_well_whiskey_

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:57:19 GMT

i am watching the news and "obsessed with perfection" is on and its seriously crazy because it couldnt be anymore true. i am one of the millions of girls completely obsessed with perfection. its like my top priority and goal in life.

okay that has nothing to do with what i wanted to write soooo

i just wanted to say that i really miss my friends in south florida and from home and i wish we've been talking more and i apolgiize if i havent called lately its just that ive been so busy running around and spending 3 hours at a time in walmart haha and doing errands and blah blah, you know what i mean. but i cant wait till we can all visit eachother and hang out again. its the litttle things im going to miss, (besides my friends and boyfran) im going to miss having an icemaker that i dont have to stick my hands in, i have to learn how to clean a bathtub and stupid shit like that which sux but welcome to the real world i guess

this is going to take so much adjusting and i cant wait. i cant wait to make my own new friends and i cant wait till i know exactly where to go on what night. i cant wait till i get a new work out routine down and i cant wait till i go to class and figure out how everything goes, im hoping that i meet some sexi boys. nothin wrong with a lil eye candy ehehe.

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 02:53:01 GMT

Its so weird how different things can make different people smile

For instance, I'm in I hop and to me this is nothin this is a small plate of egg whites and a few bucks thrown down on a table and to the people at a table a few down from me .. Its a family of seven all dressed up its about ten thirty at night and they are all smiling and laughing and its amazing how a family night out at ihop can bring them so much joy and me, I am just numb

I'm not trying to seem spoiled because the truth is that its unforunate how someone can become immune to fortune and oppurtunity and even having food to eat

Ramble ramble

And I'm moving on the fifteenth making a pit stop at disney than continuing thwe drive to tally the next day, same thing as last time I rememeber wanting to come home bc I missed scott and this time I'm not coming home to him anymore wah god I'm going to vomit I'm scareð

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:35:30 GMT

Why is it that i see skinny bitches in the hagen daz line in the food court - I hate my life wah

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:34:25 GMT

I am moving to tallahassee on august tenth, so close yet so far

I'm so In love with scott its going to be very hard

When I visited other places like orlando and ft meyers . It just didn't feel right I felt like I wanted to go home but it hought that was just nerves.. But in tallahassee it all feels right. I'm feeling gooood good goood

I'm listening to elliot smiyh right now and the tears are falling from my eyes basically. I just can't believe joe passed away. It seems like just yesterday amy and I were sitting on a parking lot curb watching joe and bryan moralez skate

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:27:23 GMT

Some friendships are sinking

I can tell some "friends" have no desire to tlk to me if I'm not there, well good to know now

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 05:06:20 GMT

I'm in love

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:06:48 GMT

i dont know if its the coffee in my system or if its the song playing loudly that is hyping me up beyond explanation. i'm really excited to visit tallahassee this weekend.

but more excited to see what comes next. big changes big changes

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:39:47 GMT

God it feels good to be happy. I'm a bit extreme sometimes I'm too sensitive and I just care too much, simple as that. Everrythings a lesson and I jus gotta take it for what it is. I just need to make sure I never let anyone influence me neggatively. I am a kind person , I have a big heart and I really hope that no one ever ruins this part of me and turns me into a cold no hearted selfish biotch. I need to keepon respecting myself and my beliefs and when I am right I want tos tick up for myself and never let a stupid jerk make me think otherwise . Its very easy to believe people when they put you down and say mean things to you sometimes but ya jus gotta keep your head on straight and never let anyone make u feel even a bit less than how great you are. This was really general and random I guess you could say . This damn phone and its keyboard

Wooh

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 01:33:58 GMT

i can not wait to get out of here and move on . i feel like there is nothing holding me back. nothingggg.

i say this now

i need to be strong and go with the flow and not be a party pooper. i need to be the outgoing extravert social girl i am deep inside.

so far i am going to orlando but my mom is hyped on tally but thats just soo far

remember . who evers reading this your input/advice is appreciated .expecially right now when im too damn confused and upset to make rational decisions

when i move and scott and i break up and time passes im going to realize how lucky i was. he would do absolutely anything for me and guysas sweet and nice and caring as him are really hard to find. ill probably fall for like 100 guys who will not call when they say they will, go hang out with there friends when we have plans. stand me up . talk to other girls while we are going out. be ana sshole and all sorts of things before i come across another scott. but i need to spread my wings. i do not do distance. im excited to go to firestone !!! this cute club in orlando. and just meet people in general. its really hard to think about having a new group of girlie friends who i will be going out withhh and doin all this shit with. ill always love my bestttttttsssss( you know who you are ) only time will tell , the friends who are meant to be we will all remain despite the distance.

