||[13 Mar 2005|06:25pm]
TODAY i woke up with a horrible headache got dressed and zach came over so we could help my brother kevin move. He moved to Baltimore. It place was nice. After we got back to frederick we ate then went to get my paint for my room. That made me excited. I picked out a lime green. My bed stuff is polka dots lol. When my room gets done and everything i will post pictures of it. I got to go for now.
|it was a chemical thing.
||[13 Mar 2005|09:17pm]
A thousand random thoughts and memories flowing through my mind. That need to be put out. Writen on paper for all to see.
"Do you think that there will ever be the chance of you loving me? Are you Okay?" He nudged her shoulder.
" the only love I know is chemical." she said.
It's like I'm two different people. I think differently when the chemical is on me...
And i almost like it. Isn't that scary? Maybe all I need is chemical love. But I want his love.
I don't want my love to be all trips.
love isn't as in, love the feeling of the sex. love is the person your touching...
and the feeling of the touch you get from that one special person. theres a difference.
Most people should learn it.
"Do you believe in love?"...she asked
he awnsered, " I'm staring at it. Love is in my eyes."
"Why do you do it?" he wispered in her ear.
"Because it makes me feel like I'm beautiful." she said.
What happens when I don't want to do this any more? what happens when the beauty over comes my life and leaves me dead? I thought. guess I just can't deal with things. I solve problems with more problems.
Cutting. failed dreams.
dying Dying on the inside first.
What happens when you get tired of living, because it's the same thing every day?
Because it's the same thing every night. It's the same car, and the same road, and the same song.
It feels like I miss someone, but there's no one worth missing.
One day you will wake up in the arms of this one person you love more than your life and you will know what all this suffering and loneliness was for - and that it was worth it.
If you make only one person smile for only one short moment.