i hope its worth it. last year it was not really worth it. i did nothing productive and i sat around moaning and groaning and now living. i thought i was dead. but this year and every year to come im going to live like its the first day of the rest of my life. i know that sounds stupid but its true. i hope everyone is doing good?! dont be shy come say hi :]] post comment

[24 Aug 2008|02:54am] rolodex [ mood | Scaredy cat. ] Confused, to say the least. Mixed signals? Check. Sexual tension? Check. Ridiculous amounts of shy? Check. I don't know what to do about this one. I'm getting all the wrong attention, from all of the wrong boys. Grow a set and let's make out again!

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