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:01:58 GMT

im so stressed out i dont even know where im going to college and i should be all signed up and settled right now.

i dont even know what to do im too confused to make a decision

please anyone who is reading this I NEED YOUR ADVICE. anyone and any input will help me

tallahasse.. its so far but my mom keeps mentioning it which is really weird. id go to tcc and than transfer

fgcu. but im on the wait list. i may or may not get in id have to just pray and sit tight and if i dont than id go to pbcc for a semester and than fgcu

and if i do really well for one semester maybe i can transfer somewhere more poppin

or i can go to orlando / valencia

someone plzzzz give me your advice

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 04:44:37 GMT

this is so random but i feel the need to just get it out and speak how i feel.

i feel like every single women is on a diet. i cant explain the withdrawls i go through every single day to just feel pretty. i crave the feeling of beauty. the first thought in my mind to the last thought in my head is my weight. i want to be skinny. i want to be pretty. i want to know what it feels like to be wanted. i dont want to pick up my shirt in frotn of the mirror ten times a day and suck in my stomach as much as i can. i dont want to try on clothes every night and wish i could wear them and look good in them. i dont want to look in frotn of the mirror and critique the way that my face is too fat. i just want to feel pretty

is that too much to ask

i just want to feel pretty for one single day

i want to feel good abot myself

i dont want to count the stinkin points of how much food im eating. i dont want to have to get on the scale. i dont want to have to think about what food i put into my mouth. its just food for godsake. i should be thinking about college and more important things in life than fucking food . i jsut want to be beautiful. but i feel like ill never be. ill always be uglier than the girl next to me and fatter no mater what i do

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 08:24:44 GMT

I'm delirously tired right now and I'm laughing at everything and I like it

Things happen unexpected and life can bring u curves but u jus have to ride with them and enjoy every minute , fa real

And isn't it weird how even though u can be totally ina diff point in ur life there can be certain guys that you've had things with that like even though u don't like like them still they can sitll make u feel weird feelings . Iduno0o0o0o like smile real big

And I really don't like how there's so much hate in this world

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 16:56:43 GMT

i have been so antisocial lately. osmeone help me get out of this. all i want to do is rot in my room and disinigrate into the covers

but thats just turning me into a loser

i bought the sex and the city dvds all da seasons baby. maybe my ladies and i can have a sex and teh city party when i get it?? you down??

i just really need my friends right now so help me outttttttt love you alllll

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:21:05 GMT

worst morning /day ever

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 03:29:29 GMT

I lied I jave thew best of friends and I love you

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 02:31:16 GMT

I have no friends no one wants to do anything with me or nothing with me

Man

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:05:08 GMT

i need some change.go ahead and judge

when was the last time we all had a crazy night? the ones where we wake up the next morning and have to tell eachother stories of what happened bc we dont remember parts of it and we laugh and cant believe we did the things we did but it was the best time anyways,

i miss the nights wed stay out till 5

i miss the feeling of being intoxicated

( i still dontw ant to sit and drink in a room with 5 people ) i want to go out!! i want to socialize and meet people and talk and dance and laugh

i want to wear heels!!!!

i want to drink fancy drinks out of coconuts and slices of pineapples and not give a fuck abut the calories bc im drunk and having the time of my life

i want to just not care about food and not think bout getting skinny

but in the mean time, i wana bes kinny so i can wear cute clothes and heels and jewls and look fine and go out and dance and sing out loud and meet people and talk to people and have a good time

i want to feel good i want to look good i wnat to have good times with good people with good drinks

whos down

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:07:42 GMT

I guess I could say its between ft meyers fgcu and orlando - valencia. For the first two yrs at least . They both have small classes and I'm guna ace them all wo0o . I'm just very nervous but it dawned on me, maybe my time here is being dragged out. This summer is boring and lazy and I don't even have the desire to do anything. I don't even remmebr the last time me and all ma girls did something a tiny bit crazy , spontanious and adventurous. Let's make some memories while we can it aint too laté

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:16:28 GMT

i see that people mistake when people stay to themselves as being 'too cool'
and than thye go and talk shit for no reason i feel like everoyne is always just talking shit instead of actually doing things

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:21:22 GMT

i spend so much time thinking about the days that i will no longer live home and i will be in a new place with new people with new things to come. but right now, i aint guna lie. im sick to my stomach. im already homesick and i havent even been here for 24 hours. and i know that no relationship when youre my age lasts forever and ever till your living happily ever after, thats just unrealistic and silly (theres always exceptions) . last night i was lying in bed thinking about how there is a possibility that one day scott and i will no longer no eachother. it makes me sickkk ahhh. im scared and nervous to move away from home. i dont want to let those fears get in the way of me truely doing waht is best for me and my future. i have to make sure i keep my head on straight and do what is really right for the right reasons.

