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[13 Apr 2005|08:51pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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This week is dragging. Every night i sleep well really good but when i wake the sleep that i just got wasn't enough. I'm practically falling asleep in all my classes. i'm falling behind in science. I'm really sore from dance on top of my tiredness.
My mom is really concerned she says she hates seeing me like this... but do you honestly think i like being like this to? I'm putting my relationship with Zach in danger just because I'm not in a good mood. I do love him with all my heart. Just i need some room. This goes for everyone. I'm sorry.
I just don't care as much anymore and its scary. The old me from 8th grade feelings like its creeping up on me. and I don't have anyone to walk by myside like i did last year. no one this years knows what happend besides al and gleb and al has her own thing and gleb goes to frederick. I still talk to them but it isn't the same. I cannot even tell Zach and i don't dare get into it. I don't say that to offend him either me and his thought processes are different.
Summer couldn't come sooner. I need a break. I'm going to France. I cannot wait. I've always wanted to live somewhere besides America because I hate it so much. I had plans with a friend to move to Romania someday. And we told each other that that only things we would need would be food, a desk, and instuments. So all we needed in life was a friendship music an endless suply of paper and ink. And we would spend our lives writing and making music. It use to sound perfect. My abilty to play classical music floated away with the music i use to play and the writing doesn't come to mind easily not even times like this. The only thing thats keeping me from totally going over the edge right now is music. My mom tells me to go outside for a walk to get some fresh air that maybe it will make me happy but i just told her im content it sitting in my room writing. And i really am. I have a lot going for me. i got a good life. this shit needs to stop.
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_weatherveins
cranky