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 15:13:54 GMT

i just need to get the fuck out of hre i am so done with this repititivenss and i have completley lost any motivation to even have friends im over it im tired of it . lets see who makes an effort these days because if you make an effort ill make an effort

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 02:52:27 GMT

i dont even know where to begin

i have been growing a strong dislike to the word " partying " what the fuck is partying? "ARE YOU A PARTY GIRL hehe"
but what is a party to you? gosh seriously, anything. i remember always saying " its who youre with not where you are" and i can confidently say that i stuck to my beliefs

the best day to me would be a day anywhere with my" best friends". at the beach, at the mall, out to lunch, in a room doing nothing. its wahtever, but its real.

i will never forget the day when dyana first got her car, and she picked up amy and i.. and we were driving with the windows down and songs like the cure boys dont cry blasting, the wind was seriously blowing in our hair and we were literally singing on the top of ourlungs. i felt invinsible. i felt no pain. because i had my best friends and we were freeeeee and we werent just having fun. we went to the beach and ate at bostons.

now people choose parties, drugs, alchohol, over what is real.

i choose to not let a party be what brings my " friends and i" together, because thats not real THOSE ARENT YOUR FRIENDS. just because you all sit around and drinkb eer together doesnt mean thats a friendship

today the doctor askd me if i was a party girl, i was like no no . i just want to be with my friends. close friends, thats all i need. not a room with 20 aquantances but just a few real friends

and idont need to be drunk every night of the week because thats patheticcccc. and im very sorry if your life is that boring that you have to drink to have a good time

i will not surround myself with fake disrepectful people who arent even my friends and their not yours either

i will have zero friends or maybe one or maybe two id ont know

im done helpingout the most selfish ppl on the face of the earth

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 00:07:43 GMT

ithinkyourespoiledandyoudunooooitttttttttttt

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 23:23:02 GMT

this is my i dont even know what number of my diet

and i am aggervated roar

poitns points points

im cranky

and its really hard to eat foods that work well with weight watchers ebcause for example, boca burgers are one point and thats fucking fantastic and egg whites are one point and thats also fuckin fantastic, but guess waht. inm not hgome and i have access to fast food and shit so i got a veggie wrap from subway and that was fiour points so im good iguess

I AM DOWN TO eat heheh dte

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:13:24 GMT

honeslty im wasitng my life away bein over weight ( i know i know ive written this a hundred times but wahtever ) its really a pyshcological thing .

if you have never been over weight than you dont know what it feels like. or what the challenge is to actually lose the weight. ive done it once before and right now i feel like i cant do it again.

right now i want to go to weight watchers join, do all the meetings, count the points. its just very inconvenient cause the meetings are really early or at like 6 and thats really inconvenient. but whatever im going to do it up because its worth it because im worth it. no one can describe the feeling of having totry on every single thing in their closet and still feel lik enothing looks good enough. i touch my stomach these days and im like dayum when and howd that even get tehre. weight catches up to ya mighty fast. just the fact thati need to lose weight makes me gain weight, sounds weird but its seriously true. ill eat the hole thing because i feel like im never guna be able to eat it again cuz i need to go on a diet. its like i could write the freakin book for weight loss and all that jazzz. i know how to, ij ust cant get myself to do it

i read somewhere along time ago .." do not try to lose weight unless you know you are really ready" its like a comitment i guess so this is really true. because if youre not really ready than youre going to fail and than everytime you really try to go on a diet or "lifestyle" change and lose weight it wont even be serious itll be like half the time you dont even do it.

well i really want to. i want to be able to feel invinsible. i know that sounds gay but we're all cheesy and gay sometimes. i want to feel like i can be the best i can be and look the best and feel the best. i have pounds and inches holding me back from just feeling fucking good.

when i say its a psychological thing i mean its the first thing in my head when i wake up and the last thing in my head before i go to sleep. if it wasnt haunting me maybe this process of just shedding some weight wouldnt be a big fuckin deal to me. but its seirously in between every other thought. feeling fatmakes me fat asdjnasuda

i need to hit up therapy hah adios amigos

im guna go bolwing than to the gym maybe swimming? if its sunny and than im guna try my harrdest to hit up the weight watchers meeting at 6:30 but thats so inconvneintly placed in the smack dab begining of the night

but than again, being a fattie is also inconvenient ha

you know what, looks seirously play such a large role in who you are. not really WHO YOU ARE persay because deep down im still me, under my fattiness and sexiness haha but like it holds me back like i said. to some i am just the fat girl, to me i am gara w0o0oh0o0o

dont get me wrong, i think i am cooool and prettty and this is why i give a shit because i am beeautiful i just have to lose some weight so it can shine thru.